Child masterbation -- common or should I be concerned?

[gabby898]

My sister is 5 and she rubs herself against the arms or the couches sometimes.

She doesn't actually masturbate but she just rubs herself.

 

I think it's normal tbh, and I know she hasn't been abused or anything!

 

I started masturbating at 15 but I knew what sex was from an early age and I do actually remember that when I was about 10, I liked getting half naked and looking at myself in the mirror

 

I guess every child is different and as long as she hasn't been abused, don't treat what she's doing something abnormal or wrong.

[denise_xo]

I have a 6 year old sister. I have caught her masterbating about 4 times now. The first 3 times she was touching her private with her fingers. Today I walked in on her using a ping pong ball to massage her private and she gyrating like she was having sex. She knows what sex is, since last week she made a comment, "My two fish are having sex!".

She is not my daughter. My sister. I told her mom what she was doing and she just brushed it off.

I'm concerned because I didn't know what sex was until I was about 11 I think, and I certainly never thought about touching myself when I was a child. I thought I was dying when I got my period at age 11.

Thoughts please..

 

I'll avoid the whole bath tub bit of the thread, but my understanding from reading articles by child psychologists is that children experimenting with themselves around that age is quite common, but that they often don't have an awareness of what it 'means' - i.e. that they won't be connecting it verbally to 'having sex', or having any idea about what 'having sex' actually means.

 

I don't remember what I was up to when I was six, but I remember experimenting with a girl friend when I was around ten or so.

 

I didn't know about sex either until my dad told me at 11 and I didn't believe him for another 2 years.

 

Cute

[Chitowngirl]

Inconsistent. She's your sister, but referred to the mom as hers, and not ours, which is odd.

How about you stop over analyzing a mistype and respond to my questions about the topic? No need to be NASTY.

[Chitowngirl]

So..I've done some internet research on the topic of child masterbation, and it's seem to be normal for 5-6 year olds to begin masterbating. They said it should only become a concern if they're doing it in public, or they do it more than 3 times a day. The daddy bath time has always disgusted me, as they are both naked in the tub for about 30 min -1 hour every night. I asked my step-dad why he lets my sister run around the house naked, and he said, "I'm not raising her in a strict Catholic household." So, yes, the difference in the parenting comes from my step-dad. My 6 yr old sister is his first child.

I have no idea if she's been abused, or is currently. My step-dad has always creeped me out, he's a little weird, but he seems like a decent human being with a heart. He is demented in his parenting, combining the bath time, nudity, etc...but that's his way of raising a child who isn't embarassed of nudity I guess..which I don't know why he would even care to focus on that.

Last night I was playing with my sister, spinning her around, throwing her in the air, and she was climbing on my shoulders, etc. After one climb, I put her down, and she said, "Can you do that one again? It felt good on my peepee." I was shocked she said that. I said, "no." And I walked away. I told her parents what she said, and my step-dad said, "She's going to be trouble." My mom just laughed and said something like, "Isn't it funny when they start exploring their bodies?"

[sally4sara]

If the bathing with daddy is all for some ideal these parents hold on how they want to raise the kid - does the kid bathe with mommy too? I've see nothing that indicates this is the case. I would think if the mother was also bathing with the kid, the OP wouldn't have specified only the father doing this. And if its all for the kid, why would only the father be bathing nude with the girl?

 

And the running around the house naked all the time so she doesn't grow up self conscious about nudity - a bit over board when you consider that the kid will also need to learn to not be nude all the time even more to conduct herself in public. If not being nude in their minds, promotes an unhealthy attitude about nudity, so too would being nude all the time promote an unhealthy attitude about wearing clothes yes? Not freaking out when the kid is nude and giving her a complex is one thing. Making a point of it becoming a habit is another and I can't see what the goal of it is other than to have a small girl child running around nude all the time.

 

Even more liberal child psychologist advise that mothers leave off bathing and exposed nudity to their sons and fathers leave off bathing and exposed nudity to their daughters before the age of 6. Most say after age 2 because the child could be beginning to retain memory. I remember things that happened to me before I was 2 and have an almost fully intact memory from age 3. I know not all children are this way, but you don't know when they will or control when they do begin to retain memory of things. This is why it is advised to stop dual bathing between opposite gender parents to the child early especially between girls and their fathers.

 

There is even a study where they focused on children who bathed and were exposed to their opposite gender parent's nudity. Even with that study needing the children participating to be exposed in this way, they still cut off the exposure before the age of 6. They found that girls exposed to their fathers nudity before the age of 6 had a distinct increase in early sex experimentation, teen pregnancy, and STDs by the time they were 17 - 18. The opposite was found of boys exposed to their mother's nudity up to the age of 6. Those boys showed a decrease in instances of early sex experimentation, teen pregnancy, and STDs by the ages of 17 - 18.

 

If the parents have made these decisions "in the interest of the child's development", they didn't find any research suggesting it to be a good thing to back up their choices. So I guess I'm wondering why it was so important to them (or one of them) to have the kid still bathing with her father?

If no research has found it to be beneficial, and much research has found it to be detrimental, what could it be that motivates him to do this I wonder?

[tinktronik]

If the bathing with daddy is all for some ideal these parents hold on how they want to raise the kid - does the kid bathe with mommy too? I've see nothing that indicates this is the case. I would think if the mother was also bathing with the kid, the OP wouldn't have specified only the father doing this. And if its all for the kid, why would only the father be bathing nude with the girl?

 

And the running around the house naked all the time so she doesn't grow up self conscious about nudity - a bit over board when you consider that the kid will also need to learn to not be nude all the time even more to conduct herself in public. If not being nude in their minds, promotes an unhealthy attitude about nudity, so too would being nude all the time promote an unhealthy attitude about wearing clothes yes? Not freaking out when the kid is nude and giving her a complex is one thing. Making a point of it becoming a habit is another and I can't see what the goal of it is other than to have a small girl child running around nude all the time.

 

Even more liberal child psychologist advise that mothers leave off bathing and exposed nudity to their sons and fathers leave off bathing and exposed nudity to their daughters before the age of 6. Most say after age 2 because the child could be beginning to retain memory. I remember things that happened to me before I was 2 and have an almost fully intact memory from age 3. I know not all children are this way, but you don't know when they will or control when they do begin to retain memory of things. This is why it is advised to stop dual bathing between opposite gender parents to the child early especially between girls and their fathers.

 

There is even a study where they focused on children who bathed and were exposed to their opposite gender parent's nudity. Even with that study needing the children participating to be exposed in this way, they still cut off the exposure before the age of 6. They found that girls exposed to their fathers nudity before the age of 6 had a distinct increase in early sex experimentation, teen pregnancy, and STDs by the time they were 17 - 18. The opposite was found of boys exposed to their mother's nudity up to the age of 6. Those boys showed a decrease in instances of early sex experimentation, teen pregnancy, and STDs by the ages of 17 - 18.

 

If the parents have made these decisions "in the interest of the child's development", they didn't find any research suggesting it to be a good thing to back up their choices. So I guess I'm wondering why it was so important to them (or one of them) to have the kid still bathing with her father?

If no research has found it to be beneficial, and much research has found it to be detrimental, what could it be that motivates him to do this I wonder?

 

How do you equate these studies to cultures where family bathing and public nudity is not too far out of the norm? Like Germany or Norway.

[desertIslandCactus]

I agree with some of the others, bathing with daddy is a no no.

 

Or to put it another way: If water is the problem - have mother bath the child first .. Child out, then the rest of the family take turns, or together.

 

Why wonder if a child is doing something appropriate, if their life is abnormal?

[Feelin Frisky]

I took a bath with my dad once when I was 6 or 7. Nothing happened, thank you, but by that age I was already like. "Wow. This is gross."

 

Anyways, my mom told me when I was 2 I was already masturbating bsaically. While the hot bath water was running in the tub, she said I (TMI) would stick it under the running water. I don't remember doing this, but I think she'd remember.

 

I'm now 19. And instead of giving too much information, I'll just say, I think it's normal, so long as there's nothing to lead you to believe there's something else going on.

 

Being a boy and perhaps showering with dad is not that unusual--it would be questionable if he didn't leave you to wash yourself or try to be an example of how to wash but instead just soaped up your pacjage, crotch and sphincter. That stuff is baby stuff and a parent needs to train the child ASAP to take charge of hygeine. But a 6 or 7 year old girl is different--at least in American mainstream. I can remember my dad telling and showing me some basic things like how to hold my pecker when peeing. But my father I'm sure would have had no similar advice for my sisters. I can only assume mom told them w/e they needed to know. Having so many younger sibs I can't imagine any one of them alone with dad in the tub or shower. It's out there.

[amerikajin]

I can remember fiddling with my jimmy when I was young and I thought nothing of it. Obviously, I couldn't bring myself to orgasm until I was about a teenager, but I could get erections from touching myself and would do so regularly. I think a lot of young children do it.

 

However, there's a difference between touching yourself and then imitating specific sexual behaviors. If we're talking about a child doing the later, imitating things that would typically be known only by a sexually active teenager or adult, then we have to find out where that behavior was learned. The behavior itself honestly seems a little bit borderline, to be honest. But you have to know for sure before you can act upon anything.

[sally4sara]

How do you equate these studies to cultures where family bathing and public nudity is not too far out of the norm? Like Germany or Norway.

 

Its a bit different to have the whole family practicing nudity than it is to have only one running around nude.

 

And I've yet to hear the OP say her mother bathes with the girl too or that they have some communal family shower situation going on.

 

Everyone nude? When in Rome. No one is being singled out so it is rather normal.

 

Everyone shares a communal shower? When in Rome. But one on one bathing between only the father and the little girl? Sound much more intimate than a public shower dontcha think?

 

We can cite Germany and Norway all we like, but till some research goes into showing this to be free of negative result, I don't care too much about what happens in Germany or Norway. And too much is at stake to write off how weird it is that this father is the only one in the house bathing nude for up to an hour with this kid as being innocent. If it is; fine. But if the OP ignores it and it comes out later this little girl's father is abusing her, she's going to feel awful.

 

Besides, the kid is 6. She will be starting school soon. The behavior the OP has noticed is going to cause her more problems than what her father claims he is trying to accomplish with his choice of child rearing. Just how beneficial is it going to be to this kid if she goes to school and takes her clothes off in class or starts humping a classmate because "it makes her pee-pee feel good"? As a parent, I'd be livid if some kid, for lack of learning some self control, did something that would otherwise be considered sexual assault on my kid because her parents thought it was sooooo cute that she is exploring her body.

At the very least the parents are shirking their duty in preparing the kid for the outside world she lives in.

[gisellefromhell]

Have you ever studied psychology? Sigmund Freud had theories on the stages of psychosexual development of a person that starts in infancy. There is something called the "phallic stage", that occurs in the ages 3-6. This is when everyone of us starts to differentiate ourselves from the opposite sex. According to Freud, the genitals are the primary erogenous zone and pleasure is derived from genital stimulation.

Edited December 8, 2010 by gisellefromhell

[KraftDinner]

I am just going to throw this out there... have you considered the fact that she could be itchy down there? Maybe an infection of sorts... and when stuff feels good on her "pee-pee" it might just be that it's scratching it...? I wouldn't automatically assume that her touching/grinding/etc. is necessarily sexual. It might feel good to scratch...

 

Possible?

[IzzyB]

It's pretty normal for a young child to notice and play with her genitals. Im not so keen on the bath with daddy though, especially if its a half hour every night.

Regarding your concerns that there may be either sexual abuse or inappropriate behaviors with/in front of your sister, the difference can be found in other behaviors. If there has been sexual abuse there are usually other behaviors such as, a change in the childs mood, sexualization of toys or people, verbal or physical display of sexuality beyond the childs age, etc. etc. So if you are only seeing your sister touch herself, or even use aping pong ball or other object that alone is not necessarily an indication she has been abused. However, if you are noticing any changes in behavior, moods, etc. then you need to be concerned. Also, her parents just brushing this off is not so great. She needs to be taught that its fine and normal to touch her "privates" but that she needs to do this in private and not in front of other people. Hopefully your mother does relay this. If your radar is telling you something is off, trust it and investigate further. Depending on the state that you live in, bathing with a child of the opposite gender could be reportable! Hopefully they will not continue this practice in the future if you all live in the states. I know that other countries are much more open than we are, but here its not a good practice. I would never bathe naked with my six year old son!

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I started masturbating around that age. Of course, I didn't know what the term was, or even about sex...I just knew it 'felt good.'

 

My mom took me aside and told me, "Muse, this is a private thing. You should never do it in public, and don't do it outside of your bedroom. If you do it, close the door."

 

I followed that pattern, and there were no issues.

 

Some children mature sexually earlier than others. And masturbation is a completely healthy practice (as long as you keep it behind closed doors.) Everyone, aside from complete asexuals, masturbates.

 

I wouldn't worry about it. The fact that your mom wasn't worried about it, signifies that it's a "no issue" for her. The only advice I would give is to have your mom have a talk with your sister, and basically tell her what my mom told me.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

A 6-year-old female child who is masturbating several times a day, and cognizant & open about her sexuality, should NOT be showing with an adult male. I'm sorry, but that's disgusting, and I think your step-dad needs to be locked away. :\

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

^ I agree. If the child is sexually curious, their father should not be taking showers with them. That's just creepy and disgusting.

[SouthernSunshine]

The child is most likely being molested.

[Kitchee]

тоже интересует данная тема..

[Leviia]

Yeah alot of things are screaming at me here .... if my 6 year old still bathed with her father I'd be having a hissy fit..... her father and I aren't together. He does have showers with his son but THAT is totally normal as he is only 3.

 

I showered with all my kids (girls) until they were about 3 years old too. my two little ones still have bathes together (4 and 6) but not with an adult man. Their father does give them bathes but he makes them wash their own privates.

 

Being curious and exploring is totally normal .... masturbating with a ping pong ball while gyrating her hips to it and knowing what sex is .. IS NOT NORMAL for that age. Tell someone else, a doctor or teacher .... seriously ... that is slightly disturbing and I'm pretty open minded. I have a 13 year old going through all the womanly stages of life and we are pretty open as far as questions and what she does ... but a 6 year old should not being doing some of the behaviors you just explained.

[NoIDidn't]

OP, I think you should talk with your sister and ask her if she is itching down there. And ask her, nonchalantly, what she and her dad do during bath time. Offer to do bath time with her if you are there one night, and observe her behavior.

 

I don't think the masturbating is all that odd. But I do think doing it with a ping pong ball and gyrating is concerning.

 

Daddy should not be taking baths with a six year old unless mom is doing it as well. And the OP hasn't said that mom ever does it as well.

 

And, OP, talk to her mom again and tell her your actual concerns. Not in an accusing manner, but that you would feel horrible to find out that someone (not necessarily dad) was abusing her and you never spoke out about it.

 

Someone else already mentioned the many things that abuse children do. You haven't really listed the ones that are more concerning in your sister. The BIG ONE for kids being molested is the child inappropriately touching others in sexual ways, not really masturbation (unless its several times a day). And you haven't said that your sister touched you inappropriately, but that you did something that made her "peepee" feel good.

 

She could have an infection or other skin irritation like contact dermatitis going on down there. Especially if she's taking these extra long baths with a man that has sex with a woman (communicable germs and all).

 

I was sexually abused right around age 6. So while I am concerned about the behaviors mentioned, you haven't mentioned enough for me to think she's being abused just yet. Definitely concerning things, but not enough to yell "abuse".

 

Talk to your little sister. Kids are surprisingly open when they don't feel they are doing anything shameful. And abused kids typically feel that they have done something shameful. They look "caught" when certain topics come up. I'm not getting that vibe from your posts about your sister. Creepy dad? Yes.

[Trimmer]

I'll avoid the whole bath tub bit of the thread, but my understanding from reading articles by child psychologists is that children experimenting with themselves around that age is quite common, but that they often don't have an awareness of what it 'means' - i.e. that they won't be connecting it verbally to 'having sex', or having any idea about what 'having sex' actually means.

Yes, it's when the adults come along and say "Ewww, Ick, Gross!" that it gets put into a lifelong context...

 

There is even a study where they focused on children who bathed and were exposed to their opposite gender parent's nudity. Even with that study needing the children participating to be exposed in this way, they still cut off the exposure before the age of 6. They found that girls exposed to their fathers nudity before the age of 6 had a distinct increase in early sex experimentation, teen pregnancy, and STDs by the time they were 17 - 18. The opposite was found of boys exposed to their mother's nudity up to the age of 6. Those boys showed a decrease in instances of early sex experimentation, teen pregnancy, and STDs by the ages of 17 - 18.

Could you give a citation for that study please? I'd like to follow up.

[CailinPig]

it's all perfectly normal, speaking from experience. i remember wanting to take my clothes off in front of a boy i fancied when i was 7. i didnt know why, i just wanted to!!!

[Tres]

sometimes more sexually questioning than the others.

 

OP do you have any reasons (besides that you parents let your sister run around naked, taking baths with parents or some self-stimulation--all these are pretty innocent taken by themselves) that set off alarm bells for you? I mean something besides general uptightness you may feel at your sister or her upbringing being different than you.

 

It is innocent only for majority females. Males are made differently.

When a man see a nude body/genitalia any female or girl including his own kids, he gets horny and he gets erections. It is a visual turn on/a natural reaction/instinct for a male. Pedophilia is the most common sexual paraphilia.

 

Also, it is not innocent that a 6 y.o. girl looking at an adult male's penis on daily basis.

Edited March 9, 2011 by Tres

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

It is innocent only for majority females. Males are made differently.

When a man see a nude body/genitalia any female or girl including his own kids, he gets horny and he gets erections. It is a visual turn on/a natural reaction/instinct for a male. Pedophilia is the most common sexual paraphilia.

 

Also, it is not innocent that a 6 y.o. girl looking at an adult male's penis on daily basis.

 

What the...that is sick! I've seen my sister's daughters naked, even given them baths (they were 5 and under), and I never wanted to do anything with them!

 

If I saw my sister or anybody else in my family nude, it would be the same. The only erection I've ever gotten around a family member was around a hot cousin, and she was a third cousin, so it's not like it was anything gross...I think Einstein married his cousin.

 

This is an example of misandry. Thank you, but not all men are horny perverts who can't control themselves because of their penises.

[Tres]

What the...that is sick! I've seen my sister's daughters naked, even given them baths (they were 5 and under), and I never wanted to do anything with them!

 

If I saw my sister or anybody else in my family nude, it would be the same. The only erection I've ever gotten around a family member was around a hot cousin, and she was a third cousin, so it's not like it was anything gross...I think Einstein married his cousin.

 

This is an example of misandry. Thank you, but not all men are horny perverts who can't control themselves because of their penises.

 

I certainly did not mean you. I meant the men who get horny with kids.