So what do you think?

[mhottucker]

Hi everyone,

 

About a year and half ago i(26yrs) got out of a relationship 3 1/2 years long. she(22yrs) got out of one 1 1/2 years long about the same time. with what she told me she felt like he was her first real love. i got over mine about 6 mo ago upon meeting her and seeing a future with someone new. she is still not over him but she also told me she broke up with him because he moved to another state but did nothing wrong. they tryed to make it work but it did not. He has moved on. So with that said we started hanging out 4 mo ago due to my brother and one of her cousins. after the first week we have texted every day with us never missing a day and got together in a group setting with my brother and her cousin every sunday. at that time she would not hang with just me. had to have her cousin around. about a month and half ago there was a big fight with my bother and me so her and i started hanging out together alone. which started with just once a week but now it is like 3-4 times a week. we still text everyday and now she calls a couple of times a week. a big deal only because she hates to call anyone. so last week i asked her about if there was a chance of us moving forward. She repeated the fact that she doesn"t want to because she isnt over him and it would not be fair to me or her. and said her past exspeneces with guys leads to a ruin friendship and a broken hearts and she really like to be with me and doesnt want to loose that. i know there are other guys in her life but none that spend the amount of time i do with her or talk about the stuff in her life like we do.She is very gorgoues and i would never assume i am the only one who wants to be with her. but i dont know if i am pushing to much and she just is not ready or if she really just wants to be friends. I feel her at times her holding her back and not letting herself move forward. but i know she has also talked about moving next May because she hates this place. So i could use a little help.

[Ometeotl]

Do you feel you are getting mix signals?

 

Perhaps she really likes you attention but does not want to commit to anything, she is already investing her feelings into you, but perhaps she is just kinda ****ed up inside and cant really completely feel or understand what she wants.

 

Which means? do whats best for you and for her? If she says she isnt down for more, then just move on, sure you can still communicate, but get your feelers out there for somebody else.

 

If I am in a situation like this, I always assume that a person says what they feel, and if the feelings change in time, so be it.

 

If you give some space, eventually it will settle into a friendly aquintance or a romantic interest, if you stick on her then what? it gets to be toooooo much, all emotionally strung out and bleh. we dont like bleh

[mhottucker]

I do feel i am getting mixed signals from her. For example i spent yesterday with her from 9 in the morning till midnight. within that time she shown me all the new clothes she just bought. asked me what she should wear and then showed me her fav. underware a green lace thong (very nice)she had to ware after her shower. So i waited looking at the internet and then about 5 mins later she comes out of the bathroom with just a towel on to get her cell phone because she had to have it with her. But we are just friends if you ask her. Now i have other friends that are girls that would never walk around in a towel when i was hanging out with them. And i have known these girls for years and her only like six months. We then worked on her ceramics room. i put up a shelf for her to let her pottery dry on and then we went and ran eerons and she had to do some shoping.On another note. I tryed the whole space thing and the funny thing is if i dont text her before 9 or so at night i get her texting me asking how my day was, ect. i have never stop putting my feelers out because i am not dating her. but everyone else just has not macthed up to her yet.

[Ometeotl]

I know this sounds silly, but has she ever cried in your arms?

 

I ask that because generally that once a woman that friends with does that, I sense that she is trust me with all of her emotions not just words, which I sense in their eyes and heart is (if you pass the test) a way for them to trust you with more than just emotions... if you catch my drift

 

So thats honestly where I draw my line with female friends, if they come to me crying, I pretty much know they trust me and wouldnt mind seeing an "us"

 

Otherwise, just ride the wave, I mean, stop over-thinking it and just let it all happen and really take it in as good, you have a woman that likes you, you like her, albeit its confusing where it should go... being confused can be fun, I like it when a lady keeps me guessing!

 

Maybe you like to know what exactly yall want out of this, if thats the case, maybe you should figure out what you want out of it, set some checkpoints to that goal. Like, you wanna be in a relationship, one checkpoint could be to start going on some romantic dates, if you never meet your checkpoint at a reasonable time, something is obviously at a disconnect and if I where... i would mozy down the dusty trail towards a casual aquiantance.

 

Oh and just because she calls doesn't mean you cant be politely short with her, if you are look to taper off your attachment to her... you will eventually have to do that anyways.

[mhottucker]

No she has never physically cried in my arms. The most she has ever done is text me about her bad day or if she is having a problem with a friend. I know what I want. But I also won’t take nothing away from this. I need to be atleast friends but want so much more. I feel like we are so much alike it is crazy. I try not to over think it. I usually just go with the flow but little things always stick out. Like the towel thing or the thong thing. I mean we are sucked together by something were I like to be with her and her with me and somehow we are together like every other day. And oh yeah it is confusing. And as far as steps I see what you mean. But what if she is always late for stuff. I don’t rush her. I learned from pass girlfriends to never rush a woman. I mean like we plan to go to dinner but it happens maybe like 50% of the time. She like most women is so slow. Like she will complain if I am on time. Plus when we first meet it was no more then talking at her cousins house. Now we go places and are hardly ever at her cousins. So I started to wonder if she just has to warm up and take it slow. Also maybe due to her pass boyfriends and mainly the last one she had whom she is still not over she just does not trust men enough to date right now but enough to be very good friends with me.

[mhottucker]

anybody have any advice?

[mhottucker]

So recently I met her best guy friend of 7 year who she also dated like 6 years ago for a few months. She told me he has wanted to meet me for a few weeks now. I don’t know why. But I think it is a little odd that he would what to meet me. He is only up here about another month or so. So why meet me? Is it an I need to approve of him thing or something else? So I have also noticed that she does not mind me massaging her back but does not like when I touch her feet or hand. She will pull it back after a few seconds. But as I said before feels comfortable walking around in a towel. Trying not to over think this but could really use your thoughts on this saga!!!

Edited December 7, 2010 by mhottucker

[mhottucker]

HELP HELP !!! What do you think.

[mhottucker]

Stuck and dont know to keep going or call it good and move on.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

My vibe is that she was being purely honest in the part where she told of not being over her ex, and purely honest in that it wouldn't be fair to you.

 

 

BUT I'm cloudy on whether some of the rest of what she said doubles as an attempt at letting you down easily, and not having any interest in romance with you (while at the same time treasuring your friendship, because she CAN, as a woman).

 

 

I have a sense that IF a total Adonis on a horse came riding into her life, and swept her off of her feet (all the while seeming "better" than her EX)... she would have no problem being swept away by such a person right NOW.

 

 

I can't quite suggest giving up... but even IF you got to date her soon, you STILL might be wiped-out of the picture IF the ex came a'callin.

[Ometeotl]

My vibe is that she was being purely honest in the part where she told of not being over her ex, and purely honest in that it wouldn't be fair to you.

 

 

BUT I'm cloudy on whether some of the rest of what she said doubles as an attempt at letting you down easily, and not having any interest in romance with you (while at the same time treasuring your friendship, because she CAN, as a woman).

 

 

I have a sense that IF a total Adonis on a horse came riding into her life, and swept her off of her feet (all the while seeming "better" than her EX)... she would have no problem being swept away by such a person right NOW.

 

 

I can't quite suggest giving up... but even IF you got to date her soon, you STILL might be wiped-out of the picture IF the ex came a'callin.

 

I think that is pretty insightful,

 

Honestly, for me, if I am in the situation you are in, I like to actually wait and see how she does hand said "Adonis".

 

Generally, seeing a woman/guy friend through one full relationship from beginning to end is really ummmm, informational, I like information.

 

If you like information, I would suggest you just not invest to much, you know, that trail... start making your feet towards that trail, and start walking. Doesnt mean you cant be friends, just means that you are leading the relationship towards something new.

 

What do you think? Start telling us what you think you should do? We dont have THE ANSWERS, just opinions... If you dont like my opinion, good, if you like it, good. Simply put, this situation is a learning situation, you can't really go wrong as long as you are paying attention.

 

My most simple advice, move on man. take if for what its worth, 2 cents at most.

 

Peace

[mhottucker]

BUT I'm cloudy on whether some of the rest of what she said doubles as an attempt at letting you down easily, and not having any interest in romance with you (while at the same time treasuring your friendship, because she CAN, as a woman).

 

 

I have a sense that IF a total Adonis on a horse came riding into her life, and swept her off of her feet (all the while seeming "better" than her EX)... she would have no problem being swept away by such a person right NOW.

 

 

I dont know if the thing about it ending up with a ruined friendship and broken hearts. Means she is letting me down easy, but i do agree with the fact if someone came into her life that wanted her and she wanted him she would get right over this. See we are from two totally different backgrounds she loves to party and smoke pot(sometimes) and i am done partying like she does and i dont smoke anything. So for us to macth up i have to get back into this party mode she is in. And i cant do that with my job. So i get the otherside of her the one who likes to do pottery and talk about what is happening in her life. So i feel sometime she has turned me into one of her "girlfriends". But she real only has guy friends. But also she defends her ex. all the time. Because i brought up that he was a punk because he wanted to move to another state she didnt and he left. So he really didnt care as much as he said he did. And he has moved on. So is it a trust thing or a your not what i want thing. She is hot oneday and cold the next.

[mhottucker]

I

Generally, seeing a woman/guy friend through one full relationship from beginning to end is really ummmm, informational, I like information.

 

 

What do you think? Start telling us what you think you should do? We dont have THE ANSWERS, just opinions... If you dont like my opinion, good, if you like it, good. Simply put, this situation is a learning situation, you can't really go wrong as long as you are paying attention.

 

I don't know what to do. I really feel something special with this girl but we are cut from different cloth. You know what they say opposites attract.So what to do? I do agree with if someone came along and made her forget about him she would. But is she that trusting? So would she go out on the edge that fast again or would she need time to make it back out there again? You know i remember my first love like many people do. And she is special to me. But I moved on with a girl i knew for sometime. So maybe it is just me but trust and really knowing a person is were it is at. No skeletons hiding to find later on. Just someone you know what the are like and what they want.But every person is different. I have talk to her about this before and she said if someone came along that she fell for again she would date again but is she looking for someone she can trust and knows or just that next cute face that talks to her.