BH tells children mommy had an affair and I am the scumbag that wrecked the marriage

[NoLongerSad]

I just want to say that I just think, and I believe most of you feel the same way, that telling the kids the way that it happened was wrong. I am not saying that they didnt deserve to know, but it should have been done differently.

 

You have no say in the father's parenting decisions of these children. I'm not clear on why you don't get that.

[miso horny]

You have no say in the father's parenting decisions of these children. I'm not clear on why you don't get that.

 

um, never said I did...

[NoLongerSad]

I don't believe he had the "right" to do what he did..

 

You are not their parent. Your opinion on whether or not their father had the "right" to do what he did counts for nothing.

[NoLongerSad]

she said I was a "good man with a huge heart that cared about them very much".

 

What she said isn't true.

[miso horny]

You are not their parent. Your opinion on whether or not their father had the "right" to do what he did counts for nothing.

 

..........ok

[NoLongerSad]

um, never said I did...

 

Unbelievable, you can't even tell the truth when it's staring you right in the face!!!

 

You've been stating throughout this thread that you think you're entitled to pass judgment on the betrayed ex-H's parenting of his children. That's what this thread is all about, isn't it?

[miso horny]

What she said isn't true.

 

............ok again

[miso horny]

Unbelievable, you can't even tell the truth when it's staring you right in the face!!!

 

You've been stating throughout this thread that you think you're entitled to pass judgment on the betrayed ex-H's parenting of his children. That's what this thread is all about, isn't it?

 

this thread is about me asking IF my feelings were correct, that the way the betrayed exH handled the telling of yes, the truth, to his children was not the best way. I get it, he was betrayed, I was the OM, I can't get that back. I can't change that. I am no longer the OM, and she is no longer the MW, she is divorced. He divorced her.

 

I havent passed judgement, I havent called him a jerk. I think that he handled the telling the truth to his children poorly.. WHY? Because as other have said, he did it out of anger. I know he is angry, sh*t, he should be. But if you don't see it that way, then there is nothing I can do to change that either.

 

I don't like any of this, but these are the consequences, I get that. They deserve the truth. Now they have it.

[NoLongerSad]

that is crazy... and if you only knew how "destroyed" I already was.... and I guess I deserve it

 

How do you feel about the fact that your ex-affair partner is almost undoubtedly screwing some other guy(s) when you're not around?

 

You're the biggest sucker going.

[Hazyhead]

Unbelievable, you can't even tell the truth when it's staring you right in the face!!!

 

You've been stating throughout this thread that you think you're entitled to pass judgment on the betrayed ex-H's parenting of his children. That's what this thread is all about, isn't it?

 

I think you're over-flogging it, to say the least. You're twisting his words to your own agenda - not helpful at all. If I was miso, I would be now putting you on ignore.

 

Oh, and you multi-quote using the purple icon next to quote. Just to save pages and pages of the same post.

[miso horny]

How do you feel about the fact that your ex-affair partner is almost undoubtedly screwing some other guy(s) when you're not around?

 

You're the biggest sucker going.

 

ok, I guess the maturity has left the building. Thanks for playing

[NoLongerSad]

Nobody in this scenario is dumb or sociopathic.

 

That depends on the outcome of 1) IQ test and 2) MMP 3 I.

[NoLongerSad]

I think you're over-flogging it, to say the least. You're twisting his words to your own agenda - not helpful at all. If I was miso, I would be now putting you on ignore.

 

Oh, and you multi-quote using the purple icon next to quote. Just to save pages and pages of the same post.

 

Over-flogging what? What "agenda" do you think I have--other than to tell miso that he shouldn't expect everyone to buy into his ridiculous whining poor little me sob story?

[NoLongerSad]

ok, I guess the maturity has left the building. Thanks for playing

 

You've stated your ex-AP is not having sex with you and I imagine she's not having sex with her husband, right?

 

Do you ACTUALLY think this lying woman is not having sex with anyone else?

 

Why on Earth would you think that?

 

Did she ever actually TELL you that she wouldn't have sex with anyone other than YOU, post divorce, post affair?

 

(Even if she did, why would you believe it?)

 

Reality check dude--you are now in the "friend zone" and you are now being set up by the poor little ex-wife/ex-affair partner as the "reason", the "bad guy," who destroyed her marriage.

 

Someone else said you had a "target" on your back.

 

You are "it." YOU are the "bad guy." It's all out there now. This woman completely set you up. Do you SERIOUSLY think that she didn't know her husband would be coming by with the children, and she conveniently had you over there at the exact same time?

 

She is now off the hook with her kids for the break up of her marriage. It is all on you now, buddy. All on you.

 

Wise up.

[Hazyhead]

Over-flogging what? What "agenda" do you think I have--other than to tell miso that he shouldn't expect everyone to buy into his ridiculous whining poor little me sob story?

 

Over and over again? I get what you're trying to say but your endless posts seem snippy and your point gets lost a bit. But, to back up your points you exaggerate his words and throw them back. Repeatedly. It does come across as petty. I don't disagree with everything you say, but I don't understand your anger, really.

[NoLongerSad]

this thread is about me asking IF my feelings were correct, that the way the betrayed exH handled the telling of yes, the truth, to his children was not the best way.

 

OK let's say the ex-husband handled the situation completely incorrectly. Let's say you're right. If you really feel that way, then confront him. Call him up, or go over to his house, and tell him that. Tell him to his face.

 

I happen to think you're incorrect and you should have no say in the matter; but I'll agree that you're right and I'm wrong.

 

So go and tell the ex-Husband that you think his parenting style was incorrect.

 

Obviously this will result in a confrontation and you may get seriously injured.

 

But at some point, sir, you have to stop jerking life around and actually stand up for what you claim to believe in.

 

So go and protect those kids. Go up to their father and tell them what you think of his behavior. And then accept the consequences, including having your front teeth knocked out, if that's what happens.

 

 

I get it, he was betrayed, I was the OM, I can't get that back. I can't change that. I am no longer the OM, and she is no longer the MW, she is divorced. He divorced her.

 

If you are no longer the OM then what is your interest in this family any longer? Stay away from all of them.

 

 

 

I havent passed judgement, I havent called him a jerk. I think that he handled the telling the truth to his children poorly..

 

Accusing him of handling it poorly IS passing judgment on him.

 

 

WHY? Because as other have said, he did it out of anger. I know he is angry, sh*t, he should be. But if you don't see it that way, then there is nothing I can do to change that either.

 

Like I said--I'm willing to agree that maybe I'm wrong and you're right. So what are the consequences of you being right? What are you going to do to back up your empty words on an internet message board?

 

Absolutely nothing. So your being right, is meaningless, isn't it?

 

I don't like any of this, but these are the consequences, I get that. They deserve the truth. Now they have it.

 

And if you believe their father acted inappropriately in the way he divulged the affair, and that it is your place to have an opinion about that, then go tell him, personally, and accept whatever "consequences" may result.

[NoLongerSad]

Over and over again? I get what you're trying to say but your endless posts seem snippy and your point gets lost a bit. But, to back up your points you exaggerate his words and throw them back. Repeatedly. It does come across as petty. I don't disagree with everything you say, but I don't understand your anger, really.

 

 

I'm not sure why you're taking issue with anything I've said since the OP has been taken to task by virtually every non-cheater who's posted in this thread.

 

I'm not "angry" at all, what I don't understand is why you think OP needs any "help" to respond to anything he thinks needs a response.

[Hazyhead]

I'm not sure why you're taking issue with anything I've said since the OP has been taken to task by virtually every non-cheater who's posted in this thread.

 

I'm not "angry" at all, what I don't understand is why you think OP needs any "help" to respond to anything he thinks needs a response.

 

I don't have an issue so much, I just thought your incessant posting came off as argumentative, hence mentioning the multi-quoting option. And, in parts, you were facetious. I don't think the OP ever needs help to respond!

[woinlove]

You know what everybody. This is what REALITY is. These are the reprecussions from the AFFAIR, there is no way around that. There are consequences and after these last few days, it has made me realize that it just isnt worth it. I mentioned to someone earlier that I had "been in his shoes". Well, not nearly as big of shoes, I am sure. My situation wasnt so "in your face" as it must be for exH in this situation. No matter what the divorce decree states, there is no weighing what the emotional decree will state, each and every single time exH hears my name, sees garland hung or a freshly mown lawn... And since I was just "exploring" to see what I might find in the aftermath of everything, what I HAVE found, I DO NOT LIKE.

 

It is just that simple. No huge NC needed, no dramatic finish, just a conversation that "hey, I tried and it just won't work... glad I could help you get your new house in order, but hire someone from here on out".

 

can I hear a little "whoop whoop"?!

 

It's difficult for me to muster even a little whoop, given the entire situation, but I will say that completely removing yourself from this drama and ongoing hurt looks like an very good move to me. It will certainly be best for you, and I think best for her and her family as well. So I wish you the best on sticking to that decision.

[OWoman]

You are not their parent. Your opinion on whether or not their father had the "right" to do what he did counts for nothing.

 

 

This has got to be the most perverse "logic" I've ever seen! If nobody but the parents themselves have any right to hold an opinion on what parents have the right to do, why not just scrap all the child abuse and neglect legislation and disband child protection services? :sick:

 

Some parents are misguided, ignorant or plain sick, and thank god there are others out there to notice and bring this to the attention of others who can intervene.

[NoLongerSad]

It's difficult for me to muster even a little whoop, given the entire situation, but I will say that completely removing yourself from this drama and ongoing hurt looks like an very good move to me. It will certainly be best for you, and I think best for her and her family as well. So I wish you the best on sticking to that decision.

 

 

Obviously completely exiting the drama is the wisest course of action for anyone in OP's situation.

 

The problem with that is that OP claimed to have a concern for the interests of the four children. (Otherwise why give a hoot about what the ex-Husband said to them?)

 

If OP has a true concern for the interests of the children how can he bail on them?

[greengoddess]

This has got to be the most perverse "logic" I've ever seen! If nobody but the parents themselves have any right to hold an opinion on what parents have the right to do, why not just scrap all the child abuse and neglect legislation and disband child protection services? :sick:

 

Some parents are misguided, ignorant or plain sick, and thank god there are others out there to notice and bring this to the attention of others who can intervene.

 

 

ok so when people see people hurting others they should pass judgment on their behavior and speak up? like instead of saying oh well they have different morals than me who cares?

[GorillaTheater]

ok so when people see people hurting others they should pass judgment on their behavior and speak up? like instead of saying oh well they have different morals than me who cares?

 

 

No no, it's all about acceptance and respecting the different paths trod by others, and stuff.

[OWoman]

ok so when people see people hurting others they should pass judgment on their behavior and speak up? like instead of saying oh well they have different morals than me who cares?

 

if you're talking about consenting adults - and an A is between two consenting adults - then no, it's not the same thing at all. In many countries, the law requires you to speak up if you suspect a child is being abused, neglected or harmed in any way - whether or not you have proof for your suspicions. I've yet to hear of a modern country where arb bystanders are required to inform on anyone they suspect of marital infidelity....

[OWoman]

I didn't say "nobody but the parents themselves" was entitled to an opinion.

 

You did - right here:

 

You are not their parent. Your opinion on whether or not their father had the "right" to do what he did counts for nothing.

 

i.e., only their parent has the right.

 

You might wish you'd said something else, but that's what you said.