I'm beginning to hate my life..and her.

[stevewharnell]

I just can't stand this anymore. The days she goes into work kill me. All men around her. What kills me is that I get flack for the female friends I make. I feel like it sorta wouldn't be fair if I only had male friends---i mean, what the hell, she sees dozens of guys everyday.

 

I can't stand hearing about her work, calling her while she's there, i hate the people there--evil the female ones.

 

My chest just collapses a little bit more and more everyday. I hate the idea of her having a good time with anybody other than myself.

 

Whenever I talk to a girl besides her, I feel like I'm doing something dangerous. I'm very afraid of her finding out, her going crazy on me.

 

But I wonder, when she talks to other dudes if she even feels like that. Which isn't fair to me.

 

I know she feels the same way when the shoe's on the other foot...but sometimes she just doesn't think ahead as to what I wouldn't like her doing.

 

As for me, I'm ALWAYS thinking about it. And I'm scared shatless if she ever found out about a girl lending a stapler to me. So I keep my distance from females...just for her.

 

 

Basically though, I'm sick of feeling horrible inside whenever she gets a guy acquaintence. Its ruining our relationship--I become such a prick to her whenever I feel worried inside.

 

We've gotten into petty arguments everyday this week.

 

Where's my life headed?

[moimeme]

You two have BIG issues. For heaven's sakes, get to a couples counsellor and do it fast. This sort of jealousy is POISON. Deal with it before it kills the relationship.

[NatoPMT]

the more you allow yourself to indulge in this kind of thinking, the more distorted everything becomes.

 

its unhealthy to think of every single member of the opposite sex as a potential threat to her or new partner for you. you are isolating yourselves and this serves to encourage this acute view of relationships, encouraging you to think further along these lines.

 

your life is heading in the wrong direction, you have the ability to control your life. you have the ability to change that direction. its your choice to allow this to happen. dont allow it - you seem unhappy, your relationship seems unhappy. put a stop to it and get some help.

[Karlise]

This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship.

 

A healthy relationship is sustaining, supportive, trusting and should bring you comfort.

 

If you are in a constant state of anxiety something is deeply, deeply wrong.

 

Either:

 

-- She is an untrustworthy person and your instincts are telling you to GET OUT NOW

 

OR

 

-- She is doing nothing wrong but you have an unhealthy compulsion to think and feel the worst.

 

 

 

Wanting someone to 'only be with you' is wrong.

 

You will stifle her spirt, smother her with your insecurities and ultimately, extinguish whatever love there is between you.

 

If you feel guilt whenever you are around other girls, what's going on? Are you seceretly wishing for a way out?

Or is she just maniacally jealous?

 

Does she want you to 'only be with her?"

 

Again, and I repeat myself....such unhealthy attachment/obsession is not based on love but on terrible terrible neediness. Ultimately, the flame between you will be snuffed by it.

 

Please seek counseling for this.

[stevewharnell]

Thank you all.

 

Are there any basic steps I can take toward fixing myself?

[moimeme]

You could read some books about jealousy. Here are some titles:

 

1. If This Is Love, Why Do I Feel So Insecure?

2. Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness

3. Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures

4. Trusting You Are Loved - Practices for Partnership

5. Ending the Struggle Against Yourself: A Workbook for Developing Deep Confidence and Self-Acceptance