When will my XH go away? Ideas ?

[lulusea]

I have been divorced for three years. It was not a nice divorce but got it done. He cheated numerous times with numerous people. Some that we both worked with. I almost left my job. I would see other women waling down the halls and almost drive myself insane wondering if they were one of the ones he cheated with and told them how "horrible" I was to him and so forth.

 

Fast forward to recent time. I got promoted he didn't. He got transfered to another department. We got to a point where we were almost friends. We have children together and getting along was important to me for their sake.

 

With my promotion came the joy of supervising employees. He has recently decided that it is a good idea to start dating one of them. She reports directly to me. I informed him that this put me in a horrible situation and that I notified HR of the situation.

 

He then decides that it would be a fantastic idea to tell her all my personal imformation in his twisted version and she then decides to tell people at work.

 

I am not trying to be concieted, but it really seams like he got with her to try and get to me. He is trying to mess with my job and that in turn messes with out childrens life. I need to work to be able to put a roof over their heads. He can't. He has two other children to pay child support for.

 

How do I get him to leave me alone? I so badly want to get even with him, but my job is more important to me than revenge. I hate him. Why does he do this?

[imagine]

I she tranferable to another department? How do you know that he shared personal details? Do you have witnesses?

[TaraMaiden]

I have been divorced for three years. It was not a nice divorce but got it done. ......He has recently decided that it is a good idea to start dating one of them. She reports directly to me. I informed him that this put me in a horrible situation and that I notified HR of the situation.

Forgive me for saying so, but you're talking nonsense.

If you are divorced and your marriage is three years behind you, really, his decision who he dates and where they work, is not, and should not be, an issue.

Separate the emotional from the professional.

You should have emphasised right from the beginning that dating someone at work was absolutely fine, providing he doesn't mix the personal with the professional.

And as for her, you should have acted as if nothing was happening.

She is not part of your past, divorce or relationship with your ex.

She has nothing to do with it, and as such is a completely separate situation.

 

He then decides that it would be a fantastic idea to tell her all my personal imformation in his twisted version and she then decides to tell people at work.

You take her to one side, and you tell her that if she spreads any more rumours about you, you will speak to HR and ask them to implement disciplinary procedures against her for defamation of character and insubordination.And this discussion is completely confidential, and you consider any breach - that is discussing it with anybody, INCLUDING your ex - to be a breach of confidentiality.

And then put it in writing.

 

I am not trying to be concieted, but it really seams like he got with her to try and get to me. He is trying to mess with my job and that in turn messes with out childrens life. I need to work to be able to put a roof over their heads. He can't. He has two other children to pay child support for.

Treat him with polite professionalism at work, and explain nothing outside of work, to do with work.

At work, it's confidential, and part of your specification as a boss, and at home - you don't discuss work.

Simple. Just be sure to stick to it.

 

How do I get him to leave me alone? I so badly want to get even with him, but my job is more important to me than revenge. I hate him. Why does he do this?

 

Because he obviously knows which buttons to push, and how to bother you.

Remember what they say:

It is the person who cares the least, who controls the most.

 

Be the one to care the least.

[carhill]

OP, welcome to LS.

 

If at all possible, and even if it involves a pay cut, I'd actively seek alternative employment. It's not about winning or losing; it's about saving your sanity and going on to live a healthy and satisfying life. No job is worth your life.

 

Alternatively, if you're determined to stay, if a subordinate actively undermines your ability to supervise, manage and lead and otherwise discharge your duties as a manager, document it and fire them. Whatever heat that brings your way, legally or professionally, face it. Some people only respond to a baseball bat to the head. The more civilized version of that is unemployment.

 

Good luck

[lulusea]

I do have witnesses to what she has said and done. She is not transferable yet as she is a fairly new employee. As far as she knows, I do not know what she has been up to. I have not disucssed it with anyone other than HR and my boss.

 

 

And I do not care who he dates. He has dated numerous people that work in the same place. I am happy he has found other people to ruin their life. It just seems suspisious that he dates one of my employees. They both have put themselves into the mess by bringing up past events while at work and spreading rumors about me at work.

 

If this were a budding relationship that is destined fro greatness fantastic. But I seriously doubt that any of His and my personal past needs to be aired out or addressed in any manner for their relationship to develope.

 

He is a manipulator to the fullest extent and I am so tired of dealing with the reprocussions of his actions. His exes from here have come to me and appologized for him.

 

I just keep praying for Karma to take over.

[TaraMaiden]

I do have witnesses to what she has said and done. She is not transferable yet as she is a fairly new employee. As far as she knows, I do not know what she has been up to. I have not disucssed it with anyone other than HR and my boss.

What did they suggest?

 

 

And I do not care who he dates. He has dated numerous people that work in the same place. I am happy he has found other people to ruin their life. It just seems suspisious that he dates one of my employees. They both have put themselves into the mess by bringing up past events while at work and spreading rumors about me at work.

the best way you could deal with this is to ignore it completely and rise above it.

People keep poking at a wound when they see it's open. If you act as if this is not affecting you one bit, they'll either stop, because it's not working, or up the ante - and do themselves no favours.

Either way, stay dignified....

 

....

He is a manipulator to the fullest extent and I am so tired of dealing with the reprocussions of his actions. His exes from here have come to me and appologized for him.

All the more reason to rise above his pathetic attempts at juvenile and puerile behaviour.

he's a jerk.

Just keep telling yourself that.

 

I just keep praying for Karma to take over.

Oh this hacks me off.... what about your karma biting you? Karma isn't just about what happens to others.... it happens to us too.....

Keep your thoughts, words and actions clean, and then yopur karma will be fine.....