i need some emotinal support, please! "sniff"

[katie]

i'm not looking for sympathy or pity but it probably sounds like i am. i just found out that i have thyroiditis and hypoglycemia and maybe diabetes. i know none of these are life threatening. my glucose was 121 my dr. don't worry about it that it is still normal, but it is hard not to. i went on vacation a couple weeks ago not knowing any of this and gained six pounds and i can't lose them now. if i don't eat every couple hours i literally get weak and shaky and light headed and really suffer for it. i am not suppose to eat sweets any more. what does a junk food junkie eat then? i can't drink my pepsi any more, that really sucks. all though i do sneak a tiny treat and a small sip here and there, then i feel so guilty now and yell at myself and punish myself unmercilessly. i am only 43 and feel to young to have these problems, did i mention i am going through perimenopause too and i can't take hormones cause of family history of cancer so i am trying this soy stuff. well enough about my medical history i know this is not a medical posting board, so here is my problem. i have had a lot to deal with and even though i have a boyfriend of two years he don't understand what i am going through. i don't want to burden my daughter either she is only 19 and pregnant. my mom died along time ago, my family lives in another state, my other daughter is mad at me and has "washed her hands of me" from problems of long ago. i literally don't have anyone i can talk to and i feel so alone. i woke up last night dizzy and i was scared but use to it, i looked over at my boyfriend sleeping so peacefully and didn't have the heart to wake him, anyway what could he do? so i finally fell back to sleep and told him of it this morning and he responded by saying something about his shirt. i turned away from him and he knew why so he made a comment about it. i think he don't know what to say or how to act. he is basically a sweet loving person. i think he is just uncomfortable and maybe feel helpless as to what he can do. all i want is when i tell him is maybe a hug or a kind word or an offer to get me anything. is that asking too much. i know he cares and is concerned but maybe he's too wrapped up in his own work and problems. however, i am scared and worried about my future, i feel so crappy most of the time and i am getting depressed about always being hungry, gaining weight and not having support from my boyfriend, that is my only complaint with him. if i tell him what i want from him or what i need from him then it wont seem sincere and i'll feel dumb for asking him to say anything. the other thing is in the past when people have showed me their support i turned away from it anyway, not knowing how to respond so i'd probably do the same thing with him but he don't know that cause something like this has never come up. i feel so alone, i'd give anything to have my mom again to call her and talk to her and tell her of my woes, she was like my bestfriend and only friend. i miss her so much right now and i feel so angry that i want to punch something or someone. i don't know what to do. well gotta go time to eat again. i feel like a baby on a feeding schedule. every two hours. maybe my new grand baby and me can be on the same schedule and eat together. i am trying to be stong and tough and handle this on my own but i still need someone to vent to or talk to at least. i really hurt. thanks for listening anyone who took the time to read this.

[Taressa]

I've never been in your shoes but I've had friends and family who have. Know this: your life is not over. Once you work through these emotions you will find that much happiness and fun remains for you.

 

For now you're stuck with a new routine of eating and this routine throws you regular reminders that you have an unwelcome disease.

 

Hypoglycemia, as I understand, can wreak havoc on your emotions... there is much tiredness and depression involved as your blood sugar rises and falls. If you will be strict with yourself you will find the blood sugar and your emotions level off. Be strict. Be strong.

 

You may want to contact your local hospital / healthcare organization and see if there are any support groups. It will feel odd walking into a room of strangers but you will quickly find kindred hearts who understand completely your feelings.

 

Be patient with your boyfriend. It will be hard for him to understand your preoccupation with yourself, your diet, and your feelings. Without attacking him for his failings, talk to him about what you need. You told us you need a hug; have you told him that? Communicate, Communicate, Communicate... that is the secret.

 

Be patient with yourself. Be as strict with yourself as you possibly can but don't hammer yourself when you fail... we're Gods creation, not God, so we are going to occasionally fail. Face your failure then resolve to do better.

 

With premenopause coming on you've just got a lot of emotions going haywire. Find a place you can cry and let those emotions out. Talk to your doctor about other estrogen therapy if the soy treatment is not working. Gather friends around you who will be honest when you get out of control. They will help you feel less desperate and will help you in this fight to control your eating and your emotions.

 

Hang in there; it's a lot to deal with but you can do it. Do your utmost for today and let tomorrow's worries and diet wait for tomorrow.

 

And because he is my foundation, I must say this also: God is the source of strength to everyone who calls on him. Consider turning to him.

 

You will be okay.

[Rogue]

I can't solve any of your problems,since I don't understand most of the medical terms.But I've read your post,and me and the rest of us here are cheering for you! Atleast I am.So be brave! And come back here to vent some more if you want! We can handle it.