Just needed a little vent here...

[rugbyplayer1990]

Hey AlisaMarie - how are you feeling now? I'm glad you got out of bed and went to starbucks, believe it or not you will feel better that you accomplished something. One suggestion, make your bed, yes make your bed for me that helps with knowing I cant just jump right back in, your room feels more orgainized and well, it's a step... I'm to get my daughter tonight, however, everytime we discuss exchange she becomes hateful or she acts like she is so overwhelmingly happy that it makes me want to puke:love: anyway i pray someday this all passes..

[AlisaMarie]

Hi rugbyplayer,

I still feel lost and hurt. I am really strong the first couple days of NC, but as time passes, I fear I am fading more and more from him- but I should be! I am so used to him coming around, showing up at my door... texting whatever. I really don't think he is going to this time- and look at me... pitiful, and waiting. Waiting for what? I don't know really, maybe I just need that validation so I can ignore him and get some power back. I hope you enjoy your time with your daughter. Act happy too in front of her! Act as if life is great and you have not a care in the world what she does. She is probably just putting on a good front for you.

[VJW]

AlisaMarie,

 

I feel the same way. Day 5 of NC and it is so hurtfull that there is not communication from him either. It would be nice to know that he is thinking of me. I know that he is giving me my space (which I do need) and that he is taking this time as well but I miss him.

I woke up today really wanting to call him and ask how he is doing. I did not do it but the need was so strong.

Trying to make everyday count and heal a little more every minute.

[AlisaMarie]

AlisaMarie,

 

I feel the same way. Day 5 of NC and it is so hurtfull that there is not communication from him either. It would be nice to know that he is thinking of me. I know that he is giving me my space (which I do need) and that he is taking this time as well but I miss him.

I woke up today really wanting to call him and ask how he is doing. I did not do it but the need was so strong.

Trying to make everyday count and heal a little more every minute.

VJW, Let's just keep being strong. I know that he knows that if he contacts me it just brings us back to where HE is not ready to be. I am trying to stay positive and not worry about what he is doing or what may happen. The truth is... we don't know. I am not one to project, but think about where you are and how you are going to feel about him in a year from now. You could be engaged and moving out of the country! You could be happy single and loving time with your friends and family! You could be back with him, who knows? That's just the think, you just don't know. It's the unknown that freaks all of us out the most.

[rugbyplayer1990]

AlisaMarie, I have a question: if your ex were to call you today and want to get back together, would you agree? Even if he didn't work out any issues he or you may have with relationship? Would you your "get back" just to make the pain go away

[MelP]

Wow, after reading all of these posts I'm really starting to question myself. It's been almost 5 full mos since my husband left and I still feel devastated by this. I question myself all of thetime. Is it REALLY the loss of him or the loss of the idea of him. I feel so deeply hurt inside which is wreaking havoc on my self esteem.

 

I honestly have no idea how to fix this. The whole thing is so way out of character for me, I'm usually such a strong person and can normally pick myself up, wipe off my hands and keep going and this has almost paralized me. I really feel like I'm so alone in all of this.

 

Thanks for letting me vent here.

[Lots0fLove]

Sweety I am right there with u the man I was with we been broken up since august and he is with another woman and its killing me inside and the woman lives on my block but I can never see them cuz her building area is like a 20 story building and its like gated and private so I would never bump into them it kills me to know he moved on which i thought he loved me but i guess it was all lies i dislike feeling how I am feeling but karma will come back around like u said the good hearted people always seem to suffer more for some reason. keep ur head up and know ur not the only one feeling this way...

 

 

So it's day 4 of NC. I have to say I am feeling ok. I still can't get him out of my mind but what can you do? I am haunted by the fact that he is spending his time and efforts on another girl when I am the one that deserves it. It's heartbreaking and sickens me deeply. It's almost noon, I am going to try to focus on things that I have to do during the day, keep posting on here, and try to say eff it, I am better off. I really am. His lies and crappy ways will catch up to him someday... even if I am not the one to cause the karma, it will prevail. If anyone feels like me right now (and if you're here you probably do) ... reply and share your immediate feelings. I know I am not alone, but I sure feel that way.

[AlisaMarie]

Wow, after reading all of these posts I'm really starting to question myself. It's been almost 5 full mos since my husband left and I still feel devastated by this. I question myself all of thetime. Is it REALLY the loss of him or the loss of the idea of him. I feel so deeply hurt inside which is wreaking havoc on my self esteem.

 

I honestly have no idea how to fix this. The whole thing is so way out of character for me, I'm usually such a strong person and can normally pick myself up, wipe off my hands and keep going and this has almost paralized me. I really feel like I'm so alone in all of this.

 

Thanks for letting me vent here.

MelP, I don't think any of us know what to do. We know what we should do, but it's hard when you are heartbroken. You are not alone at all! So many people everywhere feel as you do, or even worse right now. That's not a very comforting feeling, but at least you know you're not alone. I am strong too, but once your beaten down so many times, it can weaken you and your character. I am sorry you're hurting... I wish none of us had to feel this way.

[Fufu]

They left us so we can find someone so much better.

 

I do feel heartwrenching from time to time. I think it's normal for us to feel this way.

 

We are actually the strong ones, and they are the weak ones because they choose to quit.

[AlisaMarie]

They left us so we can find someone so much better.

 

I do feel heartwrenching from time to time. I think it's normal for us to feel this way.

 

We are actually the strong ones, and they are the weak ones because they choose to quit.

Hi Fufu, you posts are always so positive and sweet. I am going on day six. I have to make it a month. That is my goal. That would fall on Christmas Day. I have to. By then, I hope I don't care anymore and I can enjoy my holidays with people that LOVE me and WANT to be near me.

[Fufu]

AlisaMarie: Thanks for the sweet words . Posting positive comments are also motivating me to move on faster. I still think of my ex but it doesn't really ache that much anymore. Hopefully in time to come, I will find my own final closure.

[AlisaMarie]

Ok, today is day 6 of NC. I must say that I am NOT feeling any better. I can't stop thinking of him. It's tearing me up inside. I know what I am suppose to do, but my body won't let me. I'm putting of assignments...I can't blow this semester it cost me too much money! I keep reliving all the love, and hurt. My head is pounding. Coffee and cigarettes aren't even a comfort anymore. How can I bounce back? How can I stop caring that he doesn't care about me? How does anyone do it? I must say in my 3 or 4 serious relationships... I have never taken anything this bad. I never wanted or felt like I needed someone next to me like this. Why is this happening? If I reread this thread I am sure to get my answer, but I can't help how I feel. I must be effed in the head.

[AlisaMarie]

AlisaMarie, I have a question: if your ex were to call you today and want to get back together, would you agree? Even if he didn't work out any issues he or you may have with relationship? Would you your "get back" just to make the pain go away

Rugbyplayer, I am sorry I never answered your question. I missed this post. I am sorry to say that I would probably jump back into his arms and convince him that I can help him with the issues. That's what I have done in the past. Yes, it's like I need a fix, even if I know that outcome will be more painful than the last. Wow. I'm the one with issues here. wow.

[cerridwen]

Ok, today is day 6 of NC. I must say that I am NOT feeling any better. I can't stop thinking of him. It's tearing me up inside. I know what I am suppose to do, but my body won't let me. I'm putting of assignments...I can't blow this semester it cost me too much money! I keep reliving all the love, and hurt. My head is pounding. Coffee and cigarettes aren't even a comfort anymore. How can I bounce back? How can I stop caring that he doesn't care about me? How does anyone do it? I must say in my 3 or 4 serious relationships... I have never taken anything this bad. I never wanted or felt like I needed someone next to me like this. Why is this happening? If I reread this thread I am sure to get my answer, but I can't help how I feel. I must be effed in the head.

 

Hi AlisaMaria,

Booo to your having a bad day

 

May I tell you though, there is something worse then how you're feeling right now and that's breaking NC.

 

Don't make the mistake I did.

Too many of us think breaking no contact will result in alleviation of the hurt--if only for a moment. It actually makes the hurt more intense because you're at the mercy of their reply (or silence in some cases). You ultimately retreat again feeling even lower and surprised you could actually feel worse than you were a moment ago.

 

I told you I sent a text and he replied. I sent another. He replied. Then stopped. Though I got replies, that he didn't try and sustain contact was yet another rejection for me. I don't wish that for you. So, just know it CAN get worse by breaking NC. Maybe that will motivate you to continue?

 

And hey! Are you out of bed and studying

[AlisaMarie]

And hey! Are you out of bed and studying

I slept in today... I can't even look at my school work. Whoa is me, ya know? I did however get a shower and make some dinner. I just want to be able to wake up and really not care anymore.

 

I know breaking NC sucks. And it is just a fix. I somehow say... "hey, I love him, it's ok to tell him... no biggie." ha ha... yeah right. Don't worry, I am not going to get my fix... at least not today. I hope you're doing better too!

[achokshi]

hi AlisaMarie God I hate reading about this since I've been going through this as well, but today is my day to catch up on work and I must say, I am totally screwed right now. I've been putting off assignments as well. Although I can vouch for the fact that the mental state you are in is going to force you to not do work, and I understand, but it will pile up and you will really have trouble catching up. I felt better today because I had a therapist appointment and I built this brick in my head and put my ex on the other side of it. Although I know that the feelings are still down there, this is just nice so I can get SOME work done. IDK if it will help you for your situation since all of ours is different in many ways, but what I did was look at my ex as a person I didn't know anymore because she's moved on (I believe you said your ex has also moved on? I remember hearing that in my thread). Although this may not work, it's simply something that has helped me today I thought I'd share.

 

God I really hate how this is happening to everyone... I guess in time we will get better, right?

[AlisaMarie]

hi AlisaMarie God I hate reading about this since I've been going through this as well, but today is my day to catch up on work and I must say, I am totally screwed right now. I've been putting off assignments as well. Although I can vouch for the fact that the mental state you are in is going to force you to not do work, and I understand, but it will pile up and you will really have trouble catching up. I felt better today because I had a therapist appointment and I built this brick in my head and put my ex on the other side of it. Although I know that the feelings are still down there, this is just nice so I can get SOME work done. IDK if it will help you for your situation since all of ours is different in many ways, but what I did was look at my ex as a person I didn't know anymore because she's moved on (I believe you said your ex has also moved on? I remember hearing that in my thread). Although this may not work, it's simply something that has helped me today I thought I'd share.

 

God I really hate how this is happening to everyone... I guess in time we will get better, right?

Hello! Idk, sometimes time makes it worse for me. And that brick in my head is him. Idk if he has moved on or what... "a good friend" ... Blah! Therapy doesn't seem to help me at all! But I can tell you this- I just feel like I am dying inside. I feel wasted. I have all of these goals in my head to get stuff done and caught up, then the morning comes and I can't move. I am paralyzed with fear, hurt, and anger. It disgusts me! I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know how I let me make me feel like he completed me. I am sorry! I really needed to vent.

[AlisaMarie]

Why do I feel worse? This isn't good. Today is one week NC and I feel sick, tired, scared. bord, dumb! I can't seem to function. I should be feeling better! This isn't fair! I am losing myself and I don't even know why.

[Damaged23]

Hey AlisaMarie,

Don't get impatient, give yourself time. Some days are better than others but you must keep going. It's been 6 days, since my bf of 4 1/2 yrs dumped me. I'm not happy, but i'm not as bad as I was a few days ago, and even though i cry everyday, there are times where i feel content. So, take your time, work on urself, and everything will be fine.

[AlisaMarie]

Hey AlisaMarie,

Don't get impatient, give yourself time. Some days are better than others but you must keep going. It's been 6 days, since my bf of 4 1/2 yrs dumped me. I'm not happy, but i'm not as bad as I was a few days ago, and even though i cry everyday, there are times where i feel content. So, take your time, work on urself, and everything will be fine.

Thank you... I need to think more positive, but the truth is this breakup just opened my closet full of skeletons. I rehash everything I have ever been through and it makes me question my own integrity. I wish I could go back... maybe just 10 years. But I can't. I know the worst thing to do is dwell on the past. Wow, 4 1/2 years is a long time. I hope you're doing great. It sounds like you already are in only 6 days! Is there contact between the two of you?

[strangeways]

Why do I feel worse? This isn't good. Today is one week NC and I feel sick, tired, scared. bord, dumb! I can't seem to function. I should be feeling better! This isn't fair! I am losing myself and I don't even know why.

 

Great with the one week but it's early days. Give yourself a break.

 

I'm 10 weeks NC and feel SO MUCH better but in the beginning (say the first 3 weeks) it got worse before it SLOWLY started to get better. It's like withdrawal symptoms I suppose. I had the luxury of my ex not giving a flying f**k though, and so hasn't contacted me in all that time. Blessing in disguise though it didn't feel that way in the beginning.

 

Be patient. Don't rush it. It does get better. EVENTUALLY.

Edited December 2, 2010 by strangeways

[AlisaMarie]

Great with the one week but it's early days. Give yourself a break.

 

I'm 10 weeks NC and feel SO MUCH better but in the beginning (say the first 3 weeks) it got worse before it SLOWLY started to get better. It's like withdrawal symptoms I suppose. I had the luxury of my ex not giving a flying f**k though, and so hasn't contacted me in all that time. Blessing in disguise though it didn't feel that way in the beginning.

 

Be patient. Don't rush it. It does get better. EVENTUALLY.

Yes strangeways... I know! I remember I quit smoking years ago... the first day I was like "eff it".. then as the day progressed I needed a fix, I wanted more and more. I missed my cigarettes. Then the cravings would come but not as strong. Sadly, I quit for a couple months and am still a smoker. Comparing that to my relationships, I always go back... or they always come back. I need that fix. I really do love this man. But if he loved me he would be here. For the past 5 months he'd show up at my door, text, call... but only to tell me he loves but just can't. Even though it was crumbs of him, I took them. Now I just need a crumb to be happy. It's sickening. I know I am not going to break NC, but I wish he would, ya know?

[Damaged23]

Thank you... I need to think more positive, but the truth is this breakup just opened my closet full of skeletons. I rehash everything I have ever been through and it makes me question my own integrity. I wish I could go back... maybe just 10 years. But I can't. I know the worst thing to do is dwell on the past. Wow, 4 1/2 years is a long time. I hope you're doing great. It sounds like you already are in only 6 days! Is there contact between the two of you?

 

I can imagine it's been hard and even more if you have personal issues you need to work on; but like i said, take your time, and there will come a day when you will not feel as misserable. As for me, i'm not doing great, i cry everyday but it is what it is. I know that i need my time to feel w.e i need to feel, and that i will eventually get better. No, we haven't had any contact since the break up, and even though i miss him A LOT(we used to live together) I won't contact him. I think i'm pretty strong when it comes to that(not contacting him) so, for now I will focus all my energy on ME, and like everybody tells me: " see this as the best thing that has ever happened to you" .

 

You will get better, even though we may think that's not possible!!

[strangeways]

Yes strangeways... I know! I remember I quit smoking years ago... the first day I was like "eff it".. then as the day progressed I needed a fix, I wanted more and more. I missed my cigarettes. Then the cravings would come but not as strong. Sadly, I quit for a couple months and am still a smoker. Comparing that to my relationships, I always go back... or they always come back. I need that fix. I really do love this man. But if he loved me he would be here. For the past 5 months he'd show up at my door, text, call... but only to tell me he loves but just can't. Even though it was crumbs of him, I took them. Now I just need a crumb to be happy. It's sickening. I know I am not going to break NC, but I wish he would, ya know?

 

Like I said in my case I didn't even get crumbs! I craved crumbs at the beginning I was jealous of people on LS getting those damn crumbs. I would have lapped them up and would have done what you did, no question. Now I'm glad I never got them and if I did start getting them now (doubtful) I'd have the strength to be firm.

 

NC gives me clarity and space. Takes me away from the source of my pain and see things for what they are which is......she's a b1tch. Won't go into details but she was a runner that couldn't/wouldn't say it's over. Left me hanging

 

Don't get me wrong, I've got plenty to work on myself and NC givse me the time and space to do it.

 

I saw this description of NC in an old post. You may have seen it but I'll add it anyway. I think it's great.

 

"We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want, but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they've caused, but they are never going to listen, and if they do, they don't hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of "No Contact." You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words, but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs - "Go to Hell." No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word."

 

Stay strong.

[AlisaMarie]

I can imagine it's been hard and even more if you have personal issues you need to work on; but like i said, take your time, and there will come a day when you will not feel as misserable. As for me, i'm not doing great, i cry everyday but it is what it is. I know that i need my time to feel w.e i need to feel, and that i will eventually get better. No, we haven't had any contact since the break up, and even though i miss him A LOT(we used to live together) I won't contact him. I think i'm pretty strong when it comes to that(not contacting him) so, for now I will focus all my energy on ME, and like everybody tells me: " see this as the best thing that has ever happened to you" .

 

You will get better, even though we may think that's not possible!!

Yes! I refuse to break contact too. Even though the last time I did. He was always the one to break it before ... she when it didn't.. .I though.. .OMG what is he doing? He's over me I can't let this happen! But now I know no matter who breaks contact this time.. it's only going to cause more hurt. Thank you for your comments and support.