Jenny2 Posted December 5, 2010 Share Posted December 5, 2010 Hello, I am about to ask a question to which I really don't want to hear an answer but as I cannot stop worrying, I'll press ahead. I am basically not a sexual person and never have been. I have sought a lot of professional help and counseling about this over the last 20 odd years, but to no avail. Suffice it to say that I don't want it or miss it. Two years ago, I met a young man (wince) 15 years may junior and we commenced a romantic relationship. There was never any pressure from him to make the relationship sexual and after many months, I learned that the reason for this was because he was a virgin. I say "was" because we have since remedied that situation but sex between us since then has been very occasional. He says he loves me and doesn't care but come on now.....surely even if he means it right now, he's bound to change his mind. Now if that's not enough, here's the twist.... He has just asked me to marry him and I don't know how to answer because to say yes would deprive him of a normal healthy sex. I would also potentially set myself up for a huge fall. Only genuine replies please. This is NOt an easy situation! Link to post Share on other sites
wwjj2255 Posted December 5, 2010 Share Posted December 5, 2010 Hm. That is hard. I think he's just starry-eyed at having finally lost his virginity. If he marries you it's only a matter of time before he begins to wonder what sex with other women is like. I don't think he's explored enough. And if you are not a sexual person he is REALLY going to wonder. He'll probably start watching porn all the time. Just my thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted December 5, 2010 Share Posted December 5, 2010 Personally, I would not marry him. It's just not right and possibly not fair on him, because you would be entering in a marriage situation already not committed/interested in one of the most important aspects of marriage: sex. Yes, sex does matter to other people, unfortunately (for you). Just be frank with him and see what his reaction is. How old is he? Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted December 5, 2010 Share Posted December 5, 2010 Hello, I am about to ask a question to which I really don't want to hear an answer but as I cannot stop worrying, I'll press ahead. I am basically not a sexual person and never have been. I have sought a lot of professional help and counseling about this over the last 20 odd years, but to no avail. Suffice it to say that I don't want it or miss it. Two years ago, I met a young man (wince) 15 years may junior and we commenced a romantic relationship. There was never any pressure from him to make the relationship sexual and after many months, I learned that the reason for this was because he was a virgin. I say "was" because we have since remedied that situation but sex between us since then has been very occasional. He says he loves me and doesn't care but come on now.....surely even if he means it right now, he's bound to change his mind. Now if that's not enough, here's the twist.... He has just asked me to marry him and I don't know how to answer because to say yes would deprive him of a normal healthy sex. I would also potentially set myself up for a huge fall. Only genuine replies please. This is NOt an easy situation! Why not just tell him the truth? Tell him your concerns and why, he may be like you or it may not be that important to him. Either way, if he knows ahead of time he can take the time to decide wether he would still like to marry you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted December 5, 2010 Share Posted December 5, 2010 I, as a man, have no problem in being with an older woman, If I have real affection for her. As for the sex I think it all flows naturally in a healthy relationship. You just have to assess by yourself if you think yours is an healthy relationship or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jenny2 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Share Posted December 5, 2010 Yes, I have been upfront and very honest about this with him and we've been over this many times. It's not really something I can hide even if I wanted to. He has proposed to me knowing the full extend of the situation, saying that sex is not important to him. I don't know what to do. Intellectually, I think he's too young to know his own mind at this stage (he's 25) and that I will have wasted years of my life finding that out (I'm 40). It's only that we have such a nice life together right now and get along so well that I hesitate to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted December 5, 2010 Share Posted December 5, 2010 Yes, I have been upfront and very honest about this with him and we've been over this many times. It's not really something I can hide even if I wanted to. He has proposed to me knowing the full extend of the situation, saying that sex is not important to him. I don't know what to do. Intellectually, I think he's too young to know his own mind at this stage (he's 25) and that I will have wasted years of my life finding that out (I'm 40). It's only that we have such a nice life together right now and get along so well that I hesitate to walk away. You don't need to get married right away. It's understandable you would feel how you do, but give him the benefit of the doubt. If he's okay with this, then he is. It's not as though he doesn't know the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted December 5, 2010 Share Posted December 5, 2010 You don't need to get married right away. It's understandable you would feel how you do, but give him the benefit of the doubt. If he's okay with this, then he is. It's not as though he doesn't know the truth. Yes. Tell him to wait until you can decide what is best. If he really has deep feelings for you he'll respect your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted December 5, 2010 Share Posted December 5, 2010 mmm... 25/40... he doesn't mind... now. Tricky one. I'm 47... if I went out with a 32 year old and I didn't want sex, I would be worried, regardless of what she would say... Link to post Share on other sites
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