How do I handle it when he gets all the attention in public?

[Chickadee2010]

Good morning one and all, I am in serious need of your opinions on how to handle a certain situation. Please know, I am not looking for anything but advice on how to handle myself gracefully and with dignity... I'm not looking for self-esteem counseling! I just need some ways to cope.

 

First, a little background. I was never much to look at growing up. Then suddenly, late teens, I came into some good looks. I went from never having a single date all through high school, to suddenly being able to attract guys pretty easily in college. It was at that time that I met my husband-to-be. I thought he was hot, great bod, great personality, blah blah blah. But nobody else thought he was much of anything. He hadn't had a date in forever. One of his friends even told me that he was so grateful I'd come along, because my guy had "given up" on ever finding someone.

 

This actually made life easy for me... I had no competition for this great guy. We became a couple almost immediately, and we've had a long, loving and faithful marriage.

 

Fast forward to today. I'm okay-looking, but there must be something extra-special about him now. He's aging gracefully, looks pretty good, nice smile... but somehow has become really attractive to women! When we go out to a party, they are just all over him. When we're out to dinner, waitresses (and waiters) lavish attention on him. And I just don't know how to handle it.

 

I think to myself, "If you were getting all this attention, would that make it any better?" But I don't think so. I don't want to compete with him for attention, and I don't want to compete with the world for him! I just don't know how to handle it when other people are trying to get all his attention, and especially right in front of me. He does nothing to encourage this -- I know, because I'm right there, every time, and it's with women everywhere.

 

And then I start to get mad and want to storm off, or worse. My blood pressure goes up... I'm afraid I'll make a scene. None of this is good.

 

So obviously I've got some self-esteem issues. And while I'm working on those on the side, I need to get through the mandatory holiday events coming up. I just want some tips, advice, hints, anything you can share, on how to get through this gracefully, with dignity, and with a scrap of my self-esteem intact at the end of the night.

 

Ladies with gorgeous husbands, how do you handle it? Men with stunning wives, how do you get through these things and still feel good at the end of the night?

 

Thanks...

[sally4sara]

When another woman begins to flirt with my husband in more than just a funny way right in front of me I've always taken it as her trying to get under my skin much more than her really trying to get with my husband. Most people know its damn rude and would not like it if someone did this to them.

 

First attempt I ignore. Its not worth it especially if its our server in a restaurant; she might just be hoping for a bigger gratuity. I've never had a server get too out of hand with that. Its usually just playing around.

 

But when it is blatant; to the point where I can see he is growing dismayed with their attempts, I begin to match how blatant they are and start hitting on them. I'll make suggestive comments such as how much I'd like to put them over my knee for a good spanking while my husband watches. It has always flustered the crap out of them and made them leave. Plus it amuses the hell out of us. Free entertainment!

[SoConfusledandHurt]

I love sally4sara's reply...and have used the hitting on the woman tactic many times...but actually it usually backfires on me and then I have them women kicking their men out ready for a relationship with me.

 

I get lots of attention while me and my fiance go out...tons! He is very graceful the way he handles it...but I always, and I mean always...when he is near and someone is flirting with me...make sure to let the person flirting with me know that Im with him and that he is the lucky guy taking me home tonight and forever. He totally trusts me because I tell him I know whats going on and would NEVER act on anything. He doesnt mind my flirtatious personality and because he trusts me, even when he does get jealous...he keeps it under control and then has wild aggressive sex with me that night...lol...super fun!

 

Do you trust your husband? If so...my suggestion would be to jump on the "my hubby is so hot" bandwagon with the ladies flirting with him. Letting them know that you know how lucky you are and work hard to satisfy him in all ways...and he you...and that you know how great he is. One of my favorite quotes that I said to his friends when I met them was "dont we love him" or "he is so great...I feel so lucky to know him" put me right in! LOL

 

Good luck!

[sominret]

Chickadee, I hear you! I'm married to a gorgeous man for a few years now, and let me tell you, there's nothing you can do about the attention they get. You just have to accept it and live with it, it's part of the package. If your husband loves you and your marriage is solid, then be proud of him and don't be intimidated by his looks.

Although it might feel that way, you are not competing for his attention, he is all yours!

 

And, because the very good-looking (and nice) men out there are so scarce, we are very lucky that we get to live and share our lives with them! Be happy and just enjoy!

[whichwayisup]

This actually made life easy for me... I had no competition for this great guy. We became a couple almost immediately, and we've had a long, loving and faithful marriage.

 

Look at it from another angle. Instead of being insecure about it, know that he's never cheated on you, he's faithful and he loves you and has been with you for a long time and that isn't going to change.

 

The women who throw themselves at him, flirt and flock to him -- It's a compliment about who he is, the man you married. They want him but he doesn't want them!!

 

Does he flirt back in the sense of giving them hope? Does he touch them, hug them or kiss them? My guess is no.

 

Next time this happens, go be with him and say, "aren't I the luckiest woman in the world to have such a gorgeous husband?" Or something like that.

 

He loves you, don't doubt that.

[Lovelybird]

If you feel insecure or overjealous about other women, then probably it means recently your husband hasn't been "chasing" you and making you feel secure in his commitment to you. In your relationship with your husband, it is possible that you are doing more than him recently? If this is the case, then step back and see if he will chase you.

[Chickadee2010]

Thanks for all your comments and suggestions. A variety of thoughts here! They're all great and I need to consider everything you've all said very carefully.

 

I do need to practice those "Isn't he gorgeous, I'm so lucky" comments out loud, ahead of time, so I can toss them off confidently the next time it happens. Because that is how I feel! And I know confidence is a lot more attractive than neediness. I think that's what's scaring me the most, I'm going to come off as needy and that can be such a turn-off.

 

Thanks again... I really appreciate hearing from all of you. Love can be so complicated, right?!