He Said Yes

[giraffegirl]

I have been friends with this guy for just over 3 years, we are friends with benefits. He has always been really careful not to give me the impression that he is interested in dating or anything of the sort. We are both late 30s.

 

We have had our ups and downs, and have had a mostly purely sexual relationship.

 

we have gone our seperate ways many times over the 3 years. Usually caused by me asking him "out", and him totally freaking out thinking that if he goes anywhere with me he is committing to a relationship. And im just talking about normal things like movies and dinner.

 

Anyway recently i was lamenting how i really need a holiday because i was sick of working ( and I have had such a dreadful few years due to some deaths and all sorts of things related to that and he knows that but i didnt mention it this conversation.)

 

So out of frustration i asked him if he wanted to come on holiday with me, fully knowing that the answer would be NO.

 

But he actually said YES! I have no idea what has caused this massive shift.

 

Getting him to commit to a particular week for us to go is proving a challenge but i am trying to be patient with that, as he has a pretty full on job.

 

But i am wondering why he has changed his mind? We have never even spent an entire night together, like he has never slept over. We have never spent an entire day together even! I have to admit i am a little nervous about it all.

 

Why do you think he has changed his mind about spending time with me? And 4 days in a row no break!

[giraffegirl]

no one? lol:o

[giraffegirl]

still no one

[sb129]

Do you want him to be your boyfriend? Do you want to take it to the next level?

[giraffegirl]

I dont know. I think i do, theoretically i do, but we have never spent more than about 4 hours together over the past 3 years. I dont know if he will be any different, or i'll turn out not liking him. I dont know should i be able to tell what he is like already?

 

And what does it mean by him agreeing to go on holiday? Does that mean that HE wants to take it to the next level?

[giraffegirl]

i mean 4 hrs at a time

[sb129]

Its hard to say, but him agreeing to go on holiday suggests that he wants to spend more time with you.

Which could mean he wants to take it to the next level.

[giraffegirl]

Its hard to say, but him agreeing to go on holiday suggests that he wants to spend more time with you.

Which could mean he wants to take it to the next level.

 

its a big jump from just having sex together to going away on holiday. We have separate lives pretty much

[Mme. Chaucer]

With the history you've described, I'd be very wary of putting very much weight on this turn of events.

 

It sounds like you are all ready to jump into a relationship with your FWB if he would only say the word. I think this because you started this thread. If you were truly in the FWB frame of mind, I doubt his motives would matter much to you; you'd take this "yes" at simple face value. Maybe he needs a vacation exactly as much as you do, and a vacation with sex sounds better than one without!

[WTRanger]

The only reason he wants to go is sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. Lots of sex. Lots of meaningless, soulless, non-attachment sex.

 

It's not a big jump at all. It means nothing. The only meaning you have applied to it is the one you've made up in your head.

[DuskCrush]

He said yes but has made no real commitment to actually go on a holiday.

I think you're seeing an ocean in a puddle.

Dump this guy.

Move on.

It's not that he doesn't want a relationship...he just doesn't want one with you. I'm not trying to be mean. Im thinking of this as tough love.

[phillyfan]

Id be suprised if he comes thru with committin to a date for ur vacation-I think he'll bail or expect u to pay.

 

The dude just sounds in it for the sex, u sound like ur in love, not a good match, find someone who loves u back:D

[giraffegirl]

thanks for all the feedback, i appreciate it. Theres no date been set yet but its more about his job than anything else. He seems to still be keen to go though. But ive pretty much decided not to get too excited because like someone kindly said, it might not even pan out

 

im just depressed, i hate christmas, my family are dead and will be alone

[Eddie Edirol]

Dont read anything into this YES until you get down to getting money from him for the tickets. If he hems and haws when it comes to pulling out the credit card, then you will know the yes was only to keep the sex going and no vacation.

 

BTW you will NEVER take this to the next level, especially after 3 years. He doesnt like you enough to want to spend that kind of time with you. You serve a purpose, and if he wanted to spend more time, he would have already. If waiting for him is keeping you from finding someone to have a meaningful relationship with, you better shiit or get off the pot. Stop wasting your time.

[2sunny]

are you paying for the vacation?

 

since he hasn't made the effort to date you - expect nothing. that is what you signed up for with the FWB arrangement. stick to what you agreed to or walk away with some dignity.

 

if you're paying - he will go = free vacay and free sex... some men go for that... not a man i would be interested in... but he's looking like he's that type given the circumstances.

 

i wish you wanted more for yourself... why do you think you don't deserve it all if you spend time and energy giving yourself to a man?

[shayan]

ahhh, Giraffe girl. Listen I tend to agree with the crowd here. Why are you in something with a guy for 3 years when he gives you nothing but sex. It's sad, don't do this to yourself. Before you go on vacation with this guy I would have a final talk with him and he still doesn't want anything I'd cut him off. Because holding on to something broken will prevent you from finding anything good.

[mitchell]

How is the sex after 3 years together?