Why Not?

[Distant78]

actually, its very much on topic. The topic is, why not stay friends with an x-f-buddy?

 

and you are proof as to why. you won't block him because you don't want him out of your life because he holds a special place in your heart.

 

That which you have obviously sidestepped is the answer to your question. Because of how you feel towards this OM, seeing as you just can't bring yourself to block him, is WHY its inappropriate to stay friends with an affair partner.

 

here endeth the lesson.

 

No point in lecturing this one. It's not like she isn't going to stop reading his weekly emails/letters on current topics/politics and how great the sex was between them.

[confusedinkansas]

 

Sorry.......couldn't resist.

This thread IS laughable the way it's taken the turn it has.

 

Apparently those that want to keep digging never read WHY I posted. I'm guessing your don't read anything fully. You go between the lines & hope for a more dramatic story to fill your days.

Sorry, this story isn't one of those. :lmao:

 

But your OFF TOPIC posts have been entertaining......THANKS:lmao:

[Snowflower]

CIK, I think the person who needs to answer your question is your husband. Who cares what the conjecture is here on this thread...it's your husband's thoughts and feelings that matter.

 

I think you said that his suggestion was to ignore the emails. This makes sense and it is certainly one way to handle the situation. But ignoring the messages does not appear to be making the OM go away. So, if the emails are still continuing after all this time, what are your husband's thoughts on blocking them or one of you/both of you sending a very brief "do not contact CIK" email?

[donnamaybe]

CIK, I think the person who needs to answer your question is your husband. Who cares what the conjecture is here on this thread...it's your husband's thoughts and feelings that matter.

Think about it a minute. Wouldn't ANYONE feel diminished by the thought that their spouse who used to have sex with someone doesn't want to block his ability to send her emails?

 

Perhaps her H doesn't want to come across as insecure, so he won't tell her what he really thinks about it.

 

I maintain that the kind thing to do for the BS would be to ensure that the emails can no longer arrive. Simple.

[Owl]

CIK...I don't know that there's anything left to post.

 

In all honesty, after going back and reading your last few threads, I suspect that you post just for the drama it causes..there's been no true request for advice or viewpoints...just the posting of something you know is going to be controversial and 'bait' other posters into dispute. And then the continued baiting once that dispute begins.

 

I'll waste your time and mine no longer. Good luck.

[Snowflower]

Transparency is what is key here even more so than whether or not the emails arrive.

 

As a fBS, it would be just as important to me that my H told me that an email from the xAP had arrived. Then we could decide together how we wanted to handle the situation. Blocking them is one way to handle the situation, ignoring is another, sending a NC message is yet another. It depends on the couple and the situation as to how it is handled.

 

I suggested to CIK that she ask her husband what he thinks they should do. I am assuming that he is aware of these attempts at contact.

[confusedinkansas]

CIK...I don't know that there's anything left to post.

 

In all honesty, after going back and reading your last few threads, I suspect that you post just for the drama it causes..there's been no true request for advice or viewpoints...just the posting of something you know is going to be controversial and 'bait' other posters into dispute. And then the continued baiting once that dispute begins.

 

I'll waste your time and mine no longer. Good luck.

 

I did ask a question. I did ask for viewpoints. The trouble is that the thread took a turn.

There's nothing wrong with discussion on topics. I"m not looking for drama or trouble in LS. I asked for other posters viewpoints on being friends with an X AP. I already knew what my viewpoint was on it. I was just curious how others felt. (Because the X keeps making attempts to contact I thought I was the one that wasn't being rational) - I know now from others posts I am being rational & I am holding my ground & my beliefs are the same as MANY here. I figured most would have this viewpoint. I didn't think that it would take the turn to a nasty thread.

 

For those that will go ahead & post again about my blocking the other man from sending emails. I understand where you're coming from. I also got advice here in this thread "Why block him now?" because now he'll know that you got all the other emails. Good question....Good Point.

Yes, my husband is fully aware that this other man randomly (about every 3 months or so) will send an email. To my husband it's just like a hang nail.....a mere annoyance & one he's not willing to spend time on fixing or handling. He's just not interested in trivial things like this. He thinks that by my answering or asking him to stop would cause drama. My husband is the most non-confrontational person I know (next to my daughter, who gets it from him) He just doesn't want to be bothered with this. He is moving on & moving forward....WE are.

[donnamaybe]

I also got advice here in this thread "Why block him now?" because now he'll know that you got all the other emails. Good question....Good Point.

Well, that's not quite how it went. The point being made was the poster felt you should block him, but why would you NOW want him to know you blocked him (by receiving the returned e-mail notice) because that would then tell him you had received the other messages.

 

Yes, my husband is fully aware that this other man randomly (about every 3 months or so) will send an email. To my husband it's just like a hang nail.....a mere annoyance & one he's not willing to spend time on fixing or handling.

So if it IS an annoyance to your husband, you should block him. You don't have to TELL your husband you've blocked him. Just do it. Therefore, the "annoyance" to your husband will no longer exist.

 

My husband is the most non-confrontational person I know

And this is why he doesn't ASK you to block him, but since the e-mails annoy him, it would be nice of you to do so without him having to ask.

[Dexter Morgan]

:lmao: :lmao:

 

Sorry.......couldn't resist.

This thread IS laughable the way it's taken the turn it has.

 

 

it was laughable from the very first post, yours. you knew what you were doing by posting this in the infidelity section.

[Dexter Morgan]

CIK, I think the person who needs to answer your question is your husband.

 

but her husband, as described by CIK, doesn't care....about anything really. Based on her posts if OM were to come up to her and slap a kiss on her and walk away, H would just shrug his shoulders.

 

He definitely does not speak for the majority that would care about something like that.

[Distant78]

but her husband, as described by CIK, doesn't care....about anything really. Based on her posts if OM were to come up to her and slap a kiss on her and walk away, H would just shrug his shoulders.

 

He definitely does not speak for the majority that would care about something like that.

 

And that is why she continues contact with OM because he's bluntly a pushover.

[confusedinkansas]

And that is why she continues contact with OM because he's bluntly a pushover.

 

Thank you for your blatant assumption. Never have I said my husband was a pushover, he's actually very far from one.

Apparently I have to repeat myself for those that don't read..... I don't contact my other man.

[anne1707]

Thank you for your blatant assumption. Never have I said my husband was a pushover, he's actually very far from one.

Apparently I have to repeat myself for those that don't read..... I don't contact my other man.

 

Just one little word....

[confusedinkansas]

Just one little word....

 

Seriously? It's come to splitting hairs now? :rolleyes:One word.....Wow, How nice for me to have to keep defending myself.....??????? So WTF.... Crucify me! LOL

Ok....How about The EX other man whom I had relations with in my past...many moons ago in a galaxy far far away.....Sheesh..... How does anyone else describe their Ex OTHER PERSON.....their past other person??

What difference does it make how it's worded. He is someone from my past, not my present.

 

Some of you will never give up. I realize that. You take one word out of a post & run like the wind with it....Interesting how that works here

[anne1707]

CIK

 

It's as if you can only see extremes - you see posters like me as black when you are white (or vice versa) when that really is not the case.

 

However as a former WS, I would never refer to "my other man" - it is always "the ex-OM" - it was the past and he is not mine. Simple as that.

[confusedinkansas]

CIK

It's as if you can only see extremes - you see posters like me as black when you are white (or vice versa) when that really is not the case.

 

However as a former WS, I would never refer to "my other man" - it is always "the ex-OM" - it was the past and he is not mine. Simple as that.

 

That's because you split hairs when I failed to add EX - when he is, has been for a long time, will always be - yadda yadda yadda.

You made a comment over 2 little letters!

I've made it very clear here that he is the EX.

[anne1707]

OK - I will resist after this last post...

 

The little word I highlighted was "my" - as in he is still yours

[Owl]

I've made it very clear here that he is the EX.

 

No, you haven't.

 

That's why there's so much dissension on your threads.

 

You SAY that he's the "ex"...but you refuse to consider (or even discuss rationally) taking measures that demonstrate that he's the "ex".

 

You've fought tooth and nail with posters over whether or not you should tell your H about the affair.

 

You've fought tooth and nail over working with him is acceptable.

 

You've fought tooth and nail over what constitutes NC (as in this last round about receiving his emails).

 

This has been the one consistent action I've seen you demonstrate here on LS since you've been here.

[confusedinkansas]

No, you haven't.

 

That's why there's so much dissension on your threads.

 

You SAY that he's the "ex"...but you refuse to consider (or even discuss rationally) taking measures that demonstrate that he's the "ex".

I changed my cell phone number & work email.

 

You've fought tooth and nail with posters over whether or not you should tell your H about the affair.My husband knows of the affair otherwise how is he consulting with me on what to do about these emails I've received from the EX other man.

 

You've fought tooth and nail over working with him is acceptable.

I don't work with this EX..EX..EX other man. Never have

 

You've fought tooth and nail over what constitutes NC (as in this last round about receiving his emails).The last time I personally contacted him was years ago. I didn't get an answer to an email I'd sent to him....I took the hint (like I wish he would) I have not contacted him since or answered any of his attempts of engaging in an email conversation since.

 

This has been the one consistent action I've seen you demonstrate here on LS since you've been here.

 

:)Ok The Defense Rests Your Honor

I've tried a multitude of times to defend myself over wrong accusations here. To no avail. (See Bolded)

It may seem arguementative. But see it from my side.......How can someone just let it go when they are wrongfully attacked & accused over & over? Even on an anonymous site.

[Dexter Morgan]

again, you knew you exactly what you were doing posting this in the infidelity section. and it wasn't to find a genuine answer.

[Owl]

I'm not attacking you, CIK, and I'm sorry that you feel that way. I simply responded with what I've seen posted.

 

With that said...I'm sorry that I made you feel attacked. I'll try not to do so in the future, and might also recommend that you place me on ignore so that there's less risk that it might happen.

[Distant78]

Thank you for your blatant assumption. Never have I said my husband was a pushover, he's actually very far from one.

Apparently I have to repeat myself for those that don't read..... I don't contact my other man.

 

I never said YOU said he's a pushover. But irregardless you're still being disrespectful to your own marriage. You were here to start something. That is why this thread was created.

[Distant78]

:)Ok The Defense Rests Your Honor

I've tried a multitude of times to defend myself over wrong accusations here. To no avail. (See Bolded)

It may seem arguementative. But see it from my side.......How can someone just let it go when they are wrongfully attacked & accused over & over? Even on an anonymous site.

 

That's just your work email. What about your personal email? You know exactly what you needed to do from day one. Your husband shouldn't have to tell you how to go COMPLETE NC with OM.

[confusedinkansas]

Thought you'd all enjoy the latest installment of emails. Since this thread isn't about the initial question anymore.

 

Received one AGAIN last afternoon. This one I opened. The contents were asking me to meet at a spot we used to go!

 

My reply.......Please Stop Emailing Me.

Followed with my blocking his email address.

 

Yes, I will tell my husband that I didn't follow his instruction.

 

Let's hope that's the last I ever hear from him.

 

And...........Answering my own Question WHY NOT one more time? No, Never, Nada, Can't Work.....

 

But I already knew all of the answers.

[Owl]

Good job. Clearly he didn't get the "NO MORE" message before. Now let's hope he gets the message. Odds are, he will. And even if he doesn't...at least he won't be able to use that particular approach route again. And if he keeps it up and you find yourself forced to take action against him as a stalker, now you've got 'cyber proof' that you did indeed make it clear that contact was unwanted.

 

Let your H know that you got tired of trying to fend off his emails and took action to prevent from even seeing them. Your H should have no issue with that.

 

Again...good job.