jealousy controling me, help

[mason]

today i went off on my boyfriend for having a female at hiw work take him to drop off his moms car and drive him back to work. i would of done it had i known that he wanted to do it NOW. but he didn't tell me that, so i wasnt' at home and so he asked her, there was no one else he could ask. i feel hurt and justified for being upset about this and i want to punish him for hurting me. yet another part of me knows that there is no attraction to this female, i have met her and think she is harmless, still my feelings persist. i haven't gotten jealous in a long time, probably cause nothing has been happening to get jealous about. i know i'm over reacting, i think he is better off without me and at times i think i try to intentionally drive him away other times i don't eve want to live without him. talk about whacked. i know. i just don't know what to do about my mixed feelings. we have been together for almost three years now, he has done some things in the past to make me not trust him fully, but that was over a year ago and i think since then he has been honest with me. i just lose it now and then. help. what can i do? i feel bad and hurt and justified and wrong all at the same time. sometimes i think he even does things, really really subtle things to try to make me jealous cause i don't get as bad as i use to, until today. is there hope for me? is he better off without someone like me? i think so. i think anyone would be better off without me. or maybe i'm better off without him. how can i tell? what can i do? we are not teens, we are older, much older. this bites

[Tony T]

You are truly a basket case. If all this guy did was have a lady he works with drive him back to work after dropping off his mom's car, I mean how very innocent is that? I think it was very kind of the lady. I am a man and I would never expect passionate sex or a long term affair in return for a simple taxi ride.

 

You have got to get your jealous act together. You are pathetic and your boyfriend doesn't deserve this treatment. If you think he is prone to having affairs or seeing other women, DUMP HIM NOW!!! If you just don't trust him, DUMP HIM NOW!!! But to get upset over such a trivial incident is primitive and juvenile. You have got insecurities oozzing from every part of your being.

 

There are a lot of men who would find it lots more convenient to have someone from their work do this rather than put someone else out. Either your boyfriend was being very considerate of your time...or, yeah, maybe they stopped off at a motel on the way back for a roll in the hay.

 

Find out which and govern yourself acccordingly. Your boyfriend doesn't need someone so insecure. Either grow up and be a woman who feels good about herself and secure in her relationship...or free up this man so he can find someone else who is.

 

Yes, this bite...for him more than you!!!

[access]

well i didnt'need you to punish me more then i already punish myself. i know i am flawed and defective and am willing to admit it. i wasn't looking for sympathy or approval, only advise on what i can do. i know i have tons of problems and have offered to leave the relationship for his sake but he don't want that. so is'nt he sick too?

You are truly a basket case. If all this guy did was have a lady he works with drive him back to work after dropping off his mom's car, I mean how very innocent is that? I think it was very kind of the lady. I am a man and I would never expect passionate sex or a long term affair in return for a simple taxi ride. You have got to get your jealous act together. You are pathetic and your boyfriend doesn't deserve this treatment. If you think he is prone to having affairs or seeing other women, DUMP HIM NOW!!! If you just don't trust him, DUMP HIM NOW!!! But to get upset over such a trivial incident is primitive and juvenile. You have got insecurities oozzing from every part of your being. There are a lot of men who would find it lots more convenient to have someone from their work do this rather than put someone else out. Either your boyfriend was being very considerate of your time...or, yeah, maybe they stopped off at a motel on the way back for a roll in the hay.

 

Find out which and govern yourself acccordingly. Your boyfriend doesn't need someone so insecure. Either grow up and be a woman who feels good about herself and secure in her relationship...or free up this man so he can find someone else who is.

 

Yes, this bite...for him more than you!!!

 

[Tony T]

Yep, not a healthy relationship at all. But now that you have a grip on what you need to work on, I hope you'll do the work. If you don't work to change now, you've got many very sorry years ahead of you.

 

If there is an opportunity to get professional counselling, by all means do so. If you can't afford it, there are many free workshops and groups that address self-esteem and jealousy issues, many books you can read on the subject, and there may be a University nearby with a Psychology Department that offers counselling based on your ability to pay.

 

You only have ONE life to live. You may as well work to be happy!!!

[mason-thank you tony.]

tony, thank you for the advise. i will take it gladly.

Yep, not a healthy relationship at all. But now that you have a grip on what you need to work on, I hope you'll do the work. If you don't work to change now, you've got many very sorry years ahead of you. If there is an opportunity to get professional counselling, by all means do so. If you can't afford it, there are many free workshops and groups that address self-esteem and jealousy issues, many books you can read on the subject, and there may be a University nearby with a Psychology Department that offers counselling based on your ability to pay. You only have ONE life to live. You may as well work to be happy!!!