Very Lucky

[Surfer203]

Hmm.. I will have to google "mirroring". Thanks for the advice.

[What_Next]

Distant78, I was not gaslighted. Once her affair came out, it came out big time.

 

Surfer, I think you mis-understand our attempts at MC. The first time, 3 sessions and honestly the guy was a kid, an amateur, that I dropped far too much on. It didn't help one single bit. His conclusion was that I had anger issues.... Well the source is obvious no???

 

Our second round, well it has fallen apart for other reasons. I personally feel MC is just a waste of time for me. I don't like what it costs and I don't like what I get for it. I'm done with it. Pure and simple. Is this a mistake? Maybe, but I'll own that mistake.

 

Bittersweetie, I'll look into "mirroring" although if my spidey sense tells me anything it tells me that I won't much care for it.

[Bittersweetie]

Bittersweetie, I'll look into "mirroring" although if my spidey sense tells me anything it tells me that I won't much care for it.

 

No worries, not everything is for everyone. However, I've found two great advantages to the mirroring thing:

 

For the speaker: It makes you feel that you're actually heard, that the other person isn't just, as I call it, "smiling and nodding." And that creates a want to share more and build a stronger connection.

 

For the listener: It makes you actually understand the other person and where they are coming from. Usually when I listen I immediately get annoyed/sad/whatever and start preparing a rebuttal statement in my mind. But listening this way takes those reactions away, since you have to concentrate on the moment. I've found it creates a stronger connection from this side too.

 

That said, we don't do it all the time...it can get real intense, and it's really hard. It's hard to hear what the other person is saying and not jump in with your own thoughts and feelings. But, IME, this is a pretty good tool to have when talking about serious stuff.

 

Have a Merry Christmas!