September Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Are you in any contact with the OW still? Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 not having sex with her and she knows something wrong .. my mood not good but would be huge shock for her ... You won't have to worry much longer. If she knows somethings wrong AND you are not having sex with her then she will figure it out soon. I'm sure she is not dumb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 Are you in any contact with the OW still? she cut all contact Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 she cut all contact Good for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 You won't have to worry much longer. If she knows somethings wrong AND you are not having sex with her then she will figure it out soon. I'm sure she is not dumb. she is far from dumb Link to post Share on other sites
September Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 You won't have to worry much longer. If she knows somethings wrong AND you are not having sex with her then she will figure it out soon. I'm sure she is not dumb. Spot on there...my xMM's wife picked up on that. In fact, his whole family noticed that he was very down and not himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 Your wife deserves so much more than you are doing or who you are. She is entitled to live life with a man who not only loves her, he respects her and would move heaven and earth not to hurt her. Those aren't the feelings you say you have for her...hell those aren't the feelings you even you say you have for the ow. Give your wife the right to chose how to live her life. You get to screw around and then get to make the choice about whether to stay or all without her understanding what is happening. Because she does know something isn't quit right but she trusts you and she wants you to be okay. Are you okay with someone living your life for you? If you are that unhappy give everyone the chance to find happiness where ever they can. point taken Link to post Share on other sites
September Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 she cut all contact Ok, so what do you want. What do you really, really want? Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 she cut all contact You were with this woman for a year and a half. How much longer did you expect her to wait around while you played with 2 women, playing happy family with one and lover with the other. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Ok, so what do you want. What do you really, really want? It doesn't matter what he wants if he won't tell his wife. The ow needs actions not words and obviously he is too cowardly to do anything. Both women got screwed over and his kids and he's Heartbroken. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 It doesn't matter what he wants if he won't tell his wife. The ow needs actions not words and obviously he is too cowardly to do anything. Both women got screwed over and his kids and he's Heartbroken. well you have your mind made up Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 You were with this woman for a year and a half. How much longer did you expect her to wait around while you played with 2 women, playing happy family with one and lover with the other. not very much longer which is why i was set to leave but she still didnt want to stay with me Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 not having sex with her and she knows something wrong .. my mood not good but would be huge shock for her ... You owe your wife the truth. She knows 'something' is off and I'm sure it has crossed her mind that you *might* be having an affair, but she doesn't want to believe that it *could* be true because you are her husband, have kids with her, said vows to her, built a life with her. You need to fix yourself, something obviously is broken inside of you. And please don't use the excuse that you chose to go outside of your marriage because you 1) fell out of love with your wife, 2)have a bad marriage or are unhappy. Sorry to be blunt there, k. As for your OW, she probably is hurting and right now the best thing you can do is leave her alone until you sort out yourself, decide if you want to stay married or not. Do not call your OW and tell her you plan on leaving your wife. It'll give her hope, and create drama and heartache for her while she "waits" for you. IF you do divorce, THEN contact your OW. Do it the right way. For your kids sake you do owe it to them and to your wife to salvage your marriage, give it a chance. Imagine walking away now and in 3-6 months realizing you actually DO love your wife and want to have your family together under one roof. If you leave your marriage, make sure it's because YOU want out and it has nothing to do about the OW. Did you start feeling less and less for your wife when the OW entered your life? Why did you allow another woman to get close to you, turn to her instead of your wife? All stuff you need to think about and talk to someone, a therapist to help you through this, to make a decision. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 well you have your mind made up That's because you are on here asking for support because your ow left you while you are home with your family. That looks like an action to me because doing nothing chooses your wife. If you continue on with this inaction you will continue to live miserably thinking what if and never giving you or your wife a chance to work on the family. **** or get off the pot. Tell your wife and work on the marriage or tell your wife and leave. I don't see any other options that would not be cowardly. Link to post Share on other sites
miso horny Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Alright. Set yourself a time period, no longer than 48 hours to grieve your loss. Spend it here, cry your eyes out, jerk off, whatever you gotta do to get over this AFFAIR, and then get back into the game or get the heck outta your house and your marriage. Be a man Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 not very much longer which is why i was set to leave but she still didnt want to stay with me That's because it was all words. You were "set" to leave but you didn't tell your wife that did you? How is that being set to leave? You've been giving your ow words for a year and a half with no action. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 not very much longer which is why i was set to leave but she still didnt want to stay with me So you were going to end your marriage 100% and leave your wife, divorce her and be with the OW? I say, leave your wife if you were planning on leaving to begin with, reguardless of what your OW is doing or isn't doing. She should not be a factor in this. You should be OK alone, without either woman if divorce was in your mind. But sadly, my guess is, you had no intention of ever leaving your marriage until the OW came along. You don't have to answer any of my questions if you don't want, just take time to think this through. Your decision isn't just about you, it affects your innocent wife and those little innocent kids as well. Do counselling!! Link to post Share on other sites
miso horny Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 You owe your wife the truth. She knows 'something' is off and I'm sure it has crossed her mind that you *might* be having an affair, but she doesn't want to believe that it *could* be true because you are her husband, have kids with her, said vows to her, built a life with her. You need to fix yourself, something obviously is broken inside of you. And please don't use the excuse that you chose to go outside of your marriage because you 1) fell out of love with your wife, 2)have a bad marriage or are unhappy. Sorry to be blunt there, k. As for your OW, she probably is hurting and right now the best thing you can do is leave her alone until you sort out yourself, decide if you want to stay married or not. Do not call your OW and tell her you plan on leaving your wife. It'll give her hope, and create drama and heartache for her while she "waits" for you. IF you do divorce, THEN contact your OW. Do it the right way. For your kids sake you do owe it to them and to your wife to salvage your marriage, give it a chance. Imagine walking away now and in 3-6 months realizing you actually DO love your wife and want to have your family together under one roof. If you leave your marriage, make sure it's because YOU want out and it has nothing to do about the OW. Did you start feeling less and less for your wife when the OW entered your life? Why did you allow another woman to get close to you, turn to her instead of your wife? All stuff you need to think about and talk to someone, a therapist to help you through this, to make a decision. WW, you are by far one of the most helpful, brilliant, beautiful women this site has ever seen, but these bolded words just give this poor sap hope and something to feel "noble" about. And watch, he will.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 It sounds like your OW has a set and also has alot of self respect for herself. She walked away from the A, hurting and ready to let go. You've been hurting two women at the same except ONE isn't aware of it, (your wife) though she (your wife) knows something ain't right. I doubt she'll be shocked. Pissed yes! Hurt, yes! Devastated, yes! But, atleast she will know the truth and not feel like she's going crazy, possibly blaming herself about why you chose to cheat and betray her. Man up and do something, end your marriage or fix it. To do nothing and sit idle now that your OW has left you is a waste of life. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 The right thing is never the easy thing. If you are unhappy then leave for yourself and trust that the ow will be there when you are able to offer her a legitimate role in your life. Then you can rededicate yourself as a father who is honest, true to himself and guilt-free. In the long run you will be doing what's best for your wife since you cantbe happy with her. She wouldn't even have to know she had been betrayed. A little discomfort upfront but everyone benefits in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
September Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 It doesn't matter what he wants if he won't tell his wife. The ow needs actions not words and obviously he is too cowardly to do anything. Both women got screwed over and his kids and he's Heartbroken. To me it does matter what he wants. If he doesn't sort himself out first, he is no good to anybody. He needs time away from both women so he can work things out in his head. Flitting between the two women will only cause more confusion. Having had an A, it's not the perfect scenario that everyone thinks it is. It is very, very difficult. Your heart is being pulled in every direction between your family, H/W and the OP. People will tell you what to do but your head doesn't and won't hear it. Your heart aches and pines to be with this person and you can't see reason. In time, he will work it out but at the moment everything is still very fresh. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 not very much longer which is why i was set to leave but she still didnt want to stay with me What exactly does set to leave mean? Did you rent an apartment? Did you meet with a lawyer? Did you inform your wife you were leaving? Or did you just decide in your head that you're ready to leave? And if you're set to leave your marriage, why don't you leave? Why do you need someone to be waiting for you? If your marriage is over, then let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 WW, you are by far one of the most helpful, brilliant, beautiful women this site has ever seen, but these bolded words just give this poor sap hope and something to feel "noble" about. And watch, he will.... That isn't hope, it's a focus to DO something instead of selfishly lead on his OW and continue to lie to his wife, betray her and live a double life. GOOD for the OW for walking away, she's got balls and finally put her foot down. Something this guy needs to do for himself. Make a real decision and stick to it. I don't any "hope" because who knows if the OW will be waitin for him? That's the thing. He needs to leave his marriage if he was planning to anyway, reguardless if the OW is there or not. This guy should be on his own, be alone and be totally fine. If he feels noble, so be it, if it'll help him go in a direction and stay on ONE path, not two. Tnx for the compliment. Link to post Share on other sites
miso horny Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 That isn't hope, it's a focus to DO something instead of selfishly lead on his OW and continue to lie to his wife, betray her and live a double life. GOOD for the OW for walking away, she's got balls and finally put her foot down. Something this guy needs to do for himself. Make a real decision and stick to it. I don't any "hope" because who knows if the OW will be waitin for him? That's the thing. He needs to leave his marriage if he was planning to anyway, reguardless if the OW is there or not. This guy should be on his own, be alone and be totally fine. If he feels noble, so be it, if it'll help him go in a direction and stay on ONE path, not two. Tnx for the compliment. awwww, miso sawwy.. I meant every word! I just read into it that if he thought her poor little heart was hurting he would rush over and kiss it better... but to hell with his wife's heart... you are so buteeful and me luvs you so much Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 awwww, miso sawwy.. I meant every word! I just read into it that if he thought her poor little heart was hurting he would rush over and kiss it better... but to hell with his wife's heart... you are so buteeful and me luvs you so much Get a room you two:sick: miso jealous:o Link to post Share on other sites
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