September Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 yes have an un suspecting wife and two kids that i ve tortured myself with guilt all the time ( i repeat not looking for sympathy here )... and i know me going would be devestating to them but what am i to do ??? should i pretend to be happy for rest of my life for their sake while deep inside wishing was with some one else When I was with my xMM for nearly 2 years, he would tell me he felt the same way and talked as you do about your OW. When we were caught (we were both married) everything changed, reality hit. He didn't want to lose his family, he didn't want his children to turn against him which they did. He (completely and unexpectedly) decided to go back home and work things out, leaving me shocked and devastated. I suppose what I am saying is, make sure that you REALLY know who and what you want before you get in even deeper. Often though, people don't know what they want until the light of day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 No, you f*cking get back into the game with your family! You go to counseling, slowly! You get "tools" to help "fix" things, either way. YOU EFFIN TRY! You OWE them that. You owe yourself that. YOU DONT OWE YOURSELF SOME FRESH SNATCH Dont mean to sound harsh, but then again I do... Keep thinking about what your kids would EXPECT from their father i am trying Link to post Share on other sites
miso horny Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 i am trying OK then. Keep trying and do NOT stop trying! Listen man, I know. I do. I know what it feels like to be made to feel "special" when special left the building in your marriage, and replaced with the actual MARRIAGE WITH CHILDREN.. But dude, that IS special! What is extra special is to figure this out and MAKE YOUR FALMILY A SUCCESS STORY Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 she insisted she does nt want me to do this now ... to wait and be sure ???????????? Of course she says that. She doesn't want to be the cause of your broken marriage. Are you not sure then? Who do you want? If it is the ow you have to show her that. It is the only way. She will not believe you love her when you go home to your wife every night. Tell your wife, start the divorce process then go after the ow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 When I was with my xMM for nearly 2 years, he would tell me he felt the same way and talked as you do about your OW. When we were caught (we were both married) everything changed, reality hit. He didn't want to lose his family, he didn't want his children to turn against him which they did. He (completely and unexpectedly) decided to go back home and work things out, leaving me shocked and devastated. I suppose what I am saying is, make sure that you REALLY know who and what you want before you get in even deeper. Often though, people don't know what they want until the light of day. you are right . i am trying to leave dust settle and not do anything rash just now but my strong feelings for ow makes it hard to think with head and not heart Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 yes she is scared of that .. she left her marriage 5 years ago cause she was un happy not for some one else ... i cant help feeling tho that if she really wanted me she would nt walk away at the same time but she was all this if its meant to be talk and if you love some ting set it free stuff which plain annoyed me ... OMG *smack* seriously if SHE really loved you?? You just expect her to believe you "really" love her when you go home to your wife every night? If you really loved her you would do anything to be with her. This woman respects herself enough not to be your thing on the side. Respect her enough not to treat her as one. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 yes have an un suspecting wife and two kids that i ve tortured myself with guilt all the time ( i repeat not looking for sympathy here )... and i know me going would be devestating to them but what am i to do ??? should i pretend to be happy for rest of my life for their sake while deep inside wishing was with some one else Are you still having sex with your wife and acting like all is well? Will this blindside her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 Are you still having sex with your wife and acting like all is well? Will this blindside her? not having sex with her and she knows something wrong .. my mood not good but would be huge shock for her ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 OMG *smack* seriously if SHE really loved you?? You just expect her to believe you "really" love her when you go home to your wife every night? If you really loved her you would do anything to be with her. This woman respects herself enough not to be your thing on the side. Respect her enough not to treat her as one. so is she just testing me?? Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Your OW appears to be making a very good choice for herself. Is this fair to your wife or your OW for you to keep both women in your life while you figure out how to leave? Your OW knows it's not fair to her so she makes her own decision. Perhaps if you extend courtesy to your wife and let her know she can make her own decision as well. If you want to end your marriage than end it. You don't need someone to catch you on the other side. And I sure hope you don't look back and start longing for what you had. The wife, the kids, the dog, living and playing all together. Because if you look back then that just causes your wife and OW even more pain with you waffling. Be sure that you want your marriage to end before you leave. If your not sure, then work on the marriage. But don't be a dick and try to keep both women while you figure your **** out. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 yes she is scared of that .. she left her marriage 5 years ago cause she was un happy not for some one else ... i cant help feeling tho that if she really wanted me she would nt walk away at the same time but she was all this if its meant to be talk and if you love some ting set it free stuff which plain annoyed me ... Okay, you might need to take a look at this from her side (which is why your here right?). After reading some of your responses there may be other reasons at play here. You said that you were wrecked with guilt because of your wife and children (which is absolutely 100% normal)...how did you handle this with your OW? Did you blow hot and cold on her because of your guilt? I'm not saying this to be harsh or anything, but this can be very hard for someone, who is standing on the other side of the fence, to handle. If she was witnessing your pain and guilt then she may have pulled away so you could sort it all out. When someone is wrecked with guilt it sometimes (well actually most of the time) it causes them to pull the other person close and then push them away, which after a while becomes very painful. It can cause them to throw their hands up and say exactly what is quoted above. Sometimes they feel they have no other choice. It all depends upon how open your communication was with her also. Link to post Share on other sites
miso horny Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 there he goes..... he's a goner poor family Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Does your OW post here on LS? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 It's great that Thomasb was able to move on so quickly but in all honesty I don't recall seeing Thomasb coming onto OM/OW forum asking for help in getting over his affair so I am not sure why he has been brought into this discussion... Because I brought him in. And he isn't the only one. If you are in need of proof, there is always the old go back and search the threads. I don't recall every name but it is a pattern (since I have been here)to dog him if he isn't pining for ow. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 OMG *smack* seriously if SHE really loved you?? You just expect her to believe you "really" love her when you go home to your wife every night? If you really loved her you would do anything to be with her. This woman respects herself enough not to be your thing on the side. Respect her enough not to treat her as one. It really is all about him isn't it? Screw with the lives of two women while one decides not to a two year old. Link to post Share on other sites
September Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Because I brought him in. And he isn't the only one. If you are in need of proof, there is always the old go back and search the threads. I don't recall every name but it is a pattern (since I have been here)to dog him if he isn't pining for ow. Personally it's not in my nature to 'dog' someone and I don't want or need proof of this happening as it has nothing to do with this thread. This guy is asking for some insight from people that have been the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 Does your OW post here on LS? she could be ,,, impossible to say Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 there he goes..... he's a goner poor family explain?,,,,,,, Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Search notsure7. Most of his story is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t192097/ He was all set to leave his wife for ow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 Okay, you might need to take a look at this from her side (which is why your here right?). After reading some of your responses there may be other reasons at play here. You said that you were wrecked with guilt because of your wife and children (which is absolutely 100% normal)...how did you handle this with your OW? Did you blow hot and cold on her because of your guilt? I'm not saying this to be harsh or anything, but this can be very hard for someone, who is standing on the other side of the fence, to handle. If she was witnessing your pain and guilt then she may have pulled away so you could sort it all out. When someone is wrecked with guilt it sometimes (well actually most of the time) it causes them to pull the other person close and then push them away, which after a while becomes very painful. It can cause them to throw their hands up and say exactly what is quoted above. Sometimes they feel they have no other choice. It all depends upon how open your communication was with her also. yes i did blow hot and cold early in the affair but not so later on Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Personally it's not in my nature to 'dog' someone and I don't want or need proof of this happening as it has nothing to do with this thread. This guy is asking for some insight from people that have been the OP. Then give it to him and don't worry about my posts. Link to post Share on other sites
miso horny Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 explain?,,,,,,, I will explain... You are ONLY concerned about what your affair partner is thinking/feeling, and what SHE may do and if she may leave you.... All while your wife is in the other room, with a heavy heart, "knowing" something is wrong, "knowing" with every gut feeling that she has as a woman, a mother and yes, a wife that something is amiss, while you sit here and jerk your family around with what the F*CK your girlfriend may do to YOU... get a grip dude Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Your wife deserves so much more than you are doing or who you are. She is entitled to live life with a man who not only loves her, he respects her and would move heaven and earth not to hurt her. Those aren't the feelings you say you have for her...hell those aren't the feelings you even you say you have for the ow. Give your wife the right to chose how to live her life. You get to screw around and then get to make the choice about whether to stay or all without her understanding what is happening. Because she does know something isn't quit right but she trusts you and she wants you to be okay. Are you okay with someone living your life for you? If you are that unhappy give everyone the chance to find happiness where ever they can. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 you are right . i am trying to leave dust settle and not do anything rash just now but my strong feelings for ow makes it hard to think with head and not heart This is probably the reason she left. She saw that you were conflicted and decided she needed to walk away so you can sort yourself out and decide for yourself what it is that YOU want. She probably realized that your head would never be clear with her in the picture. for what it's worth, that is not a bad thing, that means she really did care about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigers1970 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Share Posted December 6, 2010 I will explain... You are ONLY concerned about what your affair partner is thinking/feeling, and what SHE may do and if she may leave you.... All while your wife is in the other room, with a heavy heart, "knowing" something is wrong, "knowing" with every gut feeling that she has as a woman, a mother and yes, a wife that something is amiss, while you sit here and jerk your family around with what the F*CK your girlfriend may do to YOU... get a grip dude she has left Link to post Share on other sites
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