So lonely.....

[willowthewisp]

Hi,

 

I'm reaching out again into the void really bc I just don't know what else to do. I'm so down. I just feel so lonely. Even when I'm in company I just feel this emptiness for the relationship I had that was taken from me.

 

I don't know what I'm asking for here, just need some support.....

 

I wish I could get over this, many of the people on here I used to talk to have now gone from LS, guess they have moved on from the pain. Why can't I?

[tobydog]

Hi Willow,

I'm with you, am feeling the loneliness and such sadness and just a bleak future too. Is there a friend that you could call? Or family for a chat?

Try to think that tomorrow will be a bit better, it's getting slightly easier for me except for the latest rubbish...see other thread. Sending you lots of hugs xxx Debbie

[ConstantCraving]

How did the relationship end?

[teeg]

Hi,

 

I'm reaching out again into the void really bc I just don't know what else to do. I'm so down. I just feel so lonely. Even when I'm in company I just feel this emptiness for the relationship I had that was taken from me.

 

I don't know what I'm asking for here, just need some support.....

 

I wish I could get over this, many of the people on here I used to talk to have now gone from LS, guess they have moved on from the pain. Why can't I?

 

 

Willow, what makes you happy ?

What do you do for fun ?

[goingstrong]

WTW,

I have been reading some of your posts...it sounds as if you have some a depression issue. I know your in IC, but have you told your therapist some of things that you say here? Have you tried a crisis hotline?

 

I wish I could get over this, many of the people on here I used to talk to have now gone from LS, guess they have moved on from the pain. Why can't I?

 

LS is dynamic, when one friend leaves, another pops up. I take it that your pain is relatively recent...it takes time to heal. ...hang in there.

[Steadfast]

I'm still here willow, but one can only say 'cheer up' so many times before it loses its punch. IMO, you need intense personal therapy from a trained professional, right away. There is no shame in this, but you must act. Don't waste your love on anyone or anything that is incapable of loving you back.

 

The world truly is what you make it. Truly. We can only save ourselves.

[willowthewisp]

How did the relationship end?

 

One minute we were planning our wedding, walking round wedding venues, Church etc and he was telling me how happy he was we were finally getting married (together nearly 20 years) then one morning he got up and told me he was leaving as he hadn't loved me in years, he packed and left.

 

Willow, what makes you happy ?

What do you do for fun ?

 

I do all the things that I should be doing in order to rebuild my life and move on. I moved (my X made me homeless), went back to school and will be finished in 8 months, ready to start a new profession (fingers crossed). I have made a lot of new friends and still see most of my old friends, I joined a sports club and took up a new sport, I have been learning to drive, I go out to pubs and clubs, I see friends, I have recently joined a dating site. I'm in therapy.

 

I'm not happy. I miss the emotional connection I had with my X. I miss having someone who loves me to come home to and someone to love. I miss physical affection and sex. I don't like being single. I know you are supposed to be happy by yourself before you can be with someone else and someelse can't make you happy, but although I have a full life and enjoy much of it, I miss having a life partner, someone to share it with and I feel lonely.

 

WTW,

I have been reading some of your posts...it sounds as if you have some a depression issue. I know your in IC, but have you told your therapist some of things that you say here? Have you tried a crisis hotline?

 

 

 

LS is dynamic, when one friend leaves, another pops up. I take it that your pain is relatively recent...it takes time to heal. ...hang in there.

 

Can't tell my IC about my suicidal thoughts, bc it is through school and they have a duty to contact my doctor if they think I'm at risk. I don't want to end up commited, I may feel like this from time to time but I don't plan on acting on it. I feel depressed but it's bc I don't have love from anyone, family, friends or a partner.

 

It's not recent, nearly 2 years now and I am so sick of feeling like this.

 

I'm still here willow, but one can only say 'cheer up' so many times before it loses its punch. IMO, you need intense personal therapy from a trained professional, right away. There is no shame in this, but you must act. Don't waste your love on anyone or anything that is incapable of loving you back.

 

The world truly is what you make it. Truly. We can only save ourselves.

 

I'm in IC but it is thorugh school, I can't afford private IC and I only have another 6 sessions left, that is all I am entiltled to.

 

In case anyone was thinking of suggesting anti-depressants I can't take them, I am allergic.

[tobydog]

I am so sorry for your pain, I wish I could do something to lessen it. I wish there was a pill to just take it all away. I am ill too with it all.

I am sure there a few anti depressants that you may be able to tolerate, they have helped me so much. See your Doc Take care we can help each other through this

x Debbie

[sirweasles]

hold up willow I started there number one its normal they give yo meds for it dont let your self fall any further than you have to my life is at this point a raging rollercoaster and the best news is all my guns are along ways away and everything else has the potentiol of alot of pain. You will not be commited you will get help nobody will think poorly of you alot of times its a minor depression you take some pills for awhile till you balance back out and things are good again if you wait as i did you will find that you cant even talk to people anymore I hurt all day everyday I havnt stopped shaking in 3 weeks im physicaly and mentaly falling to pieces my marriege is probably over becouse I didnt want people to think I was crazy I care and I will always care if you need sombody to just chat with believe me I would love too I need it to but get help dont become a train wreck the pain isnt it worth it trust me

[just_some_guy]

You have to make a choice to envision and think of positive things, of a good future, of positive outcomes, of self-worth and value.

 

For various reasons, I can't take anti-depressant drugs either. I get sad, but I make a conscious choice to fight it, to get through it.

 

Meditation techniques, positive self reinforcement, physical exercise, healthy eating and most of all, healthy amounts of sleep go a long way to controlling depression.

 

I share this period of loneliness, especially with the holiday season. I miss having another around the house, of sleeping with someone in the bed. But I have decided to look at this loneliness not as a deprivation, but as a chance to get to know myself better, to be comfortable with me.

[sirweasles]

Im goin to start running for an hour a day get the right hormones flowing and try to hang on just remember life is what we make of it they have made leaps and bounds in medication and treatments in the old days depression ment death now its just another obstical we must face and leap over. dont be afraid to use the tools and crutches they have developed to better life nobody needs to be in pain and stubbornness will back fire im fighting for life now and im fighting for my family if I had just gone and got help when it started I would be happy and pain free now instead the pain has increased to unreal perportions functioning is almost impossable and worst of all ive begun major back lashing I cant talk to my wife very much anymore to try to work on things becouse I start attacking everything its an almost out of mind unable to think moment dont allow your self to sink any deeper grab the rope and climb out while you can still see it

[You Go Girl]

Willow, ever say to yourself --I've had enough! Enough of this depression. Enough of this sadness. I'm NOT going to do it anymore, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!

You make a conscious decision. You say to yourself, I'm not going to live with these thoughts anymore. I am going to change them. I am in control of my life, I am responsible for the way I feel, nobody else.

Since it's my responsibility, since I'm the only one in control here, nobody can change it but ME.

Look in the mirror and say, enough. No more sadness. Everytime I have a sad thought, I am going to FIGHT FOR MY RIGHT TO ENJOY MY LIFE. I am going to fight the sadness by pushing those thoughts away. I am bigger than the sadness. I can beat it. It is not bigger than me.

Take control of your life back willow. Only you can do this.

There isn't a job, a club, a sport, or anything else that can do it for you. Only YOU can do it for YOU.

I am going to be happy. I am going to form close friendships. I am going to find love.

Give yourself the gift of happiness. It's time, you've suffered long enough.

[Crazy4what]

Well willow just reading your thread made me want to be stronger! Hang in there, At least your almost finish with your education!

[willowthewisp]

It doesn't get better. No matter how hard you rty, it doesn't get better. I didn't deserve what my X did to me, yet he gets to be with the first women he meets after leaving me, he may be in denial, but he thinks he's happy and all loved up. I on the other hand get to be alone and miserable, dealing with time wasters and crazies on dating sites and working my a** off to try and be able to afford to live on my own again, independance.

 

What's the point.

[sirweasles]

willow I am suffering from PTSD pretty hard core with out meds 2 weeks ago my wife told me i didnt have a home anymore and only gets mad if i try to talk about our problems I have panic attacks multiple times daily and have thought of and researched every way possable to end it for good. It doesn't matter what he is doing he chose to leave you and thats his mistake not yours. Life does get better trust me i know its hard to believe but since I finally opened up about my problems with PTSD I have heard dozens of stories about how if treated it gets better. depresion sucks and in most every case you have to get help to get over it you cant find the right person when you are depressed becouse there is in your mind to much wrong with you and so you with out thinking find every flaw in others nobody is going to be just like your x and honestly you dont want them to be look where he got ya go out have fun meet people in person go to a club and hang out not to pick up men but to let them compliment you trust me as the night goes on you will be amazed at the compliments you get. just remember really drunk people are really funny. If you have a girl friend you can go with you will be more comfortable but ive never seen a woman left alone for long at the club. remember you have to live life to enjoy it you may never get over what he did too you but you can move on and you can be very very happy again. DONT BE AFRAID TO GET HELP YOU NEED IT.

 

ps. if you need a friend that can talk and understand I am here and I am not afraid to give info for you to contact me. all you have to do is let me know.

[HopelessinDTW]

It doesn't get better. No matter how hard you rty, it doesn't get better. I didn't deserve what my X did to me, yet he gets to be with the first women he meets after leaving me, he may be in denial, but he thinks he's happy and all loved up. I on the other hand get to be alone and miserable, dealing with time wasters and crazies on dating sites and working my a** off to try and be able to afford to live on my own again, independance.

 

What's the point.

 

What's the point? Are going to let that piece of s**t ruin your life...is that what you want? He has that much power over you?? Happiness does not come without work. You need to put effort into finding something to keep you mind occupied. In your case, you also need some help from a councelor and/or anti-depressent. There is nothing wrong with taking these meds when dealing with this much stress and anxiety. It also sounds like without someone there in your life, you feel like you're miserable. You cannot base your happiness in someone else being there with you. You cannot look back and spend all your thoughts on what was...you have to force yourself to look forward, and try to concentrate on the positives. This positive thinking and energy will attract more men. You probably don't realize it but I bet you are sending bad signals to any potential men out there because you may be coming across in a negative light. I know this is tough to do, but as you force yourself it will become easier.

[willowthewisp]

willow I am suffering from PTSD pretty hard core with out meds 2 weeks ago my wife told me i didnt have a home anymore and only gets mad if i try to talk about our problems I have panic attacks multiple times daily and have thought of and researched every way possable to end it for good. It doesn't matter what he is doing he chose to leave you and thats his mistake not yours. Life does get better trust me i know its hard to believe but since I finally opened up about my problems with PTSD I have heard dozens of stories about how if treated it gets better. depresion sucks and in most every case you have to get help to get over it you cant find the right person when you are depressed becouse there is in your mind to much wrong with you and so you with out thinking find every flaw in others nobody is going to be just like your x and honestly you dont want them to be look where he got ya go out have fun meet people in person go to a club and hang out not to pick up men but to let them compliment you trust me as the night goes on you will be amazed at the compliments you get. just remember really drunk people are really funny. If you have a girl friend you can go with you will be more comfortable but ive never seen a woman left alone for long at the club. remember you have to live life to enjoy it you may never get over what he did too you but you can move on and you can be very very happy again. DONT BE AFRAID TO GET HELP YOU NEED IT.

 

ps. if you need a friend that can talk and understand I am here and I am not afraid to give info for you to contact me. all you have to do is let me know.

 

I do go out to clubs and have fun, no one and I mean NO ONE pays the sligtest attention to me. Compliments? HA! You must be kidding, no one ever compliments me, if I try and approach a guy he gives me the brush off. But good to know I am not imagining it, that all the other women are getting attention, but not me. Trust me, no one wants me.

 

What's the point? Are going to let that piece of s**t ruin your life...is that what you want? He has that much power over you?? Happiness does not come without work. You need to put effort into finding something to keep you mind occupied. In your case, you also need some help from a councelor and/or anti-depressent. There is nothing wrong with taking these meds when dealing with this much stress and anxiety. It also sounds like without someone there in your life, you feel like you're miserable. You cannot base your happiness in someone else being there with you. You cannot look back and spend all your thoughts on what was...you have to force yourself to look forward, and try to concentrate on the positives. This positive thinking and energy will attract more men. You probably don't realize it but I bet you are sending bad signals to any potential men out there because you may be coming across in a negative light. I know this is tough to do, but as you force yourself it will become easier.

 

Yes, I'm miserable, I don't like being single, I miss being loved, that does not mean that there is something wrong with me. I have NO ONE. NO ONE, no family that loves me, in fact I am subjected to domestic abuse on a daily basis. What is wrong with wanting to find someone to share life with? Why does that make me odd. How would you feel if you were ignored everywhere you went, dimissed as the old one at your work (school) and not wanted anywhere else? But hey, you're right, as always it must be me putting a vibe out there so guys are turned off. Doesn't matter that I am doing all the things I can to make my life happy, change of career, new profession, new hobbies, in counselling and that I go out to have fun, not meet someone. But when you are constantly ignored in favour of your mate, dismissed as invisible, it gets too much. Yep, well must be me then, my fault as always, always my fault, just not perfect enough for my family, my X or anyone else, yep always me, always me, always me, worthless piece of **** that I am. I should just do myself and everyone else a favour and just b****y well end it now, should have done it two years ago, been a total waste of time trying to keep going and for what? **** all.

Edited December 2, 2010 by willowthewisp

[just_some_guy]

I do go out to clubs and have fun, no one and I mean NO ONE pays the sligtest attention to me. Compliments? HA! You must be kidding, no one ever compliments me, if I try and approach a guy he gives me the brush off. But good to know I am not imagining it, that all the other women are getting attention, but not me. Trust me, no one wants me.

 

 

 

Yes, I'm miserable, I don't like being single, I miss being loved, that does not mean that there is something wrong with me. I have NO ONE. NO ONE, no family that loves me, in fact I am subjected to domestic abuse on a daily basis. What is wrong with wanting to find someone to share life with? Why does that make me odd. How would you feel if you were ignored everywhere you went, dimissed as the old one at your work (school) and not wanted anywhere else? But hey, you're right, as always it must be me putting a vibe out there so guys are turned off. Doesn't matter that I am doing all the things I can to make my life happy, change of career, new profession, new hobbies, in counselling and that I go out to have fun, not meet someone. But when you are constantly ignored in favour of your mate, dismissed as invisible, it gets too much. Yep, well must be me then, my fault as always, always my fault, just not perfect enough for my family, my X or anyone else, yep always me, always me, always me, worthless piece of **** that I am. I should just do myself and everyone else a favour and just b****y well end it now, should have done it two years ago, been a total waste of time trying to keep going and for what? **** all.

 

 

The first thing you need to learn is that you have someone, yourself.

 

This is what all of this pain and depression and everything else is trying to teach you right now.

 

Once you reach an understanding with yourself, of love and acceptance of yourself, the rest of the puzzle of life will start to come together.

 

As long as you keep focusing externally, that the love has to come from somewhere else, from someone else, it's going to keep feeling empty. No one can fill you up from outside, and someone on the outside is going to sense you as a big, unfillable void that is always wanting more.

 

Seek the peace of what is within you, first and foremost.

[willowthewisp]

The first thing you need to learn is that you have someone, yourself.

 

This is what all of this pain and depression and everything else is trying to teach you right now.

 

Once you reach an understanding with yourself, of love and acceptance of yourself, the rest of the puzzle of life will start to come together.

 

Seek the peace of what is within you, first and foremost.

 

You're right, years of domestic and emotional abuse has caused this, my feeling bad about myself. I have an IC session in the morning, I'm going to talk about this.

 

I also have a date! With a man 10 years younger than me I met online dating, I thought he was just interested in being a friend due to the age difference, well turns out not, he asked me out tonight, meeting him for coffee tomorrow. Bit scared, first date in 20 years. But even if it's awful at least I'm taking the leap.

[HopelessinDTW]

You're right, years of domestic and emotional abuse has caused this, my feeling bad about myself. I have an IC session in the morning, I'm going to talk about this.

 

I also have a date! With a man 10 years younger than me I met online dating, I thought he was just interested in being a friend due to the age difference, well turns out not, he asked me out tonight, meeting him for coffee tomorrow. Bit scared, first date in 20 years. But even if it's awful at least I'm taking the leap.

Good for you. Try to have fun, and not to have any expectations other than to have a good time. It's great that you will speak with an IC. You'll see a noticeable change in your opinion of yourself and life in general. Good luck

[nsearch4u]

i hope the best for you on your date.

 

as for your life. make it what you want it to be. believe. it will become what you think it will.

[worlybear]

Hey Willow. How're you doing? Hope the date and meeting went well. Hugs:bunny::bunny:

[willowthewisp]

The date went well thanks and thanks for the support all who replied. I was so nervous! He just text me asking for another one, so guess he felt it went well as well?! I've said yes, I am a bit worried about the age difference though, he is 25, I am 35 but he seems a really nice guy and he is well aware I am not into casual sex so I guess he doesn't see me as a conquest? He seems genuine in that he is looking for a long term partner.

 

My IC session went well as well. My IC tells me my X is seriously messed up and in a lot of denial in this new relationship of his, he hasn't grieved me or our relationship and my IC says one day he will have to. I just want to move on.

 

Going back to what "just some guy" said about loving myself, it seems years of emotional abuse means I am unable to do this at the moment, we are working on it in counselling now though and as for a new relationship, well my IC says that's OK, it's important to be able to love yourself, which we are working on, but there is nothing wrong with wanting the love of another either. Just going to take things slow.

Edited December 3, 2010 by willowthewisp

[What_Next]

Willowthewisp a word about the age thing, 25 and 35 is not really that large of a gap. It's more of a question of a place in life thing. I've met more 35 year old women that act like they are 21 and more guys that are 25 and act 35 than I care to remember.

 

Don't sweat the numbers, he asked for a second date, roll with it and don't overthink it.

 

Enjoy and keep posting for support.

[willowthewisp]

Willowthewisp a word about the age thing, 25 and 35 is not really that large of a gap. It's more of a question of a place in life thing. I've met more 35 year old women that act like they are 21 and more guys that are 25 and act 35 than I care to remember.

 

Don't sweat the numbers, he asked for a second date, roll with it and don't overthink it.

 

Enjoy and keep posting for support.

 

Do you really think so? He is in the armed forces so I guess he's grown up quick, seen some pretty horrible stuff in war zones by all accounts. He really does seem genuine, hes very respectful, doesn't even flirt or edge onto THAT territory. I'm keeping my wits though, I just had a 22 year old IM me a few mins ago, ended with him telling me he looks for a women who can s**g and give good ****! I told him, "see that's why I don't talk to little boys!" URGH.

 

I don't know, it worries me, 25 seems young, if he was just 3 years older...

 

Hope the guy doesn't come across these posts, would look so bad! I just really need the support, I've only ever been with my X and that was nearly 20 years. Thanks.

Edited December 3, 2010 by willowthewisp