Yeah...but Tony...

[paulie s]

There's something to be said for a girl being young and immature, confused, etc. I mean...it was Pavarotti who sang the lyrics "la donna e mobile", or "woman is wayward," and i went out with this girl for a long time, very intimately. I know plenty of couples who broke up at some point in their relationship only to end up married. Isn't it true that if you're "tough enough for love", or truly love a woman, you'll suffer a certain degree to see if it's meant to be? I mean, my plan now is to tell her that I don't wanna talk to her (which i don't) unless she wants me back, and even then, who knows if i'll be available. if she apologized, and acted like the "old" girlfriend, i'd cave in. Also, sorry about the misunderstanding with the revised posting.

[Tony T]

This girl breaks up with you because you are too far away and she wants to have her fling...then before she's going to come back, she wants to patch things up. And you come to her defense like a puppy dog. So why did you make this post?

 

You obviously still love this user and have a great desire to have your heart pulverized so, knowing that, I encourage you to hang out with her and love her until she finds another fling and no longer finds you convenient.

 

We teach people how to treat us. You take her back now and she knows she can manipulate you any way she wants to.

 

Again, this whole thing makes me sick...but I really can't say much. I have been where you are several times and felt the same way. I know what the end result is and I am deeply saddened to know in advance what you will go through in the future.

 

Godspeed!!!

[Nina]

I'd say be open to experiences. Maybe she jsut wants to be friends. Talk to her, for chrissake! I see so many posts from people who's situatons would be easiliy alleviated if you simplay had an open, honest discussion and made sure not to accuse or hurt anyone. Just have an open discussion about the situation.

 

Only you can decide what you want. I know that raving can really distort your judgement. When I was into that stuff, my lifestyle choices were not the healthiest and I ruined a lot of relationships that I now regret losing.

 

You have to understand the mechanism of the drugs they use. The multiple drugs they use. They change behavior, attitude, orientation. My personality now compared to before my drug use is differnt entirely, and my personality now that I've been clean and sober for a year is different yet again.

 

Talk to her. Tell her what you feel and what you want. Listen to her. Listen to how she feels, what has happened to her and what she wants.

[Nina]

Tony, remember that drug use was probably involved and that can change personalities drastically. I know this fro personal experience. I lost a closer friend who I had known for over ten years because of drug use. It's a different situation than you might think.

[Tony T]

Nina:

 

Drunkenness, drug use, etc. are no excuse for abusing another person or a relationship. Our society has reach all time lows when we start blaming drugs for sorry behavior and forgive it because...it was because of drugs.

 

I don't care whether it was drugs or by Presidential order, she broke up with him because she was too busy with other things. Now she wants to resume a friendship because it is convenient.

 

I'm not sure what country you're in but in most places around the globe, this lady would not be considered a friend and her behavior would not be considered that of a good friend.

 

In most places, a man wants little to do with a lady who is so dramatically affected by drugs. Now, if he is also into drugs, they may make a great couple.

 

I do normally agree with your posts and I respect your views here. But I really take issue with excusing inconsiderate or abusive behavior by blaming drug use. Drug use is a felony crime in most countries.

[Taressa]

It's your call: If you want to allow yourself to be kept on a shelf while your girl experiences life and has flings with other guys, go ahead. You'll have the privilege of her attention occasionally and can expect her to come for you when she needs you.

 

I'd love to be in her shoes and have someone as nice and patient as you waiting for me to drift back into your life. What freedom and security that would allow me.

 

Paulie, I know your heart is deeply wound up with this girl but please don't allow her to use you like this. Make her earn your love. Teach her to respect your feelings and your values by telling her what she's doing to you now is not acceptable. Set limits and expectations and see if she loves you enough to live up to them.

 

Love that makes a doormat out of a man is not love.

[Help Me]

Tony,

 

I am relatively new to this site as you will be by my postings. I stumbled onto it with my own little drama. I don't know if you read past stuff or look for new to answer. It really doesn't matter. You said something in a previous posting to this problem. You said that people teach others how to treat them. I can see that in a way. However, if it will help you to understand where I am coming from read tables have turned and update above that.

 

The question that I have for you is that a universal truth or is it situation dependant? I certainly hope that it is situational or I am barking up the wrong tree.