BH tells children mommy had an affair and I am the scumbag that wrecked the marriage

[miso horny]

So here is the deal.... I was an OM and I had had enough... Couple of Ddays, many years and H ends up divorcing MW... Now, I am back into the picture a "little" and exH finds out (there is a story) and has a little powwow with the kids and tells them everything, blaming ME for the end of the marriage and I am a loser scumbag dip****....

 

WTF??!?

 

This is a "smart guy", but what he just did was the stupidest thing that he could have done.....

 

thoughts?

[whichwayisup]

What's done is done and now everyone has to deal with it. Sure he shouldn't have said a word about it, he's made a mistake by doing so, hurt his own kids out of his own pain and frustration, and he probably feels threatened, doesn't want you around his kids.

 

What does your MW think about this? Had you been around their kids before he told them who you were?

 

Family counselling should happen, as much as I'm sure you don't want to hear that news, it'll help if your MW and her exH go with the kids and sort this out.

[WTFBBQ]

Whatchudoin back wid her dude?

[miso horny]

oh, and my User Name, it's a joke, nothing to read into, THANKS

[whichwayisup]

oh, and my User Name, it's a joke, nothing to read into, THANKS

 

Should've put your username as the receipe guy.

[WTFBBQ]

oh, and my User Name, it's a joke, nothing to read into, THANKS

miso soup already taken?

[2themoon&back]

So here is the deal.... I was an OM and I had had enough... Couple of Ddays, many years and H ends up divorcing MW... Now, I am back into the picture a "little" and exH finds out (there is a story) and has a little powwow with the kids and tells them everything, blaming ME for the end of the marriage and I am a loser scumbag dip****....

 

WTF??!?

 

This is a "smart guy", but what he just did was the stupidest thing that he could have done.....

 

thoughts?

 

My xMM's wife did the same thing and I was mortified that a mother would involve her child in something she did not understand and IMO had no need to be involved in.

 

There is only one thing I can say about this, kids have a right to know some thing’s, depending on the age of the children.

 

This information, IMO, should be discussed between both parents before talking to the children and agree what the children need to know.

 

What he did was out of anger and spite, and he shows such disrespect for his children. I know this hurt them while he was trying to hurt you and xW.

 

This is so sad to me, what did the children do to deserve to this, NOTHING!!

 

Even if the mother did wrong by having an A, she is still the mother no matter what she did these children will still love her, as they would a father that did not think his words through before he spoke them.

 

Sad………

[bentnotbroken]

So here is the deal.... I was an OM and I had had enough... Couple of Ddays, many years and H ends up divorcing MW... Now, I am back into the picture a "little" and exH finds out (there is a story) and has a little powwow with the kids and tells them everything, blaming ME for the end of the marriage and I am a loser scumbag dip****....

 

WTF??!?

 

This is a "smart guy", but what he just did was the stupidest thing that he could have done.....

 

thoughts?

 

 

Depends on how you look at it. Some might say getting involved with a MM was the stupidest thing someone could have done.

[whichwayisup]

What he did was out of anger and spite, and he shows such disrespect for his children.

 

Seems like he just reacted and didn't think. At all. I bet he regrets telling them.

 

Even if the mother did wrong by having an A, she is still the mother no matter what she did these children will still love her, as they would a father that did not think his words through before he spoke them.

 

Not if, she did. She cheated and had an affair for a long time, with numerous ddays, not considering her kids each time, so it seems both parents have disrespect for the kids and family unit as one.

 

This is why I suggested family counselling. MW and her exH are going to be in eachothers lives forever, due to the kids so they might as well work together to co parent.

[bentnotbroken]

My xMM's wife did the same thing and I was mortified that a mother would involve her child in something she did not understand and IMO had no need to be involved in.

 

There is only one thing I can say about this, kids have a right to know some thing’s, depending on the age of the children.

 

This information, IMO, should be discussed between both parents before talking to the children and agree what the children need to know.

 

What he did was out of anger and spite, and he shows such disrespect for his children. I know this hurt them while he was trying to hurt you and xW.

 

This is so sad to me, what did the children do to deserve to this, NOTHING!!

 

Even if the mother did wrong by having an A, she is still the mother no matter what she did these children will still love her, as they would a father that did not think his words through before he spoke them.

 

Sad………

 

 

They did absolutely nothing but disrespect was shown by all involved. And NO one was considering the children when they did the stupid crap they did.

[whichwayisup]

They did absolutely nothing but disrespect was shown by all involved. And NO one was considering the children when they did the stupid crap they did.

 

Guess it's more fallout and consquences, innocent people get hurt.

 

So, Miso, how you handling this and what is your next move? Back off abit and let this situation get fixed or are you active in the sense of decision making with your MW?

[miso horny]

My xMM's wife did the same thing and I was mortified that a mother would involve her child in something she did not understand and IMO had no need to be involved in.

 

There is only one thing I can say about this, kids have a right to know some thing’s, depending on the age of the children.

 

This information, IMO, should be discussed between both parents before talking to the children and agree what the children need to know.

 

What he did was out of anger and spite, and he shows such disrespect for his children. I know this hurt them while he was trying to hurt you and xW.

 

This is so sad to me, what did the children do to deserve to this, NOTHING!!

 

Even if the mother did wrong by having an A, she is still the mother no matter what she did these children will still love her, as they would a father that did not think his words through before he spoke them.

 

Sad………

 

 

This is what I was hoping to hear.... Hearts are hearts... I was wrong to have the affair, she was wrong to have the affair. THEY divorced. The only people he hurt was his own children... We ended the affair... but we did love each other and were taking baby steps tp whereever the lead to, which might have been no where, and now this.... HIS KIDS ARE HURT

[spice4life]

That's a shame he did that to his kids. Anger can do crazy things to people if they don't know how to channel it properly. Then mix in divorce with that anger and it gets even crazier. My exH said crap like that to my kids and I didn't even cheat on him, so go figure.

 

How long have they been divorced? Is it still pretty new? Do you plan on sticking around to give the relationship another try?

 

I always took the high road (well, okay, there were a few times he push me to a limit) and never bashed my exH back to the kids. I would always ask them how it made them feel when their father said things like that. I'd let them vent about it and then told them that their father is angry with me and should talk to me about it and not them. It's been a while, so it's hard to remember everything, but I do know that my kids eventually started telling him to stop talking bad about me and my life because I never did that to him.

 

Things calmed down when he started getting a life for himself. Hopefully that will happen in this situation. Are you already involved with her kids? If you are then the best thing you can do is stay the "calm rational adult" at all cost and don't react to his drama in front of them. You probably already know that though. If the divorce is still new then you should let their mother handle these situations when they come up.

[spice4life]

miso soup already taken?

 

LOL!!! Too funny.

[miso horny]

Guess it's more fallout and consquences, innocent people get hurt.

 

So, Miso, how you handling this and what is your next move? Back off abit and let this situation get fixed or are you active in the sense of decision making with your MW?

 

check your yahoo mail

[whichwayisup]

check your yahoo mail

 

yahoo is dead. hotmail.

[2themoon&back]

This is what I was hoping to hear.... Hearts are hearts... I was wrong to have the affair, she was wrong to have the affair. THEY divorced. The only people he hurt was his own children... We ended the affair... but we did love each other and were taking baby steps tp whereever the lead to, which might have been no where, and now this.... HIS KIDS ARE HURT

 

I am sorry this is happening to these kids.

 

IMO, your place is to support the mother in any way she needs you and how she chooses to handle the situation.

 

And of course as someone said do not let this guy get under your skin, because if you and the mother do get together, these are lifelong relationships, and you keeping your cool now will be helpful in the future.

[miso horny]

yahoo is dead. hotmail.

 

then check that

[2themoon&back]

They did absolutely nothing but disrespect was shown by all involved. And NO one was considering the children when they did the stupid crap they did.

 

we agree on that

[miso horny]

That's a shame he did that to his kids. Anger can do crazy things to people if they don't know how to channel it properly. Then mix in divorce with that anger and it gets even crazier. My exH said crap like that to my kids and I didn't even cheat on him, so go figure.

 

How long have they been divorced? Is it still pretty new? Do you plan on sticking around to give the relationship another try?

 

I always took the high road (well, okay, there were a few times he push me to a limit) and never bashed my exH back to the kids. I would always ask them how it made them feel when their father said things like that. I'd let them vent about it and then told them that their father is angry with me and should talk to me about it and not them. It's been a while, so it's hard to remember everything, but I do know that my kids eventually started telling him to stop talking bad about me and my life because I never did that to him.

 

Things calmed down when he started getting a life for himself. Hopefully that will happen in this situation. Are you already involved with her kids? If you are then the best thing you can do is stay the "calm rational adult" at all cost and don't react to his drama in front of them. You probably already know that though. If the divorce is still new then you should let their mother handle these situations when they come up.

 

I can't believe he did this.. What a stubborn jerk, I am sorry. But this is FOREVER... He can't get ot back. The vision the kids have of their mother is forever altered. I don't care what the think about me (of course this is not 100% true) but in the scheme of things.... The kids have been meeting me, and they liked me, SLOWLY. Now, that is wrecked.... I am the home wrecking bastard that "stole mommy away from daddy".

[miso horny]

They did absolutely nothing but disrespect was shown by all involved. And NO one was considering the children when they did the stupid crap they did.

 

 

Bent, do you know the muffin man? The muffin man? YES, the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane... OH, Stampdaddy???

[bentnotbroken]

Bent, do you know the muffin man? The muffin man? YES, the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane... OH, Stampdaddy???

 

 

Yes, I know the Muffinman, who lives on Drury Ln.

[jwi71]

I can't believe he did this.. What a stubborn jerk, I am sorry. But this is FOREVER... He can't get ot back. The vision the kids have of their mother is forever altered. I don't care what the think about me (of course this is not 100% true) but in the scheme of things.... The kids have been meeting me, and they liked me, SLOWLY. Now, that is wrecked.... I am the home wrecking bastard that "stole mommy away from daddy".

 

How old are the kids? Are they old enough to understand this?

 

And, based on this, it seems less like you are less upset at "hurting" the kids than looking like the "bad guy". And let's face it, from the xH's point of view and likely that of the kids - you are.

 

So, depending on the age of the children, I have no real issues with this.

 

Did you think that this could be hidden forever?

[miso horny]

How old are the kids? Are they old enough to understand this?

 

And, based on this, it seems less like you are less upset at "hurting" the kids than looking like the "bad guy". And let's face it, from the xH's point of view and likely that of the kids - you are.

 

So, depending on the age of the children, I have no real issues with this.

 

Did you think that this could be hidden forever?

 

JW, I have always respected you and I believe you me.... It is unfair (probably by the lack of info on my part) to say that I am more concerned about "me". NOT the case. There are now 4 very confused children (10-16) who are now hurting and confused about their mother. And yes, me. A "good friend" that they have recently met, that is "helping mom around the house" doing the "man things" to make things better.

 

For the record, we are NOT dating, we aren't "together", we aren't a "couple" HE JUST SHOWED UP SATURDAY while I was hanging garland outside......

 

and then he he did this, "hey kids, guess what, your mother is a whore and that piece of sh*t is her boyfriend, who knew she had 4 kids but decided to wreck our family anyway..."

[woinlove]

JW, I have always respected you and I believe you me.... It is unfair (probably by the lack of info on my part) to say that I am more concerned about "me". NOT the case. There are now 4 very confused children (10-16) who are now hurting and confused about their mother. And yes, me. A "good friend" that they have recently met, that is "helping mom around the house" doing the "man things" to make things better.

 

For the record, we are NOT dating, we aren't "together", we aren't a "couple" HE JUST SHOWED UP SATURDAY while I was hanging garland outside......

 

and then he he did this, "hey kids, guess what, your mother is a whore and that piece of sh*t is her boyfriend, who knew she had 4 kids but decided to wreck our family anyway..."

 

It is surprising that they managed to get through more than one d-day and keep all those kids in the dark. They must have wondered what was going on.

 

It is sad for everyone that there is still such pain even after a divorce. I do hope the children have been getting or will now get counselling. Counselling will help them sort this out, as well as anything they experienced with the d-days aftermath and divorce. Those ages, 10-16, seem particular vulnerable and in need of some professional guidance.