Eye of Hourus Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Cards, If the Judge gave her an order to be tested by 6pm and she knew she could not make it because of car troubles, lack of fares, fear of the unknown or any other excuse she was obliged to advise him then and there. She is wilfully in contempt of the order. If you want to help her get your Lawyer to advise the court of her "contempt" of the order. They may insist she enters in additional rehab or AA/NA she's got to hit rock bottom before she can build her way back to being a mom for those kids, even if it's initially a mom who has supervised visitation. Good Luck The Eye “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” Louis-Hector Berlioz. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Cards, If the Judge gave her an order to be tested by 6pm and she knew she could not make it because of car troubles, lack of fares, fear of the unknown or any other excuse she was obliged to advise him then and there. She is wilfully in contempt of the order. If you want to help her get your Lawyer to advise the court of her "contempt" of the order. They may insist she enters in additional rehab or AA/NA she's got to hit rock bottom before she can build her way back to being a mom for those kids, even if it's initially a mom who has supervised visitation. Good Luck The Eye “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” Louis-Hector Berlioz. Talked to my lawyer and he told me to just wait and see if she goes to get the screen. He said to call on Friday and if she still has not attended then he could put in a motion to get her visitations suspended. He told me to not setup ANY kind of visitation for her to see the kids until she passes that screen. He also said that the judge knows what she is trying to do and it doesnt look good on her at all that she didnt show up by 6pm to take the screen. My worry is that she will wait to take the screen when she know she can pass it, get her visitations set up, and then starting drinking and using again. Thats like beating the system and making a fool out of the judge and everyone else. Thats wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Eye of Hourus Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Cards, When your lawyer contacts the judge have him explain your concerns and ask whether the orders can be extended/revised to include periodic screening, say, every two weeks for three months to start. This will ensure a better result for you, the kids and indeed her. The Eye “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” Louis-Hector Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Cards, When your lawyer contacts the judge have him explain your concerns and ask whether the orders can be extended/revised to include periodic screening, say, every two weeks for three months to start. This will ensure a better result for you, the kids and indeed her. The Eye “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” Louis-Hector So asking for this will insure that she is not drinking and if she does fail a screen then she will be stripped of her visitation? The judge did mention that I could get her screened before every visitation she has with the children but it would be coming out of my pocket. And at 55 bucks that is a bit expensive since the judge mentioned that she would have nothing against her having visitation with the kids 3 times a week. That would be about 165 a week I would be spending on screens. I still think that her having visitations 3 times a week is a bit much, especially so early. She is still withdrawling and even told the judge she still is having slight withdrawls from methadone. She's not in a state to be a parent, even if it is supervised. Again, I'm not trying to keep her away from her kids. That is not my intention AT ALL. I just dont want them to see her either drunk, or withdrawling or on drugs. The kids dont need to see their mother in that state. Again, I just think 3 days a week out of 7 is alot this early. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Cards, If the Judge gave her an order to be tested by 6pm and she knew she could not make it because of car troubles, lack of fares, fear of the unknown or any other excuse she was obliged to advise him then and there. She is wilfully in contempt of the order. Good Luck The Eye “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” Louis-Hector Berlioz. She told the judge at the hearing that she most likely wouldnt be able to get a ride up to take the screen. So if she didnt show and still hasnt can she be held in comtempt of court? She was supposed to call my lawyer and tell him if she couldnt get a ride before 6pm. The judge told my lawyer to give my SO his card so she could contact him if she couldnt get a ride which she didnt ever contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Is there anyway possible that the judge might consider reducing her visitations from the 3 days a week the judge mentioned to something shorter? Like I said, I just feel that 3 days a week is a bit much for someone that is still in the state she is in, withdrawling, still probably drinking, and most likely using. I just want to keep my kids away from seeing her as much as possible until she gets the proper help she needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Eye of Hourus Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Cards, I see your problem with the cost of testing, hopefully if she misses the screen a 6pm your lawyer will let the judge know on friday and he will make new orders. I see that this may be a "test" the judge has set for her. If she really wants to see her kids she weill walk to get tested thus demonstrating her maternal insticts are stronger than her addicts instincts! Perhaps you talk with your lawyer (yeah I know it costs money) of perhaps there is a "friend of the court" (usually free) or such that could express your concerns to the judge. Write out your concerns or even print out what you hae written here and use it as your script. In your situation, who supervises the visitation? You? Social Worker? Where is the visitation to take place? Your place? Public Library? Visitation Centre? Perhaps you will need to get a child phsycologist to give an opinion that you can present to the court. I understand that you are concerned primarily for what is best for the kids and you do not want them seeing thier mother going through the symtoms of withdrawl or intoxication. But, the court will lean towards giving what is best for the kids, which means seeing thier mother. However, if it can be established by an independant expert that contact needs to be managed or by your W that she does not have the maternal drive to overcome her addiction, you may get what you want and the kids need. Who do you have in your life who can help, family doctor, priest, social worker, d&a councillor, AA or NA (Incidently both AA, NA and Alanon have support services for the families of addicts). Keep posting and goodluck. “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” Louis-Hector Berlioz. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 Cards, In your situation, who supervises the visitation? You? Social Worker? Where is the visitation to take place? Your place? Public Library? Visitation Centre? “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” Louis-Hector Berlioz. Her aunt will be the one supervising the visitations. Her mother and father have both passed away so the judge agreed that her aunt would be a good person to supervise. The visitation will either take place at my SO's house or her aunt's house. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I am really pulling for you UofL (but I like UK better haha). She took a dive off the deep end. I want your kids to grow up with sane parents and you are the only sane one. I don't know why the judge would think that it's healthy for your kids to see both parents when one parent is obviously unfit and reverted back to college behaviour. I am really hoping that you get 100% custody so that your kids can grow up without the trauma of a bio mom that's flipped her wig. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 I am really pulling for you UofL (but I like UK better haha). She took a dive off the deep end. I want your kids to grow up with sane parents and you are the only sane one. I don't know why the judge would think that it's healthy for your kids to see both parents when one parent is obviously unfit and reverted back to college behaviour. I am really hoping that you get 100% custody so that your kids can grow up without the trauma of a bio mom that's flipped her wig. That's my concern. It's not that I'm trying to keep our kids away from her. That is not the case AT ALL. I cant stress that enough. It's just the fact that she is still not clean, she got kicked out and rehab and didnt finish, she didnt go to take the drug/alcohol screen based on the fact that she more than likely couldnt pass it and she knew it, she is still withdrawling which she admitted during the hearing, the list goes on and on. Why should she be rewarded with being able to see her kids when she hasnt shown the ability or willpower to stay sober FOR HER KIDS!! Again, this is not about getting back at her by not letting her see the kids NOT AT ALL. I cant stress that enough. It's the fact that she should have to prove that her kids are the most important thing in her life, not a bottle of alcohol, before she should be able to see her kids. I also believe she should have to be fully off of the methadones with no withdrawls at all. Her kids do not need to see their mother for the first time while she is withdrawling off methadone. My worry is that she will beat these screens (or just the one screen) by being care about when she drinks so she knows she will pass and then gaining some sort of custody while still being hooked on alcohol. And that is not "in the best interest of the children". The best interest of the children is that the have a good role model to watch as a parent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 9, 2011 Author Share Posted January 9, 2011 Well, will found out tomm. afternoon what the verdict is on her screen. Dont think she even went but will found out the verdict on if she did/didnt tomm. Also, will contact my lawyer and found what he wants to do about it if she didnt show for the screen. Tomorrow will be 6 days after the hearing. Wont look good AT ALL if she dont show or hasnt shown yet. Pray for me guys! My kids need it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Called to find out if my SO went to take her screen that I payed for last week after the hearing which was last Tuesday and she still has not been to take the screen. It will be one full week today (Tuesday) from the hearing. Going to call my lawyer today to find out how he wants to handle this. Also, all the bills over at that house my SO is living in now are still in my name. The cable, electric, water, trash, everything. I have yet to disconnect them. I hate to throw her out in the cold but those bills have to come out of my name. I cant afford to pay for her bills too. Pray for me guys!! Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I wouldn't even go to the visitation! She made her bed, let her now lie in it! You've made a habit of running to her rescue despite the fact that she cheats and makes bad choices for herself. I can't see how NOT showing up to the visitation would impact badly on you because SHE is the one with the track record (in the county records) of being a bad parent with her DUI's... What effort or sacrifice has this woman made for you? If you can't come up with an acceptable answer to that question- it's time to move on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 I wouldn't even go to the visitation! She made her bed, let her now lie in it! You've made a habit of running to her rescue despite the fact that she cheats and makes bad choices for herself. I can't see how NOT showing up to the visitation would impact badly on you because SHE is the one with the track record (in the county records) of being a bad parent with her DUI's... What effort or sacrifice has this woman made for you? If you can't come up with an acceptable answer to that question- it's time to move on... I have already moved on. I moved out of my home and moved in with my parents. I am currently in a custody battle with her for our kids. No offense, but, did you read the whole thread, or just the original post? Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Just throwing out an update for u guys. My SO still has not taken the screen. Need to call my lawyer here soon. Pray for me everyone! My kids need it! Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I been keeping up with you still and I still got my fingers crossed. You are playing this the right way U of L. I been praying for you and your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 I been keeping up with you still and I still got my fingers crossed. You are playing this the right way U of L. I been praying for you and your kids. Thanks goose. I appreciate the prayers. My and kids and me need all the prayers we can get. Tomorrow is my daughters birthday. Going to be a good fun filled day. My lawyer said he may be able to file a motion to get my SO's visitation suspended until further notice or until the next hearing if she didnt go to take her screen. That was last Friday when I talked to him. Need to call him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Going to call my lawyer tomorrow. My lawyer said that there might be a way he could file a motion and get my SO's visitation suspended if she didnt go to take the drug/alcohol screen. But he didnt sound too confident about it. Is there a possibility that this could be put in place by the judge if she doesnt ever go? Or would she think it's in the best interest of the children for them to be able to visit their mother? IMO it's not in the best interest of the children but hey, the judge gave her supervised visits when I didnt think that was in the best interest of the children so I'm undecided on what the judge will do at the moment. Again, pray for me! My kids need it! Link to post Share on other sites
Eye of Hourus Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Cards, I've been watching your thread. Sorry to hear things are still up in the air with your WW testing but, look at it this way. If she can't have visitation without the screening you don't have to worry about about her affecting the kids when she sees them. How are the kids coping? Do they miss thier mom? Do they ask after her? As I said in an earlier post, you may need to get some councilling for the kids. AA, Alanon and NA have support programs for families of addicts. Good luck. The Eye. "How do you know when a junkie is lying ? Thier lips are moving ."- Anon Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Cards, I've been watching your thread. Sorry to hear things are still up in the air with your WW testing but, look at it this way. If she can't have visitation without the screening you don't have to worry about about her affecting the kids when she sees them. How are the kids coping? Do they miss thier mom? Do they ask after her? As I said in an earlier post, you may need to get some councilling for the kids. AA, Alanon and NA have support programs for families of addicts. Good luck. The Eye. "How do you know when a junkie is lying ? Thier lips are moving ."- Anon My kids think as this house (my parents house) as their second home. Of course they miss their mom, I mean it's their mother, but they are used to staying here. I tried to shelter them away from their mother as much as possible when me and my SO were still living together because of the state she was in so they stayed most of the time at my parents house, which is where I'm living now. I dont see any reason at the moment that they would need it. As far as the screening, I was the one who mentioned the screenings during the hearing to my lawyer. The judge was just going to set her up for visitations without the screening but I mentioned it to my lawyer because I thought it was the best thing for the kids, thjey dont need to see her in that state of being drunk and/or on drugs. The judge said ok, that she wanted her to get tested before 6 pm the day of the hearing. That was January 4th. So I dont think the judge would have made her take the screening if I would not have mentioned it that I was willing to pay for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UofLCards Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 Talked to my lawyer on Wednesday and we discussed my case. He said that I may be able to actually win full custody by default on Monday since it will be 20 days after the hearing and she still has not made the effort to try and get visitations started. Also asked him about the taxes and he told me not to file until he tells me because he needs to find out if she would be eligible for some portion of the tax money I recieve for our kids. Pray for me! Link to post Share on other sites
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