thoughts !!

[folieadeux]

Nothing so far tonite. I won't hear anything because of the time change tonite anyways. I kind of have a bad feeling about this. Im not even sure why. We have been in little arguments before and it's been no big deal. Please cross your fingers that he is just busy

 

I will be thinking of you.

 

When he gets in touch again and everything goes back to normal, maybe thinking about this time would help every time you're starting to feel anxious about things.

[Vodka]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

Yes I know I keep repeating the same things over and over. I honestly think it is just the distance factor. If we lived closer and saw each other every few days it wouldn't matter and I wouldn't be like this.

 

He did text me back this morning, he just left his phone off of him for the day. So, now I am going to TRY to relax and just calm down. I appreciate the support!

[folieadeux]

Glad you are talking again. Definitely use the little scare you had as a lesson learned.

[Vodka]

I texted him back tonite telling him that I appreciate him and am thankful that he is honest with me. He texted back asking me about how the weather is here (he said it was super cold where he is)....so...obviously what I said was too much. I guess I have to find the fine line between not being too serious and still letting him know I am interested in him since we arent technically in a relationship. This sure would have been easier had we met when he had already come back from his training. Since I am new to having an actual relationship anyways, let alone a LDR, this is all new to me. Did anyone else have any troubles at the beginning knowing what was the right thing to say when? I guess I could spend this time asking him questions about himself as well. For some reason this didnt occur to me until now. O_o

 

I have put a banner on my cell phone to keep things light and dont freak out, so hopefully each time I look at my phone I have a reminder there.

Edited January 18, 2011 by Vodka

[heartshaped]

I'm just going to be honest with you here. It sounds like he really likes you/cares about you, and the two of you could have something wonderful once he comes back, but only if you allow it to happen. Your insecurities are running rampant. You have to be in control of your emotions not your emotions in control of you. Just from reading through this thread I can tell you have some things that you need to work through about yourself before you can really commit to being in a relationship. I think this time away would be great for you to build up your self confidence, to lessen your insecurities, and to learn not to overanalyze things so much. You sound like an amazing person and he sounds like a good guy, but there's only room for two people in a relationship, your insecurity seems like it's taking up all the space of a third person right now.

[Vodka]

Thank you for the replies. Yes, I know I have some things to work through regarding insecurities. It's not even that I don't trust him, because I do. I'm not sure what my problem is really. I'm really going to try over the next little while to relax and remain in control. Thank you for the support.

[Vodka]

I am doing better with relaxing since my last post. Yesterday I kept things light and he texted me more. We were talking about video games and how I should get a PS3 so I can learn to play and become better than him () and he replied as long as you enjoy playing me with, I'll be happy. So, little things like that he says calm me down and let me know he still wants to be here. I haven't texted him yet today and I don't think I will. I'll just enjoy doing what I am doing and I'll talk to him later. Thanks for listening.

[folieadeux]

I am doing better with relaxing since my last post. Yesterday I kept things light and he texted me more. We were talking about video games and how I should get a PS3 so I can learn to play and become better than him () and he replied as long as you enjoy playing me with, I'll be happy. So, little things like that he says calm me down and let me know he still wants to be here. I haven't texted him yet today and I don't think I will. I'll just enjoy doing what I am doing and I'll talk to him later. Thanks for listening.

 

Glad to hear things are going good; they usually do when you relax. I haven't flipped out since my SO left a few weeks ago so I'm doing good on my own little streak over here too.

[Vodka]

We havent texted since the 18th. I am starting to get a little anxious about why he hasnt texted me, but im not freaking out yet. I was the last to send a message so i kind of dont want to have to initiate conversation again but i guess if he hasnt said anything by tomorrow ill tell him to have a good day or something.

[folieadeux]

We havent texted since the 18th. I am starting to get a little anxious about why he hasnt texted me, but im not freaking out yet. I was the last to send a message so i kind of dont want to have to initiate conversation again but i guess if he hasnt said anything by tomorrow ill tell him to have a good day or something.

 

Do you know what his schedule is like yet? Maybe he's been away with poor reception? Are you allowed phone calls?

[Vodka]

I do not know in detail what his schedule is like, but I do know he is only training probably 4 hours a day, Monday to Friday. He says the other time is spent playing video games and working out in the gym facility. I have accepted that he just doesn't like texting, and that is ok. I have also accepted that we dont even need to text but once day, but he should be trying to at least have some contact. I realize he does have homework and stuff, but if you like someone, you try to contact them. That is how I feel.

 

I will say though that the last time we didnt text for 3 or 4 days, he ended up calling me, so I probably just need to chill out. I guess I also have to remember that at this time, we are supposed to be just 'friends'. He even told me once, if we text less, he will be more inclined to call and that it will give us more things to talk about because we arent talking non-stop all day.

 

I dont want to get on his case about this, but aside from no texting him until he texts me, I dont know what to do.

Edited January 22, 2011 by Vodka

[folieadeux]

I do not know in detail what his schedule is like, but I do know he is only training probably 4 hours a day, Monday to Friday. He says the other time is spent playing video games and working out in the gym facility. I have accepted that he just doesn't like texting, and that is ok. I have also accepted that we dont even need to text but once day, but he should be trying to at least have some contact. I realize he does have homework and stuff, but if you like someone, you try to contact them. That is how I feel.

 

I will say though that the last time we didnt text for 3 or 4 days, he ended up calling me, so I probably just need to chill out. I guess I also have to remember that at this time, we are supposed to be just 'friends'. He even told me once, if we text more, he will be more inclined to call and that it will give us more things to talk about because we arent talking non-stop all day.

 

I dont want to get on his case about this, but aside from no texting him until he texts me, I dont know what to do.

 

Sounds like you'll get a nice long phone call over the weekend. That seems to be his "routine". Hang in there until then...sending a quick hello like you suggested before never hurts either if you don't hear anything today or tomorrow.

[Vodka]

I hope so, but Im going to try not to sweat it if he doesnt. I am trying to tell myself that we have technically only hung out 4 times (granted they were a week at a time) and that most normal people wouldnt already be in a relationship, so I just have to calm down and keep it light and not freak out. Everything still points to him being interested in me right?

 

It is weird to think that we started talking end of July and when he gets back in May, we will have known each other for almost a year. Time sure flies!

[folieadeux]

I hope so, but Im going to try not to sweat it if he doesnt. I am trying to tell myself that we have technically only hung out 4 times (granted they were a week at a time) and that most normal people wouldnt already be in a relationship, so I just have to calm down and keep it light and not freak out. Everything still points to him being interested in me right?

 

It is weird to think that we started talking end of July and when he gets back in May, we will have known each other for almost a year. Time sure flies!

 

I wouldn't stress about it, if he wasn't interested he wouldn't contact you at all. Every relationship starts at different time frames and moves at varying paces, so it's tough to compare. It's unfortunate that most LDR couples spend the bulk of their time apart, but if it's working for you guys, that's all that matters. Time does fly by, and he'll be back before you know it.

[Vodka]

But have you ever gone 4 days without hearing from your guy? I feel he should be making more of an effort. But, i understand if he doesnt like texting. I broke down and texted him whats up? So hopefully he replies today. Im really trying to keep my cool and i just need to get through this time until he comes home. Do you think that since we werent technically 'something' when he left that there could be a bit of out of sight out of mind?

[blugirl]

^Yeah, 2 weeks ago :/ he said he was frustrated over the fact he doesnt have enough money to fly and see me now and generally about his life and he needs some time for his own. After 4 days he started to talk to me like nothing happened over msn again.

[folieadeux]

But have you ever gone 4 days without hearing from your guy? I feel he should be making more of an effort. But, i understand if he doesnt like texting. I broke down and texted him whats up? So hopefully he replies today. Im really trying to keep my cool and i just need to get through this time until he comes home. Do you think that since we werent technically 'something' when he left that there could be a bit of out of sight out of mind?

 

No, but like I said, the dynamic of everyone's relationship is completely different from the next. If I went four hours without hearing from my SO something would be off...but I'm fully aware that's excessive to most people, but it works for us.

 

There's always a risk of that "out of sight, out of mind" mentality happening, regardless of the state of a relationship prior to separating. You would know better than any of us in regards to his habits and quirks. If he really is as opposed to texting as you say, then he's most likely just waiting for a good time to call. But without knowing what his days are filled with, unfortunately I really couldn't gauge what's going on here. I agree that everyone should have time for even a five minute phone call, but I wouldn't want to jump to conclusions without knowing his situation first.

[Vodka]

so I had a little text session with him today. He told me to not send him cookies because he was trying to work out and cut back on bad things and of course i took that negatively. I said is there something you need to tell me right now?

 

He got upset and said that he knows me asking him that and upsetting him is not intentional. He said if he had something like that (changing his mind about me) to tell me, then he would just tell me. He said it makes him angry when I ask him and basically tells him that I dont trust him.

 

Soooo, Im backing off a bit here. I told him that I am really trying to be positive but that just some of the things my friend was saying about the situation made me freak out but that it is not his fault. I told him I am a negative person by nature so being positive all the time takes effort.

 

Im going to hide my embarassed head under a rock now

[folieadeux]

so I had a little text session with him today. He told me to not send him cookies because he was trying to work out and cut back on bad things and of course i took that negatively. I said is there something you need to tell me right now?

 

He got upset and said that he knows me asking him that and upsetting him is not intentional. He said if he had something like that (changing his mind about me) to tell me, then he would just tell me. He said it makes him angry when I ask him and basically tells him that I dont trust him.

 

Soooo, Im backing off a bit here. I told him that I am really trying to be positive but that just some of the things my friend was saying about the situation made me freak out but that it is not his fault. I told him I am a negative person by nature so being positive all the time takes effort.

 

Im going to hide my embarassed head under a rock now

 

Listen to your gut and what he's telling you, not your friend. People usually have negative things to say about LDRs anyway, so unless he/she has something constructive or supportive to offer you, I wouldn't bother listening.

[Vodka]

Thanks! This whole thing I think will teach me something about myself. It's got to I hope!

 

I think I will kind of take a breather from texting him for a few days. I'm sure he is a bit upset still, even though he said it was ok. He holds onto his anger more than I do.

 

He gave me his address where he is training, so maybe I will write him a letter instead. Not exactly sure what I will say though, but I can try.

 

Also, it is his birthday soon (we actually share the same birthday) and I am trying to think of things I could get him. I got him once thing already, but does anyone have any ideas for anything small I can get him? He is really into cooking and video games, but I'm not sure what I could get related to those things without knowing exactly his tastes in them.

 

Thanks for listening.

[folieadeux]

How about a cook book or a giftcard to a game store by him?

[TokyoG33kyGal]

hey vodka, your guy hasn't done military training yet? (i assume boot camp)

 

you have to stay positive and get used to him not texting you all the time cuz when they go to boot camp they are not allowed to have phones. they are only allowed 1 call i think at certain times.

[Vodka]

No it isnt bootcamp, it's additional training which supposedly doesnt take much time in a day. I'm just trying to take it day by day. I almost think dealing with a deployment would be easier (contact wise) just because you KNOW they cant have much/any contact so you would learn to live with never hearing from them. I know that sounds bad and probably not coming out like I mean it to!

[Lucky_One]

IMHO, if you are having sex with someone, then he SHOULD be your BF and you SHOULD be in a R. He SHOULD have met your parents by that point.

 

That said, you are going to drive him bonkers being so insecure. He asked you not to send cookies, as he is trying to buff up. If you were on a diet and you didn't want him to send YOU cookies and asked him not to, would you want him to automatically think that you want to break up with him? It is COOKIES. That's all.

 

Try to keep things light and fun with him. He really doesn't care if you talk with your sister about him - that isn't even something that would need to be brought up. Just talk to her, and be done with it.

 

You are doing good by not getting all obsessive on days when he doesn't text you and subsequently blowing his phone up with texts. But with that being said, with such a light schedule, I don't see much reason to go for days without texting. I wouldn't have been happy if my LDBF (now H!) had done that, at all!

[Vodka]

Yeah, see that is my point, if days are that light, frigging text me! But then thinking back to before he left, we weren't texting that much either. He just isn't a fan and I have to accept that I can't change that or I will make myself go (more) insane. I think maybe a bit of it is out of sight out of mind, which sucks, but we weren't technically 'something' before he left, so would I expect a friend to text me non-stop every day?

 

Sometimes we do have longer text sessions, but the last couple times I have muddled that up with serious talk, which makes him respond less. I should probably stick to light chatting, telling him to have a good day and whatever. I am going to write him a letter, and I wanted to kind of let him know this lack of texting bothers me, but this is something we have been through before (me telling him we dont text enough) and he says he thinks we are at a point where we dont need to be texting a lot (in the beginning we texted A LOT because we had just met). So, I should probably keep the letter light as well.

 

I just have to remember that we are just 'friends', if he didnt want to talk to me he wouldnt at all and that if he wasnt interested in me, he would tell me.