kylie123 Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Hello to all- I really need advice. I have met a man back in November last year and have been dating him on and off. The first thing I noticed about him was that he is a people pleaser- you know the type: a person who just can't say No to anybody, who exaggerates everything in his life. What I mean is: He'll be out at lunch with me and get a phone call on his cell from a buddy of his and he'll tell that person he'll meet with them in 10 minutes when I know he and I have just started eating and won't be out for an hour! His friends have told me he's always been like that- he's stood up people and will never say no- so most of his friends will tell him: "just be honest- if you can't do something- if you can't be someplace-just be honest and tell us!" I mean- he's stood up friends, business associates, and others. I also just found out that he has some problems organizing his money from more friends- supposedly he owes money to alot of people- and I was out with him and his friends at his gig last night and they all sat him down and started arguing about his "honesty" and why he doesn't pay his musicians when they're through with a gig! He supposedly spends his money fast! I asked him: what are you're worst qualities-what do you think are you're most bad habits- he tells me his time management and how he's so disorganized. So at least he admits it. Here's the killer: I just found out he even lies to people about his age! He wouldn't tell me how old he really was until I found out last night from a friend that he was at least 6 years older than what he told me! I mean- talk about stretching the truth! He has always called me everyday and has even said he's falling in love with me(which now I don't believe) and that more than anything he wants me to fall in love with him- I met a girl the other day who vaguely knew him- and though I don't listen to people who I don't know well what she told me was that he's been engaged about 4 times and never went through them and that he just can't stay faithful in a relationship- she tells me to stay away from him The problem is when I told him this- he denied it all- told me it's not true and that the girl was bluffing. THe other problem is that I'm attracted to this guy and really get along with him well- at least he's spending his days with me- but like I said- I told him I just don't feel I can depend on him and said we're not in a relationship- Even though he exaggerates and tells everyone he meets I'm his girlfriend! I told him I need him to be honest with me- but the whole point is- if he had to lie about his age- he's obviously going through some crisis or something and I feel that he's just a joke! Shoud i stay or stray? How can I let him know that I found out how old he really is through someone he knew- how can a relationship start with a man like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 You are getting so many red flags here. This relationship is just starting out and you already have reason not to trust him. If he can't be honest with you about something as simple as his age, what else might he be hiding? You may very well be attracted to him and what not, but it sounds like you already know that this does not seem like a man who can be depended on. If that's what you want, go for it. Otherwise, keep looking. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 run! fast and in the opposite direction. He might be nice, you might have feelings for him, but I guarantee, you stay in a relationship with him and you'll end up not knowing which end is up. I have a brother who also is a pathological liar, and he can't understand why the people he cares so deeply for just don't want to have anything to do with him – after awhile, the energy consumed by trying to keep up with all the stories and lies becomes too much, and you realize that the only way to keep your sanity intact is to severely limit your contact with these kind of folks. I told him I need him to be honest with me- but the whole point is- if he had to lie about his age- he's obviously going through some crisis or something and I feel that he's just a joke! I think you already know the answer, Kylie: if he lies about the little, not-so-important stuff, then he's going to lie about the important things, simply because he doesn't know any other way to be. The "crisis" isn't a short-term one, but an innate personality trait. Do you really want to invest a significant part of your life trying to figure out the element of truth in every comment he comes up with? Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are supposed to put up with bullshxt. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 RUN, and do it quickly! He's manipulating you. If you aren't spending your nights together, he's spending them with someone else. If you haven't slept with him, do NOT do it. Based on the facts you've already laid out, you have absolutely NO reason to stay with this guy. He's already lied to you about his age. NO lie is trivial, especially at this stage in the game. Think about why he lied to you...that says a lot. If you plan on staying and getting involved with him anyway, you will be miserable, and I hate to say it, but it will be self induced. You are bright enough to see all these things now...DON'T be drawn like a moth to a flame...you'll get burned badly, and it will HURT! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts