Should You Be Worried If He Is Doing This?

[originalsphinx]

QUESTION: What would be your reaction if your boyfriend suddenly began spending a whole lotta time with another of his female friends who just broke up with her boyfriend.

And i mean a lot of time, as in her calling him up at all hours of the night to go out, so much so that you basically become the third wheel.

How would you react to this? Is there cause to be worried?

[guest]

I'd be more than worried. When YOU become the third wheel in your relationship, I'd say there's more than something wrong.

 

I have a friend like your boyfriend. He has a girlfriend, but when one of his friends was having a difficult time, he was there for her, but not in a just friends kind of way. He was interested in her. She was interested in him too, but declined having anymore to do with him because she respected the fact that he had a girlfriend.

 

Doesn't sound like this girl respects your relationship. But she's not really the one to be concerned about. Your boyfriend is the one I'd be suspicious of.

[befuddled11]

One should NEVER feel like a "third wheel" in their relationship. Ever. Particularly when their partner is devoting more time and themself to someone of the opposite sex. That's troubling and of great concern.

 

The reason you're here posting about this is because you have a sense that this isn't right and it IS bothering you.

 

Have you talked to your boyfriend about your observations and feelings? If not, you definitely SHOULD. This isn't about you being possessive or jealous or overly sensitive...this is about a clear realization that the dynamics of your relationship have changed and there's now another woman in the picture......

 

Sit down and talk to him.........be non-confrontational and choose your words somewhat carefully, you don't want to flip out and be all accusatory. But tell him of your concerns and how you're feeling. I'm sure his "reaction" will be very valuable and informative in terms of what's really going on, and what you need to do from there. Let us know.

[Fofinha]

I have a lot of male friends but my man always come first no matter what. If one of them would be having a "girl issue" and needed some comfort, I would definately include my husband too in the process of helping my friend.

Something does smell fishy, regarding your situation, especially if he drops everything for her. Go with your gut feeling and investigate. You don't have to take the "bitch" approach about it though (don't accuse, seem mad as hell or place him in a defensive situation). Perhaps you could just try to be curious about her well being while trying to sense his reaction when you mention her or when he answers your questions. Be general, sound concerned about her and very supportive. Perhaps he is just being a good friend, or maybe there is something more to all of this. I am sure, knowing him, you can at least get a sense of it, by just asking the right questions about her.

[Cpunch75]

He's being there for her, nothing wrong with that, if it continues for 1-2 weeks then I'd be concerned. You have to have some faith in him that he's not going to cheat on you, b/c if you raise a stink abt it then you will look insecure. Give it a week or so, things will be back to normal.

[guest]

What does "adf" mean? Is that code for something?

[Cpunch75]

sorry i messed up on the edit function, heh.

[guest]

The other chick calls up the boyfriend at all hours of the night to go out. I don't think that's something she should ignore or sweep under the carpet.

 

Other chick is interested in something whether it's comfort, a rebound, a warm body or whatever and Sigh's boyfriend seems to fill whatever that need is. And HE seems more than willing to provide.

 

Remember that friend of mine who was so comforting...guess who he was comforting? Me. I knew he had a girlfriend, but I also sensed he was interested in me. Woman can always sense these things. It would have been easy to foster something as my friend seems to like playing hero, but out of respect for the woman in his life, I said thanks but no thanks to my friend.

 

This is a slippery slope and I think Sigh needs to be extra vigilant because as one poster put it, the dynamics of the relationship have suddenly changed.

[guest]

I meant to say Sphinx's boyfriend. I was replying to Sigh on another thread and got mixed up. Sorry for the confusion.

[Cpunch75]

Ok it sounds like there are NO boundaries established whatsoever with what she, "sigh" will tolerate of her bf. What I'm sayin is that instead of trying to avoid her stealing the bf away, that this is a sign that the relationship is detoriating on his part, that his feelings are drifting away from her.

 

Just because she is calling him at night doesnt mean that his 'girl' friend has this agenda to steal him away, but maybe hearing another man's voice and a male friend is good for her broken self esteem.

 

It's a test whether or not he is really committed to her, and just staying on the sidelines to see what his actions are will determine how he really does feel about her. Time will tell.

[guest]

I wasn't trying to focus on the other chick. My point was that Sphinx needs to keep her eyes and ears open to this guy because temptation's just around the corner and he keeps answering her call.

 

If you re-read my post again, you'll see how I point out that he seems more than willing to fulfill whatever the other chick needs.

 

No one's telling her to get her b*tch on and confront him with this, just that she should be super vigilant about her boyfriend who seems to enjoy playing hero to this other woman a bit too much.

 

She's feeling like a third wheel for goodness sakes. I know plenty of guys who'd be bothered by this, but maybe you're among the really secure guys who wouldn't mind it a bit if your girlfriend was comforting some guy who just lost his girlfriend and calls her all hours of the night to go out?