earliest memories

[painfulxsistense]

When i was 4 my parents divorced my mother and two older brothers move into housing project with mothers twin,divorced, insane sister and her 3 children. she was put into mental institution by her parents for beating her kids and crying nonstop. by this time she is out and grandparents have died. one evening me and my cousin were placed into bathtub together .wasnt long before we realised that soap felt good when rubbed on our penises. mothers walk in and catch us . we are immediately given a beating and then made to wear female cousins dresses. also made to put on lipstick and mothers high heeled shoes all the while being made to walk around the house while being called lil' sissys by our mothers. i remember vividly the taste of ruby red lipstic stumbling around in those high heels with tears of shame running down my lil' face and repeating over and over "i dont wanna be a girl". " mommy i'm not a girl"! the whole time being being laughed at as we begged to take off those damn dresses ..........4 yrs. old.