I can't choose

[Alyssa]

Okay...here's my problem. I've been going out with a completely wonderful guy for over a year now. This might sound crazy, but he's almost a bit too perfect. He just tends to always put me before anything else. I'm 20 and he's 21, I'm not really looking for that much of a dependent relationship. Anyway, the past month or so has been a little rocky. He's felt me kind of pulling away, so, in turn he would try to get even closer to me...which would only cause me to try and get away more. We've recently talked about our situation and it is starting to get better. Now here's where it gets tricky...during the "rocky" period, I became really good friends with another guy. It has been completely platonic, and still is, but I still have those thoughts in the back of my mind. We get along great and can talk about anything. Something that my boyfriend and I can't do very well. Every once in a while we'll flirt a little, but nothing else has happened between us. I'm starting to have very strong feelings for him, even though I'm trying not to. I just don't know what to do. Should I try to continue working things out with my boyfriend, or just go for what I already know is wonderful?

[Draconis]

Okay...here's my problem.

I've been going out with a completely wonderful guy for over a year now. This might sound crazy, but he's almost a bit too perfect. He just tends to always put me before anything else. I'm 20 and he's 21, I'm not really looking for that much of a dependent relationship. Anyway, the past month or so has been a little rocky. He's felt me kind of pulling away, so, in turn he would try to get even closer to me...which would only cause me to try and get away more. We've recently talked about our situation and it is starting to get better. Now here's where it gets tricky...during the "rocky" period, I became really good friends with another guy. It has been completely platonic, and still is, but I still have those thoughts in the back of my mind. We get along great and can talk about anything. Something that my boyfriend and I can't do very well. Every once in a while we'll flirt a little, but nothing else has happened between us. I'm starting to have very strong feelings for him, even though I'm trying not to. I just don't know what to do. Should I try to continue working things out with my boyfriend, or just go for what I already know is wonderful?

Alyssa,

 

Neither you nor your current boyfriend needs you to keep up a "pretense" of a relationship when you are really developing feelings for another guy. So my basic advice is to tell him that you have really lost interest and want to see someone else. Be up front with him--both of you deserve that.

 

My only note of caution is that you should not RUSH out of a good relationship into a new ground. However, it seems as though your current relationship is on rocky ground already, and somewhat tense, so I think that you have already taken the steps towards moving away from your current boyfriend. As long as you're sure about your feelings for the new guy (the platonic one , you shouldn't try to keep on with a relationship with a guy who isnt the one you're getting feelings for.

 

(Draconis)