working on my marriage

[diciabos05]

I'm gonna tell you a little about our mine and my husband's relationship, before I get to my problem.

 

When we first started dating, he was a month away from turning 18 and I had just turned 20. I was never in a real long term relationship until him. I dated like one person before him. We moved in with each other after a month and a half of dating and I got pregnant soon after he turned 18. The day that I found out I was pregnant, our relationship changed. He just became a different person. He wasn't that lovey dovey guy that I loved. He let his immaturity come through. I went through my pregnancy feeling alone and like he didn't want to be with me anymore. After our son was born, things were better and he showed more of the caring guy that I knew. We got married after being together for 2 years.

 

Soon after things started changing again. He wasn't making an effort in our relationship. When we would go out somewhere, he would have distance between us. There is no PDA or anything. I would always see other couples that were holding hands and you could tell that they loved each other and it made me jealous, because I wanted that. I wanted my husband to look at me the way the other couples were looking at each other.

 

But same goes for the bedroom. He doesn't put effort into our sex. It always the same thing and he gets what he wants, but I get what I want, but I have to do it myself. Then for housework, it always Me. I have to do everything. I clean, I do laundry, I take care of our son, I pay bills, I grocery shop.. I wouldn't mind doing these things if I had a little help from him, but he makes messes and doesn't clean up after his self. He seems like he gripes about everything and no one can do anything right to him. I just doesn't feel like there is love between us anymore. I know I love him and he loves me, but I have no attraction toward him and sometimes feel like I would rather be by myself then being with some one.

 

I have talked to him about trying to be more romantic toward me and doing little things (like I have done many times) to show me that he loves me, because I have always told him that actions speak louder than words. And I have done many things, such as buying a book on romantic things to do, but he just doesn't listen to me. He says those things are stupid.

 

But the other night, we went to his company christmas party and he would never stay in the same place. Anytime I would stand in the group he was in, he would find some one else to talk to. My cousin is married to one of his coworkers, so I hung out with him most of the night. But with spending hours with his coworkers, I realized that I was attracted to one of them. Something that I don't think I am with my husband. It's not like I am in love with this coworker or even want to be with this guy, but it was nice to feel that feeling of being attracted to some one. I would never cheat on my husband and I actually would do anything to keep our marriage, but I don't know if I can do it by myself. Like I said earlier, if I did leave my husband, it would be because I wanted to be by myself, then another man.

 

Does any one have any advice or encouraging words to help me??

[TaraMaiden]

Too much, too young, too immature.

There might have been love, but you've both grown apart.

It was - and still is - a mistake.

 

How old are you both now?

 

Time to move on, make sure you take care of your son JOINTLY - but release each other to live and love again.

 

Is my advice.

[diciabos05]

I'm 24 and he's 22

[wicar1]

I'm 24 and he's 22

 

The attraction you are talking about...??? trust me it will cause pain and trouble. It starts like as an attraction. Forget that day and that guy.

 

P.S If that guy made any moves to attract you keep in mind it is only to get into your pants. Stay away.

[hopesndreams]

You should both get into MC. You have a family. Do ALL that you can do to save it before throwing in the towel. As for being attracted to other guys, that is normal because you aren't "happy". Your H can't make you happy and neither can Joe Blow, ONLY YOU can do that.

[heartbrokensj]

But with spending hours with his coworkers, I realized that I was attracted to one of them. Something that I don't think I am with my husband. It's not like I am in love with this coworker or even want to be with this guy, but it was nice to feel that feeling of being attracted to some one. I would never cheat on my husband and I actually would do anything to keep our marriage, but I don't know if I can do it by myself. Like I said earlier, if I did leave my husband, it would be because I wanted to be by myself, then another man.

 

Does any one have any advice or encouraging words to help me??

 

 

Its normal to be attracted to other people in my opinion...its whether you act on it is another potential case...From what you explained, perhaps your attraction to his co-worker is just an indication that the passion is missing from your marriage among other things that you wish were there. Its easy to feel attracted to someone you just met...Therein goes the saying, the grass is greener kind of mentality but fall for it....Do all you can with your husband to work on your marriage since you both have a family before you call it quits and tell him how you feel...Find a good marriage counselor but start to work on things about yourself you do not like..which is the only key to true happiness and half of what makes a marriage successful, is knowing yourself and how you contributed to the marriage, good and bad, ugly...Hang in there!