Do you agree with sleeping around to forget your ex?

[fazz]

I really hate how this suggestion come around the internet.

 

Seems that my ex did the same. And the issue arises when later he still wants to keep in contact with me/reconciliation sort of thing and I already feel disgusted at him.

 

Such suggestion leads to devaluing one's self worth and I still love my ex but really I cant respect him anymore. It is really a conflicting feeling and it sucks.

 

comments?

 

Thank you

[Ajax]

Regardless of any moral or ethical implications of this, I think that sleeping around to get over an ex only burys the pain and that it will resurface again. It's not a proper way to heal.

[Leandro]

Regardless of any moral or ethical implications of this, I think that sleeping around to get over an ex only burys the pain and that it will resurface again. It's not a proper way to heal.

Same here. I don't think it will help in any way.

[carhill]

I would say if sexual promiscuity outside of relationships is one's normal behavior pattern, then they should continue their pattern as is normal for them. It's not so much to 'forget' as it is to get back to 'normal'. If promiscuity isn't 'normal', then I'd suggest finding a different path.

 

IME, most people 'go crazy' sexually to validate their hurt ego after experiencing the rejection of a breakup or divorce. Sometimes it works wonders; sometimes not. It depends on the psychology of the person.

[stopthemadness]

Hello! what about STDs?? Think people Think!! Dont sleep arround to get over an ex. Nothing good can come of that..Time will heal give it a chance...Good luck

[carhill]

You're right, about STD's. However, most of my experience which I share was gained during the heyday of HIV, and it surely didn't seem to stop people from f*cking like rabbits, meaning wantonly and indiscriminately. This was an outgrowth of the 'free love' 70's. It took people awhile to change/adapt to the 'new world' of HIV. Many never did.

 

Before, I thought they were 'wrong'. Now I accept that they're on a different path and I know I can never have a healthy relationship with a person on that path. They don't mind this. Finally, neither do I.

[dk.bnz.chi]

fazzz fazz,so u're asking if u should sleep with someone 2 forget about him or if he should do that?

it's kind of cliche

[SimonSerenade]

Out of experience with previous ex's, I had sex with one or two people after a relationship had ended and regretted it straight away as it made me lose respect for myself and if anything just made me think of my ex more and how it just didn't feel right cause the love wasn't there.

 

My recent ex of 3 years left me around 4 months ago, I haven't touched anybody since her and that's the way I'm keeping it unless I fall in love and wind up getting with that person I fall in love with, Anything else would just be meaningless, Sex isn't a game, Sex brought me my first born child with my ex and he's my number 1 priority in life which means everything to me, Also sex can bring Sexually transmitted diseases so one should always take caution when having sex, Best just to move on and find somebody worth while.

 

There's a lot of glitter out there, Best just to wait till you strike gold again then it will mean everything and will be worth the wait.

[fazz]

fazzz fazz,so u're asking if u should sleep with someone 2 forget about him or if he should do that?

it's kind of cliche

no , that's not my question. I ask people what do they think about that "path".

 

As for me, I wont do that.

[fazz]

Out of experience with previous ex's, I had sex with one or two people after a relationship had ended and regretted it straight away as it made me lose respect for myself and if anything just made me think of my ex more and how it just didn't feel right cause the love wasn't there.

 

My recent ex of 3 years left me around 4 months ago, I haven't touched anybody since her and that's the way I'm keeping it unless I fall in love and wind up getting with that person I fall in love with, Anything else would just be meaningless, Sex isn't a game, Sex brought me my first born child with my ex and he's my number 1 priority in life which means everything to me, Also sex can bring Sexually transmitted diseases so one should always take caution when having sex, Best just to move on and find somebody worth while.

 

There's a lot of glitter out there, Best just to wait till you strike gold again then it will mean everything and will be worth the wait.

 

I agree that its disrespectful to ourselves.

 

I will never compromise myself other than the gold grade!!!

Edited December 5, 2010 by fazz

[silic0ntoad]

To me it's just sex. If I go out to a bar after a breakup and a female is receptive, we're feeling it, I'll sleep with her. Has nothing to do with getting over my ex, and I'm not what I'd consider "promiscuous" I'm just having a good time. Sex is secondary.

 

That, and I never understood the entire "losing respect for myself" attitude people have about sleeping with someone. It's simply sex. Making love is something couples do, not single people on the prowl. It's entirely too awkward and new for there to be any real emotional attachment to it.

 

Just food for thought: Only a handful of species on the entire planet (humans excluded) mate for life, the mainstay being Birds. Almost every other species (humans included) tend to mate with a variety of partners.

 

I'm not saying outside of marriage, but most people have multiple sexual partners before settling into marriage. Keep an open mind. After a breakup, it's all about you. If you need to go out and get laid, don't let that POS ex hold you back. If you need to go out and find emotional attachment, to hell with the ex. If you need time to heal, so be it. Each person handles everything differently, but I don't think condemning social sexual behavior is fair, nor is it just in this situation. We are social and sexual creatures, and by biology, tend to have multiple sexual partners. Religion and morals (created by fear) are what drives everyone to think sex is this huge deal.

[Fermentum]

While I don't believe you can force (I was going to use another f word) the pain away, I have found that having someone new can help. I think a ONS might be counterproductive, but dating someone new and being intimate can help because it make you feel desired and wanted and sexually satisfying to be with.

 

The first few times it was alien and did make me miss the sexual rapport with my ex. But now that I'm more comfortable with the person I'm seeing, I'm valuing how she's different and enjoying that. I think racking up a number of ONSs would be much less helpful then finding someone new and seeing them casually; I'm not really ready for an emotional investment, but having someone to spend time with, laugh and joke with, go out with and share a bed with is rewarding and helps with the process.

[AlisaMarie]

I have just come to discover that sex without love is kind of lame... maybe it's because I am a stupid squishy girl that attaches to much emotions to sex, idk. I feel dirty even trying to get out there and date since my ex still has my heart, ya know?

[tobydog]

I totally agree AM. I have my faults but am faithful and honest and sex is not going to be part of my life for a long time..........cuz it just wouldn't feel right.....I suppose it would feel like cheating even tho I am pretty sure he did which explains why he cannot bear to look at me.......if that makes any sense....

[TheGrimSweeper]

I have just come to discover that sex without love is kind of lame... maybe it's because I am a stupid squishy girl that attaches to much emotions to sex, idk. I feel dirty even trying to get out there and date since my ex still has my heart, ya know?

 

Its not the same thats for sure. When its with someone you love and really care about it its far more intimate and passionate then it would be otherwise, where it just means nothing.

[silic0ntoad]

Its not the same thats for sure. When its with someone you love and really care about it its far more intimate and passionate then it would be otherwise, where it just means nothing.

 

 

That's my point. When it's with a partner, a love partner, rather, it's more emotionally invested and charged.

 

When it's a random encounter, it's much more animalistic and carnal, just two people acting out desires that are physically pleasing.

 

I understand that most people attach a high emotional value on sex, but I don't understand why they do it. It's simply a product of religion and conservatism.

[fazz]

I would view that is devaluing one self because I come from the perspective that sex is personal and having random people to jump into your personal area is just making yourself cheap and easy and just not special.

 

And the reason its personal, one of those is because its emotional and private.

 

If two people has the perspective that sex is just sex then its okay as long as I have nothing to do with them.

 

But I value my personal space and I want only special people share it with me and I want to feel special too to be able to enter someone's special space.

 

That's why I would be highly object the sleeping around esp if my ex did that.....i just feel like crap what kind of people I had shared my life with!! It makes me feel deceived that I used to considered him respectable and special....and in fact he just a man of no standard who welcome anyone w V and boobs.

 

I think what I'm trying to say in this post is that everybody has their own path, I just explain my reason having my own "path" and now im being deceived by someone form other "path".

 

I have friends who sleep around as well....some are even my best friends. I can respect them as a friend etc but I cant really respect them from the "partnership" perspective. To me partnership means exclusivity and privacy and about valuing your personal space and having only special people to share it with.

Edited December 7, 2010 by fazz

[fazz]

I have just come to discover that sex without love is kind of lame... maybe it's because I am a stupid squishy girl that attaches to much emotions to sex, idk. I feel dirty even trying to get out there and date since my ex still has my heart, ya know?

 

 

I totally 100% understand what you are saying!!! that's why i feel totally deceived by what he is doing now!!

[fazz]

I would view that is devaluing one self because I come from the perspective that sex is personal and having random people to jump into your personal area is just making yourself cheap and easy and just not special.

 

And the reason its personal, one of those is because its emotional and private.

 

If two people has the perspective that sex is just sex then its okay as long as I have nothing to do with them.

 

But I value my personal space and I want only special people share it with me and I want to feel special too to be able to enter someone's special space.

 

That's why I would be highly object the sleeping around esp if my ex did that.....i just feel like crap what kind of people I had shared my life with!! It makes me feel deceived that I used to considered him respectable and special....and in fact he just a man of no standard who welcome anyone w V and boobs.

 

I think what I'm trying to say in this post is that everybody has their own path, I just explain my reason having my own "path" and now im being deceived by someone form other "path".

 

I have friends who sleep around as well....some are even my best friends. I can respect them as a friend etc but I cant really respect them from the "partnership" perspective. To me partnership means making myself special for my special someone by valuing your personal space and having only special people to share it with.

[mogul]

It helps with getting over the ex, but only temporarily. After, I just feel like shiet. For me, its more of knowing that I'm wanted and just living life after the break up from the ex.

[BorderRogue]

I really hate how this suggestion come around the internet.

 

Seems that my ex did the same. And the issue arises when later he still wants to keep in contact with me/reconciliation sort of thing and I already feel disgusted at him.

 

Such suggestion leads to devaluing one's self worth and I still love my ex but really I cant respect him anymore. It is really a conflicting feeling and it sucks.

 

comments?

 

Thank you

 

 

I'm sure it works for some, good for them if it does. Me? Not really. I tried and it just wasn't the same and pissed off some nice people.

 

I'll wait until I find someone that truly excites me; mental, emo, physical. I sound so .. never mind, that's just me. I'd wait and date, maybe somebody will come along and knock my socks off.