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BH tells children mommy had an affair and I am the scumbag that wrecked the marriage


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Dexter Morgan
The "maintenence" however is what is heavily skewed, because, he can hang that over her so that she never co-habitates again

 

uh...excuse me?:confused:

 

there is nothing to hold over her head that isn't of her own choice.

 

maintenance shouldn't be paid to her anyway, its all bulls##t.

 

so the thinking here is that even though she went for maintenance, its somehow him holding it over her head??

 

if she "co-habitates" or marries another man, then she will lose the maintenance. But she will no longer need it because now she has someone to split the bills.

 

the decisions are all hers, there is nothing to hold over her head.

 

she cheated

 

she is the louse that went for maintenance and got it

 

its all on her buddy.

 

 

... If he was paying what the State defines in "child support", it would be a GREAT deal larger of the 2

 

this is where I'm not buying this story. going for higher maintenance in trade for less child support?

 

she gets what the state defines, and unless her attorney charges only $5/hour, no attorney in their right mind wouldn't have the state set the proper amount.

 

and a mother can take the father back ANY time to get an increase.

 

so sorry, not buying it.

 

 

 

That's my point (again, their business) but, it is set up so (and YES, she agreed to it) that she will probably NEVER again co-habitate with another person.....

 

1) she can take him back to court for a state set amount

 

2) the only reason to not get remarried would be to either screw him over more than she already has, or keep getting that check.

 

ya, real nice....eff the guy over time and time again, and add insult to injury by getting maintenance and never remarrying to keep it.

 

again, if she remarries, she won't need it...so the only reason to not remarry is to stick it to the guy who she has already screwed over.

 

 

please, I implore those who read this to get a grasp of that...

 

I've been though divorce and pay child support. you dont have a firm grasp on how it works.

 

She can agree to something during the divorce with regards to child support, and she take him back any year, verify his income, and have the state set the percentage.

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Dexter Morgan
The significant difference I see with a cheaters mind is that a WW/WH and OM/OW can make a mistake but god forbid a BH making one.

 

Talk about double standards :sick:

 

and thats if you can somehow consider those cheating and willingly getting their rocks off with someone else seen as making a mistake.

 

its only a mistake once the s### hits the fan.

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Dexter Morgan
A's are usually the result of a bad/dead M...the "family" is usually "broken" before the A.

 

ya, thats the staple excuse.

 

i'd submit that the M's aren't as bad as made out to be, just one decides being married is boring.

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Dexter Morgan
She probably didn't have a choice. He's a good dad he got 50% of the custody so he cares for them as much as she so he actually should not be paying any child support. They are equally caring for them. I assume you do not have 50 50.

 

I guess I missed this. He got 50% custody? Well this makes the complaint about the amount of child support he pays a load of bunk.

 

He shouldn't have to pay anything. he has to provide 50% of the living expenses just as she does...therefore the maintenance should take care of that.

 

And in the even she has a partner to increase the household income, she shouldn't get maintenance any longer.

 

 

So he shouldn't be paying any child support. And whaddya wanna make a bet that if the husband went for no child support based on 50/50, that she'd have taken 50/50 off the table?

 

Again, this makes the complaints about what he pays a load of bunk.

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I guess I missed this. He got 50% custody? Well this makes the complaint about the amount of child support he pays a load of bunk.

 

He shouldn't have to pay anything. he has to provide 50% of the living expenses just as she does...therefore the maintenance should take care of that.

 

And in the even she has a partner to increase the household income, she shouldn't get maintenance any longer.

 

 

So he shouldn't be paying any child support. And whaddya wanna make a bet that if the husband went for no child support based on 50/50, that she'd have taken 50/50 off the table?

 

Again, this makes the complaints about what he pays a load of bunk.[/QUOTE]

 

I didnt think I was "complaining". I stated that I was "thinking" about things one night and these were my thoughts. I never said my thoughts were coreect either! I believe I stated that it's not any of my dang business, didnt I?? I said these were my thoughts, and you know what? IF THESE THOUGHTS are even more info needed to turn me off, then that is good, isn't it??

 

I also stated, Dexter, that I too am divorced. I too am responsible for child support. I know what I am responsible forfor 1 child, and it is more than he pays for 4... HOWEVER, I also stated that the "rules" have changed on how those amounts are figured, in a good way.....

 

thank you

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Dexter Morgan
I also stated, Dexter, that I too am divorced. I too am responsible for child support. I know what I am responsible forfor 1 child, and it is more than he pays for 4... HOWEVER, I also stated that the "rules" have changed on how those amounts are figured, in a good way.....

 

thank you

 

the "rules" don't make one bit of difference here. You are saying its skewed that he has go pay less than you, when he has 50/50 custody...he shouldn't be paying anything....much less alimony to someone so undeserving.

 

alimony should never be paid to someone who has committed adultery.

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the "rules" don't make one bit of difference here. You are saying its skewed that he has go pay less than you, when he has 50/50 custody...he shouldn't be paying anything....much less alimony to someone so undeserving.

 

alimony should never be paid to someone who has committed adultery.

 

Dex, this isn't an arguement, don't make it one... I am not agreeing or disagreeing with what you are saying. Sh*t, when I started thinking about it all, and I started to realize that the house that she has is basically paid for by him, it makes me SICK!!

 

As far as the "rules" go, yes it does make a difference. They recently changed those rules here to acknowledge when a father has a 50/50 sharing of the children, so he does have to pay less. Again, I said that was a good thing....

 

jeez o pete

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ya, thats the staple excuse.

 

i'd submit that the M's aren't as bad as made out to be, just one decides being married is boring.

 

No, no excuse in most cases, A's are a symtom.

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A are usually due to poor coping skills because (among the things you mentioned) the person is broken or selfish or both.

 

Sure, and people who cheat on their taxes usually need the money. No, usually it is greed, lack of ethics, opportunity and rationalization (such as, everyone else is doing it). In other words, it reflects on the person, not on their circumstances. Same thing with cheating in a marriage. They have options of divorcing, negotiating an open relationship or remaining faithful, but some people instead chose to have an affair. Others with the same circumstances choose a different option which doesn't involve lying and betrayal.

 

Please give adults more credit for their choices, whether good or bad choices.

 

Wow, more people than I thought liked my response:)

 

I stand by what I originally said...A's are a symtom...and FTR AP's don't have the market cornered on selfishness and cruelty

Edited by pureinheart
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Oh whoa! Welcome Mr. Martha Stewart. Now we got celebrities up in here...

 

Miso- why are you still sweating this broad, again? This lady doesn't care about anyone but herself.

 

You have invested so much time and so much emotions, energy and heart. Honey, bounce! Seriously, at this point what is there to salvage?

 

Is this the way that you want to "LOVE" and be "LOVED"? :confused:

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Oh whoa! Welcome Mr. Martha Stewart. Now we got celebrities up in here...

 

Miso- why are you still sweating this broad, again? This lady doesn't care about anyone but herself.

 

You have invested so much time and so much emotions, energy and heart. Honey, bounce! Seriously, at this point what is there to salvage?

 

Is this the way that you want to "LOVE" and be "LOVED"? :confused:

 

I here ya, and that is why I have been saying all through this thread that I was only back into the "exploratory" phase... and look what I am finding: SH*T

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bentnotbroken
I thought your response was naive at best.

 

A's are a symptom, yes. A symptom that an immature person has poor coping skills and avoids conflict. If the M is so "broken" as you say, why not just leave the M? Grown ups do it all the time.

 

 

Beautiful stated. I would expect no less from the Queen of style. :laugh:

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I thought your response was naive at best.

 

A's are a symptom, yes. A symptom that an immature person has poor coping skills and avoids conflict. If the M is so "broken" as you say, why not just leave the M? Grown ups do it all the time.

 

Thank you:), and I reinterate, AP's don't have the market cornered on immaturity and cruelty...

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bentnotbroken
Thank you:), and I reinterate, AP's don't have the market cornered on immaturity and cruelty...

 

 

Nope. But WS sure has it conered on mass destruction.

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Dexter Morgan
Dex, this isn't an arguement, don't make it one... I am not agreeing or disagreeing with what you are saying. Sh*t, when I started thinking about it all, and I started to realize that the house that she has is basically paid for by him, it makes me SICK!!

 

good, then no need for you to bring up how skewed it is in his favor again.....cuz it aint.

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So Miso, Are you still horny?

 

is the wind blowin'?

 

Is the sky blue?

 

Are the seas deep?

 

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:....I was gonna ask how you were doing MH....but....this is cute:)

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desertIslandCactus
I thought your response was naive at best.

 

A's are a symptom, yes. A symptom that an immature person has poor coping skills and avoids conflict. If the M is so "broken" as you say, why not just leave the M? Grown ups do it all the time.

 

Because people who cheat are also glutonous, selfish, Insecure. They don't want to take the gamble of settling for one or the other through life (unless knowledge of the A burns bridges) , so they use the spouse for stability - and the outsider for entertainment.

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I thought your response was naive at best.

 

A's are a symptom, yes. A symptom that an immature person has poor coping skills and avoids conflict. If the M is so "broken" as you say, why not just leave the M? Grown ups do it all the time.

 

:rolleyes: and you think this above is not NAIVE? If it were that easy and simple to walk away from a marriage, the divorce rate would be higher than just over 50%. Since many have decided to have affairs instead of leaving, shouldn't that tell you that it is not that easy and/or simple as you make it out to be? The truth is, both decisions are difficult and can be a complicated.

 

Here's another naive and simplistic question, when a BS finds out their spouse is cheating why not just walk away? What's the point with all the drama, of trying to"work it out", of demanding "NC", of "full disclosures", "counseling", threats of taking the kids away,of coming to LS to vent/rant about how bad one was treated and how revenge is so sweet? if it was that simple, people would just walk away....move on...live and let live...right?

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:rolleyes: and you think this above is not NAIVE? If it were that easy and simple to walk away from a marriage, the divorce rate would be higher than just over 50%. Since many have decided to have affairs instead of leaving, shouldn't that tell you that it is not that easy and/or simple as you make it out to be? The truth is, both decisions are difficult and can be a complicated.

 

Here's another naive and simplistic question, when a BS finds out their spouse is cheating why not just walk away? What's the point with all the drama, of trying to"work it out", of demanding "NC", of "full disclosures", "counseling", threats of taking the kids away,of coming to LS to vent/rant about how bad one was treated and how revenge is so sweet? if it was that simple, people would just walk away....move on...live and let live...right?

 

As God as my witness, I was going to post something similar, although had a bunch of stuff to take care of.

 

For some of the ones that do walk away, it seems to be the same amount of drama within themselves....too much IMO

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:rolleyes: and you think this above is not NAIVE? If it were that easy and simple to walk away from a marriage, the divorce rate would be higher than just over 50%. Since many have decided to have affairs instead of leaving, shouldn't that tell you that it is not that easy and/or simple as you make it out to be? The truth is, both decisions are difficult and can be a complicated.

 

Here's another naive and simplistic question, when a BS finds out their spouse is cheating why not just walk away? What's the point with all the drama, of trying to"work it out", of demanding "NC", of "full disclosures", "counseling", threats of taking the kids away,of coming to LS to vent/rant about how bad one was treated and how revenge is so sweet? if it was that simple, people would just walk away....move on...live and let live...right?

 

I don't think divorce is easy, but when a person is unhappy in the marriage (and not all MM/MW who begin affairs are unhappy, but some are) they have options of divorce, negotiating an open M, staying faithful and working on the M and themselves, or having an affair. Only the latter involves lying and betrayal and, even among just the unhappy ones, not all choose to treat their spouse and family this way. If the WS do sometime analyze why they chose this path and work on understanding themselves, they will come to understand the other options they could have taken and perhaps be able to chose a more honest path in the future.

 

As to the suggestion that both deciding to divorce and deciding to have an affair are difficult -- from my own experience, I'm not sure how difficult MM/MW find it to start an affair. The ones I know found it quite easy, although once they were heavily involved it became difficult to maintain the double life. They were selfish, and it was not difficult for them to think only of their own wants at the beginning and rationalize the difficulties away. On the other hand, deciding to divorce would have been difficult for them because the M was satisfying quite a few of their needs and they'd have to give those up.

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I appreciate the talks. I feel better now... There will be no "happily ever after", and there shouldnt be...

 

When I first came here, I kept hearing the term "Affair Fog" and didnt understand it nor believe it. BUT, there IS such a thing... Now I know that there is NO WAY this should be Ok, towind up with her.

 

HOWEVER, I will be honest. There is a tremendous pull towards "honor". I feel a responisibilty towards "helping" these children of hers, children I have "known" for over 6 years now.. And no matter what any of you say, I DO love them.

 

But I think what is "best" in the regard of "helping them", is NOT heping them, just fading out.... and that makes me sad. But I don't want to be a constant "reminder" to why their parents broke apart. Yes, I know that the "deeper" reason is that their marriage was broken before me, blah blah blah, but, per exH's words, MANY times, he will NEVER allow a "happy ever after", and as he showed the other day, he means it...

 

And of course there is the enormous fact that exMW allows it....

 

So, on that note, I will be just hunky dory and HUNKY HORNY!

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:rolleyes: and you think this above is not NAIVE? If it were that easy and simple to walk away from a marriage, the divorce rate would be higher than just over 50%. Since many have decided to have affairs instead of leaving, shouldn't that tell you that it is not that easy and/or simple as you make it out to be? The truth is, both decisions are difficult and can be a complicated.

 

Here's another naive and simplistic question, when a BS finds out their spouse is cheating why not just walk away? What's the point with all the drama, of trying to"work it out", of demanding "NC", of "full disclosures", "counseling", threats of taking the kids away,of coming to LS to vent/rant about how bad one was treated and how revenge is so sweet? if it was that simple, people would just walk away....move on...live and let live...right?

 

IMO, since the divorce rate is so high, it proves that it is a reasonable option for two people who find themselves in a marriage that isn't working.

 

As far as the BS who doesn't walk away. You may have missed those of us who took that road only to have the WS beg and plead for another chance.

 

Sorry, but in all my reading at LS, I never once read a post from a BW that threatened to "take the kids away". If I'm wrong, please enlighten me.

 

However, I have read many posts from BW's who tell their WS to go be with the OW if that is what they want. Most BW's do not want to be with a man who wants to be with an OW.

 

The picture of the bitter BW that uses kids and threats to get her H back is usually painted by an OW. Again, if I am wrong, please tell me.

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