can't deal with this

[jonathan]

I used to think that I was the problem, but I'm not. I did what I could to make her happy. She is not even happy with herself, nothing she does is good enough for herself. If I did something for her, she would not care or it would not be special so I'm not to blame. I still dont know what to do. I was there for her in every way even after we broke up. but now I do not have contact with her and it is getting hard by the day. I think to myself... She was in my life for a long time, life without her I can not see happening or me living on without her.

 

I always wonder what she is doing. still to this day if I hear a sound outside I think it could be her so I quick get up to see if it is her. It never is but I still think it. if someone calls me I think it is her, but its not. how can someone have this effect on me like this?

 

she knows my weakness and she knows my strengths. no matter what I do she knows what I'm doingbefore I do. She is so smart and beautiful. I still have it in my head that one day we will get back together. So I'm waiting for her, cause what if she comes back and I have started another life? then what? should I just stop what I'm doing and go back to her? that is very confusing.

 

I'm still hurt and sad over this! How much looooooonnnnnnnngggggggeeerrrrr????

[meanon]

You've said it yourself. She is not happy, with you or without you. That will not make for a happy life for you if you get back together. Read the thread again. It seems to me like you were up and down but getting better and better until you started seeing her and hoping for a reconciliation, then things got worse. If this is what has happened there are 2 possible reasons:

 

The level of contact you have with her means you can't get over her,

You are no longer in control of your emotional state, she is.

 

Re-take control and avoid her as far as is possible. This girl is very mixed up and she has done you harm, I can't see how that's going to change.

[jonathan]

I cant say I'm happy with or without her cause they both kind of due, but dont at the same time. I happy to be without her cause I am living my life and having fun with my friends. hanging out with them makes me happy. but without her I feel alone and it is like I'm ugly insaide and out.

 

I am a completely different person now. I have change the way I think about things, nothing can make me mad anymore. the only thing that makes me mad is the fact that it is over between us. I just wait for the time I see her with another man, I think it will drive me crazy. to think of that makes me Angry.

 

Meanon, you have just said it best. wow that felt good to hear. but I feel sad and happy, sad and happy through out the day. I say I fine then the next minute I'm not, I have the same dreams now without her as I did with her. I believe that dreams mean something and that you have to figure out what they mean and this one is saying that I have to let go. it was preparing me for this but I didn't what to know. I'm a mess and I think I still need time to heal, BUT WHEN WILL IT BE OVER?

[meanon]

I wish I could tell you, I don't know. People recover at different rates. But you will get over her. It will be quicker if you don't see her. People have posted on here who have been as low as it's possible to get and they turn the corner in a month or two. Others take longer, sometimes a lot longer. But it does get easier as you regain some control over your emotions. You were doing well really quickly - you'll feel better very soon I'm sure. We're here for you.

[jonathan]

she is so messed up it makes me sick. I am going crazy I cant take it anymore I need time far away from this place I AM GOING CRAZY CANT TAKE IT CANT TAKE IT. I need to do something with my life that will change it forever