Best Friend is great but evil when mad

[GiveAndTake]

I've never posted a problem on here. I only responded to a few but I'm hoping someone will have some advice for me. I have no idea what I should do about my best friend.

 

I'll tell you some of my friendship background.

I have always gone through my life having 1 best friend and many acquaintances. 99% of my 'friend time' has been with my best friend.

That is going to prove to be part of my problem now. I put all of my eggs in one basket as they say. She is also that way.

 

Now I'll tell you about my best friend.

My best friend is a wonderful person....if she isn't mad at me.

If she's mad, she's like the devil. And it seems to be all or none with her.

 

We didn't start off being best friends. Since meeting her, she's actually gone through 2 best friends before we became bf's. I watched how the other friendships ended. I wasn't very close with her other 2 bf's but liked them fine.

When she'd be mad and say horrible things about them to me as we got closer, I always tried to repair the damage and tell her their good points. I think I kept those friendships alive longer than they would have been. These 2 are on her sh#t list now.

 

She gets mad and gets evil. She wants to ruin whoever's life that pissed her off. She's very vengeful. I don't know if it's because she cares so much and gets so close.

She is very caring, generous, thoughtful and just has a nice disposition (if she's not mad) Everyone who hasn't gotten close enough, loves her.

So, you see I have a problem now. I am emotionally invested now. Also, we had plans to go away together in a month not to mention our regular routine includes each other. Our lives are intertwined significantly.

 

Well, she's mad at me right now. I'm not really sure why. When I tried to talk about it, she just screamed and acted like I just killed her family or something. She didn't even want to talk about it. I'm sure it was something stupid because the last 3 times this happened, I had to put my tail between my legs and beg her to talk about it and then apologise for something I didn't even do. It was the only way to repair the friendship and this friendship as I said, is very important to me. And being that it was a stupid argument I figured what is the big deal? She really thought I intentionally did something wrong (each time we fought) so what was the harm in apologising so we could get back to where we were? I really feel like she has issues that would have let the friendship end if I hadn't done that.

She did take some responsibility the last time after we were calm and happy to be friends again.

At that point, I took the opportunity to tell her that I didn't think it was fair that I am always the one who has to go to her first to fix things. She assured me that she would do the same if she thought she messed up. The problem is, she may never think she messes up.

 

I don't know what to do from here. I'm feel very vulnerable to getting hurt from her. I almost feel like it's inevitable. This friendship feels like a dangerous place to be. She's just so 'all or none' when we argue.

I think about just letting the friendship go but besides missing her (and I will) , my entire social life will have to be reconfigured because we socialize with all of the same people. I moved to this area when I first met her so this is her circle that I joined.

 

Any suggestions?

[moimeme]

I would definitely not travel with her. Travelling can bring out the worst in people, and you already know what that means.

 

For whatever reason, she has issues. I doubt you can fix her, and I expect you are correct that you are going to end up on her shxt list. Next time she gets ticked at you, take the opportunity to widen your circle. It is time to make more friends and get prepared for the inevitable blowup.

[GiveAndTake]

Thank you for the advice. I suppose that's what I'll have to do. I'll miss the good part of the friendship but she's just too unpredictable to be so emotionally invested.

Again, I appreciate the help.

[lilvoyce7321]

I would try and work out the friendship, but wean myself from her little by little until she is at a safe enough distance. Sounds like she is spoiled if she does not get her way. You can do better.

 

-lilvoyce

[BlockHead]

GiveAndTake

I don’t think you have a healthy friendship. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

From what you said, she seems like a nasty person.

Don’t let her push you around because you are not her punching bag, and don’t try to get back at her because you would only sink to her level.

 

Personally, I never demand or expect an apology from anyone. Maybe she thinks she is entitled to it.

 

Do you have children? How would you deal with a young daughter dragging her feet, kicking, and screaming?

[GiveAndTake]

There are a few other things going on with me. I'm in a relationship that isn't going well. My best friend has been there for me through this and I am on the verge of leaving him. My entire family lives in Florida so I cannot rely on them right now.

I have been relying on her through this breakup. I was almost at the point of going to stay at her place until I get my own place but I realize now, that's not a good idea.

She just broke up with her boyfriend so we were going to be there for each other.

Her breakup is a little different. She's been trying to get rid of him for ever and he wouldn't go. So she's kind of happy about her breakup.

For the most part, she has been the best friend someone could ask for but at the same time, the meanest, irrational person I've ever seen when she's mad.

Of course, it's that much more painful when the evil kicks in because of how close we are.

I guess it's just an emotional time for both of us but the abuse is not fair no matter how great she is most of the time.

I guess I'll stay with my boyfriend a little longer and do what I can to create a new circle of friends. It's just that the timing sucks.

[BlockHead]

GiveAndTake

I’m glad that you are not moving in with her. The last thing you need is to become dependent on her in some financial or legal way. She will push your buttons even more and she may get attached.

 

Imagine if she doesn’t want you to leave.

 

 

 

Is woman are real Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde kind of person, or something like the incredible hulk. “You don’t want to make me angry.” After something happens, she turns in a giant green monster and starts wreaking the place.

[GiveAndTake]

I'm not sure any of you are interested but...

I held my ground this time and guess what? We have had no contact. If it's not me rectifying the friendship, it's nobody. Tells me alot. I'm a little sad about it.

[jenny]

it's sweet that you are sad about it, but i think you escaped smoothly here. what, exactly, will you miss?

the possibility of vengeance? having to do all the work and supply all the positive energy? wasting your time when there are better women out there to be friends with?

 

why would you want to be friends with someone like that? i'm betting you would not put up with it in a boyfriend, so why put up with it here?

 

let the bitter people find their ilk to complain away their lives- - you need people in your life who uplife you, not degrade and scare you.