Guys: thoughts on young(20's) single moms

[112233]

Ah bollocks. Women who dress to their body type look better than those who don't. To everyone.

 

"Dressing to your body type" doesn't really matter as much as almost anything else, including youth, to a straight guy. Haircuts, clothes, accessories, and all that crap are to impress other women. But what do I know, I'm just a straight guy who dates a lot. Keep listening to your girlfriends and your inner voice.

[sally4sara]

I appreciate the brevity.

 

Simply put, you are not male. You do not talk among men with various discussions. Fart jokes, dick jokes, and talks of the type of women men want to date that you just are not privy to. I have had the 'single mom' discussion with many, many men. Maybe I could ask you to trust me on that one.

 

My opinion is your point is unfounded. Doubtful we will agree, so lets leave it at that.

 

 

 

Maybe he thought you were easy. Maybe he thought you were a milf. Maybe he was trying to prove a point to some of his age group peers. Maybe he thought you looked desperate and was in need of a date. Maybe he didnt see you fifteen years ago. Maybe he was a loser (you shot him down). Maybe in his eyes, he thought you were hot. Ad nauseum.

 

All speculation of course.

 

Of course that a 35 year old woman would shoot down a 17 year old means there was something defective about him. How about I don't cradle rob and my name isn't Mrs. Robinson?

 

I don't care if you believe me or not. My husband gets the fruits of it either way. On his arm when we go out is a woman everyone thinks is younger than he is despite him being my junior by over 6 years, that also has the maturity to appreciate what he brings to the relationship we have.

 

And here you are, sight unseen, having shown enough with your words that I'd advise any woman of any status to pass you by assured she can do better.

 

Mwah dahling; eat your heart out.

[AverageJoe]

"Dressing to your body type" doesn't really matter as much as almost anything else, including youth, to a straight guy. Haircuts, clothes, accessories, and all that crap are to impress other women. But what do I know, I'm just a straight guy who dates a lot. Keep listening to your girlfriends and your inner voice.

 

You forgot about what they look like naked.

 

If womens looks didnt deteriorate with age, the botox, breast augmentation and surgical cosmetic industry would have went out of business long ago. Yet, they thrive.

[112233]

Of course that a 35 year old woman would shoot down a 17 year old means there was something defective about him.

 

Could just be that you're smoking hot, or he's looking for a root, or both. But unless you had issues when you were young, like being a fat teenager, if you're that hot now, you were even hotter then. That's almost 100% sure.

[112233]

You forgot about what they look like naked.

 

If womens looks didnt deteriorate with age, the botox, breast augmentation and surgical cosmetic industry would have went out of business long ago. Yet, they thrive.

 

Dude, when I see a skin cream that is marketed to 20 year old women that promises to make their skin look like they are 40, I'll believe. Until then ... not so much.

[AverageJoe]

Of course that a 35 year old woman would shoot down a 17 year old means there was something defective about him. How about I don't cradle rob and my name isn't Mrs. Robinson?

 

I don't care if you believe me or not. My husband gets the fruits of it either way. On his arm when we go out is a woman everyone thinks is younger than he is despite him being my junior by over 6 years, that also has the maturity to appreciate what he brings to the relationship we have.

 

And here you are, sight unseen, having shown enough with your words that I'd advise any woman of any status to pass you by assured she can do better.

 

Mwah dahling; eat your heart out.

 

You asked for speculation and I provided it. I told you, you wouldnt care for it.

So after my speculation you felt the need to cast aspersions my way. It is what it is, I suppose.

 

I have actually posted my picture on here before, have you? Go for it, let us be the judge.

[sb129]

I don't need to listen to my girlfriends, my husband tells me I am hot. He's pretty hot too.

 

Anyway lets just clear this up a little.

 

Lots of guys think they don't care about makeup, clothes, hair on women, and thats often because the women they perceive to be hot don't overdo it.

Its the subtleties of the womans grooming that can enhance her hotness, and often men don't notice these subtleties.

 

Women notice, because women know when other women have groomed. Overdoing it is obvious to everyone, and is often not hot.

 

If you can find me a picture of a woman who you find hot under these circumstances, then I am prepared to listen to you.

 

She must be ungroomed (100% au naturale- no hair removal anywhere, including eyebrows.)

 

No makeup, no skin care.

 

No plastic surgery, nor a gym sculpted body (because working out counts as grooming)

 

No hair grooming (and that includes brushing!)

 

Shapeless, ugly clothes. No bikinis, no nudity. Lets put "she'd look good in a paper bag" to the test shall we?

 

If you can find a woman that you find hot under these circumstances, I would be keen to see what you come up with.

[sally4sara]

Could just be that you're smoking hot, or he's looking for a root, or both. But unless you had issues when you were young, like being a fat teenager, if you're that hot now, you were even hotter then. That's almost 100% sure.

 

Its a coin toss on that one. The body was suspected of a surgeons touch and now looks more normal. Plus I thought I looked like a big crunchy haired elf back then when I look at the photo albums.

 

I chock it up to having worked night jobs, never being into tanning, and that i don't wander around wearing holiday themed sweaters and high waisted slacks.

[sb129]

Dude, when I see a skin cream that is marketed to 20 year old women that promises to make their skin look like they are 40, I'll believe. Until then ... not so much.

 

Most reputable cosmetic companies don't assume their customers are that stupid.

 

They KNOW a skin cream that claims to make a 40 year old woman look 20 is going to bomb out, woman aren't that dumb.

 

Their biggest customer demographic is women over 30, because they have more buying power (and more fear of looking old!)

 

So the successful brands target that market. Its more like "stay looking 30"

[sb129]

I'll put my picture up if you want. My wedding photos are in my profile. I got married nearly two years ago, so they are a little out of date, but not too much.

 

I have had a baby since then, but I can fit into my wedding dress again and my hair is the same.

 

So.... MILF or hag?

[sally4sara]

You asked for speculation and I provided it. I told you, you wouldnt care for it.

So after my speculation you felt the need to cast aspersions my way. It is what it is, I suppose.

 

I have actually posted my picture on here before, have you? Go for it, let us be the judge.

 

Already did twice in both photo theads. Sorry you missed it.

[musemaj11]

Its not a "fact". Its your "opinion". Mine is different to yours. Boo Hoo for you.

 

I don't really care anyway, I am 33 and proud. I know I look good for my age, and I don't give a sh*t about trying to compete with 20-something girls OR impressing guys who only think that 20 somethings are hot.

Lol, getting upset arent ya? :laugh:

[112233]

I don't need to listen to my girlfriends, my husband tells me I am hot. He's pretty hot too.

 

Anyway lets just clear this up a little.

 

OK, but let's keep it in context:

 

"Back then I didn't appreciate what I had and I didn't make the most of it.

I dressed to the fashion of the time, instead of to my body shape, and I didn't have the money to spend on grooming and decent haircuts/ clothes."

 

So we are going to exclude the effects of clothing fashion, expensive grooming and hair treatments, and expensive clothes. Fine.

 

 

 

Lots of guys think they don't care about makeup, clothes, hair on women, and thats often because the women they perceive to be hot don't overdo it.

 

Its the subtleties of the womans grooming that can enhance her hotness, and often men don't notice these subtleties.

 

Women notice, because women know when other women have groomed. Overdoing it is obvious to everyone, and is often not hot.

 

I notice hair to a degree, but I like simple hairstyles. Brushing your hair is not expensive. Nor is getting a trim once in a while.

 

 

 

If you can find me a picture of a woman who you find hot under these circumstances, then I am prepared to listen to you.

 

She must be ungroomed (100% au naturale- no hair removal anywhere, including eyebrows.)

 

No makeup, no skin care.

 

No plastic surgery, nor a gym sculpted body (because working out counts as grooming)

 

No hair grooming (and that includes brushing!)

 

Well now you're wandering into some odd strawman wonderland. I never said she had to have stone-age hygienic habits, and I clearly indicated what she looks like naked (gym) is important. Periodic grooming and removal of excess hair is not expensive or difficult. Hell, if my GF ever had trouble I'd help her with those hard to reach places. Of course, she only plucks a bit from her brows and trims the magic triangle, but still ...

 

Also some minor makeup is probably good, depending on the venue.

 

 

 

Shapeless, ugly clothes. No bikinis, no nudity. Lets put "she'd look good in a paper bag" to the test shall we?

 

If you can find a woman that you find hot under these circumstances, I would be keen to see what you come up with.

 

Now you're being silly.

 

First, the way a camera sees the world is vastly different than the human eye and live perception. Lighting and angle, proper powdering to remove natural sheen, and so on MUST be done to get a good picture. In real life the eye sees the lighting and our perception is much more informed.

 

Second, a straight guy is going to try and imagine what she looks like naked from about 0.5 seconds after first seeing a cute woman. It's just the way we work. Do as little as possible to interfere and you're golden, unless you're ugly.

[sb129]

Nope. Upset over what?

 

I even made my photo public so you can see for yourself.

[sb129]

112233- thanks for acknowledging that some grooming is appropriate.

 

Thats all I was trying to get out of you.

 

You suggested that it didn't matter.

 

If I had spent as much time and money on looking good when I was 21 as I do now, I definitely would have been hotter in my 20s. At least I look after what I have got now and have no intention of letting myself go, despite the fact that I am off the market.

 

Not much point pining over something that I can't get back now, is there?

[112233]

112233- thanks for acknowledging that some grooming is appropriate.

 

Thats all I was trying to get out of you.

 

You suggested that it didn't matter.

 

No, you said:

 

"Back then I didn't appreciate what I had and I didn't make the most of it.

I dressed to the fashion of the time, instead of to my body shape, and I didn't have the money to spend on grooming and decent haircuts/ clothes."

 

To which I replied "Clothes don't matter".

 

 

Everything else is all you.

 

 

I looked at your album, you look nice. Not my taste, I like smaller women and I prefer dark hair, but for the type or however you want to put it you are attractive.

[AverageJoe]

I'll put my picture up if you want. My wedding photos are in my profile. I got married nearly two years ago, so they are a little out of date, but not too much.

 

I have had a baby since then, but I can fit into my wedding dress again and my hair is the same.

 

So.... MILF or hag?

 

Meh, not bad. Charity work.

Not as hot as you might have been at a younger age without all the stretch marks after childbirth. Clothing cant accent a tight body.

 

After all it is your wedding day! The most important day in your life, yeah? Gotta look and good pristine for that. Your Dad, though, I must say is a damn handsome looking breed of a man. Age did him well.

 

 

I also dont go for girls with short hair. Looks too asexual to me.

[Titania22]

Can you explain to me why I got asked to the prom by a high school kid almost two years ago? You can't fake tuning the many shades of red this kid did after I told him I was 35.

 

 

That so awesome. I would love to go to an american prom with a high school boy. You go girl!

[sb129]

No, you said:

 

"Back then I didn't appreciate what I had and I didn't make the most of it.

I dressed to the fashion of the time, instead of to my body shape, and I didn't have the money to spend on grooming and decent haircuts/ clothes."

 

To which I replied "Clothes don't matter". Everything else is all you.

I looked at your album, you look nice. Not my taste, I like smaller women and I prefer dark hair, but for the type or however you want to put it you are attractive.

 

Thanks. Understood re: clothes.

 

Meh, not bad. Charity work.

Not as hot as you might have been at a younger age without all the stretch marks after childbirth. Clothing cant accent a tight body.

 

Charity work?

How do you know if I have stretchmarks? Not everyone gets them.

My body will never be the same after childbirth, but thats fine, its not bad now, considering. Thing is, I am not trying to be 21 anyway.

 

I will take that as a compliment, at least I was prepared to put my money where my mouth was.

 

After all it is your wedding day! The most important day in your life, yeah? Gotta look and good pristine for that. Your Dad, though, I must say is a damn handsome looking breed of a man. Age did him well

.

 

Yeah thanks he was a great person, unfortunately age didn't do him so well. He died of cancer three months after that picture was taken at the age of 57.

 

I also dont go for girls with short hair. Looks too asexual to me.

 

My hair isn't short- it was twisted up the back with layers in the front. Interesting comment...

[Woggle]

That a person feels this way is not dependent on them being a single parent. If anything, that they are already a parent can give you more clues about what kind of attitude they have about men and parenting, and how they handle raising kids.

A person without kids can tell you everything you want to hear and you'll only find out how true it is after you've had a kid with them. Where as a person with kids can tell you everything you want to hear, but the reality of their attitude will reflect in the way they guide their children and at what point they'd see the father as disposable for parenting.

 

Are there not things that a woman could do that would make you feel she should be removed from her own kids? What would those things be? How about your mother - if your father had one day, decided enough was enough and gotten full custody of you, sought out to limit her access to you - would you think he was wrong in doing that? Would you have felt he was treating motherhood as disposable or would you have felt he was protecting you? Because it was when I found out that my ex was jobless and living in a trashed home full of strewn about empty beer bottles and dead kittens that had starved laying about, molding where they dropped that I realized just how much I needed to restrict his access to my son. Yet right up to the point of that discovery, he'd been assuring me that everything was a-okay on his end.

 

 

Your situation is much different. Your ex sounds like a piece of work but you clearly value what your current husband brings to the family and that shows you do not view fatherhood as disposable. On the other hand I heard things like once the seeds are planted you throw away the bag all the time growing up. Men are also reminded everyday in our society of how useless and disposable we are considered to be so when a woman has a kid with no father it sends up red flags.

[sb129]

I don't think men are useless or disposable.

 

I hate the thought of life without my husband. For lots of reasons.

[MJ2]

I know who I am and what I'm looking for in a man... With or without kids. If a man shys away from me JuST because I am a mother, then he obviously had wrong intentions from the start. Or he doesn't like kids.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Its a sad thing when you look through this thread full people weighing in saying there is nothing to be gained in being in the life of a child as they grow. That the presence of a child is in direct competition to your own gain in a relationship. May none of you ever be given access to any children, biological or not because if that is how you feel then the only reason you'd have in bringing your own in to the world is to stroke your own procreative abilities. And that isn't enough to adequately qualify you for the job. You'll do nothing but bring more broken people into the world.

And then these same people try to say something about mothers being **** at parenting.................. These same people whinge on about the state of the modern family. Its disgusting.

Have none of you brothers or sisters? Cousins? Students of some sort? If there was nothing gained in involvement with children, we'd have long ago died off.

 

Get real! Just because a guy does not want to spend his time, money, and energy raising another man's child makes him bad? Or bad with kids? C'mon.

 

Broken people most often come from broken homes. Besides how do you feel about step dads disciplining non-bio children?

 

Besides... it takes a real unfeeling person to suggest that men get involved with children that they have NO RIGHTS TO. Chances of having a lasting relationship with a single mom are astronomically bad. But that's right... go ahead and bond with the child... Don't worry about having the child snapped away whenever the Single Mom decides things are not working to her satisfaction. That can't possibly hurt a man.... because men are like robots with no feeling or emotion. Right?

[jimbo]

 

Besides... it takes a real unfeeling person to suggest that men get involved with children that they have NO RIGHTS TO. Chances of having a lasting relationship with a single mom are astronomically bad. But that's right... go ahead and bond with the child... Don't worry about having the child snapped away whenever the Single Mom decides things are not working to her satisfaction. That can't possibly hurt a man.... because men are like robots with no feeling or emotion. Right?

 

This is SO true.

[Green]

The bolded part is a fair enough opinion. But if you've never dated a woman with children, may I ask how you know that it's "not so great"?

 

Well I've never had sex with a 400lb woman but just the though is an unattractive one... just the thought of a single mother is unnatractive to me and not something I want to try.

 

I don't think people are bad people for having a preference. In an ideal world, all men would be accepting of single mothers and their children, but this isn't an ideal world. It's not just the financial implications, it's the emotional implications. Whose to say the guy won't bond and then get dumped, and never have rights to see a child he helped raise again?

 

Also, most people would ideally choose to date someone without children simply because it is easier. I don't think that's wrong, it's honest. I can understand that it's tough on single parents, and fair enough, there's been a fair few generalizations and absolutes on here, but the point is true enough-most men won't date a single mother in her twenties.

 

By most, I mean most of the posters on this thread.

 

You say in an ideal world all men would be accepting of single mothers... I say there wouldn't be single mothers in an ideal world.

 

Many women in todays society are perfectly happy about the idea of having children out of marriage and or divorcing a man for what I view as silly reasons.

 

Ok My post now is not so much about young single mothers, although my grandmother was one, with 3 boys.

 

It is directed to those who feel that single mothers are never a good choice.

 

My grandmother met a man after her boys were fully grown, although due to financial constraint I don't think they had quite moved out yet. So they were men, possibly wives living at home.

 

She met a man, who had never had children of his own, and stayed by her side for 50yrs until he passed away last christmas. He had an active exciting life before he met her and an active exciting life while they were together. They were essentially the same age. He said that the 50years with her were the best of his life, and that he was very thankful to be included into her family and see her grandchildren as his own.

 

They were never held back by the fact she had previously had kids. They travelled the world, living and working in many countries and made there fortune together. There wasn't a day he didn't tell her he loved her. I believe he was very happy.

 

One thing a woman who has had and raised children, that someone who wasn't may not have, is an experience of selflessness (the ability to put the needs of another before your own), and a maturity that stems from not being free to do as she chooses every moment of the day.

 

Please consider that before making any blanket rules regarding your life. But as always do as you will, and I wish you all the best.

 

nice story but this is about dating a single mother in her 20's and I think its implied that her kids arn't adults. So what you've described is a completly different situation