mm just out of an affair

[tigers1970]

is a married man just out of an 18 month affair welcome to chat at this forum??

[spice4life]

I believe there are a few other MM's on here, so, personally, I don't have a problem with it. It's a very honest straight forward forum with views from all sides that make it a great place to gain some insights on being in or out of an A. I say post away and good luck.

[tigers1970]

I believe there are a few other MM's on here, so, personally, I don't have a problem with it. It's a very honest straight forward forum with views from all sides that make it a great place to gain some insights on being in or out of an A. I say post away and good luck.

thanks ,..... tho i had an affair for which am not proud and cant be condoned .. but it happened and i did/do love her totally and miss her terrible .... its a mess really... i was preparing myself to leave for her , she knew this but still she could no longer "live" with herself and is gone .....tho she claims to still love me ... not looking for sympathy here just insight into her mind

[greengoddess]

You need to tell your wife and leave. She needs to see actions not hear words from you.

[September]

Absolutely! Chat away, ask questions and vent. It's what it's for!

[fooled once]

this site is open to everyone!

 

You will find various views and opinions...post at your own discretion

[September]

this site is open to everyone!

 

You will find various views and opinions...post at your own discretion

 

You sure will! Just ignore the cranky posters...

[bentnotbroken]

I think you will get overwhelming support..you are pining for the OW. If you came on here saying you anything other than that, you would get a kick in the gems.

[spice4life]

thanks ,..... tho i had an affair for which am not proud and cant be condoned .. but it happened and i did/do love her totally and miss her terrible .... its a mess really... i was preparing myself to leave for her , she knew this but still she could no longer "live" with herself and is gone .....tho she claims to still love me ... not looking for sympathy here just insight into her mind

 

You will certainly get a lot of insight here! Ask away and I am sure you will get plenty of responses to help you through. Did she leave due to guilt that you were leaving for her? Or, was she disillusioned with the A and started to give up on hope? They are two different things really.

 

Anyway, good luck posting. Take the advice that rings most true to you and you will be fine.

[September]

I think you will get overwhelming support..you are pining for the OW. If you came on here saying you anything other than that, you would get a kick in the gems.

 

 

Of course he will get support it's what he came here for. This OM/OW forum is for people struggling with getting over or dealing with their emotions because of an affair, they come to look for help and to talk with people on common ground.

 

Having walked in similar shoes, I am more than happy to offer an ear to him or anyone else that is going through the rollercoaster. It is an awful experience and no matter what side if the fence you sit, it's still heartbreaking.

[bentnotbroken]

Of course he will get support it's what he came here for. This OM/OW forum is for people struggling with getting over or dealing with their emotions because of an affair, they come to look for help and to talk with people on common ground.

 

Having walked in similar shoes, I am more than happy to offer an ear to him or anyone else that is going through the rollercoaster. It is an awful experience and no matter what side if the fence you sit, it's still heartbreaking.

 

 

That's not always the case. All you have to do is look at the MM who didn't pine for OW. Thomsb anybody?

[bentnotbroken]

You sure will! Just ignore the cranky posters...

 

 

And the delusional ones..

[tigers1970]

You will certainly get a lot of insight here! Ask away and I am sure you will get plenty of responses to help you through. Did she leave due to guilt that you were leaving for her? Or, was she disillusioned with the A and started to give up on hope? They are two different things really.

 

Anyway, good luck posting. Take the advice that rings most true to you and you will be fine.

well could say both in a way ,, she was terrified that if didnt work out i would blame her forever ( which was nt good enough excuse for me ) as for the affair her conscience was killing her , morlas , being labelled .. home wrecker and all that ... god i dunno .. its heartbreaking

[tigers1970]

Of course he will get support it's what he came here for. This OM/OW forum is for people struggling with getting over or dealing with their emotions because of an affair, they come to look for help and to talk with people on common ground.

 

Having walked in similar shoes, I am more than happy to offer an ear to him or anyone else that is going through the rollercoaster. It is an awful experience and no matter what side if the fence you sit, it's still heartbreaking.

ypu are right . it is heart breaking ... could help myself falling for her ...and am pining for her ... a mess

[September]

That's not always the case. All you have to do is look at the MM who didn't pine for OW. Thomsb anybody?

 

It's great that Thomasb was able to move on so quickly but in all honesty I don't recall seeing Thomasb coming onto OM/OW forum asking for help in getting over his affair so I am not sure why he has been brought into this discussion...

[tigers1970]

You need to tell your wife and leave. She needs to see actions not hear words from you.

she insisted she does nt want me to do this now ... to wait and be sure ????????????

[woinlove]

she insisted she does nt want me to do this now ... to wait and be sure ????????????

 

Sounds like she only wants you to leave your marriage for yourself. That is, to only divorce if you would leave anyway, even if you would be alone. Do you know whether you would prefer to stay married or be alone? This can be difficult to determine when you are already in love with someone new.

 

Anyway, it's a lot of baggage to leave a marriage for someone else, rather than for yourself, and your OW may be scared of this possibility.

[September]

ypu are right . it is heart breaking ... could help myself falling for her ...and am pining for her ... a mess

 

Pining away and craving for the person you love is awful and I completely understand how you feel. It has taken me nearly a year to stop feeling so anxious all the time about it. Hopefully you can start to heal a lot quicker.

[miso horny]

You f*cking bastard!! You worthless piece of cow dung!! You cheating scumbag!!

 

Just kidding!

 

hopefully that gets it out of everybody's system.

 

Just be honest with how you are feeling. Yes, you will get kicked in the nuts as you should be, ESPECIALLY when you have a wife (who is unsuspecting, I imagine) and possibly children?? at home wondering where "Daddy" is, whether physically or mentally...

 

All I ask is to please, PLEASE think of them and thing their thoughts....

[tigers1970]

Sounds like she only wants you to leave your marriage for yourself. That is, to only divorce if you would leave anyway, even if you would be alone. Do you know whether you would prefer to stay married or be alone? This can be difficult to determine when you are already in love with someone new.

 

Anyway, it's a lot of baggage to leave a marriage for someone else, rather than for yourself, and your OW may be scared of this possibility.

yes she is scared of that .. she left her marriage 5 years ago cause she was un happy not for some one else ... i cant help feeling tho that if she really wanted me she would nt walk away at the same time but she was all this if its meant to be talk and if you love some ting set it free stuff which plain annoyed me ...

[tigers1970]

You f*cking bastard!! You worthless piece of cow dung!! You cheating scumbag!!

 

Just kidding!

 

hopefully that gets it out of everybody's system.

 

Just be honest with how you are feeling. Yes, you will get kicked in the nuts as you should be, ESPECIALLY when you have a wife (who is unsuspecting, I imagine) and possibly children?? at home wondering where "Daddy" is, whether physically or mentally...

 

All I ask is to please, PLEASE think of them and thing their thoughts....

yes have an un suspecting wife and two kids that i ve tortured myself with guilt all the time ( i repeat not looking for sympathy here )... and i know me going would be devestating to them but what am i to do ??? should i pretend to be happy for rest of my life for their sake while deep inside wishing was with some one else

[BB07]

yes she is scared of that .. she left her marriage 5 years ago cause she was un happy not for some one else ... i cant help feeling tho that if she really wanted me she would nt walk away at the same time but she was all this if its meant to be talk and if you love some ting set it free stuff which plain annoyed me ...

 

 

If you are done with your marriage, then leave it and put everyone out of their misery. Or do you feel that you can't do that unless your OW is waiting on you?

[spice4life]

well could say both in a way ,, she was terrified that if didnt work out i would blame her forever ( which was nt good enough excuse for me ) as for the affair her conscience was killing her , morlas , being labelled .. home wrecker and all that ... god i dunno .. its heartbreaking

 

It is heartbreaking and I am so sorry you are going through this pain right now. It is definitely one of the most painful experiences in my life that is for sure. I think some OW's get scared if they feel the MM is leaving for her instead of leaving for himself because he is not happy in his marriage. But, as the saying goes, "it ain't over until it's over." If you read through the posts here you will see that is pretty much the case in most of the affairs. I'm not saying that to give you hope because I don't know your whole story, I'm just saying that affairs seem to have A LOT of stops and starts and back and forth before it is resolved one way or the other. It's a tough situation that creates a lot of pain because there is no one in real life you can really talk to about it. You end up having to suffer through the pain while trying to function in daily life without showing or telling anyone why you are hurting. It's hard.

 

Keep posting here and you will find it helps. I am sure some of the men on this forum will be able to provide you with great insight as well.

[miso horny]

yes have an un suspecting wife and two kids that i ve tortured myself with guilt all the time ( i repeat not looking for sympathy here )... and i know me going would be devestating to them but what am i to do ??? should i pretend to be happy for rest of my life for their sake while deep inside wishing was with some one else

 

No, you f*cking get back into the game with your family! You go to counseling, slowly! You get "tools" to help "fix" things, either way. YOU EFFIN TRY!

 

You OWE them that. You owe yourself that. YOU DONT OWE YOURSELF SOME FRESH SNATCH

 

Dont mean to sound harsh, but then again I do... Keep thinking about what your kids would EXPECT from their father

[spice4life]

It is heartbreaking and I am so sorry you are going through this pain right now. It is definitely one of the most painful experiences in my life that is for sure. I think some OW's get scared if they feel the MM is leaving for her instead of leaving for himself because he is not happy in his marriage. But, as the saying goes, "it ain't over until it's over." If you read through the posts here you will see that is pretty much the case in most of the affairs. I'm not saying that to give you hope because I don't know your whole story, I'm just saying that affairs seem to have A LOT of stops and starts and back and forth before it is resolved one way or the other. It's a tough situation that creates a lot of pain because there is no one in real life you can really talk to about it. You end up having to suffer through the pain while trying to function in daily life without showing or telling anyone why you are hurting. It's hard.

 

Keep posting here and you will find it helps. I am sure some of the men on this forum will be able to provide you with great insight as well.

 

I would also like to add that I have read that sometimes, the OW's initial reaction to hearing her MM is leaving the marriage is to bolt for all of the reasons you listed above. I guess you would know better than anyone if this is just knee jerk reaction or if she truly couldn't handle it.