Nfoney Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Sorry if this is too long... My family (brother, sister and mother) have turned the few friends I had against me over the years and have made it impossible for me to have any friends now. I have stopped talking to them (except for small talk about the kids, pickups, etc.) but I do allow my daughters to see them from time to time. I did not know it until a year and a half ago but my mother and brother mainly have been going behind my back saying things about me and getting everyone in my life to turn against me. They even found people they knew at jobs that I worked and turned them on me too. I recently found out that even anyone that I friended on Facebook has been contacted. Most people continue a work relationship, or continue doing an activity or friendship with me but report our conversations to them, or record me, or whatever. Bascially most friends, co-workers, acquaintances I have ever had play both sides against the middle. When I have confronted them almost everyone gets mad at ME! It is disheartening that nobody ever will tell me what my family is doing or even ask me if any of the stuff is true. I dont know what I am doing that makes people not even want to confront me and ask if I am a bad person, or why I won't talk to my mother or anything, they just usually smile in my face and pretend to be my friend while secretly talking to my family behind my back. It's hard for me now to trust people or have friends because I am scared that at some point they will be corrupted and turn against me. I have learned that people will almost believe anything and generally don't practice the rules and morals that they preach. This situation is driving me crazy!! Even if I move far away I am fearful that they will track me down and go behind my back and turn any neighbors, employers, or whoever against me. How can I fix this? My ex-husband lives around here and I don't want to move the girls away from their father so I am stuck here for at least the next 15 years (my youngest is 3). What can I do? I want to be normal and have friends but I don't think they will let me.
Vesna Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 This sounds like textbook family bullying to me. Just take the weakest member, put them down constantly, drive them crazy with self-doubt then let them go crazy. This will be of great convenience to the bully-family because it gives them the excuse they need to vilify and backstab the victim to the point of debilitating depression, anger and self-harm. It is a vicious circle and a carefully crafted and conspired one at that. If your family are treating you this way, not even your own children are a reason to keep in contact with them. Make it publicly clear that you will not tolerate any more malicious gossip, with legal counsel in the offing. Unfriend them on facebook. Ignore them completely and rise above it. It is better to be alone than to associate with people who bring out the worst in you, just so that they can do it again and again. For some reason these people have singled you out to be bullied.
restart Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Agree in general with the above advice. Perhaps, you need to rearm, as in try to find someone that can be your confidante. It is likely one of those, that perhaps you know maybe isnt totally convinced about you, and just perhaps, might listen to your side of the story. Its either that, or try to befriend someone completely new, but ease into their confidence, with your side of the stories, after you feel comfortable enough with them . Not everyone can be on one side of the fence, so you can either take things on yourself, or you MUST get some support from somewhere. I can't advise where, but as noted above, perhaps that someone that is not totally convinced (with their arguments), is your best best, because then they can start undermining things for you, whereas a new friend might get skittish after awhile and feel that you've got too much other baggage (but honestly, a real friend wouldn't give up on you).
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 You sound like you might actually have some paranoia ... if this situation is really as you describe it, I can't believe that every work contact, fb friend, etc. could possibly believe people who approach them to "turn them against" you. I would think THEY were the freaky ones, if they came to ME to "turn me against" a friend or acquaintance. At the very least, you have given far too much power to your family. Can you get some help with your self esteem?
theBrokenMuse Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Most people continue a work relationship, or continue doing an activity or friendship with me but report our conversations to them, or record me, or whatever. What possible motives do individuals who don't know your parents have for recording your conversations or keeping tabs on them and reporting back to them? I am sorry but the average person is not going to be up for playing the role of a spy or secret agent in order to appease strangers. There is something going on here but I don't think it is what you are telling us.
Vesna Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 You sound like you might actually have some paranoia ... if this situation is really as you describe it, I can't believe that every work contact, fb friend, etc. could possibly believe people who approach them to "turn them against" you. I would think THEY were the freaky ones, if they came to ME to "turn me against" a friend or acquaintance. At the very least, you have given far too much power to your family. Can you get some help with your self esteem? I agree that you have given too much power to your family and I think you need to gradually undo this, only gradually, because a sudden outbreak of autrocracy and power will only make it worse if these people are as sick as you say they are. They will only see this as suspicious. Start by laughing at them. Be happy. The biggest insult you can bestow upon an evil narcissist is happiness and self-assuredness.
mohdhm Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 (edited) What possible motives do individuals who don't know your parents have for recording your conversations or keeping tabs on them and reporting back to them? I am sorry but the average person is not going to be up for playing the role of a spy or secret agent in order to appease strangers. There is something going on here but I don't think it is what you are telling us. perhaps you are right, but also you wouldn't believe the lengths some families would go to ruin your reputation/relationships so to speak. my mom made some accusations against me that could make it life-threatening for me in any islamic country. my advice (i'm only 22 fyi) is isolate yourself from them, don't let your kids speak with them. Even if you are the one to blame, i dont care, you don't need their poison in your life. As for the "track you down" part: my mom ended up calling my landlord. I would like to know how that happened. how old are you OP? do you have to introduce your friends to your family? Edited December 21, 2010 by mohdhm
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