the whole "just looking for friends" thing, what does it mean?

[humanracer25]

On a lot of the dating sites I visit I see a lot of woman who say "just looking for friends and then see what happens" etc. These same women also state in their profile that they are searching a soulmate etc. Now I can understand the need to find new friends, everyone wants new freinds right?. But why jump onto a dating site to find "freinds" just after a breakup or when they become single? Surely they had lots of friends before any breakups and would still have them around? Is it that they want male companionship without the stress of a full on relationship or that they are scared that it might not work out so being friends first is a safe bet?. I just think the wording is a bit off, I wouldn't mind if a girl said "I want a relationship but want to start out as friends and let it progress". I am personally looking for a relationship rather than just a friend (as I have lots of those and would not look for friends on websites anyway) but I also know that if a relationship didn't materialise then I am up for being friends or in the case of the long distance stuff, an online friend and contact.

 

Also I have found that some girls will tell me "lets be freinds first" which is fair enough. Then I find a few weeks later that they are now "seeing someone" who they just met recently. Was that just a nice way of saying to me "thanks but no thanks?"

 

I am finding the online dating thing a little tricky because a lot of women on there seem to have went through painful breakups or have had a history of bad or unsuitable relationships. My first and only relationship was four years long and a very positive experience for me. Though it didn't last in the end, I don't regret it at all even up until the day we split up. I see the whole thing as a learning experience and it made me more open as a person. Knowing that I can learn from it and become an even better boyfreind and partner by drawing on that experience makes me even more eager to find a suitable realtionship. I do value relationships and miss them but it seems a lot of people on the internet dating sites are wary of them. I have seen "restore my faith in men" or "any decent guys left?" way too often.

 

Any insight into the above thoughts would be welcome.

 

 

Robert

[LucreziaBorgia]

"just looking for friends and then see what happens"

 

This translates to: I will let you take me on dates, but I will continue to shop around.

[slownumbers81]

It means they are interested in trying the friends first approach. Some people believe stronger relationships are built on friendship first. Through a friendship and hanging out without any pressure, people can figure out if they naturally like each other or not. I don't think the ultimate goal for them is to actually build a friendship and keep that friendship, but just to get to know you without forcing "romance" and see how it naturally develops.

 

Oh and if a girl told you she was interested in being friends first, and then started dating someone else, she just ended up developing an attraction for them... Now if she said "let's just be friends" without the word "first" then yes, that is a way of saying she is not interested.

[fishtaco]

That's just BS. One thing you should never believe is the junk people post on their profiles.

 

Like the ones that post "no drama!" are often the epicenter of drama. "No games!" and they'd be the first to throw the punch.

 

Just pretend they never said that and do your thing. If it doesn't work out, "you move too fast" or whatever, then say ok, let's be friends, and go after someone else. Sometimes, suddenly they'll come running back. Or if they don't, who cares? You've already moved on.

[zengirl]

Can be any number of things. When I first posted on a dating site before I met my boyfriend (on the site), I only checked the box for Friends. I wasn't completely sure I was ready to date, but I was ready to dip my toe in the water. I posted it after a break-up, is all. I met my current boyfriend, and things just clicked. I never thought I just wanted to be "friends" with him, though; it was just the "idea" of a new boyfriend that bothered me before I met him. I wanted some caution.

 

Mostly, I think it is fear or caution. Sometimes, it can be indecision. It can be anything. I think if it just says it in a dating profile, you shouldn't make assumptions. However, if they actively tell YOU that they're just looking for friends. . . then that's generally not going to lead to a relationship. Big difference between the two.