It's Never Over

[jthorne]

Ok, I told myself that I was going to bow out of this thread, but this is my last comment (I hope)-

 

I think this it is difficult for many OW to understand while they are texting/sexting/emailing and dreaming about a man that will most likely never be exclusively theirs, is that there are women out there who have been lucky enough to find SINGLE men who flood us with affection and attention, who spend quality time with us (and don't get up after a great time and go home to the wife), and with whom we share many things in life.

 

Those men are the real relationship material, not the married men who say pretty words but who are straddling the fence.

 

KTD has admitted in her OP that she is taking the easy way right now, and I just feel very sorry for her that she chooses to put herself through that again.

 

As others have stated previously, KTD, no one wishes you ill will. Not one person here. So while I do not agree with your choice, I will concur with Owl and others that we will be here for you.

[KarmasTestDummy]

I'm with whichwayisup, sorry to see you back there. What comes through your posting, despite being happy for the moments you do get together, is this sadness that those moments aren't yours to have any time. I do understand how you feel and, as I always say, I have a certain amount of almost-admiration for those who can bear this situation. I know I couldn't do it, the longing the rest of the time was too hard.

 

What I do wonder though, Karmas, is how this relationship bears upon your actual life plans. I don't mean to pry, or in any way to suggest that certain ages 'might as well', but do you wish for marriage? Do you have kids already? (Sorry for being ignorant towards your situation if you have answered this in a previous thread.) I just know that this was a factor in deciding the other woman role was certainly not for me. Just one factor, mind. I don't want you to sacrifice too much of yourself, or your hopes and dreams, to share whatever you are able to with this man. Sometimes love just isn't enough. Once you've given your time away, you can't get it back.

 

I'm sorry for your struggle. Keep posting and know we are all here for you, whatever happens.

 

Hugs,

Hazy

 

The life plans thing actually is on good timing, probably how I got into this mess in the first place. I've been separated for a year and a half from my ex husband, but the divorce was just final a few days ago. This is the first time in my life that I've been living alone and independent. I'm working full time, raising my 2 kids, getting my masters, and just experiencing life fresh again. When we started I was so new and didnt want a committed relationship tying me down so fast. We both had a busy life and the falling in love part just happened. I can see myself with him now and do have longing to spend more time with him, but I'm also still in a transitional point and there's not a lot of need to rush a result.

[Hazyhead]

The life plans thing actually is on good timing, probably how I got into this mess in the first place. I've been separated for a year and a half from my ex husband, but the divorce was just final a few days ago. This is the first time in my life that I've been living alone and independent. I'm working full time, raising my 2 kids, getting my masters, and just experiencing life fresh again. When we started I was so new and didnt want a committed relationship tying me down so fast. We both had a busy life and the falling in love part just happened. I can see myself with him now and do have longing to spend more time with him, but I'm also still in a transitional point and there's not a lot of need to rush a result.

 

Thanks KTD, I see now. Well... then it seems you won't necessarily be held back in terms of plans, for now. Still, I think not rushing and not expecting too much may be the best plan. I would hate to think of you missing an opportunity whilst giving yourself to him and there will always be so many great single guys around for you to go easily with too.

[KarmasTestDummy]

It disturbs me. It's incredibly unhealthy. However, I can't say I'm surprised. Not judgment, just fact- She has stated in past posts that her past relationships have been strife with drama, and this is ultimate drama.

 

I know KTD says her kids are shielded from this, but I can't help but feel for them. If the end game is a future with this man, it's pretty obvious that in the unlikely event he does leave, he is not Father of the Year. I don't have children, I have dogs. I wouldn't let this guy near my dogs, much less kids. JMO.

 

I don's see this ending well, KTD. Frankly, I don't think you do either.

But I do wish you the best of luck.

 

Granted I'm not with him around his children, but I do not question his fathering abilities. He works hard and provides for his family. He is the sole contributor. He goes home, and 50+% of the time is the one making dinner, giving baths, playing guitar hero with his kids, sending me adorable snapshots with his two youngest asleep on him in his recliner, etc. He takes his kids to the park, the beach, the pumpkin patch, Christmas tree shopping, volleyball games, chorus concerts, etc. He is not absent in their lives. They adore him. And when he is around my kids, which isn't very often...I see more of a father figure in him than their own. We aren't rushing off to sneak into the bedroom, we're sitting on the couch watching movies together, or at the table having dinner like a family would. He makes paper airplanes for my son and shows him how to make them fly, and let's my daughter play on his laptop and shoes her where all the "good games" are. He got into a tickle war with both of them on the living room floor for a half hour last weekend and it was just joy to sit back and watch. So, please, judge him for being a cruddy husband, but don't ever assume he is a worthless father figure that I should be ashamed to have near my children. They dont know the circumstances. They just think Mommy's boyfriend is really nice.

[bentnotbroken]

Drama attached personalities will always seek out each other and the drama. Nothing here surprises me. Sad really....eventually this type of relationship seeps out to affect those who aren't interested in the drama or the effects of it. It never stays contained and everyone else pays the price.

[jennie-jennie]

NC doesn't work when you're in love! Your story is a prime example of it!

 

How does ignoring the one you love bring you closer? It doesn't.

 

You know how you feel and you know what is between you two. You have more infomation about your situation than anyone else on this forum.

 

I hope it ends well for you. I only wish you the best in your future.

 

I love this post! So true!

[donnamaybe]

Drama attached personalities will always seek out each other and the drama. Nothing here surprises me. Sad really....eventually this type of relationship seeps out to affect those who aren't interested in the drama or the effects of it. It never stays contained and everyone else pays the price.

This is, unfortunately, true. I must add, though, that eventually the participants, or perhaps at least one of them, ends up paying some sort of price as well.

[Confused4Now]

Drama attached personalities will always seek out each other and the drama. Nothing here surprises me. Sad really....eventually this type of relationship seeps out to affect those who aren't interested in the drama or the effects of it. It never stays contained and everyone else pays the price.

Totally agree with this...funny how you see it all around you.....drama begets drama

[jennie-jennie]

The life plans thing actually is on good timing, probably how I got into this mess in the first place. I've been separated for a year and a half from my ex husband, but the divorce was just final a few days ago. This is the first time in my life that I've been living alone and independent. I'm working full time, raising my 2 kids, getting my masters, and just experiencing life fresh again. When we started I was so new and didnt want a committed relationship tying me down so fast. We both had a busy life and the falling in love part just happened. I can see myself with him now and do have longing to spend more time with him, but I'm also still in a transitional point and there's not a lot of need to rush a result.

 

This is the key really, to be happy for what you have instead of banging your head against the wall for what you do not have.

 

Let Go and Let God. That was always my favorite slogan in Al-Anon.

[jennie-jennie]

Totally agree with this...funny how you see it all around you.....drama begets drama

 

Constantly trying to go NC begets more drama. Let the relationship play out instead.

[pureinheart]

I can't do it another minute. No sooner had I posted my last update that he had maintained NC, did he contact me, after at least 2 weeks. The very second i'm in an emotional state thinking about him again does he always seem to be going through the same thing. I have tried, and tried, and triiiiiieeeedddd....but allowing myself to love him is the path of least resistance. I am ready to accept my role as the other woman, battle wounds, guilt, trust, it is all a part of me now because the only thing harder than being with him is being away from him.

 

I know KTD...I've been there. It's ok..you won't be the first and definitely not the last. Just speak your feelings, good, bad, or indifferent. If the R works, if it doesn't, if your hurt...whatever...apparently there is unfinished business, whatever that may be or lead to.

 

Please know that you have my hopes and prayers for a wonderful future for you. I mean that BTW:)

[desertIslandCactus]

This is the key really, to be happy for what you have instead of banging your head against the wall for what you do not have.

 

Let Go and Let God. That was always my favorite slogan in Al-Anon.

 

You will not find the hand of God in these MM/OW affairs .. or the Enticement - excepting perhaps as a testing of one's faith. But yes, God is the healer.

[pureinheart]

This is the key really, to be happy for what you have instead of banging your head against the wall for what you do not have.

 

Let Go and Let God. That was always my favorite slogan in Al-Anon.

 

LOL...I was in AA, NA and I always loved that wording, and how true it is...no matter what situation I'm in, no matter what, God is always there for all of us:)

[desertIslandCactus]

LOL...I was in AA, NA and I always loved that wording, and how true it is...no matter what situation I'm in, no matter what, God is always there for all of us

 

And waiting for us to call upon Him.

[jennie-jennie]

You will not find the hand of God in these MM/OW affairs .. or the Enticement - excepting perhaps as a testing of one's faith. But yes, God is the healer.

 

Well, there we disagree. God is greater than the human mind. He can use any situation for his purpose.

[jennie-jennie]

And waiting for us to call upon Him.

 

Waiting for us to let go, hand the situation over to him and let him fix it in the way he sees best. It's all about trust. Trust that things are and will be as God intended them to be.

[desertIslandCactus]

Well, there we disagree. God is greater than the human mind. He can use any situation for his purpose.

 

Yes, that's why many come here to minister to others who are in similar situations that we have known - so we can warn them.

[desertIslandCactus]

Waiting for us to let go, hand the situation over to him and let him fix it in the way he sees best. It's all about trust. Trust that things are and will be as God intended them to be.

 

He can free the slaves, if we call upon Him.

[donnamaybe]

Gee, why do I go to work every day if I can just sit around and trust that God will hand me everything I need?

 

It doesn't work that way. You call on God to give you the strength to do things for yourself. God gave us free will and a brain and expects us to use them.

[desertIslandCactus]

Gee, why do I go to work every day if I can just sit around and trust that God will hand me everything I need?

 

It doesn't work that way. You call on God to give you the strength to do things for yourself. God gave us free will and a brain and expects us to use them.

 

He gave you a brain .. and a co-worker ..

[jennie-jennie]

Gee, why do I go to work every day if I can just sit around and trust that God will hand me everything I need?

 

It doesn't work that way. You call on God to give you the strength to do things for yourself. God gave us free will and a brain and expects us to use them.

 

Sometimes we try too hard, when we should just let go and trust God.

[xxoo]

Waiting for us to let go, hand the situation over to him and let him fix it in the way he sees best. It's all about trust. Trust that things are and will be as God intended them to be.

 

To me, "let go and let god" would mean letting go of the painful situation, and letting god lead me to the place of peace and happiness.

[jthorne]

How does an athiest trust God? Color me confused...

[jthorne]

To me, "let go and let god" would mean letting go of the painful situation, and letting god lead me to the place of peace and happiness.

This is how I understand it and it's origins.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Drama attached personalities will always seek out each other and the drama. Nothing here surprises me. Sad really....eventually this type of relationship seeps out to affect those who aren't interested in the drama or the effects of it. It never stays contained and everyone else pays the price.

 

Okay, yes, his relationship with his w is drama filled, but when exactly did the love we have for one another become dependent on a need to keep that drama? I tolerate it, but hardly would say that I wouldn't wish for a stress free drama free life with him.