What's best for me/her?

[updown]

i'm glad you got out there with the girls and saw some old friends! that's good for you, and for them to see you doing that!

 

i'm also glad you at least have a heads up of what is coming your way. i did not. i was ambushed at a drop off, with basically legal blackmail. it was one of the more horrific moments of my life and i had NO IDEA what to do! i went to a lawyer friends' house that night because i was in complete and utter shock!!!!!

 

days will get better. be patient and gentle with yourself!

 

hugs to you!!!!!

[starting2wakeup]

OK, so I'm just going to dive back into this.

 

Divorce is still going through. Nothing has really changed there. Just waiting for all the legal paperwork to make it's way through court.

 

My STBX has found some answers to her health issues. She does have a rare condition that, while there is no cure, is something she should be able to maintain. Turns out that stress is what triggers many of her symptoms and well, she is under a ton of that, most, if not all of it, self inflicted. She is still scheduled to undergo a number of tests in the coming weeks, many of them painful, but health wise she seems to be getting some answers.

 

For awhile there she lead me to believe that she was open to the idea of a reconciliation. She made small gestures toward me, but for every 5 steps I took toward her, she only took 1 step toward me. It didn't feel right. She told me "Yes, I still love you" & "Yes, I want to work on us", but she never backed it up with actions. I tried not to press her too hard, but that was not easy as she kept handing me bread crumbs. She told me that she couldn't focus on us until after the divorce went thru, which when I thought about it, didn't make any sense. If you cared for me, you should be able to show me, without a time table or dead line.

 

She made a comment to me, not a week ago that, "No one wants to be divorced." I wanted to scream, "YOU DO! You want a divorce! You could not have been more adamant about that fact!". Such comments only confused me further. I asked her about it a day or two later and she played it off. One minute she was making comments that lead me to believe that she was thinking of calling the divorce off - I actually asked if this was the case and she just nodded me off, as if she WAS thinking about it - and the next, she spoke as if I was the one jumping to conclusions.

 

This behavior added to a growing problem with anxiety that was beginning to effect me physically. I went so far as to start on an anti-anxiety drug but the side effects were too painful and bizarre so I stopped taking them. I took a long hard look at myself and my situation and realized that most of my anxiety was centered around her. I did not trust her. I do not trust her. I felt that my body was responding to this. My brain, my body was yelling at me, "you can not trust her with your heart. Stop even thinking about giving it to her again!"

 

I needed to do something, so I told her how I felt. I went into the conversation with no expectations. I just needed to get it out. I told her how I felt. That I did not trust her. She got upset. No surprise there. She asked why I felt that way, and I gave her very specific reasons. She either had no answer or tried to down play things she had said or done. I didn't let her, explaining how her actions had impacted me and our relationship. She became upset and adamant that her leaving was what she had to do, and that it was the right thing to do. She felt like I was placing all of the blame on her. I told her that I had been very open and honest with the mistakes I made in the marriage. That it took two people to get to where we are today, but that she was down playing her role in it all. She got mad at me, saying that I pushed her to work on us and was now saying that I didn't trust her. I asked what she had done to work on us and she just got mad. Had no answer. "Are you serious?!" is not an answer. She made one comment that really struck me as strange later in the day. She said she had been living like a nun. I don't know if she was implying that she had the opportunity to go crazy and didn't or what? I certainly never told her to live like a nun and if I had, it's not like she had listened to or cared for my opinions before.

 

During our conversation I was very reserved. Did not get mad and did not let any tears out. I was serious about this issue. If she was sincere about wanting to work on us then she needed to know the issues that I needed addressed. I do not trust her based on her actions and past lies. I placed those in front of her, without anger, and she got upset and told me to leave. I did, and told her I would not be bringing this up again. As I walked away she called out to me. "You don't love me. You can't love someone you don't trust." I told her that my actions should be enough to show her how I felt.

 

She called me yesterday to ask if I could watch the girls Wednesday night, so she could get a massage, and Thursday night, so she could go to a support group meeting. I told her I had to check my schedule. I knew the answer, but did not want to get into a fight over the phone. This morning I texted her that I could not watch the girls Wednesday, but would Thursday, if she was going to her meeting. She texted back, "Looks like I'm getting a babysitter". Yeah, it looks like it.

 

OK, so as I'm typing this she calls. Upset that I can't not / will not watch the girls on Wednesday so she can get a massage. "It's therapeutic and it's the only day that I can get it done and I would rather you watch the girls that someone else" Blah blah blah. I'm sure it is the only day you can do it and I know you don't know of, or can afford a babysitter...not my problem. She asked why I couldn't do it. I told her, I'm dealing with a lot of depression and trying to cope with quite a lot right now. I can not watch them that night but will on Thursday so you can go to your meeting. This answer did not please her, she gets mad, end of conversation. What did I notice about this exchange? Not once did she ask about MY depression or what I was coping with. She just wanted to know what I was doing that I couldn't watch the girls.

 

What was I saying....

 

I do not feel like I am starting over at all. I know that reading this it may seem like that is exactly what I am doing but, it doesn't feel that way. I'm depressed. I'm sad. And now I have to learn to cope with the way things are, which is sh*ty, but I feel like I'm making personal progress and done getting sh*t on.

[2sunny]

stand firm and continue to move forward! you look like you are getting to a point of speaking YOUR truth and having a solid, healthy boundary.

 

i admire your strength and courage - it's hard but worth it in the long run. it will feel odd, harsh and awful at times - until you learn how it keeps her negativity further away from you - it IS hers, not yours.

 

she really doesn't have any right to ask WHY you can't watch the kids... hopefully she will learn that NO means NO. she gave up the right to understand what happens in your private time when she decided not to make an effort to repair the M. seeing that she only cares about herself - makes me understand why the M would NEVER work - a healthy M has TWO people that think of each other... not only of self.

 

she's very selfish and self seeking - that completely sucks for any man she may try to be with; and your kids as well. understand that she won't consider your kids best interest long term - only her own. be aware with a watchful eye and ear for their best interest.

 

stay on path - you're looking strong. never settle!

[trippi1432]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owl

It gets easier when you finally reach a point where you're willing to lose that person rather than let things go on as they are now.

 

J - Don't doubt yourself...what you did was healthy....good boundary.

[starting2wakeup]

So Wednesday comes around and she calls me at work. She is feeling ill, has a blinding migraine, and more or less asks me if it's OK if the girls stay at her mother's house for the night. She already knows the answer to this...Hell, No! She says she knows I was busy that night but that she didn't know what else to do. I told her I was not busy, that was not what I had said. I said I would not watch the girls on Wednesday so you could go get a massage. If you are sick, and your only option for a babysitter is your horrible excuse for a mother, then yes, after work I will come by and pick them up so they can stay with me. I made sure she had their lunches packed and homework done, so all I had to do was pick them up and they would be all ready for school the next morning.

 

Yesterday I knew I was going to pick up the girls from her place so that she could go to her eating disorder support group. I have watched them every Thursday for several months now so she could go. When I get to her place she is sitting outside watching the girls play. She tells me she has to see her sponsor at 5:30 and that the lady who gives massages her had called and that she could see her late tonight. It should be noted that said lady is MY neighbor, who lives right across the street from me. I responded, "I thought I was watching the girls so you could go to your meeting?" She said yes, but that she also really needed a massage. I called the girls, right in front of her to get in the car - "come on girls, we need to go so mommy can get to her meeting" - and off we went.

 

Around 7:15 our oldest asks to speak to her mother. I text my STBX, "--- wants to speak to you. I didn't call because I know you are in your meeting but if you can, please call to say goodnight". 5 minutes pass and she calls. She tells me she is 5 minutes from the house, on her way to get a massage. I'm Pissed! I tell her not to tell our daughter that - she would flip to know that her mommy was across the street and was not coming over to see her - handed the phone to my daughter, they speak, she hands the phone back and I hang up without saying anything.

 

That night I felt like crap. Full of anxiety. I felt tricked. Lied to.

 

So this morning after dropping off the girls at school, I call my STBX and ask if I can swing by, we have to talk. I get there and get straight to the point. I told her I felt manipulated. I told her I would watch the girls so that she could go to her OEA meetings. Instead, she went and got a massage, the ONE thing I told her earlier in the week I would NOT watch the girls for. So, I'm no longer watching the girls on Thursdays anymore. I felt that it was important and very positive that she go to those meetings, but she would have to get a babysitter from now. I'm not doing it anymore. I made this point very clear. She apologized. Said that it was not her intent to mislead me, etc. She kept saying that she thought we could come to an agreement about the kids with out any papers telling us what to do. I told her the papers, that you filed, said that you no longer want to me my wife, so I need to stop doing things for you as a husband. She offered to help me out by watching the kids on my week, which I knew was an empty promise. I told her that my weeks were mine and I would figure out whatever I need to with out bothering her. She said that she thought I was taking the kids all those times because I wanted to be with them. That I was doing it for them. I told her no. I do love my children and I do want to be with them, but I wasn't doing it for the kids, I was doing it for you. I thought you needed help. I thought you were sick and needed someone to watch the girls so you could seek treatment.

 

She called me later in the day to tell me that she was getting a friend to watch the girls in the morning so she could exercise and asked if we could talk sometime over the weekend. I told her I would be around.

[robf1971]

So Wednesday comes around and she calls me at work. She is feeling ill, has a blinding migraine, and more or less asks me if it's OK if the girls stay at her mother's house for the night. She already knows the answer to this...Hell, No! She says she knows I was busy that night but that she didn't know what else to do. I told her I was not busy, that was not what I had said. I said I would not watch the girls on Wednesday so you could go get a massage. If you are sick, and your only option for a babysitter is your horrible excuse for a mother, then yes, after work I will come by and pick them up so they can stay with me. I made sure she had their lunches packed and homework done, so all I had to do was pick them up and they would be all ready for school the next morning.

 

Yesterday I knew I was going to pick up the girls from her place so that she could go to her eating disorder support group. I have watched them every Thursday for several months now so she could go. When I get to her place she is sitting outside watching the girls play. She tells me she has to see her sponsor at 5:30 and that the lady who gives massages her had called and that she could see her late tonight. It should be noted that said lady is MY neighbor, who lives right across the street from me. I responded, "I thought I was watching the girls so you could go to your meeting?" She said yes, but that she also really needed a massage. I called the girls, right in front of her to get in the car - "come on girls, we need to go so mommy can get to her meeting" - and off we went.

 

Around 7:15 our oldest asks to speak to her mother. I text my STBX, "--- wants to speak to you. I didn't call because I know you are in your meeting but if you can, please call to say goodnight". 5 minutes pass and she calls. She tells me she is 5 minutes from the house, on her way to get a massage. I'm Pissed! I tell her not to tell our daughter that - she would flip to know that her mommy was across the street and was not coming over to see her - handed the phone to my daughter, they speak, she hands the phone back and I hang up without saying anything.

 

That night I felt like crap. Full of anxiety. I felt tricked. Lied to.

 

So this morning after dropping off the girls at school, I call my STBX and ask if I can swing by, we have to talk. I get there and get straight to the point. I told her I felt manipulated. I told her I would watch the girls so that she could go to her OEA meetings. Instead, she went and got a massage, the ONE thing I told her earlier in the week I would NOT watch the girls for. So, I'm no longer watching the girls on Thursdays anymore. I felt that it was important and very positive that she go to those meetings, but she would have to get a babysitter from now. I'm not doing it anymore. I made this point very clear. She apologized. Said that it was not her intent to mislead me, etc. She kept saying that she thought we could come to an agreement about the kids with out any papers telling us what to do. I told her the papers, that you filed, said that you no longer want to me my wife, so I need to stop doing things for you as a husband. She offered to help me out by watching the kids on my week, which I knew was an empty promise. I told her that my weeks were mine and I would figure out whatever I need to with out bothering her. She said that she thought I was taking the kids all those times because I wanted to be with them. That I was doing it for them. I told her no. I do love my children and I do want to be with them, but I wasn't doing it for the kids, I was doing it for you. I thought you needed help. I thought you were sick and needed someone to watch the girls so you could seek treatment.

 

She called me later in the day to tell me that she was getting a friend to watch the girls in the morning so she could exercise and asked if we could talk sometime over the weekend. I told her I would be around.

 

Wow, she really knows how to manipulate. Nasty passive aggresive behaviour yuckk.

[debtman]

Uggg...sorry about this man. Nothing worse than when the kids start getting "used" like this. Not really the kids as much, but your parenting. I had a few times, early on, when my stbx was still with OM, and angry with me for everything, where she questioned my parenting because I wasn't willing to come get the kids every time she got sick, etc. I did a few times, but, the one time I couldn't, she told me it was "fine, but I just thought, since you were their father, you'd want to do it."

 

Luckily, that hasn't happened since then.

 

We both agreed that the divorce agreement would allow us the "first right of refusal" so, if we can't watch the kids sometime on "our" day, we call the other person first (before letting ANYONE else watch them) and, if they're not available, then WE are responsible for setting up something else.

 

You're a great dad. Your kids are lucky. Keep taking the high road with your W but stand firm if she EVER questions your parenting...she has absolutely no right to do that after what she's done...

 

Good luck and keep posting....

[trippi1432]

So Wednesday comes around and she calls me at work. She is feeling ill, has a blinding migraine, and more or less asks me if it's OK if the girls stay at her mother's house for the night. She already knows the answer to this...Hell, No! She says she knows I was busy that night but that she didn't know what else to do. I told her I was not busy, that was not what I had said. I said I would not watch the girls on Wednesday so you could go get a massage. If you are sick, and your only option for a babysitter is your horrible excuse for a mother, then yes, after work I will come by and pick them up so they can stay with me. I made sure she had their lunches packed and homework done, so all I had to do was pick them up and they would be all ready for school the next morning.

 

She knew the answer to that and manipulated you with it....she knows your feelings on her mother watching the kids and knew you would step in...stop allowing this.

 

 

Yesterday I knew I was going to pick up the girls from her place so that she could go to her eating disorder support group. I have watched them every Thursday for several months now so she could go. When I get to her place she is sitting outside watching the girls play. She tells me she has to see her sponsor at 5:30 and that the lady who gives massages her had called and that she could see her late tonight. It should be noted that said lady is MY neighbor, who lives right across the street from me. I responded, "I thought I was watching the girls so you could go to your meeting?" She said yes, but that she also really needed a massage. I called the girls, right in front of her to get in the car - "come on girls, we need to go so mommy can get to her meeting" - and off we went.

 

Around 7:15 our oldest asks to speak to her mother. I text my STBX, "--- wants to speak to you. I didn't call because I know you are in your meeting but if you can, please call to say goodnight". 5 minutes pass and she calls. She tells me she is 5 minutes from the house, on her way to get a massage. I'm Pissed! I tell her not to tell our daughter that - she would flip to know that her mommy was across the street and was not coming over to see her - handed the phone to my daughter, they speak, she hands the phone back and I hang up without saying anything.

 

So, did she go to the meeting and then go get the massage, or did she skip the meeting altogether. You don't say here...just that she could get the massage later that night.

 

That night I felt like crap. Full of anxiety. I felt tricked. Lied to.

 

So this morning after dropping off the girls at school, I call my STBX and ask if I can swing by, we have to talk. I get there and get straight to the point. I told her I felt manipulated. I told her I would watch the girls so that she could go to her OEA meetings. Instead, she went and got a massage, the ONE thing I told her earlier in the week I would NOT watch the girls for. So, I'm no longer watching the girls on Thursdays anymore. I felt that it was important and very positive that she go to those meetings, but she would have to get a babysitter from now. I'm not doing it anymore. I made this point very clear. She apologized. Said that it was not her intent to mislead me, etc. She kept saying that she thought we could come to an agreement about the kids with out any papers telling us what to do. I told her the papers, that you filed, said that you no longer want to me my wife, so I need to stop doing things for you as a husband. She offered to help me out by watching the kids on my week, which I knew was an empty promise. I told her that my weeks were mine and I would figure out whatever I need to with out bothering her. She said that she thought I was taking the kids all those times because I wanted to be with them. That I was doing it for them. I told her no. I do love my children and I do want to be with them, but I wasn't doing it for the kids, I was doing it for you. I thought you needed help. I thought you were sick and needed someone to watch the girls so you could seek treatment.

 

For one, you have every right to feel betrayed...on her weeks to watch the girls, she hasn't been able to. My daughter has an eating disorder....she doesn't have children, but it doesn't stop her from caring for her animals. Not to compare children and their needs to animals...but she still functions. Prior to this, your wife was finally diagnosed for an anemic condition which causes bruising...it still does not mean that she cannot care for her own children on her weeks. Why does she not want to do legal papers about the children, because then something would be documented causing HER responsibility to them. Why would she want that when she can push you over to do it all?

 

She called me later in the day to tell me that she was getting a friend to watch the girls in the morning so she could exercise and asked if we could talk sometime over the weekend. I told her I would be around.

 

At some point J you are going to have to be the "adult" here in all of this...even if you didn't ask for it..even if you didn't deserve it. Stop playing into her drama...stop playing into her excuses for not taking responsibility for herself, being a mother and a wife. She wanted this, not you. You have done all you could...you stood by her to understand her illnesses, went with her to find out her condition that plagued her, you have been and are a great dad to your girls. If anything, you should pity the fact that she doesn't understand herself...is chasing something that she doesn't even know what she is chasing and is missing out on the best thing she ever had.....a family that loved and cared for her. At this point, you can't save her...she has to do that for herself now.

[starting2wakeup]

She knew the answer to that and manipulated you with it....she knows your feelings on her mother watching the kids and knew you would step in...stop allowing this.

 

I point blank told her that, saying that she was going to let the girls stay with her mother felt like a threat, and more or less told her she was full of it.

 

So, did she go to the meeting and then go get the massage, or did she skip the meeting altogether. You don't say here...just that she could get the massage later that night.

 

She meet with her sponser, skipped the meeting and went for the massage.

 

For one, you have every right to feel betrayed...on her weeks to watch the girls, she hasn't been able to. My daughter has an eating disorder....she doesn't have children, but it doesn't stop her from caring for her animals. Not to compare children and their needs to animals...but she still functions. Prior to this, your wife was finally diagnosed for an anemic condition which causes bruising...it still does not mean that she cannot care for her own children on her weeks. Why does she not want to do legal papers about the children, because then something would be documented causing HER responsibility to them. Why would she want that when she can push you over to do it all?

 

When she was speaking of legal papers she was talking about the seperation/divorce agreement. She did not feel that we had to be so strick on following the, one week the girls are with me, the next they are with her schedule. I reminded her that she has not for one full week kept the girls. She thinks we should be more open to helping each other out. I told her I was not open to this and did not feel it was healthy or helpful. Sure, it is to her, but not for me.

 

At some point J you are going to have to be the "adult" here in all of this...even if you didn't ask for it..even if you didn't deserve it. Stop playing into her drama...stop playing into her excuses for not taking responsibility for herself, being a mother and a wife. She wanted this, not you. You have done all you could...you stood by her to understand her illnesses, went with her to find out her condition that plagued her, you have been and are a great dad to your girls. If anything, you should pity the fact that she doesn't understand herself...is chasing something that she doesn't even know what she is chasing and is missing out on the best thing she ever had.....a family that loved and cared for her. At this point, you can't save her...she has to do that for herself now.

 

Yesterday I called her in the early afternoon to let her know I was bringing the girls by. She was in a panic. Crying. She said she had been to the ER the night before. She said she was worried and needed help. She talked as if she had hit rock bottom. I went over there and she was a mess. She wanted to know what to do. I told her to go to the ER and have herself admitted. She called the ER, talked to the doctor on duty and "says" she is going to admit herself into a day program first thing Monday morning.

 

I told her I was taking the girls home and that I was going to keep them for the rest of the weekend. She needed to get help. It was very hard, but I left. This morning she called and wanted to know if I was going to take the girls to the park. She wanted to go too. I told her no. I can not take this anymore. I am done with the drama. I really think she is on the edge, but I'm hurting too. The stress of all of this is effecting me. Shortness of breath. Pounding heart. Chest pains. I have to be healthy in order to take care of my kids.

 

I hope she does check herself into the hospital Monday. She should have went yesterday. She could go today. Why she doesn't...I can't worry about any more. I have to take care of myself.

 

Thank you Trippi, debtman, 2sunny and everyone else who has been following my rollercoaster. Your words and advise have been more helpful than I can begin to express. Thank you.

[debtman]

Keep holding it together s2wu...you're doing great. Focus on yourself and your kids as much as you can. Sounds like you're going to need to step up to the plate even more now that she's having such medical issues. Too bad she set this all in motion and let this get to such a point where she no longer has you as her support network, but that was HER choice. Just keep doing what you're doing, be there for your kids and try to let her stress go. Easier said than done, I know, but it's no longer your business.

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[trippi1432]

I point blank told her that, saying that she was going to let the girls stay with her mother felt like a threat, and more or less told her she was full of it.

 

Good, remember this is meant to manipulate you. Call her on the manipulation, she has to learn what is healthy and what is not. Manipulation and using the children for attention is not.

 

 

 

She meet with her sponser, skipped the meeting and went for the massage.

 

Again, you have every right to feel betrayed here....again...manipulating the situation to get her needs met with no regard to anyone other than herself.

 

 

 

When she was speaking of legal papers she was talking about the seperation/divorce agreement. She did not feel that we had to be so strick on following the, one week the girls are with me, the next they are with her schedule. I reminded her that she has not for one full week kept the girls. She thinks we should be more open to helping each other out. I told her I was not open to this and did not feel it was healthy or helpful. Sure, it is to her, but not for me.

 

Yes, but this is what I am referring to. She does not want a custody agreement or hearing because then she has to be responsible. It seems to me that she is more worried over what people would think of her as a mother, when in the interim, she isn't being one. She is putting that duty of both mother and father off on you at this point. Yes, she needs help, but not the help you are giving her by her not being able to even take the girls for a solid week without needing your help.

 

 

 

Yesterday I called her in the early afternoon to let her know I was bringing the girls by. She was in a panic. Crying. She said she had been to the ER the night before. She said she was worried and needed help. She talked as if she had hit rock bottom. I went over there and she was a mess. She wanted to know what to do. I told her to go to the ER and have herself admitted. She called the ER, talked to the doctor on duty and "says" she is going to admit herself into a day program first thing Monday morning.

 

I told her I was taking the girls home and that I was going to keep them for the rest of the weekend. She needed to get help. It was very hard, but I left. This morning she called and wanted to know if I was going to take the girls to the park. She wanted to go too. I told her no. I can not take this anymore. I am done with the drama. I really think she is on the edge, but I'm hurting too. The stress of all of this is effecting me. Shortness of breath. Pounding heart. Chest pains. I have to be healthy in order to take care of my kids.

 

I hope she does check herself into the hospital Monday. She should have went yesterday. She could go today. Why she doesn't...I can't worry about any more. I have to take care of myself.

 

Thank you Trippi, debtman, 2sunny and everyone else who has been following my rollercoaster. Your words and advise have been more helpful than I can begin to express. Thank you.

 

J - Hugs to you and continue to remember to take care of yourself. Hopefully she is serious about this and will get the help that she needs.

[2sunny]

Does she drink, use drugs or prescription medicine? It looks like familiar active using behavior. I have sponsored nearly 50 people - when they are into action and are willing to DO the work necessary - I adjust. If they have kids we find other people in the program to help babysit - or I go to their home - or meet at the park. She is finding excuses NOT to do what needs to be done. Glad you're standing firm - my sponsees never get better until they get desperate and willing to change. She won't get there as long as you keep fixing her little drama issues... They are designed so YOU do stuff so she doesn't have to. I think there's a LOT she's not telling you. I'd give her a full drug screening test before I'd ever allow her to be alone with those kids. Don't rescue her or solve her problems anymore. Look out for your best interest and the girls too. I hope she gets help - but I think she may need a drug test. Don't help her! It only delays her need to admit needing to change. Encourage INPATIENT help! Be prepare about what that entails... Do research, find out about insurance and don't give her any easy way around it. She may get angry - ignore her outbursts.

[starting2wakeup]

So the other day, through all too familiar circumstances, I find myself at my STBX house. I try, in very clear terms, to explain that she can not keep asking me to do things as a husband would. I explain that this is all very hard for me, as I am dealing with more than she realizes at the moment, and that my instinct is to go to her for comfort. I am fighting that instinct. She asks about us being friends. Or more so, she mentioned how I had told her in the past that we could not be just friends. I tell her my position on the subject has not changed. It is clear she does not want me to break contact with her. I've been working my way into strict LC for a little bit now, and she has definitely been responding to it. I'm not having it.

 

While I am there, flowers are delivered to her door. I ask who they are from. She stalls. I tell her that any question she has as to why I don't trust her is right here in front of us. Either open the box and let me know who they are from, or it's clear that you have something to hide and I'm out. She opened the box and they were from her "boss". Now, these weren't just any flowers. Theses were the fanciest, most fu*king expensive flowers you can imagine. Vera Wang apparently hand picked this bouquet from the lost gardens of Atlantis. You get my point. This is not the type of friendly, hope all is well gift you would send to your favorite employee. This was him courting her. From freaking Afghanistan he's doing this. The reason for the flowers is because he knows that she has a series of tests Friday that she is very worried about. I know this because she called me, freaking out about it the other day. I'm here. He's in Afghanistan.

 

She says he knows he has feelings for her, but that he hasn't said anything, and she didn't think he would until he returns in March and their contract is up. I really don't give a f*ck at this point. My honest to God goal is to really just see as little of her as I can. Did she go and get the help she needed over the weekend? No. She talked to people, but she's good at that, talking. Not so good on the doing. I know she is scaried out of her mind about Friday. I'm worried too. But I'm not going to keep giving her my shoulder to lean on. I can't.

 

I had to go to the doctor today because for the last week it has felt like I can't breath right. It's like I am hungry for air. Not getting enough. The doc took all my vitals and told me I was a young, healthy man. The doc, a woman, who see's both me and my STBX, asked if she was getting to me. I told her I was trying not to let her. She asked if I had a "significant other" yet. I told her, "no", I was trying to work on me first, and raising the kids. She told me it was time to look.

 

I am so done with this BS. I am trying to find a calm place, in myself where I can continue to move forward. I feel that I am making progress, but in doing so it is bringing up a ton of anxiety. I know what I have to do. I am actively trying to do it. But f*ck, it ain't easy.

 

I found this song last night. The lyrics spoke to the very core of me.

 

 

"Wake up, son of mine.

Momma got something to tell you.

Changes come.

Life will have its way with your pride, son.

Take it like a man.

 

Hang on, son of mine.

A storm is blowing on the horizon.

 

Changes come.

Keep your dignity.

Take the high road,

Take it like a man.

 

Listen up, son of mine.

Momma got something to tell you.

All about growing pains.

Life will pound away where the light don't shine, son.

 

Take it like a man.

Suck it up, son of mine.

Thunder blowing up the horizon.

 

Changes come.

Keep your dignity.

Take the high road.

Take it like a man.

 

Momma said like the rain,

this too shall pass like a kidney stone.

It's just a broken heart, son.

This pain will pass away."

[trippi1432]

I had to go to the doctor today because for the last week it has felt like I can't breath right. It's like I am hungry for air. Not getting enough. The doc took all my vitals and told me I was a young, healthy man. The doc, a woman, who see's both me and my STBX, asked if she was getting to me. I told her I was trying not to let her. She asked if I had a "significant other" yet. I told her, "no", I was trying to work on me first, and raising the kids. She told me it was time to look.

 

I am so done with this BS. I am trying to find a calm place, in myself where I can continue to move forward. I feel that I am making progress, but in doing so it is bringing up a ton of anxiety. I know what I have to do. I am actively trying to do it. But f*ck, it ain't easy.

 

You will move forward...it's within you to know that. It's not easy, but you are a good soul and did more than most would have in your situation. As to lyrics...http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/shinedown/simpleman.html...it's one that I sing as I hope my son will one day be. It's when you stop letting the drama of others rule your life and live it for you.

 

Hugs!!

[2sunny]

While I am there, flowers are delivered to her door. I ask who they are from. She stalls. I tell her that any question she has as to why I don't trust her is right here in front of us. Either open the box and let me know who they are from, or it's clear that you have something to hide and I'm out. She opened the box and they were from her "boss".

 

wow - what a surprise...

 

i hope you weren't surprised either!

 

she lies! that;'s predictable though...

 

Now, these weren't just any flowers. Theses were the fanciest, most fu*king expensive flowers you can imagine. Vera Wang apparently hand picked this bouquet from the lost gardens of Atlantis. You get my point. This is not the type of friendly, hope all is well gift you would send to your favorite employee. This was him courting her.

 

yep - this is what a gal gets when she opens her legs to her boss - and keeps him around while she "gets scared - because she has ailments. she looks like using behavior. stop running when she has issues - she has "her boss" for that kind of *ullsh*t stuff.

 

i had to learn to be on my own - she can too! the only way for her to DO that - is for you to stay out of her life so she can find a way that works for her.

 

she will get men to DO stuff for her by playing the pity party card - they come running. don't be "that" guy.

 

 

 

From freaking Afghanistan he's doing this. The reason for the flowers is because he knows that she has a series of tests Friday that she is very worried about. I know this because she called me, freaking out about it the other day. I'm here. He's in Afghanistan.

 

so she keeps in constant contact with him - why are you bothering? she has HER agenda - stay away from her.

 

 

She says he knows he has feelings for her, but that he hasn't said anything,

 

she's an out and out liar! she talks to him - he's up on her health condition - yet she tries to have you believe they haven't discussed feelings? sheez!!!

 

men give me anything i ask for. but i've NEVER had a man send me flowers if i'm not leading him on AND having sex with him! when i do those things - they send flowers and anything else they think i may like. she gets ANYTHING she wants from this guy. step away!!!

 

and she didn't think he would until he returns in March and their contract is up. I really don't give a f*ck at this point. My honest to God goal is to really just see as little of her as I can.

 

when she calls with an issue - simply tell her by text "you will figure it out"

 

that's it!