Guys: thoughts on young(20's) single moms

[sb129]

Why would I want to make myself feel better?

[Curious-One]

strong do not want.

 

Dont want to be raising another mans kid... see the girl as irresponsible (possible slut).

 

Will use you for sex though

[hearttobreak]

Too much drama from the baby mamma. Not to mention cleaning up another guys mess. Dating is hard enough with two people, add a third wheel, forgetaboutit. I will NEVER do it again. Rather be castrated. 7/10 something is also wrong with the woman in the first place. Last GF had a great child. Got a long with him great. However, you know how she got him? According to her, the first husband raped and beat her consistently. Then she was pregnant, yes still married to the guy, and then finally, when she was beat to an inch of her life, her and the child filed for an order of protection against him. Also, the first husband never paid child support and the second one not only is paying child support for the child, but is divorced from her now too. So, for the next 7 years, he has to pay child support, he legally adopted - also supposedly his decision, for a child he sees once a week, will not call him dad and will not sleep over his home. All red flags I missed.

 

So, in review, the ex-GF, was raped/abused by the first husband, kept the child even though everyone told her to get an abortion cause of the medical issues she was having, but she refused. Had a beautiful (I guess) you child at 18. Now, 32, has no money, has no savings, is mentally unstable, emotionally unstable, and is living pay check by pay check. Plus, with the medical issues, which even the docs say it would be risky, she could not have a regular birth, it had to be a c-section, which she said she could had died from. Makes no sense to me, but neither to most women that I meet.

[hearttobreak]

strong do not want.

 

Dont want to be raising another mans kid... see the girl as irresponsible (possible slut).

 

Will use you for sex though

 

Just went through this six months ago. She decided the relationship was too hard so she just wanted to do friends with benefits and nothing serious. I jetted faster than you can say what you talkin' bout Willis. Took me months to get over, but all in all, it was just sex to her, nothing else. I still feel dirty. On a side note, she caught Chlamydia from the next dude she started to bang, so it shows, she can sure pick em. Can you imagine if I stayed with her under the friends with benefits thing? Wow. I could had caught that too. Keep in mind, this is all being done with her child, a teenager, in the next room. Yeowzer.

[sb129]

Does everyone think that "single mum" = never married, had baby young, no career or job prospects or $, and is a drama queen/slut?

 

Single mother = woman who is raising a child/ren without a partner/spouse.

 

They can be any age. They can be divorced, widowed, separated or abandoned.

 

They come from all socio-economic groups. They can be rich, poor, educated or uneducated. They can be financially independent or on welfare.

[hearttobreak]

Does everyone think that "single mum" = never married, had baby young, no career or job prospects or $, and is a drama queen/slut?

 

Single mother = woman who is raising a child/ren without a partner/spouse.

 

They can be any age. They can be divorced, widowed, separated or abandoned.

 

They come from all socio-economic groups. They can be rich, poor, educated or uneducated. They can be financially independent or on welfare.

 

Nope. But in my experience:

 

Broke or little money

No secure job, but highly educated

Emotional issues

Mental issues

Always goes for the bad guy, continuously.

Divorced at least once, but usually twice by 35.

[sb129]

Ok well thanks for adding "in my experience".

[hearttobreak]

I can only write about what I actually experienced and went through. Not pulling this stuff out of the air.

[sb129]

No, I appreciate that.

 

What I meant is some people on this thread seem to think all single mums = bad news, at least you clarified why.

[musemaj11]

No, I appreciate that.

 

What I meant is some people on this thread seem to think all single mums = bad news, at least you clarified why.

Obviously not.

 

When someone says men are taller than women, he doesnt mean ALL men. But mostly they are.

 

There are exceptions in everything in this world but its redundant to always mention the the exceptions because anyone with common sense should know that already.

[JaneDoe35]

Statistically, it is extremely likely you will be. Of course you say "on to greener pastures" as if you had no part in this. My money is on you having WAY more time for your career than for him, and that you became utterly frigid after marriage and especially after the kid was born, and you likely nagged the hell out of him too. In which case, his desire to be with a woman who would sleep with him and not nag him is certainly understandable.

 

Of course the joke is on him, since she too will become a frigid nagging shrew is he's foolish enough to marry or procreate with her...

 

You are a funny one frizzo.

 

He was the big career man actually. He also had cancer which caused him to reassess his life and everything/everyone in it.

 

He is not doing so well in his new life. I don't hold a grudge though and I am sad to hear that he is unhappy again. I often give him advice and still help him when I can.

 

I initiated our divorce, he didn't want one. I think he just needed to find out more about himself as we were only 20 & 21 when we started dating. But it is too late for me now.

[Green]

At this time in my life I have only ever dated women with NO CHILDREN. It would be a very big turn off not sure I could get past it.

[JaneDoe35]

At this time in my life I have only ever dated women with NO CHILDREN. It would be a very big turn off not sure I could get past it.

 

Hey Green - that is a very reasonable comment. You don't have to get past a woman having a child being a turn-off to you.

 

There are plenty of women out there with no children.

 

I find tattoos a turn-off. I find that there are very few men without them now though!

[Mellisa]

Why on Earth would ANY sane man want to date a single mother? She obviously feels that men are disposable and unimportant for one. There's also a HUGE risk of false-accusations by kids who want to punish mom or try to force the parents back together by running the new guy off. And just why in the hell is a single mom DATING?? For f*** sake, spend the time with your child and not out clubbing and sleeping around! You made this bed of manure, you sleep in it - don't just leave your child alone in it while you jump from bed to bed! Jeeze!

 

This isnt concern me in any way but i'm suprised by the negative opinions and thoughts people here have on single mothers.It almost feels like a discrimination or something.With the divorce rate nowaways,single mothers/fathers are quite a common phenomenon.What would happen to them?They shouldnt even be bother because according to you they are just done?Just because your first marriage didnt work out doesnt mean you dont deserve a second chance of love and happiness.

 

Raising a child all by oneself is hard.When i think of a single mother, i think of this independent and strong woman.She might have made mistakes in the past but she's taking the responsibility and dealing with it.Having a child shouldnt be seen as a liability

[harmfulsweetz]

This isnt concern me in any way but i'm suprised by the negative opinions and thoughts people here have on single mothers.It almost feels like a discrimination or something.With the divorce rate nowaways,single mothers/fathers are quite a common phenomenon.What would happen to them?They shouldnt even be bother because according to you they are just done?Just because your first marriage didnt work out doesnt mean you dont deserve a second chance of love and happiness.

 

Raising a child all by oneself is hard.When i think of a single mother, i think of this independent and strong woman.She might have made mistakes in the past but she's taking the responsibility and dealing with it.Having a child shouldnt be seen as a liability

 

I think a lot of men, understandably, do not want to take on someone else's children. It's hard work, it's even harder if they aren't your own. I'm not saying it's right, but it's logical. OP is in her twenties, so she'll be looking to date around the same age, men in their twenties could easily find a woman without children. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's just going to be harder to find a man willing to do it.

 

Everyone deserves a second chance at love and happiness. But obviously, like everything else, with children, it's that much harder to find a partner. Thing is, people are entitled to their preferences, and I do think dating a single mother is riddled with issues from the get-go. Is the ex still in the picture? Will the kid like me? How much free time has she got to date? etc. And there's plenty more issues.

[Woggle]

It's not just that. Men do not want to date a manhater and many women who choose to become single mothers have a very misandrist attitude.

[sally4sara]

It's not just that. Men do not want to date a manhater and many women who choose to become single mothers have a very misandrist attitude.

 

I guess I hate men since I decided to divorce.

 

You just don't know till you've been there.

[GuySimple]

In my experience, single women with young children are uptight and almost totally focused on their kid, as they probably should be at that age.

 

There is generally not much room in their life for the type of a relationship that a woman with older kids or no kids can provide.

[carhill]

Yes, my experience was their focus on their children was similar to a man who is totally engrossed in his career. They live it, breathe it and talk incessantly about it, to the exclusion of being interested in anything or anyone else. They did, however, like having someone interested in them. My general conclusion from that period is that they enjoyed having someone who wanted to date them but really didn't have the time nor inclination to be an equal partner in a LTR. Obviously, the number, under 20, is an extremely small sample size, and not indicative of *all* single mothers, but it was my experience, spread over a wide range of socio-economic strata. I would say that the ladies in their 30's seemed to trend more towards being an equal partner, regardless of the age of their children, likely reflective of age-related and personal growth and maturity. One datapoint

[hearttobreak]

This isnt concern me in any way but i'm suprised by the negative opinions and thoughts people here have on single mothers.It almost feels like a discrimination or something.With the divorce rate nowaways,single mothers/fathers are quite a common phenomenon.What would happen to them?They shouldnt even be bother because according to you they are just done?Just because your first marriage didnt work out doesnt mean you dont deserve a second chance of love and happiness.

 

Raising a child all by oneself is hard.When i think of a single mother, i think of this independent and strong woman.She might have made mistakes in the past but she's taking the responsibility and dealing with it.Having a child shouldnt be seen as a liability

 

 

What about the ones who had a second or third marriage that did not work out and she's young and in her early 30's? What happens when she had the wise decision to have the baby at 18? Seems like she's not one to make wise choices in her life. I do not know if this is the standard or the exception, but this is what happened to me. This is why I cannot do it again. It is emotionally and physically drain to no end. Of course, when it ends, I am the bad guy too. So, that puts it in perspective of course.

[harmfulsweetz]

With everything, there is pitfalls and limitations. I do believe it's risky for any person to get involved with someone who has a child simply because if it ends, and you've bonded with the children, imagine losing them.

 

I've seen it happen, which is why I'd advise any single parent to really make sure this person is who you want, before introducing them to your children. It's unfair all round if not.

[Seamless74]

This isnt concern me in any way but i'm suprised by the negative opinions and thoughts people here have on single mothers.It almost feels like a discrimination or something.With the divorce rate nowaways,single mothers/fathers are quite a common phenomenon.What would happen to them?They shouldnt even be bother because according to you they are just done?Just because your first marriage didnt work out doesnt mean you dont deserve a second chance of love and happiness.

 

Raising a child all by oneself is hard.When i think of a single mother, i think of this independent and strong woman.She might have made mistakes in the past but she's taking the responsibility and dealing with it.Having a child shouldnt be seen as a liability

 

Why on earth does this suprise you??

[musemaj11]

Personally my issue with single parents is not their fixation toward their kids. In fact I think anyone with character would put their offspring first before a stranger.

 

My issue with single moms is with the moms, not the kids. For me all kids are the same whether they are mine or not.

 

My problems instead are:

 

1) A lot of young single moms have a lot of emotional baggage.

2) Im suspicious of her true intention. I dont know if she is actually interested in me or she is just looking for any host to leech off.

3) Since no one wants single moms, I feel like they are with me because no one else wants them.

 

I would only ever consider being with a single mom only if she has more than me. That way I know she is with me because she chooses to be with me despite having other options not because she just wants any man who is willing to take care of her and her children.

[Woggle]

I guess I hate men since I decided to divorce.

 

You just don't know till you've been there.

 

He was a bad husband so you had every reason to divorce. What I am talking about are women who set out to become single moms and then talk incessantly about how independent they are.

[Eeyore79]

I have dated single parents before, and wouldn't do it again, for the simple reason that the child comes first (as it should). I want a partner who prioritises me, like I prioritise them - I don't want to come second after someone else's kid.

 

I've typically found that if the kids want/need something, I get de-prioritised in favour of them, so I'm not prepared to put myself in that position again. I want my partner and I to be able to live anywhere we want (not stuck in a certain city because he has to stay near his kids), I want us to have a good lifestyle and have nice things (not be restricted because his kids eat up all his money), and I really don't want to live with someone and have his kids in the house making a mess and touching all my stuff. If they were my own kids it would be different, but they're not, so I'm not prepared to sacrifice anything for them.

 

I'm not against people with kids; my sister is a single mom with two kids. Having kids is fine; I just don't want to date you if I have absolutely any other options, which I currently do.

Edited December 5, 2010 by Eeyore79