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I think I ****ed up...yet again

OceanGirl

By OceanGirl,
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northern_sky

northern_sky

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Yes! I will ditch that over-confident flaky dud. I almost want to write him a final note as a self protection mechanism not to give in to him. And I haven't really ruined anything with my emotional message. He has pretty much flaked twice before that.

 

Well I am going to a week long conference in 2 days. Conference of statisticians at the very least postgrad level. There are bound to be some nerdy cute guys there. See, I would have spent my time there obsessing over this loser. But now I am going to go to all their social functions and keep my eyes wide open :)

 

Send him a final note if it helps you move on and forever burn the bridge.

 

Sweet!

 

I see you as someone who, like me, has trouble focusing on more than one major endeavor at once. So I really think you need to pull totally out of this online thing for awhile, even if it means deleting your profile, and pull your energy into a new approach.

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OceanGirl

OceanGirl

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Send him a final note if it helps you move on and forever burn the bridge.

 

Sweet!

 

I see you as someone who, like me, has trouble focusing on more than one major endeavor at once. So I really think you need to pull totally out of this online thing for awhile, even if it means deleting your profile, and pull your energy into a new approach.

 

Yes, I am a bad multi tasker. When I focus on something, I give it 110%. I have approached OKC like that. I couldn't even focus on more than one dating site. I poured all my energy into being there all day long, making sure I appear at the top of the searches, scoping out new members. initiating conversations etc etc. It was like a full time job. If I ditch OKC, it will already free up a lot of my mental space.

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ConstantCraving

ConstantCraving

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I know I said that I am not going to post. But LS helps me channel my emotions. Since the break from LS, I have been sending about 7 e-mails per day to poor Shadowplay. I have also been vomiting my emotions all over everyone.

 

So yeah, I am back. You all knew I would be.

 

I have another dating dilemma. Firstly recall this thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252118/

 

In short, I have been corresponding with this OKC guy and I was excited about meeting him. Then out of the blue he made a random excuse of why he can't meet and never replied to my last message. So we never met.

 

A month passes. He looks at my profile few times a week.

 

Then a week ago out of the blue he sends me a message. The gist of it is that he had a Xmass party and is a bit tipsy so he is going to be brutally honest with me. The reason he stopped writing is because he looked at my match questions and I said that smokers disgust me. He is a smoker (only a couple a day) but he worries that I would still be turned off by it and that he wouldn't be my cup of tea. Then he asked me if this was a fair call on his part or if he misjudged the situation?

 

We messaged back and forth and I said that I still want to meet him. He was all great! and we set the date for tonight. Last night I texted him and he responded with how much he is looking forward to meeting me finally.

 

Today, 3 hour prior to date he calls and cancels. Note: he actually called not texted. He said that he is feeling really sick and tired and he is leaving work early etc. He wanted to re-schedule for Monday but I am going to be on my trip so I said that I can't. He told me to call him when I get back and again he reallllly wants to meet me. He tried to keep me on the phone for a while longer but I was so annoyed that I pretty much said I had to go and hang up.

 

He was online all night so I know he is not meeting anyone else (tonight anyway). We ended up IM-ing for a bit and I was a bit nicer and said that I hope he feels better soon. He was all like "wow thanks for being so understanding" and that he is not canceling but merely re-scheduling. We again agreed that I will get in touch after my trip.

 

Anyhow, we singed off. Few minutes later, I decided to send him a long message. I don't know what came over me. I told him how I had a really bad run on OKCupid lately. How I went on a date with some guy last night but wasn't into him (yeah I actually met someone last night, it was OK but I wasn't attracted. He called today, I ditched). Then I went on to say that I met another guy last week that I really liked but he ended up going back to his ex-W. It was basically a type of message that you would write to a girlfriend. I did apologize at the end and said I needed to vent.

 

He was online since and didn't respond. Not that it really needs a response but it would be nice of him to. He probably thinks that I am crazy now :(

 

My Qs are:

 

1. Given that he canceled with iffy excuse, should I even be considering him?

 

2. Do you think that my message turned him off completely?

 

3. Should I contact him after my trip?

 

BTW he is super hot and exactly my type.

 

1. Its a judgement call.

 

At this stage its hard to tell if someone is on the level or not.

 

2. Yes. Totally.

 

You might as well have sent him a message saying: "IM NOT INTO YOU AT ALL SIR."

 

3. How would you explain your behaviour to him?

 

Why would you tell him about another guy that you were seeing and moan that he was going back to his wife? :eek:

 

What was the thought process behind that one? :confused:

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zig

zig

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Don't be so hard on yourself OG. I f*** things up all the time. Heck, I just did it three days ago! When you think your life is bad, just read my posts :)

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ConstantCraving

ConstantCraving

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My grandmother told me a story over Thanksgiving that might be helpful to you. She is in a writing workshop with a young woman in her early thirties. I guess at the beginning of the workshop this woman told the group that she had a plan for finding a husband. She was going to attend all of these in-field lectures held for doctors, lawyers and engineers, then chat up the men at the lectures. She wanted a boyfriend who was smart and successful so her plan made sense. During the course of the workshop she continued to update the group on her progress. She went on a lot of dates through these lectures. Now she is happily married to an engineer that she met there.

 

That is the scariest thing I have ever read in my whole life. :eek:

 

Unemployed guys and Wal-Mart employees take note. :(

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TheBigQuestion

TheBigQuestion

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All the intelligence and careful planning in the world will be utterly useless until you learn how to curb your emotional extremes. Trust me on that one.

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OceanGirl

OceanGirl

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All the intelligence and careful planning in the world will be utterly useless until you learn how to curb your emotional extremes. Trust me on that one.

 

I think this will come with practice.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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OceanGirl

OceanGirl

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So I decided not to contact this guy anymore. He flaked because he was sick (or so he said) and we agreed that I will call him back when I return from my trip. Then I have sent him that emotional message that he never responded to.

 

I returned today and I have kind of forgotten about this.

 

Just now, I get this e-mail from him:

 

-------------------------------------

Hi OceanGirl,

 

How was city B? Bit sunnier and less wet than city A? Hope your presentation went well!

 

I'm still keen to catch up if you fancy it. I'm travelling a bit during the week but do you have anything lined up for Fri night?

 

Hopefully get to meet you in the flesh at some point!

 

xxx

 

-------------------------------

 

Should I meet him?

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LondonS

LondonS

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Seriously a guy you never met, it doesnt warrant an entire thread no matter how hot he is but since you are asking....yeah go meet him but meet him like you'd meet any other guy from a dating website, you might not be even attracted to him "in flesh" :p

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OceanGirl

OceanGirl

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Seriously a guy you never met, it doesnt warrant an entire thread no matter how hot he is but since you are asking....yeah go meet him but meet him like you'd meet any other guy from a dating website, you might not be even attracted to him "in flesh" :p

 

Yeah this is true. I just don't have any better prospects at the moment.

 

I met a couple of guys at the conference but they were both :sick:

 

It is incredibly hard to meet hot, single guys in my age group.

 

 

 

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OceanGirl

OceanGirl

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OK I need advice.

 

I have corresponded with this guy back and forth some more. He suggested we meet on Friday, I accepted. I suggested a place, he accepted and wrote at the end that he is looking forward to meeting me and will see me soon. He just asked me if I want to meet at 8pm at that place or somewhere beforehand. I suggested 8pm few streets down so that we can walk to the place together.

 

He read my message but didn't respond. Should I just turn up at the street I suggested on Friday at 8pm? Not sure what to do at this point. It would have been nice if he said OK or something.

 

Would you still just turn up???

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OceanGirl

OceanGirl

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Are you not going to talk to hum between today, Monday, & Friday? Have you two ever talked on the phone?

 

 

It's Tuesday here. We talked on the phone once and no, probably not.

 

We have never even met in real life so he is from an online dating site.

 

We don't talk every day or even close to it - so that doesn't concern me.

 

I am just confused if we have made plans now or if we haven't...

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Star Gazer

Star Gazer

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I am just confused if we have made plans now or if we haven't...

 

What makes you think you haven't? :confused: It's very clear to me that you have definite plans on Friday at 8pm. There's plenty of time between now and then for him to respond whether to meet you there or out on the street.

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xpaperxcutx

xpaperxcutx

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O_G, the guy is still in the picture? :confused:

 

Wow, just meet him and get things over with. He's already giving you anxiety and you guys still haven't met yet.

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OceanGirl

OceanGirl

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O_G, the guy is still in the picture? :confused:

 

Wow, just meet him and get things over with. He's already giving you anxiety and you guys still haven't met yet.

 

Yeah he is still in the picture. All guys that I am excited about give me anxiety - that's on me and something I need to deal with.

 

 

If I don't get anxious over a guy - it's because I am not into him.

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xpaperxcutx

xpaperxcutx

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Yeah he is still in the picture. All guys that I am excited about give me anxiety - that's on me and something I need to deal with.

 

 

If I don't get anxious over a guy - it's because I am not into him.

 

And also something to reflect on. I don't see anything wrong with being excited or overjoyed over an upcoming date, but if a guy can make you anxious to the point where you can get depressed and upset, that's a problem you absolutely need to address. In any case, if there's a date ( and let's hope he doesn't back out), I hope you make the best of it and jump into it with a clear and open head.

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Imajerk17

Imajerk17

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It's Tuesday here. We talked on the phone once and no, probably not.

 

We have never even met in real life so he is from an online dating site.

 

We don't talk every day or even close to it - so that doesn't concern me.

 

I am just confused if we have made plans now or if we haven't...

 

If you don't hear from him by Thursday you can text him saying: "You got my last message, right? Meet you at 8 @ So-and-so."

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OceanGirl

OceanGirl

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His history of backing out makes me uncomfortable. I'm more lenient given that we never met. Anyhow this is his last chance if he cancels I'm done.

 

A really cute and smart guy messaged me through OKC this morning. I'm really excited about him too.

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Imajerk17

Imajerk17

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I read your original thread. OG, are you bonkers? If he deals drugs, he could be a serious serious problem in your life.

 

If every guy who messaged you except for him has met up with you so far, that's a pretty good track record. Don't let pride get you into a situation that just doesn't make sense.

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