A hypothetical situation, to break NC or no?

[collegeguy_24]

I am starting this thread because I want it separate from my main one, which is to help me get through my crappy day to day life.

 

The situation in this thread I want discussed is hypothetical, a POSSIBLE situation, so here it is.

 

 

I am still in love with my ex, we dated for 4 months and we have been through a lot together. At the end of our relationship she told me I am the kind of man she wants to marry someday, then out of no where breaks up.

 

Everyone I talk to, including her OWN mother, say she broke it off because she was afraid. She has never had such a serious relationship before and she was afraid she would hurt me.

 

After the break up, a few weeks later she admits that she caused me more hurt then she thought was even possible with the way she broke up with me and she will always regret it.

 

Now I have been NC for 3 months now. I told her she can either contact me, or I would contact her when I felt I was ready to do so.

 

Now this is where the hypothetical situation comes into play.

 

I know her and her new BF have not been good together, and her own mother says my ex is staying with him simply because she has no other options right now.

 

Should I break NC, since plenty of time has gone by?

 

Should I let her know, in a very subtle way, that I am still here for her and that I miss her without actually pursuing her?

 

I am graduating college this month, and she played a very important role in getting me to this point. If I break NC, I would send her an email, saying something to the effect that even though we are not together anymore, she did in fact play a very important role in helping me get to the point of graduation.

 

I would of course say to her thank you for helping me graduate, and that without her this past summer I would not be in the good place I am in now for graduation. I would then invite her to the graduation ceremony, an tell her that even if I don't see her, knowing she is there would still mean a lot to me because of how instrumental she was in getting me to this stage of my life.

 

Keep in mind, I will make no mention of our past relationship aside from the above, I will not tell her I am single, I will not tell her I miss her and want her back or anything like that.

 

Just a simple letter thanking her for helping this summer and for getting me to graduation. Like what I would send to a friend.

 

I am wondering if I should do this, slowly open the channel of communication again, little by little. I would still date other people, and not hold out on getting together again.

 

I had more I wanted to say, but I forgot what it was in leau of actually paying attention in class. I invite anyone and everyone to tell me your thoughts on this.

[Ajax]

Hey College Guy, haven't seen you posting much these days. Good to see you back! Congratulations on graduation, it's quite an accomplishment.

 

As to your question, I would advise against sending the email, even as just a friend. It's clear that you're not completely over her and it might just reopen old wounds. Also, her being with the other guy is her choice, even if she's not happy with him. It seems to be the case that a lot of people will leave someone and end up with someone they're even less happy with, but stay with them anyway to save face. Sounds like what she's doing.

 

She may have helped you get to the point of graduating, but she ultimately cut you out of her life and left yours as well. Don't give her too much credit for your success, because now she doesn't deserve to share in it.

 

Also, you're dating that new girl. How's that going and how would she feel if she knew you'd contacted your ex about that?

[strength-abounds]

College, please don't break NC. You have been and will continue to be an inspiration to the guys here at LS. You have overcome so much in the last few months that will be blown to h**l if you contact her. Besides, Don, Ajax, and everyone else that helped you get to where you are might come and kick your a** at graduation if you do break NC.

 

Stay strong brother.

[collegeguy_24]

Well I just finished my newest psychiatric session. I told him about this situation, and the full report will be in my other thread later today after work, but in regards to this situation here is what he had to say:

 

He said its a good idea to writ out an email, but not to send it yet. By writing it out it will get the words out of my head and allow me to focus on other things. He also said that perhaps I should show him the email if I do decide its what I want to do. But there must also be several rules to follow.

 

For example if she says leave her alone, do so, no further follow ups.

 

If she wants to open communication, then it is good.

 

But do not, under any circumstances, tell her outright I want her back.

 

He also says it sounds like she is following me when she sees me, and while its not a sign she wants to get back together, it could be she wants to say something and is to afraid.

 

Be warned, it could also just because she wants friendship. There is no guarantee she wants to get back together.

 

Right now he says just to wait it out, see what the next week brings. I will be seeing again next Friday and we will go over the email together and discuss whether I should or should not send it.

 

Thats related to this subject, but to my other everyday life, I will post a full report later tonight. Right now my boss just entered the room so I must log off.

 

I will offer more discussion tonight, till then

[Ajax]

He also says it sounds like she is following me when she sees me, and while its not a sign she wants to get back together, it could be she wants to say something and is to afraid.

 

 

How did he come to this conclusion? If you're on the same campus you're bound to run into each other. i don't see how it sounds like she's following you.

[collegeguy_24]

QUOTE=Ajax;3129208]How did he come to this conclusion? If you're on the same campus you're bound to run into each other. i don't see how it sounds like she's following you.

 

What's happening is that for the majority of the semester I have not seen her at all, then suddenly two weeks ago I startbseeing her everywhere. Now I figured I was just noticing her for the firt time, but things changed. One time, she ran into me outside, but I pretended to not see her. I noticed she seemed to go where I go, so I decided to purposily. Change my course and go in random directions, when I stopped, so did she. That's what I meam by following. I hope this clarifies what I mean.