I love my girlfriend but.......

[Southside]

I forgot to mention this, but we have also had about 8 or 9 threesomes. She enjoys other women as much as I do.

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by Southside

I wouldn’t tell her, because if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss.

 

 

Do you all really think that what I am doing is uncommon? Seriously, I want to know.

 

Just because *YOU* wouldn't want to know, doesn't mean that she's of that same belief. How selfish of you to impose your beliefs, however indirectly, onto her.

 

As for how common your behavior is? What does that matter? Whether 1% of the male population is doing it, or 99% is doing it, the fact is, you're being deceitful and selfish and you're putting your fiancee into a position where she will be marrying someone based on the belief that they are faithful and trustworthy, when it fact, it's all a facade.

 

And what bearing does it have, that you and she have threesomes? Having 'someone else' in your bed in that case is a MUTUAL DECISION..........how in the world could doing this justify or be similar to, YOU making a decision on your own (cheating) that she has no say in or knowledge of?

 

Dude, you are really scratching the bottom of the barrel to justify being a manpig.

[wideawake]

Originally posted by Southside

Do you all really think that what I am doing is uncommon? Seriously, I want to know.

 

No, if anything it's all too common. Hence the reason you see so many of us reacting the way we have.

 

Do you really think that because others do something it justifies your actions? Seriously, I want to know.

 

One more tip...she's going to find out. They always do, and then she will hate your guts forever.

 

I wish her happy hunting on your small little ass.

[jenny]

southside,

 

 

i don't hate you. i'm bored by you.

 

you may think this is a speacil situation, but it's not. you're a cliche.

 

it would be unusual for you to have the balls to tell this woman what you are doing and set her free to find a better man. you do not have these balls, evidently. get some before you marry her and before you ruin her life.

[priscilla]

I hate to quote Dr. Phil on this issue but he says "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior". I happen to agree with this. Your are only kidding yourself if you think you won't cheat once married. People don't change. You will always cheat.

[Califragilisticgirl]

Hey, southside--

 

Listen, you *really* need help. You did a brave thing by posting this, I at least commend you for that. It's a step in the right direction. It sounds like the having sex with other girls is a compulsion--an

obsession, for you. There's no emotion involved at all in hooking up with these girls? NO feelings? Does

it make you feel better or worse, any regrets/thrills after the sex? Many people who have this compulsion just feel empty/no feelings about it, just have a NEED to do it again. This is pathological.. I believe that what you are doing--ie lying,

cheating, risking infection/std/hiv(esp. Chlamydia which something like 1:4 college-age kids have, asymptomatic

for the most part!) is an ADDICTION. A NEED to do it more and more. A normal person(and don't compare to your buddies-take responsibility!)

would have felt bad about lying to their "love" even once, enough to prevent further behavior.

 

RUN, don't walk, to some kind of Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting(via a counselor, someone you can

trust-a professional)!!! You owe it to yourself, and you should let this girl go until you get your life straight. Good Luck to you.

[look forward]

Southside i read your post and was shocked by how dellusional you are..

 

"She could never, ever find another guy that loves her as deeply as I do. And I will repeat: The day that our vows are exchanged I will live by them. "

 

are you serious!!! you call this deep love hell i would hate to see your shallow love..

 

if you feel anything at all for this woman let her go so she can find herself a real man.. then please go and get yourself some therapy because you clearly have serious issues...

 

Your a walking nightmare and soon you'll be a walking STD... I pity your girlfriend and hope that if anything you'll save her the misery of marrying your sorry a*se and let her go...

[tac719]

I think he's trying to elicit a reaction from everyone. First he's pulls one shocker then after it dies down he pulls out another. I call bull...

[anonymous]

you know, you are putting the girl you apparently love so much in grave danger. God only knows what you'll pick up from one of the girls you see.... remember you never know... do the right thing either leave your gf or stop holding a gun to your gf's head every time you go out by cheating on her. goodluck with that.

[Southside]

I appreciate everyone’s input on this subject. I did not put this up as a joke or was it intended to “elicit a reaction from everyone”.

 

In case anyone here actually cares about my future intentions read on. If you don’t care then that is your prerogative.

 

 

I will not:

No matter what the consensus on here, I don’t feel that a confession would be the correct ending to my actions. Remember, I know this girl – you do not.

 

I will:

This weekend I came to the conclusion that my actions are not only immature and to an extent dangerous. My future with this woman is worth more to me than anything else in this world. I will immediately stop what I call “playtime”.

 

 

A little of advises for all of you that feel the need to TELL people how to live their lives:

Try not to tell people what to do, give them suggestions and help them by giving your thoughts and sharing past experiences. When I read all of those responses from people trying to TELL me what to do, I immediately disregarded their views and dismissed it as an angry person letting out some steam. Some sort of Oprah-visioned housewife unable to cope with their own problems and unleashing fury on me. I may be wrong, as I sometimes am, but that was my reaction to those posts. Do what you like, as I will, but I just wanted to give you a little advise for “helping” those that ask.

[wideawake]

Originally posted by Southside

I may be wrong

 

Ya think?

[tac719]

Might I suggest. For the benefit of you and your beloved, getting an STD test. Seriously. For both your sakes I think it would be a good idea. No pressure... From one burned out child rearing over the hill, Oprah watching, bon bon eating, crushing my husband's self worth house wife.

[Fedup&givingup]

I am glad you decided to stop. That's a start in the right direction.

 

Honestly, I don't say this to attack you, but I feel you need counselling. What you have been doing for years is a symptom of a much deeper problem.

 

If I was one of those people that came across as attacking you, it's because I am married and live with someone that sounds EXACTLY like you with the same intentions. He won't EVER admit to his actions, but he sure as hell knows that I know and am aware of it. It HURTS, and he has put my own health at jeopardy.

 

I hope you bothered to take the time to read my original post on here regarding the events that have occurred within my relationship with my husband and then further read what the final outcome is going to be.

 

If you really "love" your girlfriend and you plan on putting an end to your wreckless actions, I can't stress enough for you to get some counselling. Good luck to you, and the fact that you opened up and confessed your actions on here has personally help me cope a little bit better with my own situation. Ironically, I feel like I understand my husband and his motives a little more without him confessing anything.

[southside]

Fedup,

 

Do you really want him to confess? What if he is doing what you think he is, but decides to stop as I did. Wouldn’t you rather not know and rebuild your relationship? Or would you rather have the confession and carry those deep depressed feelings around with you for the rest of your life?

 

I only ask because if it were me, I wouldn't want to know.

[wideawake]

Originally posted by tac719

From one burned out child rearing over the hill, Oprah watching, bon bon eating, crushing my husband's self worth house wife.

 

ROTFLMAO!

 

Not really rolling mind you, but that's by far the funiest thing I've read in a long time. Nice one.

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by Southside

 

 

 

I will not:

No matter what the consensus on here, I don’t feel that a confession would be the correct ending to my actions. Remember, I know this girl – you do not.

 

 

LMAO! What the hell does it matter, whether we know her or not? It should a be a huge, fat, in-your-face NO BRAINER that to go around cheating on someone you're going to be marrying is dishonest, deceitful and wrong. So you know her well enough to know that if you were actually HONEST with her about what a manwhore you've been, that she'd stay with you? Of course not. She'd be devastated and the wedding plans would be off. But you're nothing but a lowly selfish coward who is thinking only about YOURSELF, and how a 'confession' with negatively impact you. You're not at all thinking about your fiancee's right to know she's about to marry someone who could very possibly have an STD or Hepatitis B or HIV.

 

What is it about her that you "know so well" that precludes you from being MAN ENOUGH to be honest?

 

 

A little of advises for all of you that feel the need to TELL people how to live their lives:

Try not to tell people what to do, give them suggestions and help them by giving your thoughts and sharing past experiences. When I read all of those responses from people trying to TELL me what to do, I immediately disregarded their views and dismissed it as an angry person letting out some steam. Some sort of Oprah-visioned housewife unable to cope with their own problems and unleashing fury on me. I may be wrong, as I sometimes am, but that was my reaction to those posts. Do what you like, as I will, but I just wanted to give you a little advise for “helping” those that ask.

 

"A little of advises"? That's an interesting way to word that *snicker*...but anyway, ...get a grip! You come to a FREE Message Forum asking for advice, I'm gathering..and you open yourself up to whatever kind of responses you get. Yet you complain and get all indignant and snotty?

 

What was it then, that you were looking for? If you have no intention of being a 'real man' and coming clean with the girl you claim to love so much, then what were you seeking here? Pats on the head? Warm fuzzies?

 

Your very obnoxious, selfish behavior is putting your fiancee's health at risk. Not to mention her heart (feelings) should she find out. What if you find out one day that one of the chicks you screwed around with contacts you to let you know she got pregnant and you're the father? And a paternity test is ordered by the courts.....then how's it going to be to have to confess this all to your WIFE? Because it will all come out THEN.

 

Or what happens if you develop Herpes one day? Don't think you definitely don't have it. Herpes can live dormant for a short or long period of time...then one day, a person has their first outbreak. How are you going to explain yourself then?

 

We readers have every right to respond as we have......because it's jerks like you who devastate nice women.....and those nice women end up finding this place one day, only to post about how their world's been torn apart, as they've come to find out their now-husband was screwing around on them prior to their marriage. It's US who's here to try and support them and offer some hope and comfort. It's us who gives them advice on getting tested for STDs and HIV. It's us that gives them advice on how to get in touch with a good divorce attorney. It's us that shares with them how to find a good therapist.

 

So again, what the hell did you post here for if you are convinced that keeping your dirty secrets from your fiancee is the "Right" thing to do?

 

My condolences to your fiancee. If only she knew what a loser you are.

[lostforwords]

k southside.... heres a diff twist to the advice your seeking.... oh ya keep doing what your doing.... just dont get caught.... keep yoru doctors appointments discreet you wouldnt want her to find out afterall if she asks "Hunny??? why you getting checked for std's?"..... or worse... "hunny??? what do you mean I have to get treated for chlamydia? ive only slept with you?!!!!" or worse yet "Hunny???? I just gotback from the doctors office and they told me I have venerial warts, herpes, chlamydia??.. but ive only slept with you????!!!!" or even worse of all case scenarios.... "Hunny????? ive tested positive for aids???? and the chlamydia i had has made me sterile so i cant have any kids??!!!!!" .... and then you can reply with a "Geeees baby.... i didnt want to tell you cuz i didnt want to hurt you but i been sticking my dick in everything i could get a hold of...... i really had your best intentions at heart...... i just couldnt help myself"

or..... when she does get wind of what your doing.... we'll probably see your return on here for a thread entitled... "Ive lost my girlfriend due to me screwing around how do i get her back???"

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by lostforwords

k southside.... heres a diff twist to the advice your seeking.... oh ya keep doing what your doing.... just dont get caught.... keep yoru doctors appointments discreet you wouldnt want her to find out afterall if she asks "Hunny??? why you getting checked for std's?"..... or worse... "hunny??? what do you mean I have to get treated for chlamydia? ive only slept with you?!!!!" or worse yet "Hunny???? I just gotback from the doctors office and they told me I have venerial warts, herpes, chlamydia??.. but ive only slept with you????!!!!" or even worse of all case scenarios.... "Hunny????? ive tested positive for aids???? and the chlamydia i had has made me sterile so i cant have any kids??!!!!!" .... and then you can reply with a "Geeees baby.... i didnt want to tell you cuz i didnt want to hurt you but i been sticking my dick in everything i could get a hold of...... i really had your best intentions at heart...... i just couldnt help myself"

or..... when she does get wind of what your doing.... we'll probably see your return on here for a thread entitled... "Ive lost my girlfriend due to me screwing around how do i get her back???"

 

Should he be "man enough" to go get tested, what if he DOES find out he's got something.......will he be man enough to tell his fiancee? Many STDs don't have obvious symptoms...and woman can "have them" and not know (read: his fiancee)..and they can cause permanent sterility, like you mentioned.....a total and permanent inability to ever have children. So if he doesn't tell her, well....hopefully he can do the math. Or what if he has Genital Warts and passes them onto her (because condoms don't fully protect against that, or Herpes either)..and she ends up with a strain of it that puts her at grave risk for developing Cancer of the Cervix? I wonder how he'd feel knowing he was the cause of that? And all the while, the poor girl is thinking she's married God's gift to the world, and what a swell guy he is.

[Fedup&givingup]

Southside,

 

I will say something POSITIVE to you, in case I haven't done so thus far...I commend you confessing your ways like this. You are VERY brave! You are admitting what millions of men do that would never risk telling.

 

************GIVE THIS GUY THAT MUCH!!!!!!!!!*****************************

 

Although what you have done simply disgusts many, you have the courage to admit your ways. That is relief to me, I can't describe it.

 

Anyway, back to what you addressed to me personally. If my husband were to confess to me what he's done...I would have that sense of relief, because he insists that he is innocent (yet, everytime he pleads he's not fooled around/been with anyone he usually says or does something to tell me he has). I would be VERY reassuring in one way since he finally became HONEST in what I've already discovered and figured out.

 

As far as him deciding to stop and us rebuilding our relationship....I'm glad you put it that way and brought this one up. There would be very little hope for us, since our relationship lacks the basic fundamentals for the foundation which are trust, HONESTY, and loyalty. This sh*t with him has been going on for YEARS. Why would/should I trust him now? It would probably take years of him bending over backwards to prove his loyalty and trust to me....that and a lifetime supply of Xanax...just hook me up with a drip!

[Fedup&givingup]

WOO HOOOOOO! Truly spoken from the depth of my soul and from my inner voice within!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Fedup&givingup]

Lostforwords and Beffuddled...this guy most likely hasn't gone to the doctor to get checked for STD's, because he hasn't even BEEN thinking, period. He's been self serving, 100%...how can he be thinking if he's not even considering jeopardizing his own health? How can he be thinking about someone else's health. This guy has NO clue what true love is, period.

 

 

I'm with you guys on this, and Southside, you still haven't answered Beffuddled's question re: what is the meaning of "you don't know this girl?" What exactly is THAT supposed to mean?????

[Fedup&givingup]

Ok, so I've been thinking some more, Southside...

 

you asked me if I really would want my philandering husband to confess?

 

The answer is definitely YES. Although it's not going to change what I plan on doing with my life, but most definitely I want him to come clean with his actions.

 

You said you live with your girlfriend, but I find it odd that she doesn't suspect you of anything. Clearly, she must. For as common place that you described this type of cheating happening (which I don't doubt the least bit) I feel you tried justifying your actions because of it. I would think you would be also as well informed of a woman's intuition. Obviously, us women have been placed with the burden of men acting like dogs/pigs, but we have been graciously been given quite the acute sense of intuition. If that doesn't terrify you, it should. This girl does NOT deserve someone like you, and you sure as h*ll don't deserve her.

 

So, if your girlfriend hasn't figured you out, she will eventually. If you decide to change your ways, she will tune into this change...she will sense something. If for some strange reason this isn't enough, something will crop up and haunt you like something these other posters have suggested (i.e., contracting an STD, a sudden, strange phone call from one of your flings, or any other evidence you simply forgot about or overlooked).

[amerikajin]

>>>No matter what the consensus on here, I don’t feel that a confession would be the correct ending to my actions. Remember, I know this girl – you do not. <<<

 

I agree. A confession would be a bad move on your part, in spite of the fact that it's probably the "right thing to do." This is one of those situations in which the right thing to do would probably mean the end of your relationship. One mea culpa wouldn't begin to make up for all of the other lies that would be now exposed. Your mutual trust would be ruined forever, which is why you should stop cheating - forever.

 

>>>This weekend I came to the conclusion that my actions are not only immature and to an extent dangerous. My future with this woman is worth more to me than anything else in this world. I will immediately stop what I call “playtime”. <<<

 

Here's one for the road: if you have to sneak behind your partner's back to do it, chances are, you shouldn't do it. You have been ASSUMING that your partner might be okay with your sex on the side simply based on the fact that you've engaged in kinky sex in the past. What you forgot is that you always had her consent to perform said acts; you have NOT had her consent to get those one night stands.

 

>>>A little of advises for all of you that feel the need to TELL people how to live their lives:

Try not to tell people what to do, give them suggestions and help them by giving your thoughts and sharing past experiences. When I read all of those responses from people trying to TELL me what to do, I immediately disregarded their views and dismissed it as an angry person letting out some steam. Some sort of Oprah-visioned housewife unable to cope with their own problems and unleashing fury on me. I may be wrong, as I sometimes am, but that was my reaction to those posts. Do what you like, as I will, but I just wanted to give you a little advise for “helping” those that ask.<<<

 

Sorry dude, it doesn't necessarily work that way. We're not priests, and therapists cost, what, $100 an hour? Our advice is free, take it or leave it. I've always been against gratuitous jabs, but when you disclose some of your indiscretions on a free web site such as this, you do so at your own risk.