GIGS Ex girl, reconnecting after a month

[alimpo83]

Hello all,

 

I have a thread about my breakup with my ex, but I think now is a good time to start one here. I'd like some advice.

 

My story, really fast:

 

- Been together for 2 years;

- Wanted to live together and in 3,4 years tops be married and have kids;

- had dream summer vacation, cruise in the mediterranean;

- Girlfriend says she is still too young to be this way with someone (she's 22), she starts getting out much and leaves me. She leaves me for fun with girls and guys (no one specific, just the idea of being able to have flirts and sex with someone new).

- I cut contact, ALL CONTACT.

- That drives her a bit mad, she wanted us to "continue talking and be friends".

- After a month I send her an SMS telling us to have lunch.

- She says she is thrilled with the idea, and been wanting to say something to me in a long time (like 15 days lol)

- I point to the next tuesday, she doesn't says anything, so we don't have lunch.

- I send her a final message telling her to get lost, not even as a friend she's worth it.

- The next Sunday i take her out from my facebook, the last link. She starts calling me like crazy, sending me SMS asking why (she still has all our photos in her fb, we together and such, calling me her love and such).

- I send message telling her if she didn't want to be with me after being so happy with our lunch i really don't want to talk to her.

- She responds her cell is screwed, and for me to confirm with one of our friends. And she ends the sms telling me to "Please answer the phone!"

- I finally answer and we talk for a while. I want to hang up, she continues to crave for my attention on the phone. We say goodbye and schedule a lunch for the next thursday.

- We have lunch. She comes wearing simple clothes, nothing fancy. Only the perfume I love and a necklace i like too. Normal. We talk for like three hours, occasionally "light" flirting. The conversation ends up by her saying " I wanted to go back to the cruise. And to those times we woke up, took a bath and then returned to bed..." WAY TO GRAPHIC for me. When we say goodbye, we give two kisses in the cheek and our arms stay together for a while, finally saying goodbye after a while.

- I send her a message yesterday saying i couldn't add her to fb (she asked me to, and was really pissed at lunch when talking about that) and for her to add me then to see if it worked.I tell her" I liked hanging out with you the other day." She adds me and sends me the following email:

 

" Hello Antonio.

I've sent the fb request.

I've also enjoyed a lot being with you the other day. It made me feel good! Let's keep talking more often!! Kiss *****"

 

Well, this message came from the same person who didn't want to be with me because she felt "disconnected", this five, six weeks ago. The story is she didn't want to break up, she wanted this phase to "go away" while I waited like a puppy while she had fun with other guys and girls. I broke up, went NC and that messed her up pretty bad!

 

What do you guys (and girls) think? I still love her for sure.

[durkadurka]

Relationship purgatory.

[alimpo83]

what does that mean exactly?

[SimonSerenade]

Personally I'd never settle for second choice, My ex also left me and wanted to be friends while she went out there and had a great time, I was blindly in love with her, We'd been together for 3 years, Had a child with her but she just didn't have it in her for me any more and always wanted to go out and have a good time and knew she couldn't do that with me, I was her first time and her first serious boy friend, We had it made, Hard to believe she'd foolishly trade it in for something so ridiculously meaningless, I attempted to be her friend for a month, I was begging and pleading for around 6 weeks before that, I initiated no contact after she had a go at me over something stupid and haven't talked to her since, She's contacted me twice, Both attempts have been ignored.

 

I can't have her in my life as just a friend and if I really mean all that much to her after all this time she will come back otherwise she'll find I'll never be in her life again, Truth be told now after all this time has passed, I miss her but if she came back I'd probably say no as if she was unsure once and only came back to find the grass weren't greener then that's a pretty worthless feeling indeed, You got to have your self respect, Could you really be with this girl who isn't entirely sure she wants you in her life?, I could never get back with my ex if she'd been with somebody else but by the sound's of it, It would seem your girl wants to do that with several people.

[alimpo83]

Yes, my girl thought she would have a great life and could have fun with several people. The truth is, not much time after we broke up, she lost her girl and boy friends from her job (they got fired. YEAH! lol they didn't like me, they didn't even know me!) and doesn't get out much no more. It lasted like 15 days. She has guys hitting on her, but or she didn't get who she wanted to or she really doesn't want anyone for now. She thought she would find someone and feel great, but that was in her dreams. I know she has her head all messed up, she doesn't know what she wants. As an example, after we broke up, she tried to go work in other countries, find something to fill an emptyness she doesn't know where it comes. Well I know, the grass was not greener on the other side.

I was really messed up by the breakup, noone expected we two ended up. No one believed the (non) reasons she gave! She didn't had a specific guy on her head, she wanted to have the possibility to have flirts and adventures.

Now she's feeling lonely I guess. When we talked the first time she wanted me to wait so that "this phase ended and everything went back to normal".

I have another girl now, casually. She thinks I'm dating another one, one she was really jealous about, it was the girl I've dated before her and who I've now found at a new school. When we talked about it at lunch, she turned red and furious about me meeting that other girl and said " I already knew about it, i'm not dumb!" that was one of the strangest moments during lunch, a jealous ex girlfriend lol.

 

But the truth is, I still miss my ex. We are going to get together again next weekend probably. We'll have lunch again. I could get back together even if she had another guy after we broke up. I have a girl too, but these relations are clearly rebounds.

 

She now is enjoying being with me again, but I'm going very slowly. She broke my heart and I lost control, but she lost it too, and that I like, she deserves it. I'm willing to restart or rebuild, but only when I'm sure.

Edited December 6, 2010 by alimpo83

[alimpo83]

Today I talked with her, she told me she didn't want her friends from her job to see me with her. She asked me to call me next week or so " so that her head could be more clear". I told her that if she wasn't ok with us getting together for lunch, what the hell, i was going to stop talking to her, then she told me "we were together past week, sorry" . She then took a step back and told me "OK, please come have lunch with me Saturday!" and started talking to me in a very interested, sweet way. In two minutes she changed from not wanting her friends to see me from being ok with it lol.

 

The same friends that told her to break up with me! Let's see if she holds it till Saturday, or falls back. If she does, I'm done. I'm not afraid of her stupid "new" friends. To the wolf's nest, I'm going! And returning lol

 

 

I think my ex is completely crazy.

Edited December 7, 2010 by alimpo83

[bl22]

Let me tell you she is stringing you along big time. This is what my ex would be doing to me now if i gave her the chance. Shes going to end up hurting you way more than she has done already if you carry on, the only reason shes doing this is because she wants to let you down 'lightly' so she doesnt feel guilt. The minute someone new comes along, you'll be forgotten.

 

Just cut all contact, no more 'lunchs' she doesnt plan on you 2 getting back and wtf...shes embaressed for her friends to see you?! hahaha id be personally offended at that comment, just shows where her prioritys lie doesnt it.

[alimpo83]

Maybe i should do that.these new girlfriends were the ones who told her to breakup,they're garbage.but i want her to listen what i've got to say and then move on.

 

EDIT: she is proving to me she has no real personality or is simply too immature. She told she wanted to get together today or tomorrow, but then she remembered she didn't want her job friends to see us, because she didn't want to give explanations to them. They helped her during the breakup, and encouraged her to breakup, she was too young and such, now she puts what other people think about what she did above what she wants. When we had lunch the other day and I made small moves, she would get all flirty and stuff. After that she told me she loved being with me again and such. More than friendly. Today she even talked about she had to find time to wax (her c***) LOL something I started telling her to do.

 

It's crazy really. It's completely and ultimately crazy. I'm beginning to think she's not only mad, she's stupid. Damn, how could I be so wrong for two full years?

 

Concerning her facebook, she still has all our photos, our comments and everything like we dated. Isn't that a bit crazy one month and a half after the breakup?

Edited December 7, 2010 by alimpo83

[alimpo83]

Yesterday I got home from work and night school and then started MSN and she was online, set to "busy". Her status was set to "busy" and her signature was "DAMN! I'm crazy! Everyone leave me alone!!!" . I didn't talk to her of course.

 

Why is she struggling? I clearly see she's not completely over me like she thought she would be at this point. I really thought when we break up that she would be in a relationship by now, or have someone on a more or less regular basis.

 

Should I try to press some buttons to see how it goes? I'll probably get hurt, but I don't want to think for much time how it would have been had I taken a firm step. I'm like that, I prefer the frontlines and get shot than staying in the trenches.

[Eternity001]

I'm not a big fan of just leaving things alone either. Never die wondering I say.

 

This girl sounds way to crazy to even bother with. I think you'll end up regretting this regardless though buddy. I'd stay away if I were you. I know it's tough.

 

She needs to sort her head out. Being in limbo isn't much fun and i don't kow about you but I wouldn't want to wake up every morning wondering if my partner is going to leave me that day. Sounds like she is THAT flakey right now.

 

The now introducing you or being seen with you around certain groups of friends is just off. That's all I'll say about that.

[alimpo83]

I know she's completely crazy right now.

For two years, she was hard-working, beautiful and focused woman.

Now she's completely f***** up. I know I should let go, but I'm not able to do that right now. I'm with someone else but I keep thinking about my ex, in situations that I thought I wouldn't. Now my ex, that has a house decoration shop, put in her shop facebook profile:

 

"Want something for Christmas? How about a painting for your special one? For your special boyfriend or girlfriend? For the best boyfriend/girlfriend?"

 

And put the painting I gave her that she has on her room as the example pic. That painting was our painting.

She put that yesterday, after we talked for a bit on facebook. I'm still working with her shop as a painter/designer/artist. Yesterday we talked for a bit and she told me again she missed our summer. She is telling me more and more things as time goes by, but I don't trust her right now.

But I hope that woman that I knew is lost somewhere and can be found. Damn, she's so f******* different! She keeps sending me mixed signals!

Edited December 9, 2010 by alimpo83

[GG67]

Is she too young? YES!!! Talking marriage with a 22 year old girl, and on top of that, trying to 'map out' your plans of a vacation, kids, etc. A 22 year old girl does not know much about life and adulthood. They haven't fully matured emotionally.

 

Case in point.. you're both talking marriage, and also talking FACEBOOK??? ("You deleted me!"/"Add me back on!") I think I read about Facebook a couple of times in your post, texting, etc.

 

Sorry, dude. I don't mean to come down harsh. Just a little 'tough love' for you. The LAST thing you should have on your mind with this girl is marriage and kids.

[alimpo83]

Marriage and kids was always her idea, and came from her. Living together, getting old together and such, was always her the first one to talk about that.

 

I sent her an email telling what I felt about all this and she said:

 

"-I don't want to read your email right now. I have to concentrate on my work"

"-Ok, read it in a few hours, with care."

"- I've started reading it, I didn't like what I've read"

"- I know you haven't, but I had to send it"

 

And then she got out of gmail, no goodbyes or whatsoever.

 

This is the end.

[alimpo83]

she answered and told me she was not ready to commit to someone as a definitive "way" like we were commited. She finally admited that, but the truth is, it doesn't make much sense, as it was always she who started the marriage, kids and those types of conversation. She stated that after two years, she was beginning to look at me more like a friend than like a boyfriend (we kept the same thing going sexually from the day one to the last day, we had much more sex than my friends who had longs relations, I kept the flame lit, she thought otherwise). I told her that it was really sad that when we went on the cruise (and loved each other in every way, intensely) it was only I who felt it. She told me she had problems before the cruise (didn't talk about them, so we couldn't solve/work through them) but she was very happy during it, and loved every moment. It was out best moment ever, she told me too. During those 12 days, everything was perfect, really. I noticed nothing. But life isn't always a cruise.

She ended saying that I was the man she loved immensely and intensely for almost two years (and was the most important man in her life), but she didn't want to commit, so she basically got scared and as the flame was barely lit for her, she jumped out and didn't want to sacrifice herself during this phase/work her problems with me(she gets bored of people). I gave everything I had to her, emotionally. She told me she doesn't want me to go away forever, she wants to get together someday, and hopes we could be good with one another and talk normally. She is still f***** up, and doesn't want to work, to commit to anything whatsoever, to finish her master degree and so on. She told me that. I'm sad with the outcome of this, of course, but I know deep inside that a woman like that isn't worth fighting for.

She was not like that, or I didn't want to see it. I am drained, and my everyday life is a bit hard. I lost most of my joy of life, don't find fun in anything. If it wasn't for my new girl, I was probably at the rock bottom.

 

This is the end of my story, of my struggle with that woman that I loved in every way, like I've never loved anyone before. I gave the best and got the worse.

 

But I'll live on, I hope! Thanks everyone for the support!

[YellowShark]

Never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option. Life's too short for her drama.

 

Best of luck alimpo83.

[alimpo83]

Yes, you're right.

Eventually she will want to come back to me or something, most of the time they come back after some time. But by that time, I'm long gone.

 

Thanks, I'll try to get on with my life the best way I can!

[homebrew]

Great attitude!

 

Your EX has no clue who she is, what she wants and what she is doing. Most of us are like that when we were her age... So try and not to take it personal. More than likely, she will figure it out like you said and I suspect you have not heard the last of her.

 

In the meantime, do yourself a favor and stay far away from her for the foreseeable future!

 

Until she grows up, all she is capable of is ripping out your heart and shoving it right up your a55!

[alimpo83]

Thanks homebrew.

 

As tough as it is, that is the true!

 

EDIT: Every minute is a struggle. Damn, it's so hard! Sometimes it feels like all I want is to lie down, and sleep it over.

Edited December 15, 2010 by alimpo83

[alimpo83]

Many times she still pops up in my head.

 

BTW, I've never been addicted to nothing.

 

Since the breakup up I started smoking. I usually smoke socially, at parties and such, and had done it in the past, but never got addicted. Stopped when I wanted to! D*** this! And now I (re)enjoy getting drunk and having a blast with my friends, like when we were in college. Were are now 25 to 35 years old.

 

I've lost most of my joy of living, doing stuff and such. And that is really pissing me off!

 

On the bright side, restarted my active sport life, playing guitar and singing. But it's being hard like hell!

[alimpo83]

A new day.

 

Everyday is a struggle, a fight between rational and emotional status, going from great control to complete dispair in a matter of minutes.

 

Horrible, how she could destroy my life like this!

[alimpo83]

Another day,

 

another struggle. I yesterday went to a concert and such and had a great time. Many women sang (it's like a group of students from a given university that sing many songs and play many instruments) and I saw a lot of beatiful ones and thought "what the heck, there are so many beautiful women in this world!". And besides that my new girl was also singing and looking great!

 

My ex doesn't deserve me!

[alimpo83]

A new day.

 

I continue to write to get some closure.

I still remember her, as days pass by. It's been almost two months since we broke up. And about 10 days since we've talked for the last time.

 

I'm getting somewhere, got to believe that!

[alimpo83]

Another day.

 

I try not to think that much, of course.

But is it possible a honeymoon phase to last for two years? The truth is we already faced reality when we broke up (we already knew the flaws and such of each one, and were good with them, we worked on them), but we still loved each other.

 

As time passes, I less and less understand this woman.

[Don_da_Ho]

Bro, she's 22 years old. She has no idea what she wants. YOU have no idea what you're trying to get yourself into. IF you were to marry her and have kids, believe me, within 5 years you would find yourself more miserable, divorced and providing financial support. I was in your shoes when I was your age. Believe me in 5, and certainly 10, years, you will look back and think "WTH was I thinking? She was a mess and I'm glad I didn't try to marry her." Cut your loses and stop obsessing about her. BTW, you have addiction issues with her as demonstrated by your smoking and drinking. Stop self medicating. Get back to the gym. Good luck.

[alimpo83]

Thanks man.

 

Yeah, she's young, but that was never an excuse for me. But you're right, better now than in five years! I've never had addictions of ANY kind, this was the first time (and the crazy drinking stopped already). I never self medicate! It's very rare I need medication of any kind, rarely sick and my routine blood analysis and heart condition are always great. As for the smoke, it's getting light again, and soon disappear (it's already at 3,4 smokes a day, at the beggining was like a pack a day,even more). As for the gym, I've restarted exercising and I'm starting in January a weight loss/getting fit program. I'm thiking about her less and less every day, but sometimes it still hits me. But each time is weaker.

 

Getting both mind and body fit again, that's my purpose and dream for 2011!

 

I'm way to good to be like this man. OH yes I am!

Edited December 22, 2010 by alimpo83