Craziest story you ever read.......

[AJinCali]

first post so forgive me........just wanting some other views on this.

 

easiest place to start is the beginning.

Found out my wife had been talking to an Army guy that she had been sending care packages to while he was deployed. I found over a hundred sex emails from him and questioned her about it. The emails I had found where she replied didnt exactly return anything Im sure he expected. (IE his emails were up to 2 pages long and her replies were literally, wow, that sounds nice/great)

I then found a flight itinerary which included rental car and hotel.

I told her she was out of her mind if she thought I was just going to let her go. I was caught off guard and had NO IDEA this was going on.

We have 4 kids ages 8-2 all about 2 years apart.

Found out he is 15 years older than her (45) and had been telling her how bad of a guy I am and that he wouldnt do things to her like I do. For example, ask why the house wasnt clean or why our kids hadnt eaten yet when Id get home at say 7 at night.

Basically played the "I'd be so much better for you cause the guy you are with treats like crap" role. She bought it and so much so, told me and HER parents she was going to help a friend with a baby shower but come to find out she had flown from Cali to Kansas City to see this guy.

I ended up finding out the day she had left from her friend that dropped her off at the airport. I left numerous messages for her and she finally called me and I told her I knew where she was and that she better get back.

She did the next day and STUCK to her story that they were just friends and nothing happened, sexually.

Fast forward 2 weeks, After seeing 2 different counselors and wanting to believe nothing had happened and work on the family with her, she calls me at work in tears. I knew EXACTLY what was coming, she had slept with him. I wasnt ready for the next part, she was pregnant. I knew it wasnt mine, I had a vasectomy last year.

THEN, she finds out he had a fiance the whole time who was headed out to be with him the same weekend she found out she was pregnant.

THEN, the day after my wife and the fiance had talked, the fiance calls us with them on speaker phone, does all the talking and says we dont need to worry about what happened between the 2 of them but the welfare of the child. WTF? Wait a second, this isnt my situation and yes I love my wife but not so much to let her have a kid from another guy while we already have 4 at home to worry about.

The fiance continues to say, well, if you will go ahead and have it, then sign over parental rights, we'll raise it.

WAIT, WHAT? at this point I ask her why she is doing all the talking and he hasnt been saying a word.

I came to the conclusion that if my wife had any intention of staying with me, that she would need to get an abortion. Which she did, Im sure I'll catch hell from some of you for that

Here we are months later and find out that the abortion didnt take and that there is an erratic heartbeat and that she should "expect to miscarry any day now".

she has been mad that the guy hasnt had to deal with the physical side of the pregnancy after telling her for all those months of how he'd be there for her and OUR kids. I have been here trying to support her how I can emotionally but its hard when the pregnancy isnt mine and her whole relationship with him was built off of lies.

I'm sticking this out either through my own stupidity or that I really do love her and think this can work out. I prefer the latter.

Also, she comes from a VERY controlling and manipulating family.

her father in the 11 years weve been married has not talked to my wife for about a total of about 2. If she does something against his wishes, such as following through and marrying me, he tells her not to contact him or his family and that she's doing the work of the devil. He'll then call out of the blue, ask how shes doing, then offer her money.

Recently, after asking my in-laws to not continue buying the kids toys they dont appreciate all the time, they brought them home with a bird. when I told them they weren;t going to keep the bird in our house, he tried to start a fight with me in the living room with all 4 kids less than 6 feet away.

I told him we needed to take it outside so they wouldnt have to see and he said he didnt care and that if I was such a man I could do it "right here".

I called the cops. I'm not having craziness like that in front of my kids.

Im sure Im leaving a lot out and questions will come but.......thoughts?

[2.50 a gallon]

Save and copy the e-mails. Contact the army and his CO and the OM should be seeing serious pookie time. From my understanding the military take infidelity very serious.

[whichwayisup]

I didn't know an abortion couldn't "take". never heard of that..ever.

 

If she is remorseful, willing to do counselling with you and on her own, willing to prove herself to you, trust, faith love, then give her a chance to make it right, for the sake of all your kids. If it doesn't work out, atleast you will know you gave it your best.

[Leandro]

Save and copy the e-mails. Contact the army and his CO and the OM should be seeing serious pookie time. From my understanding the military take infidelity very serious.

I agree with this. The military will take care of people like that.

[lkjh]

I agree with this. The military will take care of people like that.

 

 

 

The military won't do s*** about this. They will just sweep it under the rug.

 

 

OP, you need to decided if you want to be with a woman that will do all of this. Literally fly out, bang a guy and then come home the next day and lie about it

[AJinCali]

I did save all of it and all he got was a stripe taken away

Although to be 45 years old in the Army and only an E-3 has to hurt a little bit.

Thanks for the replies thus far.

[RecordProducer]

I didn't know an abortion couldn't "take". never heard of that..ever.

Me either. I think she might have taken that abortion pill and maybe she threw it up.

 

AJ, things will probably never be the same between you two. She not only cheated but she lied. She planned it all along, flew half-way across the country just to have sex with him. Did she think that a guy she didn't really know would marry her with four kids and take care of her? I mean, what's behind this idiotic cheating? Some women crave affection and attention because their husbands are cold and distant. Some women crave sex because the sex with their husbands has lost the sparks. What did your wife expect from this weekend in KS? After receiving a hundred sex emails which she didn't really enjoy, judging by her cold, short responses "Wow, that sounds great." Did she think that this 45-year old guy had money or something? It's not like he's a big shot. She didn't need to put so much effort and fly to KS just to sleep with some 45-year old guy. She lied to her entire family for this. And I'm sure she didn't use the free ticket cuz she always dreamed of visiting Kansas.

 

The sad thing about sad stories is that we always think what the other person should do now. So, we think about what we're going to tell them, and then we tell them this and that, and we go back and forth negotiating, fighting, paying for counseling, then we tell people what THEY told us, what WE told them, and our friends tell us what to tell them, etc. etc.

 

The only real solution is to talk to yourself and decide what you're going to do. "Do" doesn't have to be whether you stay married or divorce her. It can be something like "I won't look in her direction or talk to her until I feel like looking at her or talking to her. I'll go out by myself. If the phone rings and it's for her, I'll hang up, I don't care who it is..." You get the picture. Or it can be something like "I'll act as though nothing happened." Whatever is your urge right now.

 

If she has something to say, let her say it. It's not your job to tell her to be remorseful and go to counseling, and apologize, and promise this and that... Don't expect anything from her. You're hurting a lot right now. Take care of yourself, post here and get enough sleep. Try not to tell your friends about this as you may regret it later.

[sirweasles]

ok number one youve already choose to remain or else you would be gone nmber 2 the strip is a big thing he will not beable to retire becouse he has to be an E-5 to reinlist after 8 yearsif dropped below E-5 after the 8 years they are generally dicharged now the biggest part here you have no idea what will become of this pregnancy what if she carrys to term and has this baby are you man enough to for give the baby of the parent sins or will you denie a child the love they all deserve you sound like an outstanding father remember all children need love and no child created the problems they face through parenting

[AJinCali]

now the biggest part here you have no idea what will become of this pregnancy what if she carrys to term and has this baby are you man enough to for give the baby of the parent sins or will you denie a child the love they all deserve you sound like an outstanding father remember all children need love and no child created the problems they face through parenting

 

I love how people always turn this into a matter of someone being man or woman enough to take care of something that isn't theirs.

I have NO INTENTIONS of having any part if that was the case.

Call me a coward, not a man, I don't care. The child would NOT be mine and I would not stay to make things ok in anyones eyes. I have 4 children that I do know without doubt are mine and they are the priority to me here. I show them all the love any child would need and then some.

At any point in time this could have been stopped over about a months time that I knew about it and then she still ended up leaving. She then found out how the guy was exactly as I said, using her as a piece of ass.

His lies got out of control and all the BS floated to the top in the end.

She wont be carrying the pregnancy to term and has been losing weight and her HCG levels are dropping. I am very confident that it is not an issue.

[sfranks1492]

I am so sorry...this is certainly a terribly place to find yourself. You are a TRUE man in the sense of the words. Your wife betrayed you with another man who promised her the world; yet you are there to pick up the piece of the mess he created for her. I'm sure something was going on in your relationship to cause her to feel she needed to reach out to another man for support. I am not here to judge her nor you because I don't know either of you. There are always two sides of the story. If you truly love her and can forgive what she has done, then you need to stay. If you can forgive, but you can't forget (which I've discovered is a very difficult thing to do recently) then you may need to rethink your decision. In the meantime, know that you are a great person for doing what you've done thus far and remember "if you forgive her, you must truly forgive her. And leave what's in the past, in the past...or else the future will never be."

[sirweasles]

then I dont really care about your pitty story you expect her to grow up figure it out and grow up

[goingstrong]

SW,

 

then I dont really care about your pitty story you expect her to grow up figure it out and grow up

 

Do you mean. "Then I don't really care about your pity story." You expect her to grow up, then figure it out yourself and grow up.

 

-or -

 

"Then I don't really care about your pity story." You expect her to grow up? Figure it out and grow up.

 

-or-

 

I think you see where this is going. Bad spelling and no punctuation makes for an indecipherable response.

 

Also, people posters don't always have to agree with your advice..don't get mad.

 

BTW, AJincali...your story is crazy and most men's worst dream. If you can somehow get over this and keep your family together, then it is nothing short of a miracle....good luck.

Edited November 29, 2010 by goingstrong

[sirweasles]

sorry I do have some issues going on and punctuation is not my strong point. What i should have said is that there is one major problem with my perception of your story first off you either love your wife or you dont. dont string her along secondly if you love your kids you will at least have to understand that if there is a child born it will be a brother or sister to your children have respect for your kids enough to not take it out on the child it did no wrong. Now have you ever looked into the effects of abortion on the women who have them. some are just fine others have gotten so depressed they commited suicide. In my opinion you should decide how you really feel about your wife and then be honest with you and your wife. when you let anger and hurt control life falls away.

[Mimolicious]

Whoa! What a F'ed up story! Sorry to say though, I think your W will cheat again. Regardless of what has happened physically, she has yetto learn a moral lesson. You are not very much teaching her one. Sorry, but this is MO.

 

Your W premeditated this whole affair. How can you move past that?! Imagine if you didn't catch on to it. I want to bet she will still be seeing Rambo overthere...

[wicar1]

ok number one youve already choose to remain or else you would be gone nmber 2 the strip is a big thing he will not beable to retire becouse he has to be an E-5 to reinlist after 8 yearsif dropped below E-5 after the 8 years they are generally dicharged now the biggest part here you have no idea what will become of this pregnancy what if she carrys to term and has this baby are you man enough to for give the baby of the parent sins or will you denie a child the love they all deserve you sound like an outstanding father remember all children need love and no child created the problems they face through parenting

 

what if she carrys to term and has this baby are you man enough to for give the baby of the parent sins or will you denie a child the love they all deserve you sound like an outstanding father remember all children need love and no child created the problems they face through parenting

 

What do you mean man enough??? Are you out of your mind??? Who are you to decide that ????? sick !!!

 

The child is innocent that is true, but why the f*** should he care???

His s*** wife f*** another guy and got pregnant. Why the hell should he care about some baby who's parents are two filthy people no better than sex driven animals.

[wicar1]

I love how people always turn this into a matter of someone being man or woman enough to take care of something that isn't theirs.

I have NO INTENTIONS of having any part if that was the case.

Call me a coward, not a man, I don't care. The child would NOT be mine and I would not stay to make things ok in anyones eyes. I have 4 children that I do know without doubt are mine and they are the priority to me here. I show them all the love any child would need and then some.

At any point in time this could have been stopped over about a months time that I knew about it and then she still ended up leaving. She then found out how the guy was exactly as I said, using her as a piece of ass.

His lies got out of control and all the BS floated to the top in the end.

She wont be carrying the pregnancy to term and has been losing weight and her HCG levels are dropping. I am very confident that it is not an issue.

 

Sorry to hear your story.

 

Dont bother about OM's child. You have the right to ask your wife to abort it. Even if she gives birth you have the right to ask your wife to put that child to adoption. If she refuses you have the right to kick her out.

You did the right thing by asking her to abort. You dont have to prove anyone anything. Call me evil for saying this... ( I dont give a s***) but if your W gives brith to that child your problem will get more complicated. ( I love children too) You and your kids will suffer more.

 

It is clear to you it is all your wife's fault. She chose to cheat !!! She chose to fool you fly somewhere else and f*** this OM. She fooled you and all your 4 kids. What was she thinking then???

 

If she hadnt got pregnant I am sure she would never have told you that she slept with OM. She put you at risk of having STD.

 

Just for a moment think... what if OM was HIV positive? what if she took it from him and gave it to you????? what about the future of your 4 kids.

 

she's a very bad wife... she's a very bad mother... These are facts. Do you think having her at home is safe?

 

What I think is you should D her and try to get custody of your kids. If you stick around her I am sure sooner or later she's gonna f*** up real bad. A cheater never learns.

 

She left you and your 4 kids for another MAN, just to hear some nice words and probably for a f***. She can and will do it again.

 

This is the time to leave her...save yourself and your kids from a s***.

Get a good D lawyer.

 

When your kids grow up tell them what their mom did. They have the right to know. Coz your wife betrayed 4 kids. truth sux but they must know.

 

btw... eventhough your wife is to be blamed 1000 times more than OM ( your W left you and your 4 kids.. just like that) dont let go this a*****. Goto the military... and tell them what OM has done to your and your kids.

 

Good luck

Edited November 30, 2010 by wicar1

[Distant78]

Sorry to hear your story.

 

Dont bother about OM's child. You have the right to ask your wife to abort it. Even if she gives birth you have the right to ask your wife to put that child to adoption. If she refuses you have the right to kick her out.

You did the right thing by asking her to abort. You dont have to prove anyone anything. Call me evil for saying this... ( I dont give a s***) but if your W gives brith to that child your problem will get more complicated. ( I love children too) You and your kids will suffer more.

 

It is clear to you it is all your wife's fault. She chose to cheat !!! She chose to fool you fly somewhere else and f*** this OM. She fooled you and all your 4 kids. What was she thinking then???

 

If she hadnt got pregnant I am sure she would never have told you that she slept with OM. She put you at risk of having STD.

 

Just for a moment think... what if OM was HIV positive? what if she took it from him and gave it to you????? what about the future of your 4 kids.

 

she's a very bad wife... she's a very bad mother... These are facts. Do you think having her at home is safe?

 

What I think is you should D her and try to get custody of your kids. If you stick around her I am sure sooner or later she's gonna f*** up real bad. A cheater never learns.

 

She left you and your 4 kids for another MAN, just to hear some nice words and probably for a f***. She can and will do it again.

 

This is the time to leave her...save yourself and your kids from a s***.

Get a good D lawyer.

 

When your kids grow up tell them what their mom did. They have the right to know. Coz your wife betrayed 4 kids. truth sux but they must know.

 

btw... eventhough your wife is to be blamed 1000 times more than OM ( your W left you and your 4 kids.. just like that) dont let go this a*****. Goto the military... and tell them what OM has done to your and your kids.

 

Good luck

 

I agree, OP. Just make sure you take good care of yourself physically, mentally, and be there for your kids. Don't let your wife's behavior pull you overboard. She will learn her lesson. It may not be while you're married to her, but sometime in her life she will learn the magnitude of her actions. For now, file for divorce to protect yourself.

[AJinCali]

A lot of Wicar has said is my sentiment, exactly.

The guy still has a fiance and SHE knows everything that has been going on as well. She is staying.

My wife on the other hand, I found out, created another email and acted as a whole different female to see if this a++hole was going to act the same.

GUESS WHAT, he did. EXACTLY!

From the stories he told his "new woman" to that he didn't have anyone else in his life. My wife saw that he was what I had been trying to tell her, a manipulating guy returning from the middle east looking for some booty.

I did let his branch of the military know (Army) and they have been "taking care of their guy" as I quote from an email I found my wife had sent the guy right after I found out. She had contacted them trying to help protect him and they told her not to worry, they would.

So, even WITH the adultery and KNOWING that he got a married woman pregnant, his supervision chose to cover his ass even with my supervision in the loop. Not that Im mad about it, I see their point. She obviously, at the time wasnt trying to NOT be with him, but on the other hand, Ive always been under the impression, adultery was adultery in the military. At least I know it is in my branch, AF.

[Goldenspoon]

A lot of Wicar has said is my sentiment, exactly.

The guy still has a fiance and SHE knows everything that has been going on as well. She is staying.

My wife on the other hand, I found out, created another email and acted as a whole different female to see if this a++hole was going to act the same.

 

Why are you on divorce/seperation instead of on infidelity board? Are you divorcing your wife?

 

How remorseful is she? What has she done trying to heal the marriage and to help you cope?

 

How much do your and her family know about the cheating and the abortion and how do they treat her?

[2010_Sorry]

AJinCali,

 

I am so sorry to read this story. I empathize with the situation that your wife has put you in. This has probably brought on some serious soul searching, second guessing yourself and a terrible, sickening roller-coaster ride.

 

I think it is wonderful that you are willing to work with your wife to make it work, but remember that you need to step away from the situation for a bit and make sure that you're doing it for the right reasons. Do you think she would have told you the truth had she NOT gotten pregnant? I've had some friends that have aborted unwanted pregnancies, and they leave DEEP emotional scars. She is going to need/want someone to lean on for support, and will probably want that person to be you... it cannot be you.. because this situation should not have happened in the first place... you will not be able to give her the "support" that she needs and it will push her away. Try to get her into counseling to deal with the loss of her child ASAP... that way you don't have to be that role for her.

 

Finally, some others have asked what happens if she DOES carry this baby to term. Have you spoken with an attorney? I live in Ohio, and believe it or not... any child born to a married woman is legally the child of BOTH parents... regardless of whether the husband is the father or not. Imagine if years from now, she cheats again and divorces you... now you're on the hook for child support for FIVE CHILDREN.

 

I hate to be a downer... but I want you to know the reality that you're facing. Hopefully this catastrophy is enough to change the path that your wife has taken, and is really 110% dedicated to a committed relationship with you forever.

 

Good luck!