Heartless Ex (3 years) Why she's so cruel to me ?

[qinboxmail]

I was in a relationship with a girl for like 3 years. We talked about everything and did everything together. We see each other often. We went and looked for wedding cards and planned for wedding probably next year. I felt the relationship was unstoppable and nothing could change it. We didn't have any big argument or anything.

 

On the day we had the argument I just wanted her to stay few minutes with me cause I wanted to spend time with her. That was it. I was kinda pissed so I didn't call her until like 1 am. The it ended from there.

All of the sudden she said "She falls out of love". So WTF. The entire two weeks I asked her to stay. But she said "NO". I beg her to stay. Did everything thing but the answer is NO at the end.

 

I call her and she doesn't pick up the phone anymore (hundred of times). The reason I beg her was that I felt the relationship was strong and it was a misunderstanding why we're not together. She refused to listen to me and ended like I'm nothing.

I'm now less than a stranger to her and no communication ever since.

 

What funny is that the week before I went to her house and we did barbecue and everything was fine.

[andyohyeah]

been there man it sucks... it really does. the thing that got me through the tough times was to remind myself that I was in love with a person that no longer exists. granted everything seemed fine on the surface but once a woman has made up there mind its game over. It will get better just know that it will and take care of yourself.

[tb24]

As someone who's been on the complete opposite side of this (I'm a guy and the dumper) I can tell you that it wasn't as out of the blue as you think it was. She would have been thinking about leaving you for a while and the argument was just the perfect time to act on her feelings.

[Don_da_Ho]

Yep. Everything was not as fine as you think. The "fight" was just an excuse for her to tell you her feelings changed. They had already been changing or had changed. Sorry Bro, but not much you can do. STOP contacting her, begging and so on. It will only cement her decision (contrary to what your intuition tells you). And stop being a victim with the 'I'm less than a stranger' stuff.

[Mimolicious]

I want to say that your GF is invested else where, hone. Seems like somoene has given her a reason. Sorry that you are going through this but you'll live. Better now than after you 2 got married.

[poorguy]

That sucks. I agree with everyone that she was checked out already. The argument was the catalyst-oldest trick in the book

[J Wool]

So true I was in the same situation. The differences were we were living together and was engaged.

 

Then after 4 months of me leaving she contacted me telling stating that she have started dating again (hope this does not happen to u), which was out of the blue

 

Seriously you need to initiate NC and fast, it's for your own good. I've done it, and after the healing I saw her and I was in so much control. There were no temptations to even have a conversation with her.

 

The NC have helped me so much that I can now think of her with some1 else without breaking down.

[DustySaltus]

She waited for an opportunity to seem justified in her decision that she was more than likely planning for months. Why would you ever want to be with someone who kept something like that from you, for so long? It's a cowardly way to be and if she had any respect for you, she would've expressed her feeling a long time ago.

[SmileyGirl]

I could not agree more with the other posters. I was in a 5 year relationship, engaged, living together etc. In fact, we had sex the prior night and we woke up on a Sunday, were arguing about door handles and that was it. I moved out that day and have never spoken to him since. (This was a year and a half ago)

 

For so so so long (and I would be lying to you if I said I don't still have days) I would go back to the argument in my head and would say to myself "If only I said this or did that" during the argument we would still be together. That is not true at all. There were a lot of other issues in the relationship and if it didn't happen during THIS argument there WOULD HAVE BEEN another one.

 

Please don't beat yourself up. There WAS a reason you two had the argument you did. There was a reason my ex and I had that argument and there is a reason why we are not with those people today. Time heals A LOT, it really does. Him and I said (and did) beyond hurtful things to each other that day and I in my heart have forgiven him for the things he has said and I have forgiven myself for the things I said. This break up was obviously very difficult for me but the one thing I can take away from breaks ups is that it's all about YOU and ONLY YOU. It's about finding yourself again, finding the things that are important to you and realizing that there IS SOMEONE out there for you, especially one that won't run away from an argument but instead will fight to the end. I am slowly but surely learning that have "closure" is something YOU find within yourself. Nobody can give you closure but yourself.

 

Stay strong, stop communication and start healing.

 

Best of Luck to you.

[qinboxmail]

She waited for an opportunity to seem justified in her decision that she was more than likely planning for months. Why would you ever want to be with someone who kept something like that from you, for so long? It's a cowardly way to be and if she had any respect for you, she would've expressed her feeling a long time ago.

 

 

I mean if she was planning like that for months then why 2 weeks before we broke up she and I went and look for wedding cards together. I never had the chance why she left.

[rakodako]

stop contacting her and u will see how quickly she calls you. She is probably a narcissist and wants the control and power all to herself.

[Don_da_Ho]

I mean if she was planning like that for months then why 2 weeks before we broke up she and I went and look for wedding cards together. I never had the chance why she left.

 

That doesn't mean she's committed to the relationship. People do all kinds of crazy things when they're contemplating leaving; more sex, less sex, a vacation, a romantic getaway, looking for wedding cards. It's like they're trying to convince themselves to stay and they just can't.

[evilmonkey2008]

to qinboxmail,

 

dude i really feel for you the same thing happend to me about a month and half ago, my gf of 3 years went to uni i was seeing her every weekend and i thought everything was fine! then duting the week while im at work she texts me saying she wants a break, then i call hedr and text hert asking whats up i get no reply, then the following weekend she slept with someone else and is in a relationship with this person, how harsh was that. I'm not going to lie it hurt like hell and it still hurts. I past the manic depressive stage where i couldnt eat or work, so thats good. But i have returned to a normal sleeping pattern yet, which sucks! when i think of it how heartless was she to do that to me, 3 years then boom shes with another guy. Honeslty i tried the last month pinning after her, and it just made me look like an idoit! honeslty i know it hurts, and im not going to lie is goinng to hurt for a while, just go nc. because she is already looking for someone else, trust me, and i hope she doenst tell you all the details, like mine does!

 

The best thing you can do is punch the pillow vent out your rage, scream you head off till you go blue. Then hit the gym, go for a run. Go and see your mates, talk to them all about it because everyone has been there! im so glad i have such a good social network because it has helped, go and live your life.

 

NO offense to women, but women are alot more heartless than men, when a womans mind is made up thats it.

 

Im going thorugh the same thing as you, according to my ex now i am a complete loser and the worst thing to happen to her., (she spent 3 years with me, stupid cow) also you will find out that most of your mates didnt like your ex and will tell you all this negative stuff and guess what it helps.

 

Dude i feel your pain, im just 2 months ahead of you, but i gone past the worst stage so i know it will get better, you will also find you will redisocver yourself.

[SimonSerenade]

Sorry to hear about your situation mate.

 

I've been there as has many other people on this forum, I was with my ex girl for 3 years too, We have a child together and I honestly thought she would never leave, My relationship too ended from a random argument after we'd spent the weekend by ourselves for once in a long time as I wanted to spend some time with my friend, I feel we drifted apart at the end of the relationship as she just wouldn't touch me or give me any form of passion what so ever any more.

 

She was extremely cruel and finished me over the phone stating she'd fallen out of love with me and has been doing for a while so my 2 cents would be that she detached her self from the relationship and got over it while she was in the relationship there for she coped very well and never had to show me any sign of remorse what so ever, She said some nasty thing's and treated me like a bag of asses, I feel she found someone else though she'd never admit it.

 

I never got my closure from her, She never ended things on good terms, We tried being friends but I found out later that I was just being pretty much mugged off and used for the odd favour cause she knew she could get that out of me so now I've taken people's advice and have gone no contact, It's been nearly a month since I last talked to her, She's emailed me twice checking in on me but I've just ignored it and felt stronger because of it.

 

I suggest getting some closure for yourself, I sent my ex girl a letter and a necklace that said Mother on it and in that letter was all the things I wished to say, There no anger or bitterness, Just forgiveness and understanding and a few thank's here and there for the years we shared together.

 

In a way I'm glad she finished me cause I love her so much I just wanted her to be happy and if I wasn't cutting it then I don't see why I should drag her down to a place where she wouldn't be happy just for my own good, I turned in to somebody I didn't like and I would not of been able to change that had I been surrounded in the comfort of her love, My suggestion to you is change what you feel you need to, It will make you feel better in the long run.

 

I hope she come's back but it has to be her decision and her realisation cause thing's were wrong on her side of the fence too, I'll always tell anybody who don't have ties to someone to feel lucky and find it with somebody that works who won't hurt you cause now I have to deal with her at least the next 16 years of my life and that ain't nice as it feels like so much has gone wasted.

 

It gets better though dude, Find something you love and spend your time on it, That's what I do and it gets me by, Women don't tend to come back if they know your still pinning for them and willing to do anything for them, After I give my ex girl her Christmas present I am officially done with doing anything nice for her so if there's anything nice you'd like to do for her I suggest you do it and you do it for her quick and keep contact at an all time 0

[qinboxmail]

Sorry to hear about your situation mate.

 

I've been there as has many other people on this forum, I was with my ex girl for 3 years too, We have a child together and I honestly thought she would never leave, My relationship too ended from a random argument after we'd spent the weekend by ourselves for once in a long time as I wanted to spend some time with my friend, I feel we drifted apart at the end of the relationship as she just wouldn't touch me or give me any form of passion what so ever any more.

 

She was extremely cruel and finished me over the phone stating she'd fallen out of love with me and has been doing for a while so my 2 cents would be that she detached her self from the relationship and got over it while she was in the relationship there for she coped very well and never had to show me any sign of remorse what so ever, She said some nasty thing's and treated me like a bag of asses, I feel she found someone else though she'd never admit it.

 

I never got my closure from her, She never ended things on good terms, We tried being friends but I found out later that I was just being pretty much mugged off and used for the odd favour cause she knew she could get that out of me so now I've taken people's advice and have gone no contact, It's been nearly a month since I last talked to her, She's emailed me twice checking in on me but I've just ignored it and felt stronger because of it.

 

I suggest getting some closure for yourself, I sent my ex girl a letter and a necklace that said Mother on it and in that letter was all the things I wished to say, There no anger or bitterness, Just forgiveness and understanding and a few thank's here and there for the years we shared together.

 

In a way I'm glad she finished me cause I love her so much I just wanted her to be happy and if I wasn't cutting it then I don't see why I should drag her down to a place where she wouldn't be happy just for my own good, I turned in to somebody I didn't like and I would not of been able to change that had I been surrounded in the comfort of her love, My suggestion to you is change what you feel you need to, It will make you feel better in the long run.

 

I hope she come's back but it has to be her decision and her realisation cause thing's were wrong on her side of the fence too, I'll always tell anybody who don't have ties to someone to feel lucky and find it with somebody that works who won't hurt you cause now I have to deal with her at least the next 16 years of my life and that ain't nice as it feels like so much has gone wasted.

 

It gets better though dude, Find something you love and spend your time on it, That's what I do and it gets me by, Women don't tend to come back if they know your still pinning for them and willing to do anything for them, After I give my ex girl her Christmas present I am officially done with doing anything nice for her so if there's anything nice you'd like to do for her I suggest you do it and you do it for her quick and keep contact at an all time 0

 

 

Thanks Simon. Actually the relationship ended about 3 months ago. I am now over with her because I felt like why should I be bothered getting hurt with an ex who was heartless with me like that. She shocked my world and everything. We did everything together. Helped her through school and be there for her when she was sad. I just find it shocking of how someone you love so much could turn her back and walk away like it's nothing after 3 years of being together.

[SimonSerenade]

That's one thing I never quite grasped either to be honest, After everything we went through and everything we did and had together, I would of appreciated some kind words and a nice ending to everything we mean't to each other but in the end I got nothing and that's what kept me hanging on, Just wanting that final ending, To be cut loose and I had to do that myself but in my experience everybody but 1 ex came back because of that and they were always full of regret for how they treated me, Some took a year to come back, Some took less but by that point my self respect had returned and it was so much easier to turn them down, The 1 ex who didn't come back was the one who ended things in a good way and told me everything I needed to hear, Hurt like hell but letting her go was easier than this current break up has been. =]

[stunnedone]

I feel for ya. My girl broke up with me just about a year of actually being together but we were together longer then that. Anyways 1st week of break up i ignored her calls but she was making them. 2nd week she ignored my calls. Then I tried to win her back and find out she started dating a dude 2 weeks later. Its a weird helpless angry feeling for me really but it`s always harsh when they pull those shady moves i guess.