can't deal with this

[tom_gbr]

i think we all know what your going through. as ive said in past posts ive been dumped by my first girlfriend of six months. she is 16 and i am 20. It hurts like hell and i didnt sleep for several days at the beginning. I couldnt stop crying abd felt like it was the end of the world.

 

Im slowly getting better, starting to get tons more sleep and eating properley and having daily excercise.Im not sure though that this is because that i am getting better or because i am getting to see her for the first time since we broke up over the phone.

 

Im worried that after i have seen her i am going to go right back to the start again

[jonathan]

well, love hurts, and what else can I say... I just dont get it and I never will. Maybe I should just give her space. But I know that she will not even try to contact me in any way shape or form. So I am going to let her do all the work. if she wants to see me, I will play hard to get. that is what I have to do.................................GOOD FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!

[Ganderson]

jonathan:

 

 

My situation is similar to yours. I feel pretty depressed every single day because she has not contacted me for 2 weeks.

 

I am playing hard to get, but it seems to me that she does not fall for this foolish game. She is probably dating someone new and F***King him too. I want to forget about the whole thing but I can not at the moment. I think dumpees are fragile human beings and I don't want to have the status as "dumpee" anymore.

 

I am not gonna beg her to take me back. I tried and it did not work. It only fed her ego and hurted me at the sometime. I don't think there is any other solution besides moving on. what do you think? I still can not erase her from my mind.

 

 

George

[Fedup&givingup]

Jonathan,

 

It is SOO good to see you feeling this much better! I can't predict what you will feel in a week from now, but my guess is that you might suffer a bit if you see her, etc. All the pain you've dealt with has made you stronger.

 

As far as playing hard to get, don't play anything with her. If you are getting over her and would like to move on in a healthy way with someone else, don't ever factor into your equation playing games with her. Everyone will lose.

 

I'd take it really slow with this new girl, and you did the right thing by telling her you weren't quite ready yet. You are very resiliant though, I can tell!

 

GOOD luck, and again...glad that you are feeling better

[jonathan]

I am so tired of my emotions go up and down. I dont know what triggers it but right now I cant stop thinking about her. NO matter what I do to try to keep myself busy, it doesn't work. right now.

 

Ganderson, I spent this whole brake up not thinking about how she could be F**King somwone else... and now I'm thinking about IT..... and that is pain...... so much pain. I feel worse, not that you ment to make me worse but that hurts. today is friday and All night I was thinking What if she is at a party F**King someone else. and I am driving myself crazy over it. it is uinbarrable...... I'm back to where I started. I'm going through all this all over again.

 

her beauty is still in my head and even though all the hateful things she did to me I still love her and want to be with her..... I keep reading all the posts that you all wrote me and it helps keep me in line.

[Fedup&givingup]

I think it's because it's a Friday night. If she wanted to go out and have her fun, then she is still searching to become what she isn't already (WHERE in the world that came from, I know not LOL). Seriously, no one is good for someone else if they haven't figured out who they are yet, period.

 

Thinking about the one you've loved for so long with someone else is heart wrenching. Maybe now is the appropriate time to listen to some sappy, wallowing music. That's what I used to do...I used to do it to make myself cry actually, because then I felt better and stronger. Tomorrow is around the corner, and I'm willing to bet you will feel better then.

[jonathan]

I cant sleep. it is 4 am and I am having trouble sleeping. I look over and she is not there. I cant say that I love her and curl up next to her, feeling her warmth of her body and the flowery smell of her blonde hair as it tickles my face. my room feels empty without her smiles to fill it as well as my heart.

 

Icant let her go. I dont see how I can. I love her too much and I miss her too much. I keep telling myself "she will be back, just give her some time," but I know that is not true. For some reason I feel the need to hold on to her. I just wish that she will talk to me about it instead of trying to hide from it!

 

she says that she doesn't want to grow up, but she told me all the time to grow up.

 

If I gear a noise I think it is her . If a car drives by my house I hope it is her. but it never is. even if the phone rings I think it is her.

 

somedays I'm strong and some days I'm not.

[hurtingandconfused]

We all go through that in the beginning. If you accept that she is gone and will not return it will be easier for you. If you stop thinking of the past and begin to start thinking of the present it will you help you significantly.

 

I know that it's hard but you have to let her go. You have to do it for yourself. After you go through this phase the pain will not be too hurtful. There are times where you are occupied and do not think of your ex. But then when you get bored you will start to think of her. Remember the key is to keep yourself distracted.

 

When you go to bed if you HAVE to think of her do it for the most 5 minutes and then move on. Begin your planning process for your future.

[jonathan]

I would like to get my stuff over at her house but I dont wont to call or see her, it just makes matters worse. do you think it is a good idea to call her and get my stuff back? I mean if it is over then why does she not want to give me my stuff back? it will make things easyer and then It will be FINAL, dont you think?

[jonathan]

no matter what I say or do I know she will never come back.. it is starting to feel normal being without her now and I dont know what to think about that. I'm still sad but it does not hurt as bad. I have good days and I have bad days. today was a good day.

 

for some reason her friends are calling me and saying ruse things to me. Y is that happening? she broke up with me. shouldn't it be the other way around? they are really bothering me. what should I do?

[meanon]

That's bad jonathan you can do without that kind of crap.

 

I'd ask them why they are doing it, tell them that you have done nothing wrong and if they think you have they are misinformed. Then tell then you'll report them if it persists. I'd avoid getting that stuff for a bit longer and avoid seeing her too. If you do have to talk to her ask her why her friends are behaving like this.

 

Or you could write her a very brief note to say her friends are bothering you, you're not sure what she's told them but the split was her idea so she'd better sort it out or you will and asking her to leave your stuff at a mutual friend's house. If you do this don't imply you expect a response.

 

The good days will get more frequent and the bad days less so.

[Fedup&givingup]

Hang in there...it WILL get better.

 

As for her friends calling you like that...I wonder if it's another one her anecdotes since you aren't on her doorstep begging you. It's got immaturity written all over it. My tip for you when they call you and start harrassing you about the whole thing, or insulting you...simply say something like, "Look, I don't have time for this garbage in my life. She broke up with me, I'm moving on, and I suggest YOU do the same."

[jonathan]

today was a very hard day because it was our 5 years. I went to her house to get all my stuff and it felt weird cause We started to go out 5 years ago today and now we are breaking all ties together today. IS that weird or what. And I fell back down to the depressed stage again. I saw it in her eyes... she wants me back, but there is something stopping her. I cant tell what it is.

 

I asked her if she wanted to go to the movies and she said no. I wanted to spend time with her and show her that I can be romantic. I had the whole day planed out, and she did not want me to be around.

 

I miss her and her family. Her dad was the only father figure I ever had. he treated me like I was the son he never had. What should I do with that? just forget everything and go on like nothing happened? I'm so confused. I dont know what to do anymore. for a while I pushed all my feelings down and tryed to forget, but that did not work................Help, I need HELP....

[hurtingandconfused]

just forget everything and go on like nothing happened

 

As time goes by your memories will begin to fade. You will never forget your ex, so don't even try it. The only thing you must do is put your memories aside and move on.

 

 

Here are lyrics from the song Understanding by: Evanescence

 

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.

Consciously, you've forgotten it.

That's the way the human mind works.

Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us

to entertain, we reject it.

We erase it from our memories.

But the answer is always there."

 

 

"But the answer is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."

[spencer]

Dear Jonathan,

I ended a long term relationship, 18years, lived together 10 of those years.

the first week I couldn't talk, everytime I opened my mouth my insides wanted to vomit. I went to my doctor and told him what happened and he prescribes me something to sleep.

 

the second week I told family & friends. It was something my dad said that I held on to.

he said, "trust me, I promise you , it will get better in 2months." I held on to this like a skydiver to his parachute.

Everyday I got stronger, I did have doubts if I did the right thing, I knew I could call and he would come back. Yes, i wanted the comfort of the known, and even if its not good, atleast I knew what I was doing day to day. But I decided it would just be the same as before, he wouldn't change for me if i stayed, but he might change for himself if I wasn't there.

 

Eventually I was able to eat again, sleep again, peacefully I might add. I never could with him around.

 

So, I focused on the things and freedoms I now had as a single person. My rebirth.

as promised 2 months went by and I was happier than I have been in a long time.

dad was right.

I miss his family, I feel bad for his nephews, wondering where auntie went. I cant believe I just up and left their lives like I never existed. Its a surreal feeling, like your walking on a different linear plane just next to others but not really connected.

 

Time does heal most wounds, and you need to live this experience to help you learn and have empathy for others. you will find that ending this chapter of your life has, and will open possiblities, that to date have been closed off to you. It is these things that will lead you to a greater experience than you would have known otherwise.

 

stay well

[sinkerswim]

Jonathan..

Let me just say..I totally understand the pain you are going through.

I was with my guy for 8 years...then he wanted his space on Feb 3rd after a fight we had.

He hasnt attempted to contact me since..but I have. He couldnt give me any straight answers.

 

I miss everything about him. Even his annoying habits!

What I wouldnt give to just be laying next to him at night in his bed, whatever.

I miss his touch, his scent, his voice...everything.

Believe me, you are not alone on this.

 

We are here to support each other.

I cry eveyr single day... some days I think..he will be back. Other days I say..OMG..what if I NEVER see him again?

 

It is the worst feeling in the world.

[Richard_87]

Originally posted by jonathan

I am so tired of my emotions go up and down. I dont know what triggers it but right now I cant stop thinking about her. NO matter what I do to try to keep myself busy, it doesn't work. right now.

 

Ganderson, I spent this whole brake up not thinking about how she could be F**King somwone else... and now I'm thinking about IT..... and that is pain...... so much pain. I feel worse, not that you ment to make me worse but that hurts. today is friday and All night I was thinking What if she is at a party F**King someone else. and I am driving myself crazy over it. it is uinbarrable...... I'm back to where I started. I'm going through all this all over again.

 

her beauty is still in my head and even though all the hateful things she did to me I still love her and want to be with her..... I keep reading all the posts that you all wrote me and it helps keep me in line.

 

 

I can relate to this stuff (got dumped in October 2003)... The mood swings happen a lot I am afraid...

 

What you must try and do is be with people who you enjoy being with (male)... Especially ones that make you laugh.. What also you must remember is that time is the best healer. I know now it feels like there is nothing in store for the future, but with each week the pain will get less. It takes so long, but things get better without you being conscious of it... Hang in there buddy....

[meanon]

This was always going to be hard - the anniversary and collecting your stuff. You had been feeling a lot better and you will do again - try to avoid seeing her.

 

I know you miss her dreadfully but the reasons for the break up have still not been resolved and the fact she still may care for you does not mean you wouldn't have the same problems again or worse. If the love wasn't enough or she wouldn't tell you what the problem was then, why would everything be OK now? You were so close to getting over this, don't let her pull you back down jonathan.

 

You can do this

[jonathan]

well today she told me way she broke up with me....

 

She said " you were my sercurity blanket, when I started to lose the pounds I felt that I did not need you any more, you loved me when I was fat and now that I'm not I can have other people."

 

was that cool or what? holy SHHHHHHHHHHHHH iiiiiitttttttttt. I knew it all along I feel good thank you all so much

 

I dont know what happened. I think it was the truth that did the trick no more feelings (depressed, mad,sad) none of that . this is very weird

[Samantha16]

hey there, I know you're situation. I've been there before. I'm 20 years old, and I just got dumped about 2 weeks ago from a guy I've been with for three years. But this time, I don't want to spend any time being depressed and letting him be the reason for life. Because he's not. I go out, I have fun, and I flirt.

 

He broke up with me once before last year. But as soon as he noticed that I was having just as much fun, if not more fun than him, he came back. Not to say that she will, but she's been with you for 5 years, she's going to feel something. Just don't let that be your main focus. (Trying to make her jelous). Go out and have fun for yourself. You're better and much more mature than she is.

 

But trust me, don't dwell on this too long. Keep your cool and your dignity. Plus, don't let this get your hopes up too much, because your goal IS to move on, but I know SO many girls who dumped guys after long relationships, and soon as they saw that the guys were living it up, the were jelous, depressed, and in much worse shape than the guy once was.

 

About the healing process, it will get worse depending on your attitude about the situation. If you sit around feeling sorry for yourself all day, hoping she'll come back, you wont get anywhere. I mean, eventually, you'll get over it, of course, but it will take a lot longer.

 

So get out there sparkey, your golden!

ps. if you have a lot of spare time, don't be alone. Get a hobbie or a job or whatever. Trust me, you need to be distracted. It makes it 10 times easier.

[jonathan]

she has realize that she made a mistake. I want her back and I see it that she wants me back. she is now breaking down like I did. I feel so bad for her. she not going out and having fun, all she is doing is sleeping, crying and going to work. what do I do for her? I know alot has happened but I feel like I need to help her. the feelings I have for her are just as strong as before. I dont know what to do. her life is going nowhere.

 

she is the type of person that if her life is going good, she gets scared and runs away. her whole life was not going good until we were together. then everything was great. what do I do? is it ok to take her back? what if after all this we get back together and everything is great again. it is not a sure thing that if you get back with your ex that nothing will be the same. or is it?

[meanon]

There are no right or wrong answers. You have to trust your judgement, you know her best.

 

She said " you were my sercurity blanket, when I started to lose the pounds I felt that I did not need you any more, you loved me when I was fat and now that I'm not I can have other people."

 

she not going out and having fun, all she is doing is sleeping, crying and going to work

 

It hasn't worked out like she thought and she regrets it but WHY does she regret it, that's the question.

 

Does she regret it because she realises she loves you and she threw it away, so if you get back together she will appreciate you as she did not before the split?

 

or Does she regret that she is not having fun with other people as she thought she would? Maybe losing a few pounds does not solve her problems of feeling insecure so now she is in a worse state than ever. Rather than face it, she wants to go back to what is safe, what she knows even if it doesn't make her happy. If she doesn't like herself very much will she continue to need you but not love you?

 

Go back to her if you can forgive her and you think she loves you, not just that she needs you or is hurting. It won't be the same and neither should it be - this girl admitted that when you were togeter she was only with you becuase you were her security blanket. She didn't think she loved you.

 

If there is doubt, whether or not it is true, you will make each other miserable.

 

Be her friend, ask her questions, tell her you need some time to think about the future, trust your instincts.

[jonathan]

NO I cant go back to her. too much has happened. I cant trust her and she cant trust me.

 

we have to go to court now cause she kicked the **** out of me. I know what you all are thinking, How did she kick your ass. your the man. but I was brought up to not hit girls, so what I did is kick the crap out of her car. What a mess... No turning back now. I feel dumb for doing it but I had to let some anger out.

 

The only difference between me and her is that I feel bad for doing it. I have a conscience and she does not. she keeps saying to me that people break up all the time. and that I hurt her too much... How did I hurt her? she broke up with me .

 

I am feeling so much better. I remember that I felt like it will never go away. it did not go away fully yet. but I am having fun and doing stuff on my own. " I found a reason for me to change who I use to be and start over now and that reason is her."

 

man I can kick myself for acting the way I acted.

[jonathan]

for some reason I feel like this is not over. I say I'm over it but my mind has taking over my heart. I have no control on how I feel anymore. the pain is there, I feel it but for some reason I'm not listening. and one day I will listen and I will be back to where I started. even after we have not been together for 4 weeks she still feels the need to lie to me.

 

one night she started to freak out and I thought she was going to do something really bad. either to me or herself. I'm stuck, I am not getting better and I'm not going worse..... YET!

 

I boxed up all the memories and hide them deep down inside so I could not get them again. but there is too much and it is starting to drip out. I cant hold them in much longer. I feel it.

 

you know that song " you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skys are grey, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, so dont take my sunshine away." a little girl was singing that song and I broke down and cryed. The little girl asked me "why are you crying, are you sad?" and i said it was a beautiful song. But really, my girl sang that to me when I was upset or sad. and it just reminded me of her.

 

so I guess I'm not over it like I thought, huh?

[hurtingandconfused]

How did I hurt her? she broke up with me .

 

LOL I keep asking myself that question.

 

Give it some time and you'll be back to normal.