Why Not?

[confusedinkansas]

Owl, once again, has hit the nail on the head.

 

To spend this much time on a thread about the ex-OM indicates that he is too much on your mind - you are still investing your time in the affair even though you say it is all behind you.

 

I am over 2 years post D-day and have the dubious pleasure () of working with the ex-OM but even with that unavoidable contact that I have, I do not spend time thinking about any contact beyond what is neccessary to do my job. I struggled with this for way too long after the affair but that battle ended a long time ago. His behaviour is still sometimes less than appropriate (even though he is now a newlywed) but I do not react to it and feed his ego. I also keep my H fully informed.

 

I spent too much time on him in the past and not only does my H not deserve me thinking about the ex-OM like that, I don't deserve it. I have moved on from that time and am getting on with my life with my husband. I'll be damned if I let the ex-OM take anything more from my marriage.

 

OMG & here you are talking about him. You just contradicted yourself. I'm not supposed to toss out questions about my X because "OH My It means I still Think SO much about him & what he does":rolleyes:

Yet here you are talking about yours & on top of that you work with yours..........Hmmm.......Wow many here would say you should have quit your job:eek:

 

See what I mean though.......

 

These threads take SUCH A TURN.......One minute we're discussing the actual topic posted (God Forbid We Stay ON Toipic) & the next here we are saying that I think way too much about this other man otherwise I'd not post here..........Sheesh!

 

I ask again...........Since when is it a crime to come here & post a question?

 

AND...Which part of unsolicited emails doesn't everyone get?

 

I am over 2 years post D-day

& I'm over 4 years past

[confusedinkansas]

Sorry - Forgot to add this at the end of my last post.......

[Distant78]

I rest my case. OP, you can't fool us. You know all you had to do was block him on your email but you like the fact he's chasing you. I suspected this was the reason this thread was created in the first place(?).

[anne1707]

OMG & here you are talking about him. You just contradicted yourself.

 

Whatever....

 

I posted about my situation to try and help. I thought surely you would appreciate hearing the views of a former WS who could relate to your experiences. Am I supposed to not post on any LS thread which relates to something I might have experience of?

 

If you want to try and twist my words then go ahead if that makes you feel better.

[Distant78]

I think it's normal for someone after an affair to still have a "special place" in their hearts for the affair partner.

 

I wonder what your husband would think if he read this statement. This right here tells a lot.

[donnamaybe]

OMG & here you are talking about him. You just contradicted yourself. I'm not supposed to toss out questions about my X because "OH My It means I still Think SO much about him & what he does":rolleyes:

Um, no. Folks are questioning why you won't block his e-mail. There really is no valid excuse to not do so, and all this dramatic protesting complete with a plethora of emoticons speaks volumes.

[confusedinkansas]

Whatever....

 

I posted about my situation to try and help. I thought surely you would appreciate hearing the views of a former WS who could relate to your experiences. Am I supposed to not post on any LS thread which relates to something I might have experience of?

 

If you want to try and twist my words then go ahead if that makes you feel better.

 

Twisting words is what lots of folks do here. Even you yourself did.

I totally get posting about YOUR specific situation to try to help others. I've done it & have been trashed for it.

 

I only pointed out what you said as a means to say......SEE....Threads get off track & they also have people that talk out of both sides of their mouth's when posting here. Or so it seems since oftentimes a postings translations get lost & misconstrude.

 

I apologize Anne.

I suspected this was the reason this thread was created in the first place(?).

You would suspect wrong.

 

Back to the topic.

I know that being friends with an ex affair partner is a BAD idea. Reminder (which I've posted) He & I did give it the ole' college try. IT......DOES....NOT.....WORK....... I just wanted to see what others views were on it. Sure did stir up a lot of conversation that had NOTHING to do with my post now didn't it? Uncool!

[anne1707]

Twisting words is what lots of folks do here. Even you yourself did.

I totally get posting about YOUR specific situation to try to help others. I've done it & have been trashed for it.

 

I only pointed out what you said as a means to say......SEE....Threads get off track & they also have people that talk out of both sides of their mouth's when posting here. Or so it seems since oftentimes a postings translations get lost & misconstrude.

 

I apologize Anne.

You would suspect wrong.

 

.............................................

[donnamaybe]

So I guess we're all correct.

[confusedinkansas]

So I guess we're all correct.

 

So when someone takes up for themselves here & tries to correct assumptions......What does that mean to you donna?

[Distant78]

You would suspect wrong.

 

Uh, no. Sorry i'm not the one in question here.

[Distant78]

So when someone takes up for themselves here & tries to correct assumptions......What does that mean to you donna?

 

Our "assumptions" are facts. You're trying to make this into something that it's not and we're not fooled by it.

[confusedinkansas]

Our "assumptions" are facts. You're trying to make this into something that it's not and we're not fooled by it.

Ahh - I see.

[Distant78]

Ahh - I see.

 

Oh we know it.

[confusedinkansas]

This has become laughable.

 

People (grown-ups) don't read.

People make assumptions all over the place without first hand knowledge.

 

I've agree with most everyone here on the topic that was posted.

"Why Not?"

 

Yet. I am still beat like a dead horse. Interesting how things work here.

[donnamaybe]

Your only excuse for not blocking his e-mail was because it wouldn't TELL HIM you blocked him. Why would you care? And why don't you block it?

 

You still haven't answered those questions and have become extremely defensive over what are some obviously drawn conclusions in light of your refusal to prevent those e-mails from continuing to arrive in your e-mail inbox.

[Distant78]

This has become laughable.

 

People (grown-ups) don't read.

People make assumptions all over the place without first hand knowledge.

 

I've agree with most everyone here on the topic that was posted.

"Why Not?"

 

Yet. I am still beat like a dead horse. Interesting how things work here.

 

People don't read?

[Distant78]

Your only excuse for not blocking his e-mail was because it wouldn't TELL HIM you blocked him. Why would you care? And why don't you block it?

 

You still haven't answered those questions and have become extremely defensive over what are some obviously drawn conclusions in light of your refusal to prevent those e-mails from continuing to arrive in your e-mail inbox.

 

We all know the real reason why she's refusing to keep in contact with OM, and why this thread was made. She admitted it when she said OM still has a place in her heart. This is still cheating.

[donnamaybe]

People don't read?

Oh, there's some reading going on alright.

[confusedinkansas]

You still haven't answered those questions and have become extremely defensive over what are some obviously drawn conclusions in light of your refusal to prevent those e-mails from continuing to arrive in your e-mail inbox.

 

Donna, While I respect your persistance to have the answers to this question(s), it's not at all what the initial post is or was about.

 

Also, since I have no intention on ever seeing him again, it's irrelevant.

 

Frankly, too much time has been spent on the off topic subject as it is.

[donnamaybe]

Well, then, let's just make another thread all about this subject, and we'll see what the general concensus is.

 

Oh, and since it will most definitely be ON TOPIC on that thread, feel free to participate.

Edited December 8, 2010 by donnamaybe

[Dexter Morgan]

Poll away.....That's the beauty of this site. We don't always have to agree. Making assumptions about people when you don't know them is a very unattractive trait.

 

You've posted enough on this site that we all know enough about what you are about. No assumptions at all.

 

And I guess everyone is just assuming, since they agree you still want your OM around somehow.

 

and a cheater talking about an unattractive trait? wow

 

 

OH & thanks for getting off topic. MANY posts ago I said that I agreed that trying to be friends wasn't a good idea, that I had no desire & wouldn't go there........

 

so then you changed your stance, because that isn't how you felt at the beginning of this thread. you didn't see the big deal in staying friends with a F buddy.

 

someone change your mind?

 

 

Since when is it BAD in LS to "Toss something up the flag pole" even if YOU yourself AGREE with what everyone has said ON THE SUBJECT OF FRIENDS?

 

because you are flip flopping. you even said you knew you'd get a backlash, and I submit that is why you posted in the first place...to stir the s##t

[Dexter Morgan]

OH & thanks for getting off topic. MANY posts ago I said that I agreed that trying to be friends wasn't a good idea, that I had no desire & wouldn't go there........

 

Remember - the two of you were lovers, friends.....etc. You thought the world of each other at one point in your life.They were NOT the devil then - why is it necessary for them to be the devil now? Why is FULL NC so necessary?

 

I realize that to be BFF's again MAY mean that you'd/I'd/We could easily fall back into the old pattern(possibly) But does it HAVE to be like that?

 

Suddenly I have the hankerin for pancakes (flip flop)

[Distant78]

This thread is funny.

[Dexter Morgan]

Donna, While I respect your persistance to have the answers to this question(s), it's not at all what the initial post is or was about.

 

Also, since I have no intention on ever seeing him again, it's irrelevant.

 

Frankly, too much time has been spent on the off topic subject as it is.

 

actually, its very much on topic. The topic is, why not stay friends with an x-f-buddy?

 

and you are proof as to why. you won't block him because you don't want him out of your life because he holds a special place in your heart.

 

That which you have obviously sidestepped is the answer to your question. Because of how you feel towards this OM, seeing as you just can't bring yourself to block him, is WHY its inappropriate to stay friends with an affair partner.

 

here endeth the lesson.