Second Chance - Not meant to be

[Trovador]

My ex before the current one (ha ha) let me so depressed that I doubted I'd be able to date again, let alone fall in love, at least in the short term... but lo, I found myself an excellent gf in no time... certainly, it didn't work out either, but I wonder why I was able to forget the first ex so soon, when I was sure that would be short of impossible... what is sure though is that I really wanted to move on then...

 

By the way, sometimes interest in other people is made, it is rare when you click with someone the first time you meet them... if I were you, I'd go out with girls more frequently... after all, life is so short...

[confused_pjl]

So it seems like I can never escape my ex. Yesterday I came home from work and grabbed my mail. Going through my mail I found a piece of paper folded in 2 that was addressed to me in a child's writing. I opened it up and its a kids drawing that says....

 

"To P, I miss you, hopefully I will see you someday. Love S"

 

"S" is my ex's 9 yr old sister.

 

I feel bad because this 9 yr old girl was close to me and it bothers me that my ex would actually be ok with her sister doing this and dropping it off in my mailbox.

 

What action do I take here, if any? Do I leave it be or do I send an email to the mother just to let her sister know I received it and I say thank you?

[0hpenelope]

Oh man, what a sweet child.. At this instance, I don't think responding to thank S is a bad thing. The child has nothing to do with you and her sister's problems. If the little girl tries again, address boundaries that keeping in touch isn't appropriate anymore. Maybe you might feel like including that in your thank you note to S' mom?

[kaygato]

Its been probably close to 4 months since my last post. For those of you that remember me and remember reading my posts, Im sure you will appreciate this update.

 

I won't give too much of a background story since it can be found in my previous posts. In a nutshell, my ex left me when I was at my worst, lost my job, was struggling financial and was having a hard time staying motivated. She ended up dating someone she worked with not even 2 weeks after. 4 months after dating him she started reaching out to me. Needless to say, my entire summer was spent playing the yo yo game with her. She would reach out to me, tell me she wanted me back in her life and then she would go back to the other guy, and so on and so forth.

 

So, 4 months ago, she committed to working things out with me and officially ending things with the other guy. My mistake was believing her. Everything I expected this reconciliation to be...... it wasn't. I had a vision of it being fireworks, passion, desire, etc. I figured since we had both been apart so long and missed each other so much that we would go crazy on each other. Well, let's just say that was one sided..... my side.

 

It took me these past 4 months to realize that she is not the same person I fell in love with the first time. She had changed..... for the worse. I was no longer attracted to this person she became. She used to be someone who was so sweet, caring and passionate. Now she is selfish, cocky and inconsiderate.

 

The entire 4 months I tried working things out with her I was constantly dealing with disappointment and rejection. I was no longer a priority, I become second best, an option.

 

It makes me sad because I was giving her 110% of me and I was getting 10% from her in return. She didn't make an effort, she didn't even really try. It was like she just missed having me in her life and only wanted me when she needed me. Almost like it comforted her just knowing I was there when she needed me. Everything was on her terms.

 

Every time I would talk to her and express my intentions and concerns she would understand and commit to making changes/ progress. Well, she heard me but wasn't listening because nothing changed.

 

Today, I finally got the strength to get my stuff from her and officially walk away. Im still not sure how I feel about it. Part of me is sad and emotional while the other part is relieved that I no longer have to be uncertain, I no longer have to deal with the disappointment and rejection.

 

It was hard for me to make this decision because Christmas is coming so fast and we were discussing spending Christmas together.

 

In the end, she was the one that needed to make the difference. I tried, I made the effort. The only reason this ended was because of her actions, or lack of actions I should say.

 

Now I go back to square one. With a new outlook and new lessons learned. I just have to stay strong and completely remove her from my life, even if she tries reaching out again.

 

So.... second chances. :s

 

I guess it all depends on the person she is or has become. I personally feel if they really want it they would fight for it and want to commit and be passionate right away. If you don't see these signs than do what I couldn't do, be strong, ignore them and walk away.

 

Parts of your story remind me of mine. My ex left me when I was at my worst, also. But it was an ldr and I was having trouble communicating what was going on, so it's a little different in that way. But my ex kept me on a string for 3 months, and I went crazy trying to get him back. Then he finally ended it with me and 2-3 weeks later got a new girlfriend.

 

I totally understand how you're feeling, though. This sucks so much. I also feel like my ex isn't the same person he used to be. I don't even want him back anymore because of how he has become. I just wish I could have the old him back, but he's moving on. Think about what your ex did to you. It's not the way you treat someone you love. You should try and move on, and maybe go on a few dates. Maybe you'll meet someone who sees how great of a person you are.