ecm Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 Hi. This LDR thing is new to me. I tried to look for a thread relating to my question, but couldn't find one. If you know of one could you please point me in that direction? Or f not, could anyone please offer me any insight? I have a new "friend". He is amaaaaaazing. But, he is 6 hrs away. He claims to want to settle down, to find that person, etc. As I learn more about him (and overanalyze everything, which I wish I DIDN'T- btw), I realize he might have commitment phobic characteristics. For instance, his last "friend" lived on the other side of the country. With his other ex, he said everything was good until they moved in together. So- here's my question: if he does have a habit of always falling for people who are unavailable, then losing interest when they become available, do you think there's a way to help realize it so he doesn't repeat the same pattern? I hope that makes sense. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Peppermint11 Posted December 6, 2010 Share Posted December 6, 2010 I think people can legitimately change and grow if they want... Does your "friend" acknowledge that he has ever had commitment issues? What about other past relationships? Even friendships? You can tell a lot about a person by all of the different types of relationships they have in their lives. If he has many authentic meaningful relationships (family and/or friends and/or otherwise) maybe he last relationship was simply a dud. We've all had those! Wish you well! Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I don't think there's really any way to tell from what's been posted so far. We can't always help where we meet people. It is possible that the women he's been with before didn't live near him by sheer coincidence too. I'm in my second LDR and I can honestly say it wasn't something I purposely sought out. Six hours isn't that far at all. As long as you can put your other issues to rest with him, I'd say go for it and don't let that stop you because it's very manageable if you both want it. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 (edited) ^^^^^^^^^I agree w/this^^^^^^^ It's impossible to say. In the military for example, virtually ALL relationships are LDR, for a while anyway. And if you both really like each other, than you can make it work Edited December 7, 2010 by skydiveaddict Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I agree with folieadeux, maybe the women he liked in the past both happened to live far away and the other one just didn't work out right in the end. I'm on my second LDR and believe me it is not by choice. Actually neither this one or my previous one were ideal to me, but both guys happened to live far away and I just happened to fall for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ecm Posted December 8, 2010 Author Share Posted December 8, 2010 Thanks guys/gals. Peppermint- he claaaaaims he doesn't. But the other night on the phone I asked him if he thought that maybe he sought LDRs because he likes to keep his distance? He didn't like that too much. It was like a lightbulb when off. So, I might have jinxed myself. I wish I could just keep my mouth shut sometimes. HOWEVER, if he realizes something about himself that will save me from being hurt in the future, I guess I'd rather have him realize it before things get serious. Such a good guy, though I hope I didn't ruin it/ sabotage it by talking too much. (like I have in the past). argh. We'll see. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
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