Shokubeni Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) Hi, sorry if this isn't in the right forum, I wasn't too sure where to put it! I started hooking up with a friend of mine in July, although I had feelings for him before that. I told him and he said that he likes me as well. I thought things would progress from there, but by October things were still the same. I found out that he had slept with someone else. In a technical sense he had done nothing wrong, but I was hurt. I decided to talk to him and say that I couldn't deal with him being with other people. I asked him to tell me if he wasn't interested in me to let me know now so I could be done and move on and not to live in hope of something happening. He told me that he cared about me and he liked me, so we decided to start seeing each other exclusively to see how things would go. It was going really well. He was putting in the effort just to call to see how I was, and started coming to mine to spend time with me. He introduced me to his friends on nights out when we would bump into them and say "this is the girl I'm seeing". He was affectionate, kind and really just a lovely guy. However this weekend, after seeing him on Friday night, I told him I'd call him on Saturday and he said "Yeah, no problem". I tried calling him just the once and there was no answer. He didn't get back to me either. I decided to just let it slide, although I took it a little personally. On Sunday night he was online I said hello. He was very off with me and I said to him I got the feeling he didn't want to talk and I'd leave him alone and he replied "Thanks, not in a great mood". Then he went out to socialised with people. I was upset that he wasn't in the mood to talk to me but was in the mood to see his friends. Again, I didn't make a big thing about it. I saw him online again last night and asked how he was feeling. He straight out ignored me. I waited 15 minutes for a response and got nothing. I left him a message saying something along the lines of how his ignoring me suggested he either wasn't feeling better or I had done something wrong. Then he signed out, I know he saw the message. I'd already been feeling like I must have done something since he was so off with me on Sunday, and now I definitely feel like I have. If he was still bothered by whatever was making him all moody, all he had to do was say and let me know it wasn't because of anything I've done. I don't understand why he couldn't do that. I allowed myself a while to calm down, before I sent a polite message just saying I wasn't mad at him, just confused and can't understand what I've done. I also said that if he's lost interest to just let me know. He hasn't replied yet but I'm 99% sure he hasn't been online. I made a point as well of saying I wasn't trying to force things and move things a long because I am happy with how things are. I slept on it and woke up this morning and figured that its just gonna be best to let him be and deal with whatever is up. It might sound like I contact him a lot but I don't really- at the weekend Ill let him know where Ill be if he wants to meet for a drink and that's about it. I just wanted to get to the bottom of this. I'll not contact him again and I'll wait until I bump into him and see what happens then. Do you think I'm being overly sensitive or is he trying to send me a very clear message? I'm just so confused! Edited November 30, 2010 by Shokubeni Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Is this guy just some f'buddy or is he someone you are dating? If you two are just getting together for fun sex, you have to just put up with his moods. Perhaps he was just not interested in getting together or chatting with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shokubeni Posted November 30, 2010 Author Share Posted November 30, 2010 We are dating now. I've been very careful to not come on too strong because I don't want to scare him off. It's just very hurtful that he's being so odd with me. I really don't understand what I've done wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 I really don't understand what I've done wrong. You more than likely haven't done anything wrong. It sounds like the 'wrong' is being done by him: not being truthful with you about where you and he stand in the relationship. It sounds like plain old conflict avoidance to me - where he clearly isn't into having a relationship but he doesn't want to be mean and come out and say so. Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Walk away and find someone else. Someone who is intersted will jump to be with you. He has and will be with other people. If you want to be second choice keep doing what you are doing. Otherwise, walk, and don't let him play nice guy. If he wants it enough he will jump, in the meantime keep walking away until you meet someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 If by FBW you mean FWB-friend with benefits- then why are you looking for more from this relationship if that's all he is, surely he's just acting like an FWB rather than a partner? Sounds like he just wanted FWB and you wanted more? With FWB you don't get involved with them or have feelings (except sexual) for them, that's the whole point Or is a FBW something entirely different? Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 Yes, please clarify what you mean by FBW. I assumed you meant FWB (friends with benefits). Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 If by FBW you mean FWB-friend with benefits- then why are you looking for more from this relationship if that's all he is, surely he's just acting like an FWB rather than a partner? Sounds like he just wanted FWB and you wanted more? With FWB you don't get involved with them or have feelings (except sexual) for them, that's the whole point Or is a FBW something entirely different? Link to post Share on other sites
Ometeotl Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 Here you have it. You are what, falling in love with this guy? yes, no, maybe so? Possibly begoming attached to him, and even his state of being? Perhaps it hurts you that you can know whats deep with in his heart, cause there is something growing deep within your heart? Sounds like cupid hit you, and perhaps the love you are feeling is overwhelming you emotionally? If you feel this way, maybe you could also feel that these feelings always change, and never can sustain themselves, with that being said... it does not mean they do not have value or are not valid, they are. But knowing that you are going through some emotional turbalence, but that it will pass, is also valuable and valid. So what do you really want to do? do you want him to making you feel completely secure, loved, and happy, forever and always >< and since he is not doing that you are getting neourtic and overthinking things (which i do all the time mind you). Would you like to find a different outlet for your energy? Yoga? Cooking? Decorating? Painting? or thinking and the internet? haha, best of wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
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