can't deal with this

[meanon]

You are coping with this so well, it is a credit to you .

 

It takes time to change the habits of the heart, looking out for her is just that. You can't turn it off just like that. Her welfare may always matter to you but it will settle into fond concern, rather than anxiety.

[jonathan]

thank you all for replying to my posts.

 

I dont know if I'm getting better or worse. my brain thinks about her and my heart doesn't want to be hurt anymore. this is one of those time where I find myself so mad and angry. Hate and love are the most powerfull emotions that anybody can feel and I am feeling both at once.

 

how can I ever onpen myself up to another again? I dont want to go throw this again. this is a lot to deal with. I dont want to be single and if I wanted to I could get another girl, but I am scared to let anyone in (not saying that I'm a pimp or anything) life again. this is a scare that will never go away.

 

you see everything is going to remind me of her cause we did everything together. we were with each other everyday. we enjoyed the same hobbys and we liked the same movies and games, and even the same kind of foods.

 

this is my bearding my pain and my sorrow. if I go somewhere, there is a great chance that I will see her. if its the movies or reastrauts or even the mall. where ever I go I brace myself for when I see her. Do you think I should move?

[gaia]

It's very early to be making decisions about things like moving. Like meanon, I think you are dealing with this really well. I think because you've been honest and expressed your feelings, you are moving through the grieving process more quickly than most.

 

Hate and love are the most powerfull emotions that anybody can feel and I am feeling both at once.

 

Not uncommon. Hate and love both mean you have a lot of feelings for her. The opposite of either is indifference (as quoted on LS a million times!).

 

how can I ever onpen myself up to another again?

 

You will, when the feeling is less raw. A loss of trust for a while is normal and natural.

 

this is a scare that will never go away.

 

It will. Or at least, this experience will become integrated into your personality, what makes you you. Give yourself time to heal before you get involved with anyone else. It wouldn't be fair on either of you to take this baggage into a new relationship right now. When you've healed a bit, then move on.

 

Take care

[jonathan]

I would rather be kicked in the face over and over again then to go through this again. I thought I had it all and that no one can take it away. I was wrong. She through it all away. I love her so much.

 

If your nice to girls they think you can't take care of yourself and that your a wus. you give them what they want and then they step all ove you. you give them your heart and they break it into pieces and then give it back.

 

We were so in love with each other. aal the plans we made, like vacations are all a memory. I still wish We can get back together... I think.

 

This is the hardest thing that I ever had to do. And I wish that no body goes through this pain. I can't see how this is a learning experience for me!!

 

1 hour ago I was angry and now I'm sad and crying for her to come back..... to me with open arms. I miss her kisses and her hugs and her love. I loved the way she laughs, I loved the way she talks and I loved the way she makes me laugh. I also loved her to just be in my company. But all.... that is gone now and I will never see it again. EVER

[MeToo]

The last three (3) posts (your replies) are signaling the approach of depression. This is an area we are trying to stop you from going. All the signs tells me you are not very far off ([color=red]I would rather be kicked in the face over and over again then to go through this again[/color], [color=blue]you give them your heart and they break it into pieces and then give it back[/color], [color=brown]This is the hardest thing that I ever had to do. And I wish that no body goes through this pain[/color]. But the real “trigger” was when you said, “[color=black]1 hour ago I was angry and now I'm sad and crying for her to come back..... to me with open arms[/color]” (signs of the beginning stages of depression).

 

Jonathan, you are reading the post [color=blue]but you are NOT listening to the post[/color]!

It’s like the other posters are grabbing you by both arms and both legs, as you free fall to earth and you are not helping to break that fall.

 

Go back and re-read the post and begin to read with your head. [color=darkred]LEAVE YOUR HEART OUT OF THIS FOR NOW![/color]

[NotaBadGuy]

Jonathan,

 

I know your kind of pain. I lost the woman I married. But to another man. Now all the the emotions you are and have been speaking of, I have felt the same. It was and is not any type of feeling you would wish on anyone. And the initial stages of the breakup and the sense of loss, especially when they are here one minute and gone the next. My woman left in November of last year. It was a bad, bad time for me personally. I lost 25 pds between November and December. Weight I did not have to lose either. I fall inbetween the stages of recovery myself to this day.

 

I sometimes think I am doing so much better, but then I wake up the next day and feel as if I am the lone man on the planet. It is tough. I get angry at her for putting me through this and want to just call and chew her tail out. BUt then again I want to see her smile and feel her touch. At times, I want to go smack this guy upside his head for taking something away from me that I thought was mine. But then realize she was not mine to begin with. Then sometimes I want to sometimes run to the furthest place away from here.

 

I fear running into her to this day. I do not go to the mall, resturaunts, or the movies because I know she frequents them. I go to class at school and leave as soon as possible. I contemplate moving away from here all the time. All my opportunities are here too.

 

My point in all that was that you can and will survive. Your emotions are normal. I sometimes feel as if I am behind the power curve because I think I should be well into recover by now, but I keep pushing on. You can do the same. You have to crawl before you can walk right now. I had many moments where I had to drag myself along. I had to force myself to eat. I had to force myself to go to school. I had to force myself to go to work. I placed everything I had every worked for in jeopardy - health, education, work, future. So please believe me when I say I understand your position.

 

I would reccomend not having any contact with her. My ex tried to contact me over the phone several times and I fell for it. As far as I was into recovery, it took my right back into the abyss. She told me things similar to what your ex has told you. You don't need it. You need to focus on yourself now. You have to take care of yourself too. This is no fun. It hurts and hurts bad. But you will make it through. Some days are better than others.

 

It is okay to cry. It helps to cleanse the soul. Real men can do this. I did it often myself at the beggining. I would turn to anger also. But you cannot let either one of these emotions consume you. Either one is healthy and normal.

 

I don't know if this has even helped, but I figured I would at least post since I have recently expereinced the same emotions. You have come to the right place. The LSers will help to comfort you, guide you, and ultimatley help bring you out of the abyss you feel you are in right now. You have to stay strong even in your darkest hour. Things will get better. You will recover. But it is not an overnight process and you do have to work at it.

 

Best of luck and I hope you let us know how things are going.

[Fedup&givingup]

There is NO pain greater than that of a loss, and a breakup is a tremendous loss. I sincerely feel for you, and my heart goes out to you, both of you.

 

I know what it feels like, and the first heartbreak I ever felt...I thought it would literally kill me. I remember feeling angry...you need to feel that, it will help you heal.

 

Johnathan, I read all your posts, and I have noticed a transgression from you...slowly you will feel better, and I already see an improvement.

 

All I know to say is I feel SO bad for you, I know what it's like. Meanon was quite right in what she said, and I think everyone that has offered advice was right on. It WILL get much better, and you will make someone very happy. Don't ever doubt that!

 

Continue keeping up posted

[jonathan]

Well I saw her today (14th of march) and boy that was a mistake. She was looking better then ever, and to know that I cant have her any more makes me sick to the stomach.

 

I think that this is for the best. I told her that I love her but I cant see or talk to her anymore. I am washing my hands of her. I feel good cause I am doing things that I would not have done if I was with her.

 

You all helped me and if it wasn't for you all, I would have had to go through this alone and who knows what would have happened.

 

depression almost got me. But I duct and it when right over me. I can say that I am ok with this. It still hurts me but I saw that this was also going to pull me under to the point of no return. now I feel the sun on my face and the air is flowing into my lungs. I thinking clear and going on with my life. sabbing and being sad about this is in the past.

 

real quick, she told me this today, " if we were to get back together, if I go to a party and sleep over there, will you be ok with that?" I did not say yes or no I just said see ya later. I hope that was the right thing to say!!!

[MeToo]

Silence IS golden.

You left the question “completely open”. Not affirming leaves her to rethink what she said. If you are truly “coming out” of the last remnants of this broken relationship, then this is a “signal” for you to “start closing the door”. Most men would view that statement as an unthinkable. [color=darkred]“Sleeping over? Come on, get real” is what you should have been thinking.[/color]

[meanon]

Cetainly not stupid, Jonathan

 

Glad to hear you sounding better.

 

" if we were to get back together, if I go to a party and sleep over there, will you be ok with that?" I did not say yes or no I just said see ya later. I hope that was the right thing to say!!!

 

I think that was just the right thing to say - non-committal: let her explain herself. Do you know what she means? I suspect that either:

 

she is messing with your head

 

she wanted some freedom in the relationship and rather than discussing this with you openly she decided to end it and is now having second thoughts - what does "sleeping over" mean to her?

 

she wants what she can't have - when she had you she wanted freedom and now she's got it and sees you moving on she wants you again.

 

I think this girl sounds confused, she was clearly unhappy in the relationship or she wouldn't have ended it. Be careful Jonathan, she is a risk to your continued well being. Don't go back there unless you are very sure that you have dealt with the problem and can both be happy.

 

Apologies if I've entirely misunderstood what she said.

[MeToo]

Meanon is right. She IS messy with your head for she can’t have that (freedom) while in a relationship. Let me clarify that. With the amount of trust you have (after all that’s said and done) at this time, she can’t have this freedom (staying over night).

Now you know one of the items she needs if “ever” you guys got back together. [color=blue]I hope your hand is still on that closing door.[/color]

[jonathan]

why is it that everytime I wake up I am thinking about her. Do over. my life is now starting a do over. she does not want me back, but I still want her back. but I cant so way try to get her back. away, she hurt me and I not going to let her hurt me again. She can go out and have her fun.

 

I was her first boyfriend to so of course this was going to happen. when she was ugly to all I found the beauty. and that the beauty came out, she can get anyone she wants now. that is the whole reason she did this. SO I'M ANGRY, NOT SAD AND I SAY, "F-HER AND LET HER GET HURT."

[meanon]

Yes It's a do over but it will be quicker this time - hang on in there Jonathan. The end's in sight

[MeToo]

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see where this is going now, Jonathan. You are still left with raw emotions but the fork in the road lay before you. The anger and resentment will be with you a bit longer but now your head is coming into it’s own now. Be careful not to let your heart try and “retake” the path that lay before you. You need to end this thing quickly now.

 

That “Upright Stage” I mentioned a few days ago, well, you are “on your Knees” right now. “Stand Up”, Jonathan! You have what you need now! Work on not “rethinking” what happened (your subconscious speaking). Eventually, this will pass too.

 

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus

 

MeToo

[jonathan]

I still cant let her go.if she wants it this way then qho am I to tell her NO. I am happy and I am going on with my life. But I have stuff over at her house that I want yet. And I have to get them cause they mean alot to me. Stuff like art work form school.

 

SHe looks so good, and I wish she could have looked like this when we were going out. She looks even better then when we first started to go out together.

 

I can now talk about this without getting worked up. I'm getting better but SLOWLY. A little too slow. I also am going out with my friends more. doing things and just having fun. but I still think like she is there. so I will call her name. You know what I mean!!!!!!!! and this is the worst one.... I'll be talking to a girl and I will call her by my exes name. I get embarrassed and turn red. I guess that means that I'm not ready to go out!!!!!

 

?????????? WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP THIS???????????????????????

 

I feel great and I can except this. ( life is what you make it) keep my head up.

[Fedup&givingup]

Jonathan,

 

I wouldn't really be thinking about other girls at this point, you are still healing. It is a slow process, but you are making progress.

 

It was evident that you started to feel anger right away after this break up happened, and you need to remember that. What she did to you was pretty low. I'm thinking that if you got back with her that you wouldn't be able to trust her the way you once did. She broke up with you out of the blue.

 

I see the head games she's playing by baiting you with informing you or asking you if she goes out, can I/what if. You didn't say a word, GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Woo hoo! Do NOT let her know how much this has hurt you. Stay as clear of her as possible.

 

You will find a girl that is right for you. This one wasn't, although you thought she was. The right one won't cause you this kind of pain. You're doing great!!!!

[jonathan]

I miss her her so much now. Everything that was said is helping but the only way I'm going to get trough this is by myself. people break up all the time. It just happenes that way. But why does it have to be me?

 

This sucks!! whenI go to bed and when I get up from bed I think about her. those are the time when I feel depressed (like now). I cant keep busy all the time and those are the two times where I cant find something to do. they are the hardest times to not think about her.

 

I dont want her out of my life. I still want to talk and see each other but I know that is a bad idea. The one thing that mattered to me is gone and it is out of my life forever. SO many things remind me of her. now it is some of my cloths because either she bought them for me or I was with her.

 

2 weeks aint a long time but WHEN IS IT GOING TO END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too many things to remember and too much pain. I thought I was doing good but it is too strong. I can only fight it for so long and now I give up fighting it. I'm not fighting this any more. I cant go on anymore like this.

 

I try to remember the good times we had, but it is all blocked by this break up. It has consumed me to the point where I go numb.

 

I know it wont be easy but now I'm back right where I started........

[meanon]

Sorry you are having a bad day Jonathan. It will get better soon, really it will.

 

You are right not to contact her while you feel like this - but it won't last for long. Have you read some of the threads from people in your position? Honestly there are many people who feel just as bad as you and sure enough, given time they recover.

 

It may be strong but you are stronger, Jonathan. You've proved that already.

 

It seems all bad now but when you look back on this you will see it has made you stronger, experience like this makes you grow and change, makes you a deeper person more able to value love when it comes along again. Your first love will always have a bit of your heart but you will enjoy fond memories one day, rather than this pain you feel now.

 

Hang in there Jonathan you will get over this. Find things to do, people to talk to when you know you will be low. Or post on LS.

[MeToo]

Yours is an extreme case, Jonathan. The love you “have” (like right now) is incomprehensible by us (repliers to you). But the hurt will end. Yours will take a bit longer and it saddens me to think this. The helplessness I now feel says to me that there are folks who have a hole in their heart and the healing process will take longer. But rest assured, “this too will pass”. But for right now, it’s you who will decide when enough will be enough.

MeToo

[Fedup&givingup]

Jonathan,

 

I feel your pain. I've been there, and it will all pass. Unfortunately, you just have to go through it. I am amazed at how much you have bounced back since this has initially happened. You ARE strong, remember that!

 

She is teasing you in a lot of ways, no doubt about that. The more you resist her teasing you (by looking good, and asking YOU for "permission" to sleep over somewhere, what a load of CRAP!) the harder she will try to reel you in. Keep that in mind, and also keep in mind that people here are looking out for YOUR best interest. You've got support. I know I'm glad I've come here to express my concerns...I couldn't have found a softer pillow to lie on. The people here are very honest, and they give clear cut advice.

 

Keep your chin up, this day will pass...you will feel stronger tomorrow. You regressed a little, and that's natural. Spring and summer are on there way, and you will have a great time, I can feel it. For now, take things one day at a time. You can't get to the "place" you want to be without having to go through the process.

 

Hang in there!!!!!!!

[jonathan]

Today was a bad day for me. I was soooo sad today. I cryed most of the day. but I lived through it and any day that comes. I not going to lie to you all, I'm still not over it but I am living on. My life is not better that she is gone, but more along the lines of less satisfying. I feel good I feel great. I was just told today that she has cheated on me and you know what.... It doesn't hurt that much. I just feel a little dirty. Is that normal or what? Time is either my friend or my enemy. I am making it my friend.

[Ganderson]

I have done well without my ex for three weeks, but I suddenly felt the pain this morning again!!!!!!!! I can't believe this!!!

 

I felt the urge to call my ex, but I didn't know what I would say to her. I would either ask her to get back with me or ventilate my resentment of the situation to her. After all, I decided to forget about it and share my pain with the members here. We do need each other's support to go through this B.S. that our ex put us through.

[Fedup&givingup]

Each hurdle that you leap over will make you stronger. It's a process that only going through will make the difference.

[jonathan]

Today I got woke up and I was thinking of her but It did not hurt that bad. I did not cry or feel the need to call her. I am never going to talk to her from this day on. At this point of my life, I can stop to smell the roses and appreciate the finer things in life.

 

It has not been that long for me (tues the 23rd of march will be 3 weeks) so I'm wondering if I will have any more bad days. Or is it too soon to be better? It feels like all the hurt and all the lies have been cleaned off my mind, and my heart is almost put back together!

 

I think I'm a good looking guy and I will find another girl for me. and That is what is going to have to happen. but I think that it is a little to early yet. there is this girl that asked me to go out with her. and I said that it was to early for me yet. Was that the right thing to say? help me out cause I really like her, FOR AWHILE NOW.

[meanon]

LOL sure sign of progress, jonathan. I'd wait a while, if she won't then she doesn't really like you that much. I'd make sure you aren't going to have any more bad days (they may happen every now and then but you are on a roll - they will pass if they do happen). Also it's good to be alone for a while, to know you can cope alone and that you are strong, then when you love another you are coming to the relationship without the ill effects of the break up. You'll know when it's right, I think.