Breaking up and searching my soul.

[Dragonflys]

Hi to everyone.

 

Well yesterday the breakup finally happened. Tony, you might remember my story....

 

We had been dating for 6 months after knowing each other for two months. Basically the romance lasted only about a month, it was clear that the romance, from her point of view, didn't feel right a all. The last 5 months we have been trying to make it work, but we were virtually plutonic.

 

To me she was all I wanted, except for her attitude to romance, to her I am a terrific person who she always wanted to spend time with (almost every day), but the thought of romance faded after the initial excitement. I spent the last 5 months trying everything I could (without smothering) to make her happy, and show her that I was a good person. But it simply comes down to the fact that what turns her on, I don't have. Believe me, she hates the fact that she feels that way and wishes she could simply just be happy with me, and she knows that she faces a tough time trying to find the right person. She is sincere when she says she just wants us both to be happy. I get the distinct impression she wants someone she can look up to, someone that challenges her to get their attention. I have never been like that, I am always very open about my feelings and enjoy full interaction with people I am close to.

 

I have had to do a lot of soul searching to realise that none of this is my fault and that nothing I did was wrong. Its funny to say this, but if I had have broken up with her 3 months ago I would have been filled with regrets and self blame, but I know now that it is just that we are different, and if I spent time with her in the long term she would be MISERABLE, and she would have made me miserable. I have grown as a person to understand that some things cannot be made to work, no matter how hard or well you do it, the fundamentals of people are different and it comes down to realising quickly when to pack up and move on and stop wasting time. Its crazy, but until I met her I believed that any two people could be together if it was made to work...woo did I learn. I understand that now, but its a hell of a pity.

 

Still as freinds we love each other, and have each other to rely on while we go out and find the right person. I treasure that with all my heart.

 

Its amazing really, we all live our own fantasy...me thinks because reality on the surface is pretty mundane, so we enchance things in our mind to make them exciting for us. Something about our upbringing, or something missing from it, stays with us and we search for things we haven't had the chance to experience yet. She fit into my fantasy, while I did not fit into hers, and those feelings are stronger than anything we experience in reality.

 

Oliver

[Tony T]

You have a great attitude about all this. And you have come away from this much stronger, much wiser, and with the potential for a great deal more happiness.

 

I don't know why but somehow I feel this girl may NEVER be happy with anyone. You have to be happy with yourself and I just have the feeling that there are things about her you didn't know that prevent her from being happy and content with herself, much less anyone else.

 

But it sounds like she is a nice person with a good outlook and she is fond of you. Keep an eye on her over time. You are probably going to see that she goes through a lot of relationships this way. Meanwhile, I hope you will look for somebody whose head is where your's is at and who is ready for a nice, comfortable relatioship.

 

One of the greatest things we all have to learn in love is when to move on...I like to find out sooner than later. Life is simply too short to spend it with somebody who doesn't treasure our company in the way we want them to.