Relocate for job? divorced / kids w/ex

[alexlakeman]

• I have two children, ages between 9-13
  
• Been divorced 8+ years, so they were very young
  
• I'm entertaining relocating for a bump up to the next level in my career; there are no positions in the horizons, I am just in the entertainment stage.
  

 

 

 

• Any single parents or kids who's single parent relocated away from them? How has it been? How have visits been, just summers, once in a while? Air fares are expensive.
  
• Any thoughts or comments on the subject?
  

 

I am thinking all I've done in the Courts and for my kids, has not been a good return on my emotional / financial investments. Kids will not give a shi.t nor realize how significant you are to them, no matter what you do, and I am not talking material things.

 

Thoughts?

[pablopedro]

It's not about expecting a ROI from your children.

Yes it would be nice to be appreciated and given credit for, but you do the best you can as a parent, raise them the right way, be in their lives, always be there for them, and hope they'll be great human beings. But you shouldn't expect them to owe you something.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Raising kids is not a "give to get" proposition.

 

Lots of divorced people who decide to just do what they want to do use "my kids aren't interested in spending time with me anyway" as a justification.

 

If you are going to be selfish and bail on fathering your sons, don't put it on them. Own it.

[desertIslandCactus]

I'm happy for you that you will get a bump up .. in this economy..

 

At the time of my D, if I could have run to the opposite end of the US, I would have. And wanted to.

 

Have been blessed in being there for my sons though.. and blessed by them. Would have felt incomplete without them.

 

Perhaps the 'bump' will allow you the extra funds to still be able to visit them often, and they you - until they are of age.

[pablopedro]

There are plenty of fathers who either weren't around much, weren't around at all, didn't pay much in monetary or emotional support, and did there own things. Blame it on divorce, moving away, jobs, having kids too young, blah blah the excuses have been abused and overused for not really needing or wanting to be around.

 

It's easy to bail, especially if you can use the "their mother and I don't like one another." But these kinds of individuals aren't fathers. They aren't parents. And they aren't dads. More like sperm donors.

 

And we've seen plenty of those never around fathers who start to get closer to retirement age and their kids are now adults or near adulthood and they suddenly want to be a part of their kids lives. Except the kid wants nothing to do with them or it's just the superficial conversations and the "can't see you this weekend" excuse.

 

People are going to do what they must in life. But as a man who was never around for his own children, do you really expect 15-20 years from now that those kids are going to want anything to do with you? They might. They might hate you. They might just deal with you because you are the father. But at some point, people can't blame their children for not wanting to be around them or talk to them, or even like them, if they were never around to raise them. And at that point, you can't really say "i'm your father and you must listen..." because really, you weren't ever their father.

 

Not saying this is what will happen to the OP, but it happens time and time again. And time and time again 50-60 year old men have some life crisis and want to be around their children who are near adulthood and they complain about how those kids are spoiled or disrespectful, etc.

 

Sometimes people have to face the fact that it might be too late. Go figure.